A rock and a hard place.

So I suppose I haven't properly introduced myself here, I'm Dave and my GF doesn't wish to be named.

I've always been into the kink scene it' a big part of my life and can' imagine sex without a bit of kinky play but I've come to the point in my life where I thought it was time to settle down, I have my own house and business and I'm pretty comfortable and accomplished for the average 26 year old I think.

I met my partner a year ago she' amazing and means so much to me, we get on great never had an argument but here' the catch she' really vanilla..... never tried anything

So after a few months i slowly brought her into my world started with buying a little bondadge set because she said she would try it but I also bought a chastity device at this point I'd never tried chastity and classic male I thought even if she doesn' want sex as much as me this will be a great idea!

We tried diffrent things on a few occasions then it came to boiling point, she was in floods of tears saying it's not her thing.
Stupid male pops up and comforts her but with the underlying idea that I'll keep pushing it slowly and I did....

We were enjoying tying each other up and having a play she licked me up on many occasions for diffrent lengths of time I thought I was onto a winner life is perfect, I knew shed never be into attacking me with a strapon but her mean streak had defiantly appeared it was great.

Last Monday she went on holiday and instructed me to lock up after platlytime which to be fair we had great sex and we just didn' t bother.

She left the next day, at night we were exchanging messages and brought up I wasn' locked but I'm a builder and the job this week had nowhere private to go per so that poses a problem, she was understanding so we didn' mention it again and all was well.

So I was out on Saturday morn8ng and I get a call from her asking where I am and that she's at home with her mother, I was only up the road and thought great she must be over for dinner.

So I walk into the living room her mother has to make a call and my gf is sat on the sofa....i thought oh dear shits going down is she pregnant! Which of course I wouldn' have minded.

But no..... she doesn' think we'e sexually compatible and she's moving out, everything she did she did to please me and she can never look at me the same, heartbroken does not even come into it! We spoke and I said take the weekend to think everything over because the holiday wasn' that great, she was under the weather and had a lot of time to herself and this was the one thing on her mind.

I took everything in and stayed calm trying to talk her round but knew that space and time was wgat she needed.
She's back on monday were having dinner, and a talk, I've sent her the odd message saying that I'd easily give up the whole kinky aspect of sex because she means so much to me, but after a few days to myself, ivefelt super lonely and like I have everything but nothing at the same time and should I really trade my sex life just to be in a relationship, yes I love her so much, but her reason for leaving is that it's not fair on me just because she doesn' like the kink

Confusion reigns in my head at the moment and this feels like the right place for some advice , should I start over and find someone more sexually on the same wavelength but possible end up with a worse relationship, or stop my kinky habit and throw the toybox away have a great relationship but an unfurfilling sex life

 

Thanks guys all advice is appreciated, I do want to settle down and have kids and she' the perfect woman for that, like I said never argued both do our own thing without hassle, I really enjoy the kink but what I'm most worried about is what was mentioned above about me being stuck in a relationship down the line ith a lot more shit to sift through to get out just because sex life isn't great

Currently house all in my name, all bills paid by me and she hasn' bought anything so it would be a clean break and I know I'd be fine with that it' just the uncertainty of the last few days knowing she' coming Monday and I'm the kind of guy that wants an answer so I can deal with the situation if that makes sense

 

Thankyou mistress Jules, I completey agree with you at first I told her we can just chuck the toys away and start over again but she said that wouldn' be fair on me ....a strange response it blew me away I thought which maybe tells me there' something else

But now I've got a slight conflict inside aftee tine to mull it over, thinking that is it all worth it and should I try my best to find the holy grail of relationships we all hope to find

My gut feeling at the moment is just see how Monday evening plays out and respect her wishes and deal with what she wants either way

 

We have tried over the coure of about 6 months, we had a talk and I understand I was rushing things trying to get the perfect results instantly which pushed her back so we took a step back as in no kinky play whatsoever then I let her take the lead and do things at her pace, we tried a bit ofbondadge she loved it from both sides of the fence, hell a few times she had me locked for a few weeks and when she decided to give me release I was tied up and she spat it into my mouth which I wasn' a fan of but super turn on, and like I mentioned she wanted me licked while she went away but couldn' because of work then this out of the blue, it' possibly just been dragging her down and by the sounds of it she feels forced to do it o keep me happy eventhough I haven' pushed it for months it' been all her which is the confusing part.

If she didn' want to do anything I'd be fine with that and let time takes it' course and explore slowly, but from all that progress made off her own back with me not pushing I'm getting mixed signals it just doesn't add up, her point holds no water as it were after the step back and progress

 

Looking on the bright side It could be worse, i could have been locked up while she was away as planned and she could have just done a runner!

 

Thought I'd post an update after last night, first I'd like to say thank you all for the great advice so grab some popcorn and sit back!

So I got home and we had a little general conversation avoiding the big elephant in the room, I'll admit I was in a slight mood not being too open or too into conversation, I was home and I was hoping for a simple answer instantly.

Eventually we sat down and I asked her where she was at with it all, she said she was looking for somewhere else to stay because she can't just wait and see what happens,

I said I don't want to influence the decision in anyway and she continued to talk about flats and I explained it will all be a struggle financially for her and that she would be best moving back to her mother's as hard as it might be at first.

Things got a little heated or should I say slightly raised voices that's about as bad as we get and this is a first for us both as a couple, I told her I'm willing to stop all the kinky stuff and give it a shot all over again, she said why didn't you say this months ago and I reminded her I did but she carried on with it all, her reply was she felt pressured to do it all and we left it at that for an hour ate food and let it all sink in on both sides.

Sofa and talk time was next. This is where it gets intresting and was a massive eye opener for me.

There was no mention of kink for a while, she said that she has lost the sexual spark and doesn't feel any attraction to me because of the past few months but everything else is perfect for her it is just the sex life for these reasons.

I have a high sex drive, she felt like she had to sneak to bed all the time as to avoid me making a move, she used to get up early because she knew if I woke up and she was there I'd be after one thing, a few other things were mentioned but I just thought fuck me I'm a proper pest....if I was watching it on a film I'd be shouting at the screen saying she should get the fuck out! It was a real eye opener. She said sex was just something she felt like she had to do when I wanted it just to keep everything else in balance like the rest of the relationship.

I mentioned the kink after apologizing and she admitted if u brought it up straight away she would have not got to this point in the relationship, I explained it was a massive thing for me to bring it up in the first place and I personally couldn't think of a perfect time to bring it up, picture this, perfect girl everything's great from the start do you

1.bring it up after a week or so and know she'll run

2.introduce it after a few subtle hints months in

3.wait years and risk losing a lot more plus feeling sexually unfulfilled throughout the wait time

I went for option 2, it just seems like it was the general sexual relationship we didn't have stable enough at the time, I explained to her, we met, and in the space of a month or so everything was great so she just moved in, we didn't build up the sexual passion with going on proper dates together we were quite happy staying on the sofa then she felt the need to just give me sex she just saw it as apart of the deal and I explained it's perfect from a guys point of view so why question it? If she didn't want to do it why would she? But she saw it as her job ....a task she just had to do so never Said anything and I think that's the route of the problem, I just chucked the kinky bomb in a few months in and this just added to her task or job 'oh I've got to do it and now this is the only way he likes it'

I told her it isn't, and asked if she didn't enjoy or want anything then why didn't she say? She said it was just to keep everything else perfect, she enjoys some of the kinky things and will carry on in time but we first need to establish the basic wants and limits , I've told her I was just getting mixed signals and if we do progress over the next month's I won't expect sex I'll expect her to say sorry I'm tired I'm just gonna go to sleep instead of thinking I need to do this so he's happy before I go to bed!

 

In the end I think has boiled down to basic communication on her part, if she doesn't want sex then say simple as that I said men just think with there ducks if it' offered why turn it down so we just got stuck in a destructive cycle that has come to boiling point for her.

The plan is to take it slow and have a week of space, if we come together again and the spark just isn' there then at the very least we can part on great terms knowing we gave it a good shot knowing the problems but we were just not right for each other in that department. But if we regain the spark then probably in time the kinky might comeback at her pace as long as we're Open enough with each other including her saying stop or not tonight!

I did mention chastity and that'
Why I thought it'T be a good idea but she felt she had to lock me up but still release me every other day , so I thought dam she does want me a lot, turns out she felt she had to include the kink in between the job instead of licking me up so she's truly in charge as intended! Thanks for reading people