Complicated start

I think that the one thing I would be unhappy giving up is the opportunity to communicate when the need arises. I have read many times that communication is absolutely vital in any successful relationship and it is even more vital when a sexual dynamic so fundamental as personal access rights is involved.

We discussed the problem and it turned out that my Wife had thought that the matter was settled, where I had not come to the same understanding. To be honest I still haven't fully done so. The issue had been that she was denying herself penetrative sex to please me. I had split our conversation up into three chunks. First was reassurance, that I was absolutely happy with how things are and that I wanted to continue. Second was the advice I had received from the Mansion.

The final part was to discuss how we move forward. Maybe I didn't read the subtext my Wife gave me when we were going through the advice but in my defense she was falling asleep at the time. I had agreed to finish the conversation later.

Anyway, it turns out that my Wife is keen to try the withdrawal and ruined orgasm method, where I learn to ruin my own orgasm by pulling out just as I am about to cum. This way we can go for longer and maybe I will even learn to control myself like others have said they can. She wants to use delay cream to make this easier for me, but not enough to remove all sensation as then the issue of staying hard could become a problem.

Whatever happens my chastity ticker now reads 1 month and three weeks. I make that 51 or 52 days since my last orgasm. Easily a new personal record, and one I am happy to have experienced. My Wife generally doesn't relax enough to make love during the week so I will add at least another five days to that before any chance of anything happens.

As we keep saying, be careful what you wish for. Sometimes wishes come true.

 

I just ordered some delay spray. I cannot wait for it to arrive and really hope it does what it is supposed to.

It does make me reconsider all of this. For some people not having an orgasm is something they want forced on them. While I do feel like that some of the time, my Wife saying NO last weekend was so hot, most of the time I do not want to have one myself anyway.

But why?

Most of the time I do not get any added pleasure out of not having an orgasm. In fact the majority of the time it wouldn't happen anyway. So not having an orgasm in that sense is quite easy. It is only while I am pleasuring my Wife that my head starts to think "What about me? Do I get a go?" As I have documented most of the time nothing happens during the week, it is only the weekends where any chance of fun occurs. I am currently approaching 8 weeks since my last orgasm and I have to say I feel no more horny than I did at four or five weeks.

I have however started begging my Wife to let me cum. I don't know why, it just happens. We are having some kind of liaison and it will just happen, I will ask, quietly, will you let me cum? So far she has just said no. And I think that is why I ask, because so far she has not actually started telling me I am not allowed to without me asking, and the fantasy fuelled side of my brain craves that level of attention.

I do want to be careful though, the last thing I want is for her to say yes.

Arghhhh! This is so confusing!

 

Another nice weekend with a few more developments.

On the advice of @keephimcaged I had set up a secret Tumblr account, so we could share posts that were either something we had created ourselves or images and videos we have found that turned us on. This is a direct development of the communication book we created a few months ago on the advice of another female member of the forum, @LadyBlaze (oh, where have you gone @LadyBlaze !?)

My Wife agreed to have a go at this, following the other advice @keephimcaged set out. Basically to protect my Wife from the excesses of Tumblr (of which there are many!) I am going to curate the Tumblr for a few months. I am going to find between five and ten female friendly Tumblr's that she can follow so eventually she can start adding her own content. My own advice for myself is not to go mad adding hundreds of images. The one thing I must avoid at all costs is overwhelming her with content too soon.

My Wife looked at the ones I had shared before setting her up, and while she enjoyed them she did think that there wasn't anything new in there from what we already do. I explained that I was keeping things as calm as I could to begin with and that it wasn't necessarily about new things but more about getting a feel for the things that (at the moment) turn me on. I cannot wait until I check it and find something she has shared!

On Saturday we had our early morning swim (a mile this time, about 1.6km or 64 lengths of a 25 metre pool. A good way to get the body to wake up and realise it is alive!) This was followed by a good few miles walk with our doggie where I set out the premise of the Tumblr, I like talking while we are out with the dog, it is a neutral space and with few distractions. Other than when the dog runs into one of us with a huge stick in its mouth, or chases another dog, or runs into a garden, but you get the idea!

That evening we shared a shower where we both got very turned on, followed by a nice gentle orgasmic experience for my Wife. Although I was unlocked because of the swim, my Wife decided it wasn't time for me to cum yet, even though she could tell (and let me know she knew) how interested in the possibility I was. Afterwards I showed her the Tumblr, though it was Sunday before I was able to set up her account.

My Wife left me uncaged Saturday night, to give my penis a chance to rest. Sunday afternoon we were looking at the Tumblr and I have to admit I was getting very turned on. She suddenly told me I had to lock myself up, but her tone and command immediately turned me on even more. I had to show her that I was completely unable to get into my Holy Trainer, and was told off, told I was a very naughty boy. Her manner was so hot! She hasn't done that before, and my predicament got even worse. So she had a good giggle while I had to squeeze and slowly squash myself into the device.

Before we went to bed I asked her did that turn her on. She said it didn't exactly turn her on, but it did make her smile and it was a thrill for her. We had a good chat about what the difference is between having a thrill and getting turned on, and decided that while they were close there was a subtle difference.. I am really glad she is enjoying herself.

 

My chastity ticker now reads 1 month and four weeks. I am only a few days away from going two months since my last orgasm. Even thinking of that is making my insides ache with longing. I sometimes feel I could literally think myself to an orgasm. My Wife very nearly gave me one on Saturday playing with my nipples. I have read of this but didn't believe it could happen. Not until now that is!

 

Two months and two days since my last orgasm.

Woah.

Anyway, a really nice day spent with my Wife.

Last night she demanded (yes, demanded!) that I give her a full works massage, which I did, and throughly enjoyed. It brings the ratio of orgasms up to 12/1 in her favor. That is nowhere near the ratio I would like to achieve but it is so much more intimacy than we usually had that I am still wishing that we had started this sooner. It is definitely more intimacy than we would normally of had in our relationship before we started my chastity, at least since I was a rampant teenager.

Today we swam in our local pool for an hour, walked the dog, watched the British Army play the British Navy in the Babcock Trophy Rugby Match. I cooked a stunning chicken with plum and soy sauce dinner (Thank you Hugh Fearnley-Whitingstall, major brownie points were earned this evening!

I used my Saturday speaking priveliges to tell my Wife how much I enjoyed it when she told me I was a naughty boy earlier in the week. It wasn't serious, it was just a bit of role play, but boy, did it turn me on! I also spoke about some of the conversations I have had in the Mansion this week, including one about how being forced to do something you want to do anyway is actually pretty exciting, due to the control my Wife would be exerting in that situation.

No real fun and games this evening but my Wife did have a giggle while teasing me in the shower before bedtime.

All in all life is pretty good. Pretty wonderful in fact. There are some family instigated stresses in our relationship but, because my Wife and I are tight, we are coping. It does put us in a financial situation that means no custom chastity device on the immediate horizon, which I am not happy about, but what can you do?

 

As much as my Wife doesn't have to do much with keeping me in chastity, it does take some effort on her part. The issue is that she is really struggling with real life issues at the moment, it really is piling up. I am more able to compartmentalise the issues that are causing her nightmares, to deal with them in a way that to her looks like I don't care.

I was given counseling for stress several years ago that helped me enormously. It boiled down to putting everything that caused me stress into separate boxes. If I couldn't do anything about the thing stressing me it was sealed and put away. Not exactly ignored, but as I couldn't do anything about that thing, there wasn't any point worrying about it.

The other things that I could influence were put into boxes that allowed me to arrange them into some kind of order. If I could change something to reduce stress, where did it fall? Was it a small thing or big? Short term or long term? Simple or difficult? I could then approach each issue simply and by emptying a box reduce my stress.

This mind tidying exercise helped me enormously. I have used it to help me calm down with the initial head mess I got into with chastity. Unfortunately even mentioning this method increases my Wife's stress levels, she cannot cope with things that she has no control over. Even more unfortunately real life is being a complete bitch to us at the moment. I haven't put any of it in here, this is not the appropriate place.

Most of the time she is fine. Right now she isn't. So I have come to a decision. I am going to ask her to pause our chastity exploration until real life gets her butt in order and leaves us be. My Wife is struggling with real life so much she just hasn't been able to communicate anything to do with chastity. We have been having fun, I've been locked up for over two months. The problem is I haven't had any release of any kind in all that time, even though a few times she has mentioned trying to give me a ruined orgasmm. Last night I had my second nocturnal emission and it has knocked me back quite a bit.

I would have been fine had it been caused by something she had done, especially as I came so close a few times recently. I just don't want to be the cause of any more stress than she can cope with. I'm going to stay chaste and not masturbate, but I'm not going to mention anything about chastity or other kinks to her for several weeks, pushing towards late summer.

Part of this stress is financial, so there is now no chance of me getting a custom device. I am so very disappointed but we are doing the right thing. All of our money is needed elsewhere, every penny.

I'm not going anywhere and I am certainly not giving up in this way of living. I will see what she says.

 

Thanks @allaboutHer it is uncanny isn't it. To me the best stress buster would be a damn good sex session. Close the door, shut the curtains, get the toy box out and say screw you world, I'm going to screw my husband.

Unfortunately that isn't the way my Wife's mind works, or apparently yours.

I'm not going to masturbate, I'm not going to do anything to break the promise I made her six months ago. I want this lifestyle more than anything. But I also want to remove any extra stress that she might be feeling. As much as she doesn't do much with regards my chastity I have made her step into a different role. She is having fun with some of the physicality involved but the mental aspect, my need to communicate and develop what we are doing, that is causing her stress. She doesn't like expressing what turns her on which I find incredibly difficult to deal with.

As an example I was licking her pussy recently, something which I have an almost 100% orgasm success rate with. For some reason though this time I just couldn't get her over the edge. After a good while she gave up, understandably frustrated. I asked her what was up and she said I wasn't quite hitting the right spot. What right spot, I asked. Down a bit and just to the left.

Why the HELL didn't you say that while I was down there? For fucks sake, all you have to do is open your mouth and TELL ME! I got very annoyed. If you don't want to say anything, grab my head and push it where you want it. Hell, hold my head in place and rub yourself on my mouth, I would be in heaven. But to just lie there, getting frustrated, trying to hope I go down a bit and left a bit is utterly ridiculous.

So, as I say I don't want to add any stress to her already heavy load and if not having to think about chastity for a few months will help then I will take that. I have read about other people taking time out from chastity and I cannot say that this would be a bad thing for us right now.

And I'm not saying that just because it is over two months since my last orgasm and I'm about to burst!

And I totally agree. Three minutes to edit is rubbish! I understand why they want to lock messages to maintain the historical flow of a conversation, but ten minutes would be better. Especially if you are typing on a phone or, worse still an Apple product. I have noticed that pretty much no 'rude' word is included in the Apple autocorrect. Misspell penis, orgasm, and who knows what else and it won't try to fix it, or will get it wrong Organs I. That was orgasm spelt orgasim.

 

OK, I don't exactly know how to put this into words. I am almost speechless and had to think about this overnight.

Sunday Evening I offered my Wife a pause in her role of being my Keyholder and chastity enforcer due to her stress levels. I said the last thing I want is to be an additional stress for her, and anything I can do to lower that stress I will. I had been trying all day to find the right moment but it was only when we were on our own about to have a shower that I managed to get it out.

She listened to my offer, considered it and said yes. In a way my heart sank because this isn't what I had wanted, but I smiled and tried to hide my feelings, this was a serious offer for the right reasons.

We lay on her bed after the shower and did our German language exercises. Afterwards we just lay in each others arms and talked about nothing, or lay quietly. She had been lying on her back while I stroked her hair for a while when all of a sudden she rolled over onto her front, and told me she wanted me to pay some attention to her bottom. I had not expected any of this as the cuddle had been non-sexual, just really nice.

My Wife went crazy! I have never managed to get her to have an orgasm from licking her bottom but she was soooo close. She normally lies flat on her front but this time she moved up onto her knees and joined in, rubbing herself on my face. I was in heaven! It was shame but that final amount of stimulation eluded us, and she turned over onto her back. She normally lets me dictate the pace of any oral stimulation but this time, after a few minutes of me almost teasing her, being super light with my tongue, she grabbed my head and used it to bring herself to an orgasm.

Oh. My .

I am getting aroused now thinking about it. She has never done that before. Not ever, in almost 30 years of being together. It was incredible.

We had another cuddle, coming back down from her post orgasmic high and my feelings of utter blissful hornyness, bewilderment at what had happened and wonder at how sexy the entire experience was.

During all of this I was unlocked from my Holy Trainer due to having been for a swim in the morning. As it was now past her bedtime I was expecting to be packed off to bed myself. But she then said something that took me by surprise.

OK, you need to go and lock yourself up now, though you are going to have fun getting that thing into its cage! She pointed at my erect penis and giggled.

I was confused and said so. I had offered a pause in her being my chastity Keyholder and she had agreed, now she was telling me (not asking, which is also new) that I had to put my device back on. I thought we weren't doing this for a few months while we sort out the stuff getting her stressed!?

She said no, she really enjoys it, and wants to continue. It is fun and actually helps her with her stress. I suddenly started getting even more turned on, which was an issue seeing as I was about to try and get my Holy Trainer back on. I couldn't believe it. She wants to carry on! She doesn't want to stop!

She explained that what she wants is for me not to seek any attention from her, to let her decide when I get her time and when I am allowed to give her attention. She doesn't even want to stop doing the chastity related activities, but they have to happen when she decides. For instance she told me off because my legs are getting hairy. I explained that I hadn't said anything as she was stressed and I wasn't sure she was happy with doing it. So tonight when she gets home from work, at a moment she chooses, I am going to be given a good seeing to with the epilator.

To say I am happy is an understatement. I again realise how lucky I am that this woman is my Wife. Again and again I hear stories from guys who do not have the same experience and it makes me so sad for them.

I feel like we are moving into a new phase of chastity for me. Where it takes us remains a mystery, but she is really in control now.

 

One other thing happened this weekend. I was fed up Sunday morning because I had had another accidental non orgasmic ejaculation Saturday night. It was on my own, my Wife had stimulated me so much earlier in the evening and it just decided to blob out of me.

I explained to my Wife I was disappointed as we had very briefly discussed ruined orgasms but hadn't got around to doing it. I would have been happy if it had happened because of her or when she was present, but two months without an orgasm had just dribbled out of me without any stimulation.

Her response was that at least now we have a time frame to work on! She now knows how long I can go without an orgasm before it is pushed out of me without any help. I again got turned on as realisation of what she meant hit me.

 

I know! Several times over the last few months I have asked her what would she do if I said I didn't want to do this anymore. Her response then was that she would want to know why and would be disappointed. Fast forward to yesterday and I give her an opportunity for a break and not only does she turn that down, she orders me to carry on.

I was so shocked yet totally happy about it. I have the definitive answer now to my question.

 

I had a funny feeling that you were going to wax lyrical about my impending doom!

I do, very occasionally have a 'what the heck am I doing?' Moment, but then she does something completely mind blowing and before I know it I am back, intoxicated, wanting more.

I couldn't go back to how things were before. The word 'nice' means a sex life of normal, average, ordinary. By giving up my regular orgasms, my access to providing them for myself on a whim, I am intensifying my experience way beyond anything I could have ever expected.

I am indeed tapped in her web, and content, as I asked her to spin it for me and walked into its embrace without fear. The fact that the web goes further than I ever expected just makes me feel the decision was the right one.

 

Funny thing, she absolutely does say 'but this is what you wanted!'

 

Yesterday was a really nice day.

My Wife has a very responsible job and had flown back to England for a meeting, staying away just the one night. She didn't get back until gone midnight so she worked from home on Friday. I took our son to school as he is away on a trip for the weekend and needed his suitcase taken with him and then took our dog for a walk, a really good one, over an hour through beautiful, warm, sunny countryside.

The downside to me being in Germany is awful hayfever, much worse than I get in England. This means my sleep is disturbed and as a result I am getting tired. I fell asleep on my Wife's bed after lunch for an hour. She woke me up to see if I wanted to do anything and, as our son is away, I asked her out on a date.

We haven't been out like that, just the two of us, for months. We drove into our nearest city and found a shop that sold massage oil as we were running out. Then, because the city was packed with people off work (Thursday was a public holiday in Germany and they have bridging days, an extra day off afterwards to get to the weekend) we found a nice, quiet rooftop bar we know about. The view across the city and the surrounding wooded hills is lovely.

This all got my Wife in a really good mood and when she is in a good mood I get to have the passionate version of my Wifey. She took me upstairs and told me we were having a shower together. I washed her back and bottom and the level of hornyness I am feeling at the moment made sure I was already feeling turned on just by me touching her. As my son wasn't at home she wasn't worried about my moans and really went to town on my back and bottom with the soap. I don't quite know how I managed to stay standing up.

We dried off and went into the bedroom and my Wife lay on the bed. She told me to give her a massage with the new oil. It smelled absolutely fantastic and had a really nice balance between being oily and slippery and being absorbed by the skin. Some oils stay on the skin too long and others get absorbed way too fast. This oil really does the job.

As usual the problems for me start after I have massaged her back and neck and then her legs. I always leave her bottom and thighs to last as I know that once I start there I cannot concentrate on anything other than her bottom. Each time I run my hand between her legs I get a fabulous glimpse of her pussy, gently opening and inviting me. I see her bottom with the cheeks slightly parted, so I can see the smooth, tight ring of her ass, begging to be licked.

My Wife knows that with the noises I am making and the way my breathing changes that there is a battle going on in my head. On the one hand I want my Wife to enjoy a good massage. On the other, oh my, I am so desperate to lie down and place my head between her legs, and lick her ass. There comes a point where I can take this torture, this personal denial, any more. I am soon rewarded by little wriggles to help get my head in the right place and squeaks and moans of enjoyment.

I still haven't managed to get her to orgasm this way, but she gets really close. It gets to a stage where she flips over and makes me lick her pussy. It is now always really fast before she gets to an orgasm, and they are much more intense than when I just used to lick her pussy. This way of me worshipping her orally has only been a thing in the six months we have done chastity, and it is utterly amazing.

We then finished the evening laying together, cuddling and caressing each other.

What a day. A really nice day.

 

I am thinking of starting a new thread. We are definitely still developing our use of chastity and our moderate, mild FLR, but I feel we are into a new phase.

Phase 1 was the introduction of the idea and the attempt to find a device that fit. This was achieved when I got my Holy Trainer. This phase also included the two weeks that I wore the HTv2 to prove to my Wife that at last we had something that was safe and comfortable, and wouldn't try to either fall off like the metal device I had bought, or chew my balls off like the crappy CB6k knock off I had bought.

Phase 2, starting in December, was when my Wife took on the role of being the Keyholder. This was the period when my head went a bit crazy as I was dealing with the implications of my chastity. What did it mean? What would we do? What am I doing? Oh my, I have given up the right to masturbate, why did I do that!? And on and on and on.

The last month or so, maybe a bit longer, I have really calmed down. By then I was convinced that my Wife is happy to continue but mostly because she is happy that I am happy. I became content to allow things to move at my Wife's pace, as although at the time it felt like we were moving at a snails pace I looked up every few weeks and realised that we had made significant progress.

So now, from last week, I feel we have entered phase 3. This started when I offered my Wife a chastity pause. She is the one who has made all the decisions and is in control, but real life is being a pig and her levels of stress are immense. I didn't want to add to that stress in any way, so I told her that I would not break my promise of not masturbating and I would remain chaste, but she would not have to be responsible for my chastity in any way. The fact that she turned down this chance, that she wanted to continue as she enjoys it is significant. It means that now she isn't just doing it to keep me happy. She is doing it because it makes her happy.

So maybe as I say it is time to start a new thread. twenty pages is quite a lot, as in the six months we have been doing this I have documented every little thing. My posts are less often than they used to be, mostly as I have clamed down a lot and don't have so many brain farts!

Whatever, I am having fun, and so is my Wife, and this continues to make things so much better in and out of the bedroom.

 

Bugger this three minute edit limit! clamed down? Obviously I meant calmed! And in the previous post there is a can that should be a can't!

Oh well.

 

As I am having a bit of a brain fart I decided to carry on with this journal for a bit.

I am struggling. I asked my Wife to be my Keyholder and to control my orgasms, something she started to do with guilt and confusion but has now fully taken on and enjoys. My previous terms of denial were all just under six weeks and I wanted to be pushed further. Well, I got what I asked for, my current term of denial is ten weeks, and this is a completely different experience.

The fact that my Wife shows no need to crumble and allow me an orgasm is a bit scary. Last night, after she had epilated my legs, we cuddled and talked until she felt sleepy. She turned over and allowed me to kiss her back. She didn't stop me as I worked my way down and for the second night in a row brought her to an orgasm. This time I used both my tongue, lips, nose and fingers (once things get lubricated it is all good. She particularly likes it when I use my nose to slowly slide up the length of her pussy until my tongue meets and flicks her clit.)

This time I was unlocked as we had been for a swim in the morning. I was really hoping that she would ask me to make love to her, with or without the numbing cream I have bought recently. But the moment I slid my finger inside her, towards the peak of her build up to a climax, that chance was obviously not going to happen. She clamped herself onto my finger, arched her back and within seconds was having a powerful orgasm. I had managed to place the tip of my finger right on ehr g spot (whatever the myth, she has an area inside her pussy that if she is in the right mood gives her explosive pleasure.)

I enjoyed the experience immensely, but I also found it really difficult to cope with. I have definitely reached the 'I want to cum' stage. I haven't started begging and apart from playfully I am not going to. I am not going to cheat as I would feel awful if I did. But I am struggling.

The weird thing is I am getting a feeling that my own response to being denied has peaked. I don't actually feel any more turned on by just being denied than I did five weeks ago. My Wife telling me I am not allowed to cum, that I have to lock my penis back up right now, that still turns me on. But I now know that I am not going to cum this week and I feel like there is no point me wondering or hoping.

A part of my brain is hoping that she carries on with the denial, pushed me to my limits. A very small part hopes the denial is permanent, but only if she really takes control and ups the teasing levels. Another part wants her to get up, tie me to the bed, make me have an orgasm and...

That is part of the difficulty. Not only am I struggling with the length of the term of denial, I am struggling with working out what I actually want.