Caged Wolf? How an Alpha became the Omega...

3 weeks since last post here... have been busy with life, stressing over things i can't control, and trying to maintain position...

Tried waxing a second time with better, but still less than acceptable results, so bought an epilator. Reaction to the first time using it was "Wow, i thought waxing hurt! ". Now that it's been used a few times, and i'm learning HOW to use it, it is working much better. There is now very little hair down there, much better than the next day stubble with shaving. Mistress and i are both liking the results.

i have managed to stay out of trouble with Mistress, but have had some attitude problems due to work issues. i am currently looking for other employment, and have informed the current boss of that fact. i am not happy with the work enviroment, the hours, or the current expectations.

Have also had setbacks on other projects that have caused stress (shipping issues, damaged parts, etc). Working on a major project that was supposed to be done over a month ago, but i keep hitting major setbacks, latest one will add at least another 2 weeks to the timeline.

All of this stress has caused setbacks in my training and performance, including 2 unsatisfying "Nakey fun times" for Mistress. Stress is really bad for me, in the past it has nearly put me in the hospital, now it just taxes my energy, causes migraines, etc. I have actually contemplated selling the project as is, and just going back to cleaning everything out..... or just pulling tito a pile and throwing a match to it all. Probably won't do either, but just being at the point of even thinking it is bad.

Yes, i realize i am toxic to myself right now, and am working to regain composure and get back into my proper frame of mind. Mistress has been understanding, as she knows I am trying to cope, but i do wish she would crack down and just tell me to "Get on with it".

i realize part of the problems are self infliced, but i also realized: i am sub, it is not my place to control, but to do. In order to do i need direction, instruction, and guidance. She is Mistress, Mistress please take your control...

 

Made it through the week, attitude is better, work is about the same...

Mistress had an issue with her schoolwork Thursday that snowballed (not in a good way), and resulted in a really bad day for her. After doing what i could to help her at lunch i had to go back to work, so texted Mistress C and asked if she would contact Mistress and talk with her as I was at a loss. Mistress C was busy yesterday, but called today and they talked for almost an hour. Mistress is doing much better today after talking with Mistress C and with her Professor.

i actually felt helpless yesterda afternoon... i have always been a problem solver, a fixer, and other than trying to reassure Mistress, i could do nothing. i did take time off work this morning to go with her to see her Professor, as moral support. i believe it helped her discuss more openly kknowing i was there for her.

Mistress C did recommend that Mistress joiin the forum here, so she could read and ask questions of the other Mistress's to help her stregthen her even more.... i am hopefull she will join soon!

 

Some changes since the last post, nothing major, just little adjustments to the way things go.

Due to some skin problems i am not locked again. Was doing well then not so well.. oh, well....

Changed my avatar pic to one more fitting. i was given the name "Gray Wolf" at the collaring, charged with standing guard and serving my two Mistress's. It makes me feel warm inside when addressed by this name, and it is the one i use in my e-mail signature when messaging my Mistress's.

Mistress calls, has use for me

 

sorry about the lack of quality in last nights post... was almost asleep at the keys, literally.

Mistress has also been very slowly upping her control, wording her instructions less as a request and more as an order. It's a subtle change, but a welcome one.

 

Bad day at work, minor injury this afternoon (twisted my knee), not severe, but painful. Worse part was bosses indifference to it. Basically " What did you do?" I explained, then "Well, where are you at on this and that... they need to be done today." So, i hobbled around the shop for the last couple of hours, getting as much done as possible. Needless to say i was angry/frustrated when i left work and was not able to get back in the correct frame of mind before getting home (short 1.5 mile drive work to home...).

Best i was able to do until later this evening was keep my mouth shut, and hobble along with life. i am in a better frame of mind now (5 hours later), trying to get back into submissive frame of mind, spent some time at Mistress's side, but it's painful to sit on the floor, and more so to get back up. Have to say though, Mistress was understanding that i was in pain (and still am), but has still tasked me with things that make me get up and move around.

Need to get out of this job, it is the main stressor in my life right now. i don't need the stress and frustration, it is so counter-productive, as my old Alpha persona surfaces... it's hard for the submissive to win the fight within....

on the lighter side, Little One had her end of school year Choir concert tonight, love listening to her sing. i used to sing in Chiors, and to see Little One enjoying it as much as i did makes my heart swell with pride. She asked tonight if she could join the Advance Chior (afterschool activity)! i still love to sing, but only for my own enjoyment now. They say music soothes the savage beast, and that is true. music help me let go of the stress and anger. Need to figure out how to use that to my advantage, so i am able to properly submit to Mistress...

Dry calls, chores to do then off to bed...

thank you all for allowiing and providing a place to vent, to spell out my thoughts and issues so I can see them differently. It does help, though feedback and comments may open new thought lines and possibilities....

 

Still making forward progress.... The past two weeks have had highs and lows, very good times, both as a husband and father and as a servant, andbut also debilitating migraines for me. i will just say, migraines suck... last night i was unable to do anything beyond cleaning the kitchen after dinner. roughly six hours of peircing pain, time passing with only the thought of making it thru, then finally, the bliss of real sleep.

Our progress: Mistress is increasingly specific in her demands, i am told i am serving well, yet i feel underused, and find myself again doing things without permission... Nothing big, but going out to work in the yard, or on a project, etc... and just going and doing it.

i long to be disciplined for failing, for not asking before going out to work in the yard, something..., but i do and will not intentionally act out. Yet i want to feel her control, to have a physical reminder that i was doing was wrong.
She has a crop, a Royal Blue one, a gift from me, giving her the choice and power to use it. It stands in the corner of her closet, forgotten. i've asked, sometimes jokingly, other times very seriously to be disciplined, and nothing...

i love Mistress, and love that She cares as much as She does. She is gentle, considerate, loving. Is it wrong for me to wish she was other than she is?

 

If it's deserved whether i like it or not doesn't matter... It's a big step, but one i'm hoping Mistress takes soon.

Best way i can describe the relationship right : Mistress is Lead, but not Dom. Even with that being said, the relationship is still MUCH better than when i was the Alpha.

 

Lady Jezerae,
I have spoken with her about it, but it is HER decision. There are a lot of things i may want, but SHE decides what is right for her, and therefore right for me.

 

Usul,
I haven't begged, but have asked. WhenMistress rakes my back with her nails or digs them into my arm or leg out of passion it's increbible, painful but incredible! I can only imagine the sting of her crop someday...

 

And now, looking for a good, longterm wear metal device! have a line on a couple of Jailbirds, just need to verify the measurements to see which one will work the best.

 

As of 15 minutes ago i am now locked up in our new MM Jailbird with the security screw. Bought one from a member here, and the whole process was so easy. Took less than a week from first contact to me beiing locked up, the measurements worked out perfectly, and the only problem i had was getting flaccid enough to get into it, was so excited!!!

Obviously things are going well again, still not being disciplined, but now i at least feel controlled again!

So happy to finally be a trully Caged Wolf!!!

 

Usul,
i did talk to Mistress again about being disciplined, and her comment was basically "Not going to beat you or intentionally casue you pain."

BUT, she said the same thing about me being in a metal cage as recently as a few months ago, so....

 

i'm not sure, but i think they take it farther than i want to....

 

Just got back from a 2.5-3 hour motorcycle ride with the Jailbird on. Had to stop a couple of times to make small adjustments, but made the whole trip without having to remove it like I would have if i'd worn the Neo...

On the sizing, apparently when i measured i wasn't totally flaccid. The lenght is right on the money, but diameter could be 1/4" smaller... Something I'll have to live with for now, until I run across another used one with the right dimensions.. Not unhappy, on the contrary, I'm very much loving the new cage!!!!

Many thanks to Mistress for allowing me to seek and buy a real device!!

 

Forgot to mention, my motorcycle is a big V-twin Honda, and at certain engine RPM the vibration feels REALLY good thru the Jailbird!

 

Day 3 in the Jailbird, Mistress does have me take it off for bed, and i get to put it back on in the morning, so not 24/7, but 15+/- hours a day. Had some minor issues with getting it to settle in inder the sack yesterday, will see how today goes.

Loving the feeling, comfortable enough to ALMOST forget it's there while working, but the solid feeling (over the Neo that would flex) reminds me when i move. i have already found i can leave my wide cockring on right at the glans, and it helpd hold the head in the proper place in the cage, which takes away a little more sensation since thiings can't move as much... Wish it was 1/4" smaller diameter, that would hold things without having to use th ring....

 

i talked to Mistress this morning before work, and requested to be able to wear the Jailbird overnight this weeek, and was told i could try it tonight and see how it goes from there!! Woo whoo!

 

First overnight went well, slept soundly, no pulling or other issues! i am hoping Mistress will keep me locked the rest of the week, until She is ready to use me again.

 

Made it 29 hours, had to take the cage off during lunch due to edema... back on again, and forward we go!