What men need more than sex.

I do find this true. I do find that being loved and cared can and often triumphs sex. Sadly finding the later is way easier than finding the former. But I think the more searching worth it.

 

@Mascara^Snake thank you for writing this. My wife and I hit a bump in the road last night because of this exact issue. Two steps forward one step back it’s a dance for sure.

 

So true.

 

I'd say men desire connection although they don't always know it. This can be in various forms like love, control, respect and sex. Each person has there own special blend and I guess you connect better with people where you can share and fulfill more of those traits.

 

It is definitely the second paragraph that my wife struggles with.

 

My wife is struggling with this right now also. I understand the struggle and we talked for a while last night and this morning. I think as long as the lines of communication stay open so much can be overcome.

 

I too struggle with the 2nd paragraph but a lot of that, I feel, stems from my childhood with a mentally abusive father figure. Granted I have been able to come a long way but I avoid yelling, anger and fighting like the plague as it instantly brings me back to that place of cowarding and fear and feeling worthless. Criticism is hard for me as I only hear that I am wrong. I know I have more work to do on myself but it is deeply ingrained and a natural reaction.

So with that being out there,how does one maintain their self confidence when faced with anxiety,fear and anger from their sub? More often than not I can but in those times where I too am feeling vulnerable what steps should we take??

 

You are being Done a disservice if you are not being allowed to lead as you see fit. This is something I am learning to let my wife do. Pushing you to do things you do not value will not move your relationship forward.

 

A very insightful post Ms Amanda.
It offers affirmation for some and certainly food for thought for many I would think.

 

I don’t feel he is pushing me.its just that I am moving very slowly almost not moving because I don’t know what to do and how to do it—- which can get frustrating. So when we talk I hear negatives and don’t know where to take it.

We are both strong willed and thus makes the FLR difficult at times as we are both still learning

 

I was reading this last week and a few articels like it.
The macho man when it comes to relationships seems to e fading.
The only afer one thing man is no longer the norm.

For me sex was never the most important thing.

https://guardian.ng/life/should-men-show-vulnerability-in-relationships/

 

In this past year, I have found myself yearning more and more to be nurtured and embraced by Her. I truly feel safe and secure mentally and emotionally in Her harbor. The courage part seems not a problem presently, and there are times when I desire this at least as much if not more than the sexual act itself. I think this is a larger part of why we are able to live in a FLR, relatively successful and happy. True and pure love was once described to me as the trust and openness that is offered by the innocence of a child. To open up ones self in this way should in no way detract from his manliness, but rather enhance it and bring to new and better places.

We are also evolving but find it to be a sometimes frustratingly slow process that at times feels like it has come to a halt. Previous and present life issues sometimes get in the way which make it more challenging than it sometimes need be. I struggle with the negatives that unfortunately and mistakenly come out of mouth at the most inopportune times. I know it can and will get better, and hope it does for you both as well @Kadira.

 

The important thing is that you are communicating lack of which is the major cause of venture and / or relationship failiure.

Something that might have some appeal and my offer a step in the right direction is establish a coule of things.

Once locked you are in charge so it goes without saying you want to try being in charge for a month week whatever.... without any input from him. His input will be invited and valued at the next pre-arranged discussion date. Which should be after his next orgasm and before he is relocked that way you are BOTH thinking with your large heads and not just you.

He has asked you to be his KH ... I do not know you both or the dynamic of your relationship but if he wants you to be his KH then his compliance to your wishes and him not trying to top from the bottom are just two basic ground rules.

good luck

 

The last couple weeks I have been struggling with my submission. I tried to get my own head right but could not do it on my own so I brought it up last night to Kadira. I was not topping just talking about what I am feeling and it went south for a bit. IMO and I hope Kadira’s as well it’s was a an open discussion that will strengthen what we have and not set us back.

 

I remember the first night she asked me to be her maid. I was so nervous. This was not a sexual thrill, she is not attracted to women, and I do not any thrill from wearing women’s clothes. She was experimenting with ways to get me to let go....plus a clean house doesn’t hurt either.

She walked in from work and I was standing there in this dress, make up, stockings, a makeshift apron, and I know I looked ridiculous. I had never dressed femininely in front of anyone. I felt silly and even though she told me she wanted this I wanted to run and change. She quickly came up to me with a hug and said how great I and the house looked. I was so vulnerable right before that. She saved me.

Then I got busy with serving her dinner, we watched tv, and then I ran her bath and washed her hair. Not once was I touched, unlocked, played with or any sexual contact initiated. It was about teaching me to open myself up and that I wouldn’t be hurt. To trust her and that I could be me without judgement. It was a proclamation of ownership just as much as it was me giving myself to her. It was one of the most intimate things I’ve ever experienced and almost cried when she embraced me and said I looked nice.

Vulnerability....if the wall never comes down, no one ever gets in.

 

You hit on a key point, Mistress. That is the vulnerability that comes with my submission. Vulnerable to others, for sure, as the exposure of my feminine side might become apparent, but, more importantly my foregoing all of my male "machoness" and old fashioned Alpha feelings for the softer and more submissive personna for my Mistress. Not really taking advantage of my vulnerability, but rather nurturing me and protecting me are things that I, frankly, never sought nor expected. I love it and I love Her for it.

 

Very well put Ms Amanda. I believe it is a matter of us all recognising that which has been unconsciously 'learned' and which is conditioning our thinking.

We should all learn to stop and differentiate that which is desired and that which is almost automatic because it is expected and very deeply conditioned in our superego. Very much easier said than done!

Let's try and set aside the expected norms and just be human beings with needs, desires and fears. And remember that everyone else has those too.

 

Yes Nico you did it again. Very down to earth and moving

 

This is why @Mascara^Snake we need you as a leader here. Thanks again

 

Thank you for sharing your wisdom Ms. Amanda. You are our treasure here at CM.

 

True words, Ms. Amanda. Just this morning I wrote to my wife that "submission frees me because when I surrender control to chastity I don’t have to worry about this macho bullshit anymore, I can open up and just go with your flow and concentrate on your pleasure. It's the key to understanding chastity and submission -- your mistress is not incarcerating you, she's liberating you to accept and experience her feminine intimacy."

I am not ashamed, so protection is not the issue. But sometimes I am anxious because I want her nurture and mentoring and training so much. So I would add to your second paragraph "Having become open to a vulnerable man she must also do the work of providing the security, love and nurture, lest his gift and her opportunity be wasted."

 

I did read this post just because Amanda authored it, lol.

My wife does this thing when we enjoy intimacy. She is always on top, and she grabs a handful of my hair, and says, "You are safe. You are protected. And you are owned." She reaches down below and grabs me by the manhood and then instructs, "Tell me who this belongs to."

That whole experience takes on a new light when thinking about Amanda's views on the subject. Very enlightening.