Caged Wolf? How an Alpha became the Omega...

Great day today, Helped Mistress C move into her new place. Lots of work, but loved every minute of it. Worked very hard to maintain position, and pay appropriate respect, but with 4 other people (beside Mistress, Mistress C, and myself) i was limited to using "Ma'am" with Mistress C, and "Dear" with Mistress. These are our "standard" vanilla-land terms of address, as both Mistress's prefer to keep our relaitonship amongs ourselves and the VERY close friends who already know.

After loading and unloading the moving van, and getting everything upstairs, Mistress C went to dinner with Mistress and i at a very nice, very cozy little Italian place to have an early Birthday dinner for Mistress. Wonderful food, and good conversation. For a while we were the only ones in the place, so we were able to talk candidly, and catch up on how things are going, training and relationship wise. i think the conversation was good for Mistress, as we talked more bout "things" on the way home, and I am hoping She sees it as a point to move forward from.

Also, hoping to spend more time with Mistress C now that the holiday's and a stressful move past.

 

Today was a good day, as well. Mistress has been more direct, has "asked" several things of me. While sitting on the floor in front of Her chair, i leaned my head over to rest it on her leg, and received a very nice head and neck scritch...

Mistress told me last night what she wanted prepared for breakfast this morning!

It's nice to see another step forward!!

 

We are again settling in at Mistress's new "level of comfort". With life happening, it's good to see things staying at that level, rather than reverting back to a lesser control on her part!

Occasionally i am hearing "I'd like" rather than "Would you", and I am given instructions at night for things to happen in the am...

It is a slow progression, but it is at Mistress's comfort level, not at mine, and that is the important thing!

 

Just a quick update to assure everyone i'm still alive... Mistress is holding at her new comfort level, i am struggling a little, trying to stay focused when life is running on status quo. i have been dealing with projects, trying again to sell some excess parts and projects that have become stagnant, but not having much success. i am not a salesman...

Trying hard to not fall into a funk, can tell it's there waiting to drag me down again. i have learned a lot about myself since i gave Mistress control, and have become more aware of the how and why of my own emotional ride. iIt makes it both easier and harder to cope. Easier because I can see waht is going on inside, harder becasue i am fighting the funk's approach, and when it does winit takes more of a toll. The weather here is not helping, grey, rain, cold, blah... I need some sunshine, some warmth, to be able to soak up some good energy.

Must go, have been called by Mistress....

 

Week ended on a positive climb, had some nice weather Friday, partly sunny and in the 60's, took the day off work adn got a lot of things done, feel more caught up. Sold some things, and got a couple of good nights sleep. Feels good to beat the funk this time.

Mistress told me earlier that she had plans for me later.. Life is good.....

 

Nostromo,
i write here for two main reasons, so others can see the evolution of our relatonship, and so i can go back and have a black and whie reminder of how things where going at each point. It has been quite a ride, much more intense than i thought it would be, considering the rate of growth... Learning to submit without question, attending to Mistress and Little One's needs before my own, etc...

One of the hardest things for me was not falling back into the demanding, over-controlling a-hole i used to be. i literally have to stop/check myself when i get frustrated, and step back into my chosen place in the relationship, and just say "Yes dear".

i am treated fairly, not abused, though I still feel i am not being used to full potential. i am not complaining, and again, i understand it is at Mistress's pace, not mine. Having said that, i wish i could feel the lash of Mistress's crop when i've done something wrong, to be controlled instead of merely asked, maybe to experience being restrained until Mistress sees fit to release me. If Mistress would tell me "I want this..." or Do this..." i would do anything in my power to comply, and accept punishment if i failed... But, i fear it may never come to that level, as Mistress is not a harsh soul, and, at least for now, choses not to inflict what She consideres pain or punishment.



Thanks again to all who read my thoughts and ramblings. i know there are many who have rad through from start to now. If any of you have thoughts, comments, or suggestions i would like to hear them, so i may relay any knowledge or ideas to Mistress.

 

Mistress and i talked last night before going to sleep about then and now, how each of us is feeling about the change to FLR-D/s relationship. Some interesting insight from Mistress!

Mistress commented that the switch had given her the strength and selfesteem to move herself away from people who were holding her back, helped her to focus on what was important to her. She is trying to task me more, but commented that it will continue to be phrased as "would you..." due to Little one's keen hearing. i asked if chastity (in a device) may be used again, Mistress said probably not, never liked the devices, but understands that locking myself for her was the first step into this new lifestyle, and probably saved the marriage. She trusts me to remain Chaste at her direction, and i will honor her with that. i also asked about stricter discipline (crop, etc), adn Mistress said she was not ruling it out , but for the present, no.

Mistress asked me if i had any regrets concerning the new relationship, which i do not. i may wonder "what may have been?", but i am resolute to fulfilling my promises and commitments to her. i also commented that i wish i had suggested the switch sooner in our relationship, mistress replied that we were not ready, and that things happen in their own time, and for their own reasons.

So, status update? holding at status quoa, expect incremental steps as Mistress flexes her "muscles" and pushes her own limits further out.
As an example of taking the next step, i arrived home as Mistress was starting dinner last night, and was "asked" to help prepare the meal, given directions on how SHE wanted things done (i am a highly competent cook, in my own right), and once everything was going, was told I had time to get a shower before dinner was ready. To many here that may not seem like much, but for Mistress it is a significant one, as she is feeling more confident about her new role, understands that it IS NOT a game, but a true change in the fabric of our lives.

Be careful what you wish for, indeed! You may get it, just not as fantisized about!

 

sorry for no updates lately, been sick with a Viral upper respritory infection... NOT play related! Basically the same thing i had back in December that took me out of actions for about a week, but this time am at 10 days and counting, slowly getting better.

Really takes a concentrated effort to remain sub and serve Mistress when you just want to curl up in a corner someplace. Mistress told me i did well except for last Sunday when i got frustrated because of having to change plans several times. i was given some leeway on "the rules" i'm sure, but i did try to keep myself together.

i was even allowed to lie on the couch with a blanket and nap!!!

 

Jemima,
glad you are feeling better, i am bout 85-90% normal, and was able to ge caught up on some things today. This URI really took the wind out of my sails...

Mistress didn't so much "allow" me on the couch, as told me to lay down on the couch and rest... it was either the couch or back to bed...

 

Last Thursday, when i was the sickest, i went out to the hospital E/R as i couldn't get an appointment in the clinic. Dr checked me out, listened to lung function, and ordered chest xrays. Off i go to the Xray section. Thinking ahead i call Mistress for permission to remove my chain collar, if needed, which is approved.

Once in the Xray room, the tech tells me "need you to remove your sweatshirt and necklace".. no problem, already have approval, grab the barrel and it won't come apart! Male tech tries, he can't get it loose either, so the female tech has to try, still no go. Female tech says "Then we'll have to cut it off." my reply, an adament "I don't think so." Explained it served as a wedding ring, as i am a mechanic and value my fingers, and that i had not had it off since my "wife" gave it to me. They both laughed, said "okay, can you hold it ip?" so i flipped it up on my chin and held it there while they got the Xrays...

Heard them talking out in the back office while developing the xrays, something about "Does what his wife says" "seen it before".... i just smiled, wished them both a great day, and went back tot he Dr's exam room to wait again...

 

Feeling much better, still have an occasional cough, but getting back to normal finally. Last Thursday, while home with Mistress for lunch, i commented "Maybe i should go take my shirt off." Mistress understood my meaning, and i was allowed to make her lunchtime truly pleasurable.. (and yes, it was good for me, too).

Mistress has been in a subtle shift lately, more directive, asking more of me, but also allowing me more time to work out in the garage. It is a good balance, i am really liking how things are going, and hoping Mistress feels strong enough in herself to continue the shift! Along those lines, i now have 3 pairs of "man-genta" underwear (yes, pink...). i ordered them with my last onliine order. Mistress wasn't sure she would like me in pink, but seems to get a giggle out of seeing me in them. i enjoy knowing i am wearing them for her, because she allows me to. It is HER choice...

Mistress and i are going out to the Social Club Friday evening. Mistress may spend some time with her friend, but hasn't tasked me to ask him for an "appointment". i hope Mistress does spend some time with him, he has skills i would like to learn.... maybe someday i will be allowed to be with them so i can watch and learn. Will be good to see everyone again.

We will also be celebrating our anniversary next week, with this Sunday being a full year since i formally submitted to her. What a yar it's been!!!

 

Mistress was discussing our upcoming visit to the Social Club with me last night, and out of the blue says something like "I think we need to sit down and figure out the rules for you to play with others...". Stopped me in my tracks, wondering if i was hearing her correctly! i know this has been something Mistress has had a hard time really wrapping her head around, that being me being allowed to pleasure other ladies. i calmy repied "Only if you are sure YOU are ready, it is about you and your needs, not about me"

After we were in bed last night i thanked her for opening the door to that possibility (we have been members there for 4 years now), but also reinforced that my playing is NOT the reason we go, that it is about her pleasure, comfort, and enjoyment. IF i am allowed to play i want to know deep down that Mistress is really okay with it, as i know right now she may be getting there, but i could still tell she is not there yet.

i aso commente that i hoped she would spend some time with her "friend" while there, if he is available (he is very popular with the othere ladies as well), because, again, it is about Her pleasure. Knowing she is with him, experiencing, enjoying the satisfaction he gives her, then seeing her return to the social area with the look of total satisfaction on her face, and her "wild sex hair"... knowing everyone else knows what she was doing, being able to smell the musk of their time together... So looking forward to Friday night!

 

Had a dental appointment for a cleaning today, didn't even think about them needing to take Xrays... First step, Xrays.... "Need you to remove your necklace" me "Can't remove it, the barrel is stuck..." explained about the E/R Xray deal, and that it was "like" a wedding ring to me so cutting was not an option... Tech laughed took the Xrays, then told the hygenist who was going to do my cleaning, had to explain it to her, also, then they both told the dentist when he came in to do the final check-up... Everyone had a good chuckle. Forever imortalized on Xray, again...

On another issue, i'm realizing just how much the stress from my job, mainly the petty bs and idiots I work with, is impacting me, my health (physically and mentally), and how it is affecting Mistress and our relationship. i have discussed it more with Mistress, and it is time to find something else.... i am better than this, and Mistress deserves better from me.

 

Today i am finding it hard to believe that almost a full year has past since I formally submitted to Mistress, and to Mistress C. one year ago today i was in near panic mode, trying to get the last few loose ends wrapped up for our Renewal of Vows, and the Submision ceremony.... i remember the funny thing is i wasn't nervous at this point! It was going to happen, almost everything was inplace, friends had been invited, etc..., there was NO backing out.

This past year has been a wild ride, highs and lows, plenty of learning opportunities, and our relationship is stronger than it has been in years. Mistress has changed, become so much more self aware, more confident, and is starting to realize the power she has available to her. Last night, just after 9 pm, she came over to me (i was online), stood at my shoulder, and when i turned to look up at her she just smiled. After a few moments Mistress asked "How are you feeling tonight?" me "better than some lately." Mistress "Nakee fun time, then. See you in the bedroom..." and off she went down the hall while I closed out and shut down the computer. Nakee funtime, indeed!

After Mistress was satisifed, showered, and back in bed, i asked if i may discuss something, which was allowed. i asked if Misteress had any thoughts on the rules IF i were allowed to play alone at the Social Club. Mistress relpied "Only two so far. First, you will not be just going off on a whim, anyone who would like to borrow you will have to ask me first. Second, your limits and comfort level are up to you, if you don't want to do something because you are not comforatable with it explain it to her." As we discussed, another thought came up, if i was playing with someone who didn't know about our relationship it stayed that way.... i then asked about my 'wedding rings' (cockrings that i wear to show her ownership), whether they could be removed or what. Mistres said "No, they may be moved downt to the base, but not removed. I want anyone you are with to remember you belong to me." Seems kind of hard to separate, can't tell them i'm sub, but wants them to know i belong to her...

There was a little more discussion, some joking and humor, then i asked if i may add one other thing.

i admitted to Mistress that i was, and right now am still not, sure if i would be able to play olone with anyone else... i had an epithany last night, and realized that MISTRESS was my focus, i actually tried to imagine playing with someone else, including many of the ladies we know at the Club, and i just can't see it... It's not a performance issue, but more of a right and wrong issue for me now. It's not that playing with another with Mistress permission is wrong, but i realize it would be about me and whomever i was with, not about keeping my thoughts centered on Mistress, if that makes sense...

Much more to discuss before it happens, if it ever does. i am actually advocating that i not be allowed, at least for now...

work becons, along with a conversation with my boss to let him know i will be seeking other employment, and why...........

 

Wow, what a weekend! i am not at liberty to divuldge details, but there are things happening that are the stuff of fantasy! i am not sure if they will actually happen, but jsut knowing there is someone who is interested in me... wow.

Still trying to figure out the feels i mentioned in the last post, of not being able to be with anyone other than Mistress. Much conversation with Mistress to come on this subject....

 

Two weeeks plus since my last post.... Mistress is still improving her control, so things are good. there are a couple of noteworthy things to mention.

First, Friday I was allowed to go to the Social Club, without Mistress, but only to be of assistenace to the Lady who runs the club. From the minute i walked in the door i was put to work, kitchen prep work, and post prep cleanup, maintaining the buffett liine, keeping up with the dishes, etc. i was on the run from 6:30 until around 10 before taking a short break. Several times during the evening i was given new tasks, and did all i could to think ahead. Near the end of the evening She thanked me for my help, and commented that she "must be a little dom afterall..".

Second, i was fortunate as Mistress C was there also. It has been a while since we have seen each other, i left the kitchen to welcome her when she arrived, and tended to her as i could when she was in the comman area, as i am not allowed to roam into the play areas when Mistress is not there. Mistress C was with friends who do not know of her co-ownership of me, so i had to be very discrete while also being there for her. Very fun!

Third, Today at lunchtime, Mistress mentioned She would like to work towards fulfilling a fantasy of hers, one where she is properly satisfied by a very specific racial sub-type of man (not me), perhaps on an ongoing basis!
With Mistress's permission, i contacted the Lady who runs the Social club, explained the situation/fantasy, and asked her help in seeing if be facilitated. I suppose this answers once and for all that, yes, i am a cuckold! This fantasy may not become reality right away, but Mistress IS taking steps to cement her position, and mine, in the relationship,, and is stretching her wings to learn to truly fly with her new freedom!

Life is GOOD.... "Be careful what you wish for, it just may come true in ways beyond what you ever dreamed they might!"

 

I should have mentioned, the Lady who runs the Social Club was a Guest at our renewal of vows and the Collaring ceremony, so she does know of the realtionship between Mistress, Mistress C, and i. She also has asked questions and acted as a sounding board as the relationship progresses.

 

Step by step!

While home for lunch today i asked Mistress about my CD's, that i understand she does not want to see them, but politely asked if i could be locked up anytime i'm away from the house/away from her, and was told, "yes, that wold be fine."

So, as of lunchtime today, i'm back in lock-up, at least for 8-12 hours a day!! Woo whoo!

 

Day two of part time lock up.

i'm actually allowed to stay locked up from when i get dressed in the morning until i take my evening shower, so 10-14 hours a day back in my Neo. THIS was one thing that was missinig! The knowledge that i am locked, the key is at home, and there is nothing I can do about it while i'm out...

i am hoping Mistress might decide to extend my locked time, and/or just keep me locked unless SHE wants to use it.

 

Spent Saturday helping a friend move, while locked as I was away from Mistress. No issues! That's almost 40 hours over 3 days with no pinching, pain, etc.
Was not locked up Sunday, as I spent the day near Mistress, but before dinner i was given the key (the one that means she wants "Nakey funtime" and told "be ready at 8:30, I want some extra tie tonight". When the time came, i asked if i should spray and wrap (Stud desensitizer and a condom) and Mistress told me "I was just going to tell you to do that". So, 5-6 pumps of the Stud, well rubbed in as I missed some area last time and had enough feeling i came whenMistress finished. This time there was no feeling!!! Mistress had so may O's i lost count, towrds the end i asked if i could lick her, was given permission, and brought her to several more, including a toe curling finale.

Things are going very well, still incremental steps, but i look forward to each new revelation from Mistress! It was a great weekend all around, even though the weather did not cooperate with the plans we had.

 

It has been another good week, locked up for work 4 of the 5 days, party at the Social Club Friday night (spent a majority of my time there either in the kitchen working, or just sitting with Mistress. Was allowed to go sit in the hottub for a while too, which was a very nice break. After sitting in the hottub, i was only wearing a pair of low waisted gold briefs for the remainder of the evening. Felt slightly self concious, but was also very good as a learning situation, If Mistress wants me dressed a specific way i shouldn't be embarrased about it.

Mistress C was there also, she and Mistress sat and talked for quite a while while I was working in the kitchen.

Mistress has been keeping the reigns tight, making sure i was doing what i should, stopping me short if i was doing what i shouldn't. Incrememntal steps are still forward progress!!!

 

Forgot to mention, Thursday evening i was given permission to attempt my frst home waxing... it did not go according to plan.. I posted a thread in the powder room asking for advise, as after 2 attempts i had less than 30% removal in the test area. At that point Mistress directed me to just shave and be done with it.

Here is the link to the other thread:
http://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/first-attempt-at-home-waxing.12725/