Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Oh dear, another long post. I've had some doubts today.

When My Pete got in yesterday (Sunday) evening, after the usual 'how was your day', I asked him how he was feeling. He said that physically, it had been a lot better. Whether it had been me shaving off the bit of hair I'd previously missed or using my hand cream (Vaseline Intensive Care for healthy hands and stronger nails! - I gave him a tube to take with him), the chafing under the bottom side of the ring seemed to have stopped. But he said he'd been finding it difficult mentally as he'd felt very frustrated and constantly thinking about sex and also feeling a bit unloved, especially after I'd locked him up the day before without any release.

I reassured him I love him more than anything and we had a lovely long, long kiss. I said there have been plenty of times when we haven't had sex and he hasn't come for four or five days at a time - for example when we stay with our parents (which always cramps our style a bit), when I have my period and am not in the mood - or when one of us is away with work. He said this is different because he feels so out of control. I asked him whether actually it might be because at those other times he masturbated? I said that he had previously admitted playing with himself in bed while I'm asleep (which I find especially unappealing to the point of sordid) and I asked him how often he made himself come. He dodged the question, which made me think about the comments from yesterday and today in this thread in a new light when I read them just now!

I asked him in a sort of coy, mock concerned way, whether he felt very frustrated, and he said yes. And I asked me to tell me honestly whether if he were unlocked during the night, he would be able to resist making himself come. I looked him in the eyes, just like my mum used to do when she was asking me if I'd eaten the sweets I knew I shouldn't have had! And he said that no, he probably wouldn't be able to resist that, which I thought was admirably honest. I said that meant that I'd need to keep him caged during every night, although I said I realised that that we would need to work up to that and that there's no rush. The odd thing to me was that he didn't say anything to that and there had been a couple of other times when he seemed rather quieter when I'd been expecting more answering back. I decided to talk to him about this later.

I suggested he might want a shower and to free it for a while after being so cooped up and he readily agreed. I said I'd wash him, which I knew would be exciting for us both but would also mean he couldn't play with himself! We climbed into the shower together and I savoured the moment of taking the key off my necklace and teasing him a bit. I love the moment of unlocking him - it makes my stomach flip. I'd hoped to be able to take the ring off as well but it was already expanded. We kissed under the shower, which is one of my favourite sensations and I washed the most intimate parts of him, being careful to ensure he knew I really enjoyed his body and this special part of him. I gave him lots of appreciation - and I told him he mustn't feel unloved and that I just wanted him to be utterly desperate for me. (This wasn't an act!) I said this was why I didn't want him to play with himself and also why I wasn't going to let him into me today, or for a while longer because he wouldn't have the willpower not to come. He argued with me, saying that he'd hold back if I wanted him to. And I said, "No you wouldn't!". He looked a bit crestfallen but admitted he thought that might be true.

As we were drying each other, I said that we ought to give it a little exercise. He immediately looked so hopeful, like a puppy. There's a little thing we've done before which I just love - I took it in my hand and led him to the bedroom. It makes me almost laugh - not out of laughing at him, but out of delight in being in charge this way. I know from before that it doesn't hurt him and i think he likes it too. We lay on the bed and I asked him to put his hands behind his head and said if he moved them, I'd stop.

I made sure to make a big scene out of finding the oil (haha, lots of bending over to look for it, following advice here!). When I finally touched him, he looked so incredibly grateful. Like the day before, he kept trying to thrust his hips and I asked him to stop doing that. In the past I've been quite good at edging him and knowing when to back off but this was much, much more difficult to gauge than usual - partly because he was so desperate and partly I think because I didn't trust him not to disguise his excitement. All sorts of ideas about ruined orgasms crossed my mind but I decided to stick with edging and then giving him the release he wanted. I'm not sure how close my edging actually was. But every time he got what I thought to be near, I sucked and nibbled his nipples. This has been a bit of a long-term project - I have a little fantasy of being able to him come with that alone. After a good half hour of this I asked him how he was feeling and he said he felt fantastic but very desperate. I said that hearing that from him made me feel very excited but that I'd like him to spell out exactly what he wanted. This is roughly how the conversation went - my memory might not be perfect as it was all rather distracting!
He said, "I want to come"
Long pause, looking at him. "But you're not allowed to move your hands from behind your head"
"I want you to make me come"
Long pause again. Still looking at him. "Oh, how would you like me to do that?"
"By having me inside you, or using your hands - anything!"
Long pause and still looking at him, "And what's the little word that gets things done?"
"Pleeeeaaase!"
"And do you promise that if I make you come, you'll wash yourself and go straight back in for me without any argument?"
"Yes"

I honestly felt I could have asked him for anything at point! I had been wondering whether just to say no and lock him again but I'm afraid (and actually quite pleased) that I didn't have that willpower or want to be that cruel. I kissed him and reassured him that he didn't have to worry - that I wanted him to come for me. I edged him closer a couple of times but when I thought he was practically right there, I slowed right down to hardly moving my hands at all. For a moment he looked pathetically worried - he told me afterwards that he thought at that moment, I was going to deny him. (I'm making a mental note for the future!) But I asked him to "come for me, come for me now" and sucked and bit his nipple which had the instant desired effect. He told me it had been enhanced by the ring still being on him.

We had a long cuddle, during which he asked me whether I needed 'any attention', which was nice of him even though he was Mr. Sleepy. I said not and got a washcloth to clean him up a bit. Then I told him I was just going to pop the cage back on him, which I did (all on my own!) and had the thrill of locking him.

He asked how long it would be for and I said I didn't know but I'd have to think about my own needs sometime, which might mean unlocking him, or might not. He drifted off for a bit and I enjoyed just looking at him.

When he woke up, I saw him put his hand down there, maybe to scratch himself and then realised the cage was on. That made me smile.

We chatted for a bit. Then I said that he had seemed to be rather quiet earlier on, such as when I'd mentioned about being caged each night. He told me there was something about wearing the cage that made him feel a bit subdued and less wanting to argue or undermine me. He said he wondered what a dog feels when it's wearing a muzzle - whether the dog wants to bite just as much as before, or whether wearing the muzzle actually reduces the dog's desire to bite. I felt a bit alarmed by this. The last thing in the world I want is for him to be less masculine, or lose his desire, but I also don't just want him to meekly agree with me about everything. (Everything other than sex that is!) I know this is different from a lot of people on this forum but I've thought about this a lot and this is what feels right for me just now. So I asked him if he thought that wearing the cage was reducing his sex-drive and he said, no, exactly the opposite (phew! - that would have been an immediate no-no for me) but that he felt like he was being more controlled by me mentally. I asked him about what aspects of 'mentally' he meant - just sexual things, or other things as well. He said he wasn't sure. I need to think about this a lot more. I felt excited and my body responded almost immediately (and quite intensely) to our conversation about controlling him sexually, but I need to find out if it's just his sexual responses. I do NOT want a man about the house who starts agreeing with me about everything else in life!

I'm not sure whether I'm worrying unduly. He doesn't seem to be less assertive on non-sexual matters and he doesn't think it's a problem. If anyone has experience of this possible 'mental acquiescence' spilling over into the rest of life, then I'd be interested in advice. I want to be in control sexually and take the lead but please tell me that doesn't have to come with him being mentally submissive?? (I do know lots of people on this forum want both, which is fine, and I can understand the appeal, but it's not for us)

Sal.

 

"Because we can". I love that.
See my post just 233 just above - this matter has now come to a head, as it were
Sal.

 

Thank you for saying that. It's made me feel a bit more confident. I feel quite strongly at the moment that I want to lead him sexually, but only sexually. And the caged animal is exactly it. Sal.

 

Thanks - I want to lead him sexually and I think he wants that too. I know we're both excited by that. But I don't want to lead him in other ways and I hope he doesn't want that either, or ending up wanting that. Sal

 

I think you're so right about him not having meant to mention him doing this while I'm asleep! Little genie out of the bottle though. It does make me feel a bit better that this seems to be common practice among men. I still think it's sordid, but at least it's not just him. sal.

 

Goodness! I'm glad it's not just him. Question - where does all the.. um... stuff go? Maybe I don't want to know the answer. Sal.

 

And men call women 'hormonal'!!!??? Sal