Caged Wolf? How an Alpha became the Omega...

Thank you both, Jemima and SissyDeana, but Not sure who Mobico is...? This thread helps me, as it puts my thoughts out there and allows me to go back and re-read & re-think. I'm just glad to know others are at least finding it entertaining!


As of today, things are going well, I have been in constant contact with my Mistress, and in communication with Mistress C, and am doing all I can to follow their direction. Friday is another get together, and my Mistress has time scheduled with her play partner, and Mistress C has directed me to schedule time for her and I to talk privately (including a training session).

I am nowhere near as nervous as I was last week, and am looking forward to the time to show I am trainable and am learning.

Caged Wolf

 

Friday night went well, all the way around! My Mistress Had a GREAT time with her play partner, and while they were occupied Mistress C and I had our time together. No contact, or physical training, mainly just talked about how things are going, the problems I had after last Saturday's party, and a lot more.

I am looking forward to our Weekend Retreat 2 weeks form now, and will be busy until then with the final planning, coordination, and actual preparation and packing. It should be a big step in the relationship, lots of training, fun, and bonding time, along with the opportunity to spend a full weekend serving my Mistress's and our friend.

 

Well crap... I'm in trouble again.

Friday evening at the party, during a demonstration, I was sitting with my Mistress's, and was rubbing my Mistress's leg. Without really thinking about it I reached over and softly stoked Mistress C's leg (without asking first). Nothing was said that night, as it was very public and our relationship is not common knowledge in the club, but I received an e-mail yesterday (Sunday) letting me know I was in the wrong.

I have already taken full responsibility for my failure, to include any pending discipline for it. Basically I acted instead of asking, "thought" it would be okay, and it obviously was not. This is a lesson I will remember in the future... "Do NOTHING without permission or instruction. Seek ways to serve, to show my feelings and my commitment, BUT ask for permission, and make no decisions for myself."

We are still establishing the relationship and ground rules, and this situation brought up how to address discipline, etc, in public. I have suggested a couple of hand signals to my Mistress's for a few things (Silence, no touch, restraint, etc), and am sure there will be additional conversation pertaining to discipline, both in private and in public.

It still amazes me how much I don't know, and how difficult it really is to make this change to a true submissive, and I'm understanding more and more to "Be careful what you wish for, because it just may come true"

 

Ran out of edit time, was adding:

I have also been tasked to come up with a list of punishments, things I do not like, but do not inflict undue pain. As of now I have 5 or 6 punishments that have been approved by both Mistress's, up to use of a riding crop for "attitude adjustments". I'm realizing how hard my upbringing makes the separation between pain and punishment... I'm actually having a difficult time coming up with suitable punishments....

 

A little over a week until the Coast Retreat with my Mistress's and their friend, "Joe" (not his real name...) ! I've got a complete menu for the weekend ready, cottage reserved, and a good handle on most of the loose ends. Starting Sunday night I'll be getting everything together, starting the grocery shopping, etc... Hoping to have almost everything loaded and ready by Thursday evening so Friday I can throw cold food in the cooler, put it in the car, and hit the road with my Mistress. Mistress C and "Joe" will be driving over together, arriving later in the afternoon, so I have a chance to get things unloaded, put away, and ready for the weekend.

I know I will be disciplined for several things (outstanding debts, so to speak), but am also told part of my training over the weekend will learning to release inhabitions while serving...

 

And....


yep, in trouble again last night.

Mistress hasn't felt well this week, between t.o.m. and back problems for her again. Overdid it at dance class she thinks. So, I have been taking care of her (as much as she will let me), and working a little extra time at the job, plus trying to get everything ready for summer trips which start today.

Sometime in the past week I tweaked my lower back and my neck again. Both have been problematic for years, but this year has been the worst for me. The lower back hasn't been terrible this time, just an annoyance with occasional spikes, while my neck has gotten progressively worse. I haven't gone to the Chiropractor, because money is tight, especially with summer trips starting! So, I just keep going, working through it and hid the pain I was actually in.

Well, last night it caught up to me. While packing my travel bag I bent over, and my lower back spiked. If I catch it quick I can get it to relax, so I dropped to the floor and rolled onto my back, not realizing Mistress was right behind me. When asked about it I obviously can't lie, so told her what's been going on. I was also dealing with a low grade migraine at the same time, so was a little fuzzy, and not in the most proper mood...

She was pretty upset that I didn't tell her I was hurting, I explained that with her hurt, her needs came first, I can't take time off work right now (no benefits at work...), and really can't afford to go see the Chiro after the 500-800 I've already spent there this year (part of the reason money is tight now). Tried to tell her it wasn't that bad, just had to be aware of it and deal with the spikes.

Not sure how it will be this morning, as she's still asleep. If I'm still in trouble, so be it. She did instruct me to tell her when I'm hurting, just need to figure out what pain level, and try to take better care of my back.

I'm going to have to learn to stay out of trouble, at least when I can, but to me, her needs still come first... I wouldn't do it any differently, so I guess I haven't learned....

 

Jemima, I understand Mistress needs to know in order to take care of me, but I was busy taking care of her. My problems seems small when she isn't feeling well.

We did reach an understanding about it... If she asks I tell her, if she doesn't I tell her....


Had a pretty good weekend, went down to my parents house for the weekend, first time since the "official" switch to FLR. I think my mom may have notice something was different, but no questions, not even about my collar.

Little one stayed with my parents, and will be there most of the summer. Not sure how much things will change at home, but have already confirmed I am to address her as Mistress at all times, and I will not need clothes once the blinds close in the evening.

108 hours until departure for the Coast Retreat! Tomorrow, I need to start shopping and getting everything ready to load for the this coming weekend. Got an e-mail from Mistress C Friday about the plans for the Retreat:

" Try not to be nervous about the weekend. You will be with people who care about you and you are learning to serve and are open to learning. One of the things you will be learning is how to let go of your inhibitions and allow yourself to feel good when rewarded, This is also part of serving your Mistresses. Another is accepting punishment willingly which you are doing successfully."

Not sure what my training will entail, but it sounds like I will be learning a lot... Right now I have 2 outstanding punishments owed to my Mistress, and 3 outstanding punishments owed to Mistress C, plus 2 to be administered by both Mistress's, as they were both affected my those failures on my part. Strange thing is, after the conversation last week about my nervousness and concerns I am not nervous about what will or won't happen. My only concern is I either have or will miss something in the planning that will reflect poorly. It also seem a little strange as Mistress's friend and play partner will be there, and I will be serving him, not in the same manner as my Mistress's, but he is definitely above me in the Hierarchy, so due respect and treatment will be given!

Yes, this will be a very significant 3 days in my training...

 

52 hours to departure!!
When I got home from work last night My Mistress told me She and Mistress C had been e-mailing back and forth the better part of the day, working out details and making sure everything was ready for our Retreat. I also received a couple of somewhat cryptic messages, no details, but alluding to the "plan". I was also told to bring my "evening wear", Black silk night shirt with red trim, black boxer briefs with red stitching, and black silk shorts. Was also told the black shorts may not be needed, but bring them anyway.

It's still strange to me that I'm not stressing out about "What's going to happen".... The weekend is on my mind, but when I do think about it, it's like my heart is telling my head to just relax, everything will be fine.I have complete trust in my Mistress's, I know my limits will be pushed, but respected, that anything that happens has been approved by my Mistress, and that it is my place to serve then all the best I can.

Started packing the truck last night, going shopping tonight to get the last few things we need, and hoping to get more loading done. I am trying to have 90% of the packing done by Thursday night, so that I only have to load clothes and the cooler Friday morning.

Off to get ready for work... Hope everyone has a great day!

 

28 hours to departure!

AND...
Yep in trouble again yesterday. This time not as bad, a simple comment, meant as a way to show her my respect, ended up coming out worded poorly. Taken as it was said I stepped over the line. Punishment due....

Last night I took my Mistress out to dinner, then we went shopping for the Retreat. Got everything I think I need, came home and got most of it ready to load up. Still a few things to do tonight, then in the morning do the final load and be ready to go before noon! Everything is coming together well, right now!

Last night, also, Mistress had her way with me! Teased me hard, found a couple of things she does that when combined really get me revved up. Once she had me just the way she wanted, she climbed on and rode me, then a few position changes and several O's for her, before she looked up at me and said "I want your mouth down there, now." "Yes, Mistress!" After about 15 minutes of her squirming, grabbing my head and hair, and many more O's, she finally said "Enough" (say it like you just ran a mile and got the last piece of cheese cake.. happy, but done). We laid there for a few minutes cooling down, then she had me start her shower.

Now, a funny thing happened a couple of weeks ago. I happened to walk into the bathroom just as she got out of the shower, and asked if I could dry her off. That onetime has become standard practice now. I used to shower with her after sex, now I stand by, holding her towel, waiting for her to step out and be attended to. Once she is happy with my work I am allowed to take my shower. I do miss showering with her, but still get to once in a great while, but only when invited in, normally to wash her back for her, then I get out so I can dry her off.

Please don't take the above as a complaint! I very much enjoy attending to her, and the feeling of worshiping her, showing her the respect and attention I missed out on for too long. I know it seemed a little weird to her the first couple of times, but she now steps out and stands there, like "well?". I am amazed every day by the changes in her, her self-esteem confidence, and the way she carries herself have all changed so much. People we have known for years have asked, or commented, about her, wondering what changed. I just tell them "We changed a few things, and it's working great for us."

I may not have time to post again until after the Retreat. Thanks for reading, commentingetc

Gray Wolf

 

T- 4 hours to departure!!

Have almost everything packed up ready to load. My Mistress's have been texting and e-mailing all week, discussing my training and other things. I'm amazed that I'm hardly nervous! I have no idea what they are planning, all I know is I will be punished for my previous failures, and will be learning to let go of my inhibitions when serving.

It hit me again this week, this IS NOT a game, this is my new life, and this weekend will be a big step in learning to submit completely, to serve my Mistress's and their friends, and to build on the relationships we already share.

My Mistress has also come close to a final plan for our Mistress/sub tattoos, and we will be talking to Mistress C this weekend about setting an appointment with her tattoo artist to get started on the proofs and schedule an ink date! Tentative plan is to have them done before the end of summer!!!!

My tattoo is to be a Celtic knot Crescent moon with a Wolf paw print in it, located on my stomach below the waistband near the right hip.

My Mistress's tattoo will also be a Celtic knot Crescent moon with the same Wolf paw print in it, but will also have a ribbon hanging over the lower part of the moon, on one end of the ribbon will be a knotwork key. There are several other components to hers, and it will be located on the inside of her leg, just above the ankle.

Gray Wolf

 

Man, what a great weekend! Everything went well, but the plan changed a lot. I was kept in service all weekend, Learned quite a bit about my Mistress's and myself.

The highlight was Saturday evening, after dinner. It was warm and humid there, so My Mistress's and Joe headed to the shower while I was cleaning up the dinner dishes and kitchen. When all was done, I requested to take a shower,was told "yes, but make it quick". While I was showering my Mistress's and Joe where talking, about what I don't know. I was not brought into the conversation, so I found little things to do to keep me busy. Soon I was told to remove the comforter from the King bed, and lay out an extra sheet, while they got their playthings ready. They then all got naked, and got on the bed together, looked at me, adn that's when the real training started!

I was told, as part of my punishment I would not be joining in, and would, in fact, be sitting in a chair in the corner, unable to do anything but sit and watch. I was told after the fact that there was discussion about handcuffing me to the chair, but I was instead bound by my Mistress's command to sit still, and not to touch myself or make any comments, etc... Anyway, I was also told to stip so Mistress C could see me naked (she had not, to this point seen me fully naked).

So, there I sat while they played on the bed right in front of me, watching my loving Mistress, my wife or 10 years, with another man. He attended to both Mistress's, switching attention from one to the other, keeping both right on the edge while bringing them to the height of pleasure repeatedly over at least an hours time. I should interject here, I was given a Cialis Friday evening... it was most definitely still in full effect Saturday evening!!! OMG, Watching my Mistress being brought to orgasm time after time by our friend, and seeing Mistress C receiving the same attentions... OMG!

I did as instructed, and just sat there watching, unable to join, unable to touch myself, under the full control of my Mistress's! It was more than I had wished for! AND, this was just the start, a beginning... Little did I know what my Mistress's had been planning for me, but there true deviousness would be revealed shortly...

to be continued, have to get ready for the day now.

Gray Wolf

 

After my Mistress's and Joe had been playing for a while, they suddenly stopped and Joe asked "Isn't it time for part 2?" My Mistress said "Yes, I think it is, Mistress C would you tell Gray Wolf what is ti happen next?". Mistress C turned to me and told me "Gray Wolf, You have had the privilege and pleasure of watching your Mistress and I being pleasured, but, as you still have outstanding punishment due, we will now address that. For your punishment you will stand, turn your chair to face the corner, and sit back down. You will stay in that position until told to do otherwise." My reply "Yes, Mistress" I also requested, and was granted permission to use a pillow against the chair back, as it was becoming painful, and my skin was sticking to the wooden back.

Once I was re-positioned in the corner, my Mistress's and Joe resumed their play, leaving me to visually imagine what was happening based only on the moans and other sounds behind me. Both of my Mistress's had several orgasms, with Joe still alternating his focus on each. I have no idea how long this went on, I could not see the clock, and lost count of how many songs played on the stereo, but I would speculate at least 30 minutes passed. It was extremely difficult for me to just sit there and listen, knowing what was happening, but unable to see. My Mistress, who tends to be very quiet in bed, got gradually more vocal throughout the evening, which was very stimulating in itself. Just knowing she was receiving so much pleasure at the hands of another man....

Suddenly the room became quiet, and I heard someone leave the room. Then my Mistress was beside me, handed me a blindfold and directed me to put it on, making sure I could not see anything. Once it was on, I was told first, I was not allowed to speak unless spoken to, then told to stand, guided to the bed, and told to lay down. Once I was on the bed my Mistress sat down next to me and started touching me, running her nails lightly across my bare skin. With my focus on her, I did not know if anyone else was in the room until another pair of hands touched me from the other side... Mistress C was still there also!!! My hands, which were on my chest, were gently lifted, and placed by my sides, and for the next 15 minutes or so, I was touched, caressed, scratched, kissed, sucked (fingers, nipples and cock), and basically teased to my limits by BOTH of my Mistress's! I was able to keep myself from becoming over-excited, but only by truly focusing. I able to not embarrass myself with an unauthorized release!

Suddenly My Mistress spoke, saying "I think I am going to use the bathroom, then go find Joe and play with him some more.", and she got up and left the room. Mistress C stopped what she was doing, shifted up by my shoulders and removed the blindfold. The light, though not very bright, was too much for my eyes so quickly, so it took a moment for me to adjust. Mistress C and I talked openly for a couple of minutes as my eyes adjusted, discussing what had just happened, and why. She also stated that she still had plans with me for the evening, if my Mistress approved. When Mistress came out of the bathroom, she sat down on the edge of the bed, and talked with Mistress C and I, then Mistress C excused herself so Mistress could speak to me privately. Mistress told me she had some reservations about Mistress C and I going any further at this time, and was torn by having to make this choice.

I have told Mistress repeatedly that I do not have to play alone, now or ever, if that is her choice. I understand her right to do as she will, and accept her control and limits on my activities. She told me she hopes to allow Mistress C unrestricted use of me soon, but not at this time, as she needs time to process the thought more after actually seeing Mistress C enjoying me as she had. Mistress then led me out of the bedroom, still naked, to talk with Mistress C and Joe. We stood in the living room, all 4 naked, and they talked. Mistress C was disappointed, but understood going into the weekend that this may happen. Mistress then took me back to the bedroom for an extended play session of oral on her, and full intercourse.I ensured she was totally satisfied before being allowed to orgasm myself.

Will continue with post play thoughts, conversation, etc next post.

Gray Wolf

 

Had a long text/email session with Mistress C yesterday concerning the Weekend Retreat, and in the conversation I asked her what I could have done better. Her reply: There is a long list of things, but you did well with the knowledge you have at this time. I did not make corrections at the time as it was not a training weekend". I have, of course,also had several long conversations with My Mistress about it all, also. Now, I feel bad about my performance. On one hand I "did well with what I know", but it is obvious I have a lot to learn still.

Thinking back to the weekend I can think of many things I should have done or done differently, or at a minimum, things I should have asked... I have identified several things I did not do, just because I was unsure if it was correct or wanted, but DID NOT ASK for guidance or direction, mostly because I was unsure within myself.

To get things moving again, Mistress C, as mentor to my Mistress and teacher to me, is going to be sending a list of things I could or should have done differently, suggestions on training, etc. I have both Mistress's that I be considered "in training" at all times unless told specifically otherwise, and discussed some things with my Mistress to help further the learning process. Mistress C has suggested having "training days" together, not to play or have fun, but just for instruction and education.


There is a LOT more to giving up control and becoming a good submissive than it appears on the surface... I have been told I've done well at giving up control, now it's time to learn to truly serve my Mistress's, to attend to them without reservation.

And so, it's back to school for the Wolf...

Grey Wolf, unworthy submissive to both of myMistress's

 

In conversation with My Mistress's, it has been decided that I should also make a list of things I feel I could or should have done differently, with reasons I did not, to be compared with Mistress C's list... these may be used to assign a "Thought for the day", a task of subject for me to think about throughout the day, and report back to my Mistress's on my thoughts, understanding, or questions the subject brought up.

It's also hard to coordinate time to meet with Mistress C, due to distance and work issues. Like this weekend, I'm on call for work, can't really go any distance (30 minute response time).

Guess I better work on my list, and also have some household things to do.

 

On Monday, I gave the first of my list of "failures" during our Coast Retreat to My Mistress's. My Mistress has agreed that all items noted were issues that will need to be dealt with, Mistress C is having a busy week, and I am waiting patiently for her to look it over and send her thoughts.

For me this week has me on the edge of meltdown, not because of anything relationship related, but because of life in general. Just have WAY too much going on, and have had to ask my Mistress to help me prioritize things and figure out what can be slipped to next week. Today and tomorrow will be late nights at work getting things done that positively have to be done before the weekend, Thursday I need to pack clothes, etc for the weekend, as we are leaving right after work Friday to go see our daughter at my parents house (she is spending the summer with them). This weekend will be spent working around my parents place.... Next week will hopefully let me get caught up a little on all the other stuff...

 

Recently, while discussing things with my Mistress, she gave me one of the biggest compliments possible, in my humble opinion. Before the switch, we had some issues that were close to destroying our marriage. One of the big ones for her was she did not trust me to be faithful.

We were discussing why she doesn't keep me locked up when I'm away from her.....

Her comment: "I trust you!"

That's the kind of thing that sticks in your mind, and reminds you to do everything you can to maintain that new found trust!!!

 

Sounds like Little one may be coming home with us this weekend. Was supposed to stay with my parents until early August. That really throws a wrench into things here. Will make it very hard to have training days with Mistress C, hard to get out and get our tattoo's planned and inked, etc...

Love Little one, but so hoping she decides to stay with the Grands awhile longer...

 

Monday morning, Little one is in her here room reading. Things did not go well at the Grands, seems she was not her normal polite self, and ended up with hurt feelings all around. SO, things around here will change a little.

Mistress and I had a long hard talk about how to proceed with everything on Saturday night, but the one comment that truly sticks in my head was when she said "You're the sub, but.... " That was the first time she has really said it fully in context... was explaining that she wants Little one to have more responsibilities for her own things.

I guess we'll see how everything works out from here....

 

Having a bit of a rough week, mentally. Overloaded with "Life issues", things outside of my training and new life that I need to work through. Although I try not to let them hinder my training and service, I know they are hurting my performance of my duties, and are obviously noticeable to my Mistress. We have discussed what is going on, but She was not able to give me guidance at this time. These are things I have to deal with....

BUT, We will be seeing Mistress Con Friday, at least for a little while, and attending on of our "Social parties", and hopefully spending some casual time with Mistress C on Sunday also.

 

After discussions with both Mistress's, and addressing one of the major issues, I'm doing much better. Still not back 100%, but getting closer.

Mistress C reminded me it is not my place to worry and "figure things out", just to do what I need to to the best of my abilities, with guidance and permissions from my Mistress's... so, on I go, deal with things one at a time, as my Mistress guides me.

 

And back in the groove again this morning. Feeling almost back to normal, and have my head back in it right again.

Question for the sub's who have been doing this longer (the true sub's, not the game players): How long did it take to really learn not to worry about things? To learn to just trust and obey, to let her handle and guide? Right now I'm still having a hard time stepping out of the "Fixer" role, something I've always done. If something needs done, I handle it, whether it be finances, house, etc... Trying to learn to do only what I'm given responsibility for, and to ask on the rest, but as a Grade A control freak and Type A personality, it's tough

Should have mentioned, Wednesday evening when I got home from work and was getting in the shower, my Mistress handed me the big red 2" base ring. I'll be wearing it until Sunday, most likely. It's a reminder that this week there will be no "nakie fun time" as Mistress calls it.

 

Today's "special event" a trip to the Emergency Room. Mistress had just left to go shopping, I was working on the lawn mower, sharpened the blade, and slipped while reinstalling it. Had to Call Mistress: Me "Please come home." Her "How bad is it" Me "significant".

4 stitches in thumb, 3 in index finger, and a dime size chunk completely gone from middle finger. 3 hours in ER, and my Mistress texted Mistress C, when she called later I had to explain myself, why it happened, etc... Little one was in the car, so had to be conscious of my choice of wording...

What's worse:
1. getting hurt and ruining your own day
2. getting hurt and knowing that your Mistress's are disappointed, but very concerned