Caged Wolf? How an Alpha became the Omega...

Couple of day have passed since I messed up my hand(dominant hand, of course), and my Mistress gave me a little leeway on my chores until last night. I am figuring out how to work around the injured index finger, the thumb and middle finger are still usable, as long as I don't bend them too much. Laundry seems to be the biggest "pain", dressings hang up on the clothing, etc.

I profusely apologized to both of my Mistress's for the worry and stress I caused with my moment of carelessness, and learned another lesson on humility when I realized just how much my actions affected my Mistress's and Little One. Makes me feel like shit, to be honest, but I suppose it is a lesson well learned at this point.

BUT, I was granted the opportunity to satisfy Mistress last night, and given the directions: "I want you to decide on position, so it doesn't affect your hand. You may touch me without asking each time, and make it good." After considering the possibilities, I got to work, bringing her to several little shuddering mini-O's before entering her. Once allowed entrance, I brought her to 3 very good O's, but on the second one I lost control of myself and had to stop mid-stroke to ruin my own orgasm. I did not even feel it coming on, all of the sudden it was just there! With a lot of concentration, grunting, etc., I was able to get things back under control and proceeded to bring her to the verge of the best O of the evening. As she was starting to give in to the wakes of pleasure overtaking her, she whispered "I want you to cum with me!". I asked if she was sure, she replied "Yes, NOW!", so, as any good sub would do when given clear direction by his Mistress, I allowed myself to release as she did, thanking her profusely afterward.

The one thing I really noticed, was after ruining the first orgasm, the second wasn't as strong or as satisfying as normal. Maybe, if I had been allowed to build back up at a more normal rate, rather than "NOW", it would have felt normal. I am not complaining, as I understand more than ever it is not about me anymore. It IS about my Mistress, and ensuring her wants and needs are met to teh best of my abilities.

 

This morning I was given the key my Mistress uses to let me know she has "naked fun" plans for me in the evening!!! Have no idea what her plans are for me, but I am very glad to be given the key early in the day. It makes me think of it all day... Hoping she denies my orgasm tonight, would love to go into the weekend with that frustrated, put in place feeling.

Hand is healing well. Index finger looking so much better, but still a long way to go to being back to 100%. Was able to do some actual work at work today, so no excuse for not doing all my normal chores around the house.

 

Last nights orgasm was denied, while Mistress had 4-5 really good ones before telling me "I'm done, thank you". Wonderful feeling to be able to satisfy her needs with no concern of my own!

Was hoping for a repeat performance tonight, but having some internal distress. Not sure if it's from the spicy pizza last night (and leftovers for lunch today), or from the antibiotics I'm on for my hand. Either way, I'm not feeling great, but still getting things done. Was allowed to take a nap for a couple of hours this afternoon. I was up at 3:30 this morning, woke-up and couldn't get back to sleep again.

It's my Birthday tomorrow (26 July) and our formal wedding anniversary last weekend, so we are taking the RV and disappearing for the weekend. Try to post an update Monday evening, if I have time.

Thanks to everyone who is following my posts. If you ever have any questions, comments, or suggestions/guidance, PLEASE feel free to post. Always looking for ideas or input on how to better serve my Mistress's!

Caged Wolf, Unworthy submissive to my Mistress's

 

Had a good weekend away, no major issues other than my hand, at least until Monday Morning.

Friday while setting up the RV, I managed to smack my index finger and tore the cut open again. Didn't break the stitches, but looking at it last night, it appears I'm now going to lose a good size chunk of the skin right over the knuckle.

Since Little One was with us we couldn't really do much, since we were using the RV (No real privacy), but both Saturday and Sunday mornings Mistress amused herself by teasing me for about 15-20 minutes each morning before Little One woke up. Got me good and hard, played, explored, and tried new things, then just quit "Time to get up and going" she said... Oh, I was already up and going.....

I was so horny all weekend, and the teasing was all that ever happened. I actually thought about taking matters into my own hands while in the shower, but, as tempting as it was, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Also, Mistress got a text from Mistress C over the weekend, letting Mistress know she was doing some reading and getting ideas to help us both on our journey here.

Monday Morning, Mistress woke up with a crick in her neck, tried massaging it for her, but couldn't do a very good job as it was her right side, and I couldn't get my left hand positioned right to really do any good (feeling even worse about hurting myself now). Was able to get her comfortable enough to make the ride home, and made it back in time to stop at the Chiropractors before going on to the house. Hoping she feels better when I wake her up this morning.

 

Quick update, will do a through catch up later this weekend.

Things are good here, my training is progressing, and I asked and was given permission to buy my Mistress a riding crop "as long as it is blue". Found a royal blue one at the local saddlery shop, will present it to my Mistress tonight, with Mistress C in attendance to provide guidance and instruction in the proper use and application of said crop!!

Applied discipline is the current step for my Mistress, one that she is coming to terms with. I am so prooud of my Mistress adn how she has grown in strength, esteem, and confidence since she took charge.

 

Wow, has it been a week?

Last Friday night My Mistress's and I had an hour for a private talk, covered many things, including officially presenting the crop to my Mistress. Mistress C had some sage words on use and how to get familiar with it. AS of today it has not been used, but is available if needed.

Beyond that step things have felt slightly stagnant, no real change or push from my Mistress. Not sure how to proceed, looking to her for guidance, but ..... Hoping to have a chance to talk to her about how I'm feeling, and my desire to be pushed harder...

 

Emailed both Mistress's this morning, got a reply from Mistress C that made me think. Still hope to talk to my Mistress more about it tonight...

Mistress realized last night that I was not in the best of moods, and mentioned it to me. Asked what was wrong, I told her I was tired and feeling blah. I'm hoping to start from there and discuss where we go from here.

 

AllaboutHer,
Thank you for your comments!! Maybe some of the Mistress's and other subs here will chime in also??

Is it topping from the bottom to express your thoughts and desires to your Mistress, as long as you openly accept her decision on the subject? Especially when she has questioned why my mood is off, and what needs to be done to get me back on track?

Is it wrong to ask my Mistress to take more control (not leaving some things up to me to ask/deal with/figure out), or to be stricter with her discipline when it is due? If my request is to empower her, and minimize my own position, isn't that something that I SHOULD be doing?

This is new to both of us, and without Mentors and teachers we are left to learn it from the post of others and from the way our own relationship develops....

Caged Wolf
Given name: Gray Wolf, submissive to my Mistress and to Mistress C

 

DBoy,
thanks for your comments,

Yes, Mistress C is my 2nd Mistress, trainer, etc, and is Mentor to my Mistress, She is there for us both, but not on a daily basis. Due to geographic distance, we see each other about once a month, but may not see her again until December due to schedules and commitments. I stay in touch with her by e-mail and text. Mistress is in touch with her by Text and phone, but not as frequently. Quite often I am asked/tasked to pass information between them.

Mistress C's guidance has been a huge help for my Mistress and I, and I am proud to be privileged to call her Mistress.

As for getting back to the submissive state and finding contentment, I am doing much better today. Going from a Strong type A Alpha male to the Omega position has not, and will not, be an easy transition. I still have a lot to learn, and things to let go of that are still keeping me from finding the true contentment of my new position, but each step is progress.

On positive note, Mistress had her new crop out last night while I was folding the laundry. She was just playing with it, getting used to how it feels in her hand, and used it a couple of times to supplement her directions. Also last night, after tucking her in and getting myself ready for bed, I forgot to wait for her permission to get in bed. She bluntly stopped me and made me wait a few moments before granting her permission. It seems she understood what I asked in our conversation, and is taking it up a notch!!

Caged...
Given name: Gray Wolf

 

Things are getting better again, yesterday afternoon I was given notice Mistress had plans for me for later, got to stew over it for several hours. After Little One was in bed and asleep Mistress told me to meet her in the bedroom, once there she told me to strip and get in bed. She then told me about dreams she had that morning (not sharing those), and how wound up they had left her all day. Touching and play ensued... When Mistress had me hard she positioned herself, and I was allowed to please her. BUT, it's been almost 2 weeks since I've been allowed, and it didn't take me long before I felt the first warnings that I was close. I slowed down, tried changing my stroke, etc... but could find no way to keep going without an unauthorized release, I was SO close for so long!!! While I was trying, Mistress was fingering her clit and was getting close, but I could not keep going... so, I switched and used my fingers instead, helping her to multiple powerful O's.

When Mistress was satisfied she just looked at me, so I explained again I couldn't satisfy her without orgasming myself, and since I did not have permission, I couldn't... Mistress thanked me for "assisting" her, and told me since I couldn't control myself any better then no release for me.

I woke up 3-4 times overnight and was rock hard every time, including when I got up this morning... It's going to be a long day at work, wondering if I get another chance to satisfy her tonight???

 

Spent the weekend out of town, stayed int he RV, so not much privacy... Spent the weekend trying to find ways to serve Mistress, even in public, without others really noticing. Not a bad weekend...

BUT, have to admit one thing... Saturday nigh I had the first "nocturnal emission" I've had in many, many years. Woke up when I rolled from my back to my side and found quite a mess, never woke up during, but managed to clean up most of the mess without waking Mistress. Even had to put down a towel over the wet spot... I did inform her first thing Sunday morning, embarrassing as it was.

Several text and e-mail conversations with Mistress C over the last couple of days also. I requested, and was allowed, to ask her permission to take her out for a birthday meal (sometimes having 2 Mistress's makes the train of thought interesting...). Plans for the birthday meal are set, time, place, and date... Looking forward to spending time with both of them together again!

 

Briefly chatted with Mistress C on IM tonight and provided her the link to this post thread. She answered she would be reading thru, and later made a few comments about some of my posts. Wondering now what her thoughts are after reading my thoughts.

Last couple of days have been physically hard, Didn't sleep well last night, then had a storm move through about 4 am, so the dog was freaked out and jumped on the bed with us, had to be almost on top of me before he's relax much.

Life wise, things are good, some financial things are working out finally, and Mistress is allowing me to liquidate some of my long term projects with the possibility of buying one less intensive project for me to work on when given "time".

Storm is rolling in again so need to get offline and shut down the computer....

 

Got home from work yesterday in a good mood, and was discussing my day with my Mistress. I commented about a success with a portion of a potential new project. Mistress went quiet, then, as she puts it "verbally bitchslapped me". Her (very coarse and sharp): "Why is everything about you and what you want. You want to build cars and race boats, so that's what we do. I want to go on vacation to X (her dream vacation), but we never have. Now you're already planning your newest project, and I still don't get to go to X." I was shocked, and very humbled. We travel a lot, but have never gone to X. Between time and money, it's just never been possible. BUT, if I liquidate most of my projects (future restoration projects, bought and planned BEFORE the role switch), the possible income would cover, or come close to covering a vacation to "X".

Understand I am a hot rodder, racer, mechanic, welder, and fabricator. Planning and building engines, and modifying and racing cars and boats is something I have done since I was a teenager (I turned 50 this summer). During my time in the military (all 26 years of it) I planned the shop and small business I hoped to build as a retirement gift to myself.

A I was released to go take my shower, and even through a good portion of today, I have been mulling this conversation over, trying to comprehend the fact that Mistress had just taken my retirement dreams, and the years of planning and selected purchases, and removed the possibility from my control.

She asked me several times since if I was upset or felt okay. Until I could get my head together about this I just told her "No, I don't feel well." This afternoon, I asked her if I could talk with her about it, was allowed, and explained that I was hurt by the brutality of her comment (In 11 1/2 years together she's never been that harsh before), and that it had taken me a while to come to terms with the truth of her statement. I also told her that it was hard to suddenly see my plans and dreams (things I had been planning for over 20 years!) just disappear, but if it was what she truly wanted, then so be it.

It's still hard to wrap my head around this change of plans, but I do realize it isn't my place to make these decisions anymore. Yes, I had talked with her about selling several projects to fund the new one, and thought she had approved it ("Sounds like a workable plan"). Based on what I thought was her approval I had already started the ball rolling on the biggest part of the plan, and the comment I made that set her off was about a small victory in the rest of the plan coming together.

Still have some figuring out to do, and need to talk more with my Mistress to see what her vision of our future is. Until I have firm direction form her I can't move on anything other than starting a full housecleaning sell off of everything I have purchased already. I already started advertising the sell off today, posting many items for sale online, and on different forums I am a member on.

Be careful what you wish for, because it just may come true!

Gray Wolf

 

Thank you both for your thoughts. I have not asked permission to re-address this issue, yet. I am actively trying to sell off 1 major project, 1 very nice "special occasions" car, and a bunch of accumulated parts and stuff. Have only sold one thing so far, as I probably set my initial asking prices too high.

As far as trip vs value of my projects, If I can sell my car, and the one major project and all it's parts, I can cover the trip she wants, and possibly bank a little. In order to shift gears and move to the new project I am still hoping to be able to start, I will have to sell at least 2 more projects, and a good portion of my stashed parts collection. The majority of my projects are all the same year and model, with a couple of odd ducks thrown in for diversity.

BUT, Until Mistress gives me a clear go ahead on the new project I will continue to clean house and re-evaluate each of my projects for ease of sale vs amount of work to be able to call each finished. Maybe it will be a good thing to simplify my life and the myriad directions I tend to go in at once.

 

Laytex, thank you for your comments, and for reading through the whole train wreck.... It has been quite a ride,a dn it's just getting started!

Well, looks like my pride and joy, my 1995 Firebird Formula, will be leaving this week. Spent Sunday at the shop fixing a bunch of little things, getting it ready for is new Master. Have sold a couple of things, and have deals working on a few more, but they aren't big ticket items. BUT, any sales are good.

Still haven't gotten a clear answer on whether I'll be allowed to move on the new project or not, but in the mean time I'll keep working (as allowed) on some of the other projects. It is looking as if I will not have to totally liquidate, but downsizing will allow me more time to attend to my Mistress's.

As for my training, my Mistress and Mistress C now have the same book (The Mistress Manual), and Mistress C has gone through and highlighted Mistress's copy, and made notes for both Mistress and I. I just came back in the mail this week, so have some reading and talking with Mistress to do.

 

Things are going well again, Car sold for asking price, also sold some parts with others pending. Also pushing another big ticket item.

Tonight I asked my Mistress for a yes or no on the new project, only because the seller called and has others waiting, but is holding for me. He needs an answer by tomorrow, or I'm out of the deal, so no answer is still an answer.

Mistress has been more vocal in letting me know what she wants done, and we will be spending par of this Sunday with Mistress C. Sil need to read Mistres C's comments in the Mistress Manual before Sunday, too.

 

Ds, Thank you for your support!. It helps to hear from others in similar relationships, nd to know that a DD/s relationship can work also.

When I got home from work last night (after working late), Mistress gave her approval for me to buy the new project!!! Happy dance ensued... On top of that Mistress cooked her amazing Swedish Meatballs and rice for dinner (one of my favorites). Anyway, I call the seller and made the deal on the project, with a purchase date mid October. But, after getting home form the store afterwards, I've come to the conclusion that I really shouldn't buy it. As much as I would like to step up to this new challenge, the money would be better in our savings account, and used to pay off a couple of credit cards.

Today's epithany: Sometimes it's not actually GETTING something, but just having Mistress's approval that matters. Knowing that she knows me well enough to understand the desire to plan/build/race, and that at the same time she put limits and conditions in place that had to be met before giving her approval shows me again how she IS growing in her position as Dom.

Doing another happy dance!

 

Things are still going well, Sold some more, including one big project, even made a little money on it, with a chance to make a little more as the buyer did not want all the parts included! As the projects and parts go away I realize the weight that has been lifted off of me, both financial and stress! Mistress is happy with the progress, too.

Even better, we were able to spend the afternoon with Mistress C, including my being allowed to take her out to lunch with my Mistress and Little One, then do some sight seeing around the area Mistress C lives in. It was raining when we went in for lunch, but stopped and actually had some sun breaks while we were out and about! Was so good to see her again, and spend some time with both of them. Having Little One with us made it interesting to broach certain subjects, and in how I spoke and address my Mistress's. It will be easier when she understands the dynamic, but for now it has to be kept from her.

Mistress C, if you read this post, thank you for sharing your day with us!