Submissive female with locked Male partner.

I would say for the most part my wife would be considered submissive. This is probably why she has a hard time being my keyholder. Though she has said many times the only thing she likes about male chastity is that I am unable to masturbate. But there have been times in the past where I tied her up and had my way with her. She didnt unlock me though . But alot of times when we have sex and I'm ulocked she really enjoys it when I grab her hair and take her to pound town. If she wasnt so vanilla I think me dominating her while locked would be the norm.

 

I came across a couple like that on FL. She was a sub during play and he dom but when not at play he was locked 24/7.

 

My wife is not submissive, but she is vanilla. She will not allow me to tie her up, but she enjoys tying me down, tickle torturing me, whipping, smacking, and teasing me. She only likes chastity now because she knows it prevents me from masturbating, which she hates, and it builds up my passion and desire for her, which she loves. Although her personality is dominant, she is vanilla in the sense that she isn't very sexual (low drive) and has to constantly battle lingering beliefs that were instilled by previous male driven societal expectations, like the woman is supposed to do the cooking and cleaning and keep her husband sexually satisfied. She gives in too easily when if I whine about my sexual frustration. On the other hand, I once dated this woman briefly that was gorgeous and sexual and although she liked me a lot, she was very domineering, selfish, and bitchy. All of these are the characteristics that I absolutely loved about her, but the problem is I didn't feel very much love from her, only lust. I often think about what it would have been like had I married her, I think she would have taken to male chastity like there was no tomorrow. I don't think I would have to be doing as much work as I do know. I have no doubt that she would have led the relationship regardless of chastity and with chastity, I think she would have made me her bitch in the bedroom and her salve outside the bedroom. I'm just not sure if that would have been enough for her, as she seemed to have a problem with learning how to truly love someone, and for me, cuckolding or any sort of infidelity is not something I'm remotely interested in. In the end, what I fantasize about, she probably would have been able to give me fully, but real life has it's own demands that must also be met. Often times, we get so focused on the fantasy that we forget about the real life aspect of marriage or long term relationship commitment. I've read people saying many times that the best keyholder is the one that's already in love with you and who learns how to release her inner domina while already with you. I know it'll take more work initially with my wife, but I think in the long run, she is going to make the better wife and keyholder. Be sure to look for my next post entitled Fantasy vs. Reality, where I will examine our expectations and where they need to align with life's responsibilities based upon my experiences and inner reflections.

 

All the Ladies i know tell me what to do, so no.

 

One of my subs is partnered with a male sub (she switches with him for his pleasure), we sometimes put him (and occasionally her at the same time) in chastity for a week or more for fun and so he feels more sub to me when we meet. So it does happen.

 

Yes - a complex idea no doubt. I'll defer to Nancy........
Letting oneself be hurt, humiliated, used as a doormat - queer. I like it. Besides the doormat uses the user. It's complicated.
- Nancy Cunard

 

@Mascara^Snake I think @latexjulie is your lady for this as I believe she switches both ways.
Hugs
Lucy x

 

This sounds similar to a Masochist partnered with a bottom.

 

An ex and I had this kind of relationship. In all matters sexual she was submissive and we both loved it. but she chose whether or not I would be unlocked If unlocked unless I was told otherwise piv was permitted and of course it was always her choice whether or not I would be allowed to ejaculate (usually not) and what form that would take. The more orgasms she had the less likely she was to allow me one, but the more orgasms she had the sooner she would want some more. The less often I had any form of release the more often she would want to play.

It was both very satisfying and very frustrating for me, highly confusing and a great headfuck..

 

What constituted "submission" for her? How did you fulfill her need for a dominant?

 

I'm sitting awake at 3am trying to rock a crying baby back to sleep, and signing up here to answer your question seemed like as good a use of time as any. I'm writing from my phone so please excuse any spelling or grammatical mistakes.

Your question describes my situation pretty precisely. My wife is submissive, at least in the way she likes to be treats in the bedroom, and during play. However, the submissive activities she enjoys, she wants when she wants them, and how the wants them. She wants her submissive fantasies fulfilled, as opposed to being used to fulfill my dominant needs. There is probably a term for this, like Topping from the Bottom or something, but regardless, that describes our sexual interactions. She also prefers for me to take care of tasks like cleaning, cooking, and laundry.

So the dynamic we've discovered that seems to work is based on me, acting out my dominant role, but her using chastity to ensure that she only gets the parts that she wants. For example, she very much enjoys purely pain sessions, where I whip her, use a crop, vampire gloves, etc, but no penetration (which left to my own devices I would absolutely incorporate into such a session). So each time I give her a pain-only session, I earn a chance at being released. The same is true for giving her an orgasm; she likes to have her hair pulled, be slapped, treated in a specific way. Each time I give her a session and provide exactly what she wants, I get a chance at release. If I get selfish and start doing what I want as a dominant as opposed to what she wants as a submissive, I lose that chance.

The most difficult part for me is staying in that dominant mode while locked up. I go most of the day feeling controlled and submissive, but then have to switch into a character that is totally the opposite. I'm still learning, but so far the most effective way for me to overcome that obstacle is with the way I dress. Before a session I will throw on some jeans, a tight black tshirt, some heavy black boots, maybe a spiked wrist band or something like that, and when I look in the mirror before starting in on her, I see a dominant badass, not a man who has been locked up and on house-cleaning duty.

I've also tried wearing a strap on during sessions, with a large SquarePeg dildo, which while it doesn't quite help distract me from my chastity, does give me a powerful male tool to work with, whether I'm actually using it to penetrate her, or just for show and intimidation.

Anyway, I agree that it is an unlikely combo, but it works surprisingly well. She gets everything she wants (I assume that's a common thread with chastity) and I still get to enjoy my dominant side, although not to completion. Often this adds to my frustration and desire, making our next session more intimate and extreme, which again, works well for both of us.

I'd be happy to answer any questions about our relationship or how that dynamic works if you want to know more. I definitely suspect it is unusual, even within this crowd!

 

You 2 are keeping it alive. Of course it works!
Ss

 

To briefly answer this..

When my ex and I first met our relationship like most was fairly vanilla but as time went on she developed a submissive or perhaps more accurately a masochistic streak and I the converse and we both enjoyed that dynamic.

This worked very nicely for quite a long time before we got into TTTWD, and the dynamic continued to work oalbeit differently once she had my keys.

Most of my subsequent relationships began in a similar way, though once the relationship had begun to become established I have found it usually quite easy to introduce most new partners to the joys, advantages etc of becoming my Keyholder.

I know I would enjoy developing a new but similar relationship, has to be similar because naturally they are all slightly different...thankfully.
.
.

 

Impact play for her, chastity for you? Two service tops?

 

Yes
Yes
and
"Two service tops?" is not a phrase with which I am familiar sorry.

 

My apologies .. I am now better informed.
2 Service tops ..well maybe it depends on your view point I suppose,

I'm not really into labels, not that I intend to offend anyone but I think labelling can be such a drag... they mean different things to different people and some folks can get really pissed if in their eyes you label someone or thing incorrectly...

 

We've played with this from time to time. I would never succumb to her by ejaculating,

I would maintain self control. We had rough sex. She enjoys me thrusting into her from behind, spanking and scratching. She likes the endorphin rush of being flogged. It's easier to maintain control when she doesn't have access to my cock. I felt like a sex god.

I wouldn't say she was submissive, I guess. I was giving her what she wanted, and focusing on her.

I wasn't able to maintain my manly and dominant demeanor longer than two weeks though. After two weeks without ejaculation, I melted into a puppy-dog eyed submissive boy. Then we switched back to her in the dominant role.

 

I've always been into bondage play, but my g/f is mostly vanilla. She was more sexually submissive before my 24/7 chastity than she is now. We are in a mild FLR now and dabble with light bondage. She 100% control our sex life as well as the finances and I do all the household chores. She is gradually taking over every part of our relationship. That said, I still am occasionally allowed to handcuff her to the headboard and have my way with her, but I am to remain locked up. She is never handcuffed when I am out of my tube because she needs to be sure I won't cum without her in control of what happens. Sometimes she handcuffs me to the bed for teasing or tickle sessions on me. The best tease is when she handcuffs me to the bed, lets me out of my tube, teases me for a few minutes to get me hard and then leaves me there for an hour while she watches TV in the living room! So with us there is a mixture of Dom and sub while I am locked up, however, I am not unlocked when I am playing Dom.

 

Your dynamic is quite dynamic! Great for you 2!
S

 

Hi Lucy, Mascara^Snake and myself are old friends from way back. Yes I used to be sub to my husband for years, and I loved it. But then the Dom side kind of kicked in. Don't know why, I suppose it is down to some of the outfits that I wear. I tried it, and liked it, now I just love it. I suppose I am 95% Dom now in our relationship, and loving every minute of it. I think by being a sub make you into a better dom. just knowing when to flick the switches so to speak.
My husband has become more loving and appreciative. He has even changed his name on fetlife to what I call him now (Mr-Teenie-Weenie) I use this name just to humiliate him, and I do it in front of some of my lady friends, who by the way take great delight in laughing at him and wiggling there little finger at him when I do.
We are just getting into the humiliation side and to see his little face when my girlfriends laugh at him and take the micky out of his willy is so much fun.
I sometimes still like to be tied up and gagged, but then I dont think that side of me will ever go away. But now the more I tease Officer Dribble with his sounding rods and electric devices the better he is
And keeping him locked up makes Mr Teenie Weenie all the more loving. Who ever said chastity is not a good idea....They dont know what they are missing.

 

If she has a Dominant friend as her husband's KH it could work very well if the dynamics are right.

 

Well this pretty much exactly describes our situation. We've been married 12 years and I was the strongly sub one in our sex life for most of that time. The irony is we've been into denial for years, but it was pretty much always me being denied (still love that btw!).

On a whim last year we bought a cock cage just for some fun and wow... what a year it's been! It brought out a completely new side to our sex life and actually gave it a new lease of life (which was needed after it all being a bit slow due to having young kids).

Actually one of the first posts I ever wrote on my Tumblr blog was about this!
http://keephimcaged.tumblr.com/post/123383636585/denying-a-dominant-man

This might be of interest too:
http://keephimcaged.tumblr.com/post/124244649855/caging-him-to-get-the-kind-of-sex-you-want-more-of

So, I've definitely got more dominant over the last year, and have started to enjoy some of the sexy 'mean' side mostly because I've seen what a turn on it is for him. I have to fight so hard not to give in and let him cum, but I'm kind of getting into the mantra of 'it's better for us both when he doesn't cum'. I'm still at heart naturally submissive though, I don't think that changes.

Sometimes we take a break, sometimes I just get worn out having to make decisions (damn topping is hard work!). And I've worked on some ways around that such as using a coin toss game to help me use chance to decide things.
We did six weeks with him caged up to Valentine's day, which was fun but I needed a month's break after that. But he's back in it again now and we continue to love it.

Happy to answer any questions but do check out the blog too as I try to be very honest there.

Jane

 

LOVE the blog...........

 

Aww thank you! It's a bit weird as you don't actually get much feedback on Tumblr. I only just saw one of those posts has been liked and reblogged almost 1,000 times, which is crazy!