A rock and a hard place.

If you love her and want to be with her then work it out. You are both young, things change as you get older. When I was in my 20-30 different things turned me on that I really don’t care for now. You will both change as you get older, I wouldn’t let something that turns you on now define your future relationship.
What are the chances of a couple in there 20’s lasting these days? Pretty low I think. I say give it a go and if it works it works if it doesn’t pay your child support and be a good dad lol

 

No matter how well you get on with someone, if you can't both mutually enjoy even a "reasonable" sex life, let alone one that includes some sort of sexual variety or even "kink", then given that you are at the very beginning of a relationship with this girl, I would end it now and find someone who shares your mutual interest in sex. Obviously, a good relationship is one based upon so much more that just sex, but as I am sure you are already aware, as a sexually motivated male, you will will always feel that something is missing without your desires met.

I speak from experience, as a man that although arguably in a great long term marriage with a loving and beautiful kind caring wife, children and happily married, I will always regret the absence of any special sexual spark between us. I don't think that I am alone in this, in that many many women are just not interested in sex per se, it's just one of those things.

 

I think the communication you are describing is a good first step. It sounds to me like she’s been doing a lot of things to try to please you and maybe she just needs some room to figure out what would please her.

If she can start to figure that out and get confident in asking for it, you two could be well on your way.

One thing that I’m curious about though … if I’m reading this right … you’re saying that she has a bath drawn for you and dinner made for you and the house is spotless, and she has been offering you sex whenever she thinks you want it? That sounds more like subbie behavior to me. Or it may be that she feels dependent on you and doesn’t want to jeopardize things so she goes out of her way to please you (and then feels guilty on top of it because she’s not enjoying your kinks the way she thinks she’s “supposed to”). You mentioned that she would probably have to go stay with her mother to be able to afford to live, and also that she started living with you early in the relationship. What was her living situation before? Did that play a role in her moving in with you so quickly?

If any of the above is pertinent to your situation, you probably have a lot of basics to establish together in your relationship if it’s going to go forward. It’s encouraging that you’re communicating about some of these things now, so keep the focus on her needs and hopefully the two of you can get back on track.

 

It looks to me like you have some basic communications started and that is really good. After giving it some time, be sure to re-open the communications and get a little deeper about who is leading this relationship - you or her. Make sure that this is very clear for both of you. If you are not willing to submit to her, then the cage is a stupid idea. @boisub is pretty observant! It would appear that she is subbing to you. If you want an FLR, with her in control, make sure that she knows that and you both fully understand the implications of that. But, once again, communications is what its all about!

 

Hello Dave, i just made a post and then browsed the forum, only to find out that you were in a pretty similar situation to mine. Meaning i am standing in front of a decision to end a relationship or sacrifice kink. I see you decided to try to work it out once again. I am still thinking about what i will do. All i can say is good luck to you! You are not alone

 

Bravo. A powerful statement all of us just starting out need to come to peace with in our heads. Prophetic, really.

 

I think you are lucky she made the correct decision for you and your future. My dominant wife of 45 years asked me what I was reading, and when I explained everything to her, she said that you should end it, because it will never work out. I agree.

 

It sounds like you never had an argument because she avoided any conflict which just caused her to build up resentments. It’s sad really but it would have just gotten worse with time and would have ended in disaster. Hopefully, she will get therapy and learn how to communicate and have healthy relationships.