Risks of Orgasm Control

@Breathe ... I won't change my vote if switching from the physical to the psychological.

On the contrary ... it has been extremely positive.

You know I got into Orgasm Denial (Control) back in college.
Mistress Robin used it to help train me to have manners and self discipline.
It started as a kink but quickly found its way into a life path.

In my head, I could see I was a science experiment of sorts - being conditioned Pavlovian Style.
I've had no negativity with my journey - in this case, the ends justified the means.

 

I do firmly believe that the positives of orgasm control for me greatly outweigh the negatives and I am a willing participant.

 

0bviously,there are pro ad cons to everything.
To me the pros vastly outweigh the cons, so I voted “No.”
For perspective I have only been in this “sport” for 1.5 years.

 

One wary consequence that I’ve noticed is that subby has become so dependent psychologically that when I ask for his opinion (usually regarding small issues), he sometimes can not offer his own opinion, and continues to defer to me. Even when I push for his opinion, it’s almost like he can’t produce one at the moment.

 

I voted no. Since all our relationships are different and unique from each other it is very difficult to get a definitive consensus of the negative. I have had my days of up and down, but it really depends on how the relationship works. If you are just cut off I can see resentment setting in. How was this all approached, the old communication thing is paramount. What kind of agreements, if any were made. are there punishments and rewards and so on.

So I speak from my own experience that may be very different from others. We started in Feb. 2012. It was more like play till about January 2017. It began to get traction so to speak with my love. I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but it did. She got serious and changed ours lives. I can only say positive for both of us. It was more like a role reversal that should have started out that way, but life trains us to be something that many of us aren't.

We now have been married over 39 years and together for almost 43 years. We met when we 15 so we grew up together. It is hard to believe you can find something better after so many years together. I have learned so much about how to totally love Her and able to feel the love She has for me. Sex is great, but loving someone for their whole being is greater. For us it is a beautiful partnership that makes us look deeper than just the big O. There is much more in a relationship that deepens our understanding of each other and we have found some wonderful truths about each other that made stronger than ever.

I think as it is in everything we do in life. You get what up put into to it.

 

Sounds like its a conversation you two might have occasionally.
You two know I have the utmost respect for the both of you - so I take the liberty to offer something that helped me ... not trying to make life difficult for you MS.

My life coach used to ask me questions & wanted me to start answering within 2-3 seconds. If I hesitated said something like "I dont know" or "let me think about that" she immediately said "Well if you did know what would you say?"

She was trying to help me develop my intuition - and it worked.
Granted, its a little different than y'alls situation - but maybe something like this might help.

 

I am coming to chastity from a different perspective than most of those here.

I have been into anything that increased and enhanced my sexual enjoyment (and that of my partner) all my life. That has been through finding ways to stimulate myself in new ways such as with sounding, nipple and anal play. In addition, I have spent a lot of my life exploring body modifications. From permanently removing my body hair, various piercings, exploring the female side of myself with performing a permanent urethral reroute on myself, various cutting of my genitals and lastly completely removing my glans. You can read more about me and see photos on my fetlife page:

https://fetlife.com/users/4858470.

A lot of you may be shocked by this but I assure I was never interesting in doing self-harm but instead self-improvement and I have been fortunate that it has always worked out in my favor.

A lot of what some guys try to accomplish with chastity, I have already accomplished in different ways. Such as my glansectomy has changed my sexual response to be female like. I can have multiple orgasms and I do not have any decline in sexual interest after orgasm. I can go on for hours pleasing my partner and receiving pleasure in return.

For me the chastity experience revolves around the idea of denial and keeping myself on a sexual high. I love the look and feel of the cage around my genitals and "abscense makes the heart grow fonder" as they say. Not being able to touch or play with my penis drives me wild with desire. There is no denying that chastity provides me with a lot of positive experiences.

However, the negative aspect I found is that with all things physical and mental, "if you don't use it you loose it". If I don't have sex or play with my penis often I am not at the top of my game when it comes time to. do so. I am 'rusty' as they say. It takes me a little while to get back into the swing of things. The longest I have been in a cage so far (as I am trying to gradually acclamate my genitals to the stainless steel surrounding them) is a week but I cannot imagine what it would be like after a month or even a year.

So do all of the positives offset the one negative... I am still trying to determine that. However in the meantime I am enjoying the ride.

 

Thanks for the clarification @Breathe as it was a little too open ended to start with. Ironically @jshackleton2016 has really said most of what I would say, so little to add. I will go back to my initial point though that nothing comes without negative consequences. The things we like and hold on to simply have more positive consequences than negative ones. I really like to cum, I miss it. I don't miss where our relationship was before chastity though. We are better when I am locked and she is in charge. Fortunately we are headed back that way now.

 

It makes me much more submissive and desparate to please in the hope of some release, I also get more and more horny, so teasing is very painful especialy if wearing the punishment cage with internal barbs.

 

Is this really a bad thing though?

 

I think this is an excellent thread @Breathe. As this has been an ongoing evolving situation for us I (and would dare to assume my wife) have had an ever changing set of expectations and emotions to go with them. At the front of it this is still more of a kink thing for us and if I don’t have some sort of response from her in the teasing department I start to feel abandoned and the. Subsequently embarrassed for putting myself In a situation to be locked and forgot. Fortunately my wife doesn’t leave me for too long. But if I’m my emotional state I start to fee neglected I start to get upset and have to opposite effect we are going for.

As we go along though it seems we are transitioning from kink to something she sees more value in me being locked for us both. So she is more verbal about it and it seems that is all I need to keep going. It’s amazing the emotions that are involved and I can see how easily this can go wrong for folks that have different goals.

 

My balls ache after about 2 weeks, but I don't mind, it reminds me of how horny I am.

 

Orgasm denial really works when there is a true negative correlation between the Mistress and subs' orgasms. So in these situations, I feel really amazing about it because I am pleasing my Mistress and all is right with the world. The chastity and orgasm denial translate directly into Her increased sexual activity and enjoyment.

However, were it different, where my orgasm denial translated to a complete lack of sexual activity between us, I would of course question the point and probably be resentful.

All this being said, I thank Goddess every day that I am in the relationship I am and have learned to truly enjoy chastity and orgasm denial in tribute of Mistress.

 

I call this stepford sub syndrome.

 

Ma’am M said: ↑
One wary consequence that I’ve noticed is that subby has become so dependent psychologically that when I ask for his opinion (usually regarding small issues), he sometimes can not offer his own opinion, and continues to defer to me. Even when I push for his opinion, it’s almost like he can’t produce one at the moment.

I guess that depends .. can he not bring himself to give an opinion which is one thing or is it that he is that fucked up he can't form one? Which is something else entirely.

Then again if you are both happy with either of those scenarios that's your business.