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Caged Wolf? How an Alpha became the Omega...

Discussion in 'The Vault' started by Caged Wolf, May 6, 2013.

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  1. Figured it might be time to start a journal, rather than peicemeal posts here and there in the forums, so I'll go back and try to re-capture the last roughly 2 years or so, and explain the what and why's of how I ended up where I am today.

    A little background first, though. I was raised on a ranch, always had set chores and responsabilities, but other than those I had a lot of freedom. Growing up I was generally the "good kid", helped out, somewhat timid, and tended to be the one that tried to smooth everything over in the family. After graduating High school, I joined the military as there were very few good job options in the area where I lived, and made a pretty decent career out of it spanning over 26 years. During this time I grew into a vvery strong leader, very versed in the planning and execution of things, used to having my decisions followed with full support from my superiors. Basically, I grew to be a true Alpha male, demanding, decisive, and controlling.

    After retiring from the military, and spending more time home with the family, things weren't going quite as well anymore. Arguements, stress, etc., became the order of the day, and with them came an uncomfortable distancing from my wife that threatened to tear apart our marriage. I needed excitement, adrenaline, the feeling of power and control, and was not beiing the best husband, she became sullen, unhappy, and began to worry I would leave her for soem new conquest. During this time we experimented with 3-somes, and evenually joined a "social group" of likeminded people (swingers). Then, about 3 years ago (god, has it been that long?) I was surfing the web, adn found a mention of Male chastity and Birdlocked's information. Without telling the wife, I ordered 2 devices from Birdlocked, and after receiving them, began a "test run" to see if it was something I could wear for more than just a short period. I wore them during the day, at work, for a week or so before bring up the subject with the wife, and her reaction was not too bad.
     
  2. When I brought up the subject, I presented it as a way to prove my fidelety to her. By wearing a Chastty Device voluntarily, I attempted to calm her unfounded fears of me leaving her for anyone else, tried to boost her confidenc in herself and our relationship, and to show her I was committed to her. This approach seemd to have the desired effect, things did get better, we reconnected, and over about the next 6-9 months I was wearing teh Birdlocked pretty regularly, especially when I was going to be away from her for any lenght of time (hunting camp, work, running errands, etc). During this period I also found this site (Thankyou Mistress Watchful and the rest of the mod's and supporting crew!), and started reading learning, and fantasizing about what could be.

    I started discussing contracted lock-up, adn we eventually drafted and signed a chastity contract, but I was still trying to controll the dynamic, so that was not very successful. The contract was terminated by er over my attitude and ego issues....

    so much for the first attempt... and yes, in some of my early posts here I may have misrepresented how things were actually going to make it sound better than it was. My apologizes for that, and a promise to all to "tell it like it really is" from now on.


    Time toget my daughter up andn ready for school, and have clothes to fold, things to do before work... will continue again tonight.
     
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  3. Okay, picking back up when the chastity contract was terminated, don't remember what I did, but it pissed the Mistress off... She litterlay shredded the contract, i thought that was going to be the end of chastity for me... Boy was I wrong. Things calmed down, and when we discussed chastity again, she said it would be "Without a contract", meaning she set the rules. What choice did I have but to say, "yes, dear"?

    First change was that I'm not really locked up. I was told to make sure I wear a minimum of one cock ring at all times, as a reminder of the commitment I made to her.

    Second, No more guiding the relationship. I could make suggestions for her to think about, but that is it.

    Third, Attitude changes.... If I was to be "not in control" then I should also not be getting upset, etc over things.

    During this time my response to her was "Yes, dear". Was not allowed to call her Mistress, ma'am, or by her given name. "Dear, May I.." became a conversation starter, and many times right after I'd hear the washer click at the end of the cycle, or the dryer would buzz, She'd tell me "laundry is calling you". I fairly quickly took over the majority of household chores. hile I had always tried to help out (some vacumning, laundry once in a while, etc) now I was doing 90+% of it, including picking up the dishes and cleaning the kitchen after meals, and making the bed each morning.

    As things shifted, I began getting up in the mornings, had a few minutes to check e-mail, etc., then had to get our daughter up adn start getting her ready for school, and at a set time, waking up Mistress, then leaving the room so she could wake up and get going. Soon I also began pulling back the covers at night, then actually tucking her in before getting in bed myself.

    Now, I mentioned beforethat we are members of a Swingers club. Mistress has not really been interested in being with any of the guys there, and I wasn't allowed to do anything until she found someone. While she would socailize, and meet peple, I gravitated to the kitchen, adn ended up being the Kitchen clean up crew. Never really intended to, jsut needed to be done, and now when we attend I know where I will be for a couple of hours...

    I've had several of the other ladies chat with me, soem made it pretty plain they were interested in "exploring", adn still others woudl come through and gab my butt, rub agains my back, adn occasionally "accidentally" lean over to put something in the sink and rub breasts across my back or arm. One very lovely, rambunctious lady asked Mistress if it would be okay to kiss me adn see if there was any chemistry there. Mistress of course approved, and I was eventually greeted with one of the longest, hottest, most passionate kisses I'd ever received. Little did I know what that one kiss would lead to....
     
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  4. Looking back now, I understand "Be careful what you wish for"....

    I can't go too much into detail on the next major twist, but suffice to say WOW... I got everything I had wished for and more.

    Things developed, intimate freindships grew, and next thing I know, I'm planning a renewal of wedding vows, with a twist... Yes, I was allowed to plan and organize a "Submission Ceremony" to formally commit myself to serving my loving wife and Mistress. "Lovely Lady" had become a very good freind, and had been informed of the relaitionship, and become a teacher, sounding board, and a liitle more. AS I asked her help to plan the ceremonies, adn we worked on wording, symbolisms, etc.., I came to realize how much a part of everything she had become both to me and to Mistress. I finally talked to Mistress about my feelings, and asked if she was wiling to allow Lovely lady a bigger part in truly helping us. With Mistress's permission, Lovely Lady became my "Best Lady" for the renewal of vows ceremony, then shortly after was also asked to become "2nd Mistress", which she gladly accepted!

    Now I had started all this planning about 2 1/2 weeks before our 10th anniversary, and was at about 5 days before with a major re-write to change the whole ceremony!!! on 6 April 2013, Everything worked out GREAT, and I formally submitted myself to not just My Mistress, but to my Mistress's, including a collaring!! AND, not just in a private ceremony among the 3 of us, but with 2 Ordained "officiants" and several of our closest friends in the lifestyle. While not public, it was definately "for real", and there are about a dozen witness's out there who know of our joint commitment who I would have to face if I failed also.

    While some here may view the Submission ceremony (as I posted elsewhere) as lame or "Not what I would have done", it has been one of the best things I have ever been allowed to do. I am now submissive to TWO loving, Beautiful Mistress's, who are working togetherto help each other and to train me. Knowing I have to answer to both of them has kept me from doing things I would otherwise have done, The thought of failing either or both of them terrifies me, bot because I fear punishment, but because I don't want to see "that look" of hurt or displeasure in their faces.
     
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  5. One last short segment for tonight:

    This past Sunday, one month after the ceremonies, I was priveledged to have my first Formal training session with both Mistress's together. I prepared and served lunch, was instructed in the proper responses to directions and service, introduced to two new friends, "Paddle" and "Crop" and instructed in ways they may be used, both for pleasure and for punishment. I was also allowed to settle my outstanding "Praise and Punishment" account.

    We also discussed setting up a weekend get-away for the 3 of us, plus my Mistress's male friend from the club. I have spent the last 2 days working frantically to set a workable weekend, find a suitable location, and make the appropriate reservations. Today, after completing all of that (in a little over 48 hours from being given the task!!), began roughing in the plan for meals, which I will have a large part in preparing and serving, of course. I have 7 weeks to have everything ready, and have been assured if I do well I will be rewarded for my work.

    Let's see, two Mistress's (did I mention two very Beautiful, very hot Mistress's!!), one male friend that both Mistress's like, and one submissive wolf... Sharing a private, secluded cabin on a bluff overlooking the ocean for 3 days and 2 nights... I am looking forward to spending the evening on the deck, watching the sun set over the water, while sharing it with 3 very special people, all of who are above me in the heiarchy...

    I am SO NOT WORTHY!!!
     
  6. Had a minor eptihany last night, adn the thought is still lingering in my head. I need to speak with my Mistress's about it and get thier guidnce, and help.

    I realized after reading through this journal again I STILL have issues with taking charge and being in control. I feel that is why I felt so alive while putting together the Ceremonies and setting up the Retreat Weekend. Most of my work in the military, in the 5-8 years prior to my retirement, was spent in key supervisory positions where I was constantly making the big decisions, plns, etc, normally under deadline pressures. I often used the "bulldozer method" to get thing done, and fear I may have pushed a little too hard like that on the Reteat. Once both "projects" came together I had that old sense of euphoria and conquest, the adrenaline surge...

    I need to talk with my Mistress's and find a better way. I know I will be asked and tasked to do things, but I need to find a way to do things without falling back into my old ways, as effective as they were for getting it done.

    Maybe I am learning something??
     
  7. darn slow IP, double post...
     
  8. This morning I briefly explained my feelings above to my Mistress, and followed with an e-mail to Both Mistress's, explaining what I felt was my failure and why I felt that way. Through the day, there was e-mail traffic, plus a conversation with my Mistress when I got home. Both Mistress's responded that I had done nothing wrong, but had actually done a good job getting everything done while maintaining my subserviant position. 2nd Mistress even mentioned she had been watching the e-mail traffic to ensure I stayed in my place, adn was ready to correct me if I stepped out of line.

    So, I guess I just need to stay aware of my thougth process and re-read before hitting send.

    but, STILL Not Worthy!
     
  9. Interesting situation today... Very good friend of mine invited Mistress, daughter, and I out for lunch and a trip to the local car museum with he and his daughter. While eating lunch my collar, a heavy Silver 18" necklace, kept snagging on the collar of my t-shirt, and I had to keep running my finger thru to keep it unsnagged. Finally told my friend what was happening, his reply "Then just take it off". I looked at Mistress, then told him "Since I can't wear a wedding ring due to my work, She gave the necklace to me to replace my ring". Mistress chimed in with "Nope, can't take it off". Finally just flipped it to the ouside of my t-shirt collar where it was visible...

    He's around us enough to have caught snippets of conversation like: numerous "Yes Dear's", "Let me check with (insert Mistress's name here)", etc....

    after the exchange about teh "necklace", He got a puzzled look, then the lightbulb came on... Wondering if he may have figured it out? Only time will tell.
     
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  10. Last night my 11 y.o. daughter asked basically the same question about my collar... "Dad, why do you wear that necklace all the time?". I know it's something different, but she has noticed.
    She goes to Mistress to ask questions, and comes to me for laundry, etc... She noticed I am doing 90% of the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and that I'm up getting her ready for school before waking Mistress up. I guess I've been leading things that way, when she askes me to do something, I ask if she has asked "mom". I also make sure she's getng everything done before bedtime, and tucking her in, which Mistress used to do until about 6-8 months ago. She also has asked why I don't sit on the couch anymore ("more comfortable for my back on the floor...").

    How do we handle it it when/if she ever asks if "mom" is in charge?
     
  11. Caged WolfCaged Wolf ... What you are writing is very interesting. I have been collared now for at least 6 months. At first I was worried what people at work etc would say. But adults I know have never said anything despite it being very visible. Mine is a solid ring around my neck.

    Kids are more canny though. My youngest step son said

    Why is phil wearing a dog collar. .. twice now. ..

    Mistress Deborah explained to him that is was jewellery and a present she has bought me.

    When its off I feel naked and strange and the longest it was off for was 6 days due to the wedding.

    Think you need to ask Mistress to explain to the children they have a way with words :)

    Good luck
    slave phil
     
  12. You can tell her that "mum is in charge" You will then be putting her ahead of many other children in her grasp of modern partnerships.
     
  13. Phil,
    Thanks you for the input, I know my collar is not as visual as yours, and littlest may just accept it as explaiined. I have no idea what it feels like not to wear a collar now, I haven't had it off since it was given, although Mistress did replace the original one with the permanent one by putting on the new one, then removing the old.

    I will pass on your suggestion that Mistress explan it if it comes up again.

    Thanks,
    Caged Wolf
     
    Lucy likes this.
  14. Mistress,
    I will leave that decision up to my Mistress, but, if the topic comes up and I am asked for my thoughts, I will relay your comment.

    Thank you,
    Caged Wolf
     
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  15. Yesterday was "interesting". My 2nd Mistress (Going to call her Mistress C from here on to reduce confusion) is going on a trip this weekend. I texted and asked to verify her flight times and for her to call and let me know she made it there and back okay.... Oops.

    After multiple texts each way "I" will be calling/texting HER to make sure everything goes well... Lets just say I have learend another lesson about how to properly address and word my comments, and also a reinforcement about my proper place in the relationship.
     
  16. Weekend update: kind of a slow weekend, some minor fails on my part, mostly interrupting Mistress, but I catch myself as soon as I start to talk. We also have resumed talking about my training, discipline, and possibly being locked again.

    At one point today I asked about being locked, Mistress said "You need to work on your self-control, referring to my staying chaste with just a couple of cock rings. Now, I've been unlocked, but chaste since almost the first of the year, with no "accidents" or cheating. I politely replied "Yes, but being locked up is about Your control of me, not my self-control." (Said as mildly as possible). We talked about roles and responsibilities, and the reasons for being locked more through the day, and it is possible I'll be locked up again before too long.

    She has also been more directive in what she has me do, I'm doing more little things, trying hard to wrap my head around being a true submissive in all my interactions with Mistress.

    And, when dealing with Little one (our daughter), when asked by her for permission to do something, I simply remind her to ask Mistress (Mom), "because she is the boss." ... She gets an "oh, yeah" look and goes to ask Mistress... She may hear little bits of conversations, but she also sees things are different, and I think she is beginning to understand it in her own way.

    I'm still not changing no emoticon here, as I'm still SO unworthy of everything that is happening within our relationship. I don't deserve to have her as My Mistress, and after the way things were before the role switch, I am lucky to even still be married. I try to thank her several times a day, and show her I love her beyond words. That we would be where we are today was not even a thought in our minds 2 years ago...

    Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it... I have received so much more than my original wish, and it continues to grow and evolve daily!

    Gray Wolf, proudly submissive to BOTH of my Mistress's!
     
  17. Wow, the last two days have been incredible!!

    Wednesday morning Mistress left the key on the bathroom counter for me. Now, since I'm not locked up, that only means one thing, Mistress has playtime planned for the evening!!! After all the evening things were done Mistress took me to the bedroom, and had me undress her, then told me to "get naked and lie back on the bed". Mistress then produced white satin scarf and began running it over my body. Very interesting feeling for be touched with being touched... After several minutes Mistress handed me the scarf and told me " Your turn". I spent the next 15 minutes gently caressing her entire body with the scarf, then with my hands and lips, until I ended up "down there". Mistress was VERY happy with my oral attention, and after about 15-20 minutes, She gently pushed my head away, and breathed "Enough, I'm done." By this time I was rock hard and ready, and asked "Done?", to which she replied (with a sly, satisfied smile) "Yes, sorry, please go start my bath.". Blue balls ensued, and, after Mistress was showered, dried, and put to bed, I thanked her profusely for the opportunity to serve her needs....

    Thursday, when I got home from work there were 3 things on the bathroom counter... the key, a condom (Extended pleasure!), and one of my Cialis tablets (haven't used one in several months, since before the collaring ceremony for sure). As I got changed out of my work clothes Mistress strolled casually into the bedroom, and asked "Did you find everything okay?" "Yes Mistress!!!", and took the Cialis. Once again, after dinner, the evening chores, and a good hot shower, Mistress led me to the bedroom, turned toward me, and gave me her "Well?" look. I asked if I may undress her, Mistress replied "Of course". I gently removed each item, appropriately attending to each part uncovered, Mistress then laid on the bed, told me to touch and kiss her and see where it went. After 15-20 minutes of caressing and kissing her I was instructed to "wrap it", so I opened and put on the condom, and asked "How may I serve you tonight?", to which Mistress replied "Just let it happen and we'll see where things go."... About 30 minutes late, after being edged several times, and Mistress having had multiple strong orgasms, She told me "Come with me this time!", "Yes, Mistress, Thank you!". A few minutes later we ended with a body wrenching, VERY satisfying mutual orgasm, laid there together for a few minutes, then I got up ran her bath, dried her off and got her in her pj's, and tucked in. I took a quick shower, then got in bed with a very satisfied Mistress.

    Slept like a rock right up to the alarm this morning!!!
     
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  18. Quick update, before getting back to work again:

    Took off Friday after work, took the RV over to the coast with my Mistress and Little one. Had a really nice weekend, as the weather actually cooperated. Sunshine and moderate temps were very welcome after the last 3 weeks of rain and gloom.

    Woke up Saturday morning with the Cialis still working, was rock hard... Mistress found it humorous, and took advantage of it, teasing me mercilessly for about 15-20 minutes. I couldn't do anything, and it didn't go any farther, as Little one was sleeping about 10 feet away in the next room. I just had to lie there and enjoy, knowing nothing else was going to happen and I WAS NOT going to be allowed to cum... Definitely put me in the right frame of mind to constantly think about what I could do for Mistress, was probably the easiest weekend of serving her yet!! Cooked all the meals, did all the cleaning, and set-up/tear-down on the RV, etc. Mistress was truly able to just sit back and relax, and we did what SHE wanted this trip.

    Lunch today before heading home was at a little family pizzeria, Ordered at the counter, Mistress paid (She keeps the money with her, sometimes allows me a couple of dollars spending money...). When the young man gave back the change, he tried to give it to me, but Mistress put her hand out. I told him "She handles the money, she's better with it than me." Mistress added "Yeah, We'll go with that....". He just looked at us, kind of "Huh?"

    Mistress was even being more critical of my driving than she ever used to be, and I drive pretty damn good! Pointing out brakelights up ahead, watching my passing distances, etc... She is really getting into taking control, and I'm loving every second of it.

    Home now, second load of laundry in the washer, trailer is unloaded and put away, over half the yard mowed (tire blew out on the mower...), Little one is in bed, and Mistress is working on her college homework. I still have to clean up the kitchen from dinner, get as far with the laundry as possible (several more loads waiting, as I'm washing the bedding for the RV along with all the clothes from the weekend), and need to get a quick shower before Mistress is done with her homework.

    Back to it!!!
     
  19. Just a quick Saturday Morning post:

    My Mistress's and I are going to a friends B-day party this evening, he's the male that will be going with my Mistress's and I to the coast at the end of the month, and the one my Mistress has been spending time with at our club parties. So, this is a "By Invite" only function, and there will definitely be nakedness and fun. I, of course, have been the go between for my Mistress's and the party organizers, so there have been several texts and e-mails to make sure all the info is passed on.

    Thursday my Mistress told me she got a text from Mistress C (my 2nd Mistress) asking when would be a good time to chat on the phone, and had scheduled the call for around 9 pm that night. Mistress C called, and they chatted while i was doing some of my chore, but I couldn't help overhearing bits and pieces of the conversation.

    First off, I ended up in dutch for making a request to Mistress C without asking my Mistress first. Yes, plan and simple, I failed, awaiting punishment for this still.

    Second, Mistress C asked if she could "borrow" me for a while during the party, and if so what, if any, were Mistress's limits for play. Mistress told Mistress C that she was not placing limits other than to allow me to have some input if things went outside my comfort zone.

    So, it sounds like tonight should be VERY interesting as I learn more indepth how to meet and serve Mistress C's wishes.

    And just in case anyone wonders what exactly I got in trouble for requesting without permission: I respectfully asked Mistress C to bring her riding crop, in case there is need of appropriate correction...
     
    ImHerSissyBitch likes this.
  20. Sunday Morning update:
    Fun party, but was not able to spend time with Mistress C. After the party got going Mistress C informed me they did not have any private space available, so she put out time together on hold again. She wants our first few private sessions in private. Possibility exists of some training/play time at the next party this Friday, but might not happen until our Coast Retreat. Then, was not able to do anything for my Mistress due to a recurring back/rib problem that was aggravated last night. So in a house full of fun naked people, the best thing all night was spending time in the hottub talking to my Mistress, then being joined by 6 of the other guests.

    I'm tired, exhausted myself yesterday getting everything done prior to attending the party, was up late, then up early to clean-up. With being tired and the disappointing turn of events last night I'm not in the best frame of mind. I'm frustrated, mentally as well as physically, The Cialis my Mistress gave me yesterday just prior to the party is still very much in effect, and the outlook for anything to happen today is iffy.
     
  21. After posting the above update, I was told to lie down and take a nap. Got an hour or so, feel better physically, but mentally still in the dumps. The gonna happen/not gonna happen is worse than being teased then denied..., at least for me the psychological side of it is so much worse.

    I have been interested in Mistress C for over 2 years, even before my Mistress took control, and I hope that one day soon we can move the Mistress/sub relationship to the next level, my being allowed to attend to her needs and desires, for HER pleasure, and under her rules. Until then I will Serve both Mistress's the best I can, in any way I am allowed.

    My question for the day: How do I keep my mind focused on the positive, when I feel like such a failure?
    I worked my ass off all week to get things done and ready so we could attend the party, wrote checks my body is having a hard time backing up (overdid it and am exhausted), and all I can think is "Is it worth it?" Deep down I know it is very much worth it, but I'm still unhappy with the way things worked out.

    I know this seems to be about "me", but to me it's about my service to my Mistress's. I can't serve my best if my head is not 100% in the right space.
     
  22. Hello CW.
    Simply put, welcome to my "roller coaster" I mentioned in my thread about "roller coaster moods" for those of us making the sacrifice of sexual pleasure as we knew it.

    allaboutHer
     
  23. After much talking, e-mail, and text traffic with my Mistress's the last couple of days, I think I have figured things out, or should I say Been instructed on how to handle it all. I am going to insert a portion of an e-mail from Mistress C that I feel holds the Golden Nugget, so to speak:

    Gray Wolf:

    See if you can not try so hard. Getting frustrated will assist in more things going wrong. Relax and Remind yourself to serve at all times. After a time it will be second nature.

    Instead of being nervous about what will transpire between us, have knowledge that your Mistress is always in approval and faith that I will always honor my vow to take care of you while you are with me. Let the rest go: The nervousness, the uncertainty, the beratement you have towards yourself for any misdoings. Put yourself in the hands of your Mistresses. You do not need to be concerned with the situations as your role is to NOT be in control.
    This is a big endeavor and life change. It will take time and constant awareness and improvement. It is a long process to perfect your role when starting from brand new in this situation. It will come with work but becoming frustrated will only take you backwards.You must keep this in mind.

    We will be working on training you to be more focused on your duties rather than being frustrated and worried as those are not productive thoughts for a submissive, they do not serve your Mistresses. This is not to say that you should not worry about your Mistresses' well being and needs. You should not worry about what you are or may be doing wrong. That is not your place. We will tell you. If you work on what to do right, there is no need for worry of the wrong. Your Mistress should work with you on this at home as well. She and I can discuss if needed.

    To obtain the positive relationship you and your Mistress wish to have together, you must focus on the positive.
    I want to say this is only a small portion of the information given to me, and it has taken me a couple of days of rereading and thinking to process as much as I have. Last night and this morning I feel at ease again, and am ready to be what I am, and what I should be. It may be a few days before I post again. Have some things I need to accomplish, learn or re-learn, and more thinking to do.

    I just wanted all to know where I was, mentally and relationally today, and am hoping these posts may help someone else, either a Mistress/Master, or another sub who, like me, is struggling to adapt to the changes, and may be having a hard time dealing with it all.







    Caged Wolf
     

  24. Allabouther,
    I posted in you thread on some of my thoughts before. Thanks for the thought, and I hope you find what works to minimize the roller coaster. I'll keep posting, just may be a little while.

    Caged
     
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