Wife with little to no interest.

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by Whitehoseman, Dec 7, 2018 at 2:07 AM.

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  1. Whitehoseman
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    Whitehoseman New member

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    So I have been playing with cages for about a year now without her knowledge, mostly when she is nor home. I tried bringing it up a few times casually but not much of a response . About 6 months ago when she was running some errands I locked myself up and tied myself to the bed using out under bed restraints. I left a note and some lingerie to join me in. At first she was taken back by the cage but didn't say much about it. I ended up putting it away after we made love.
    This past Monday after getting home from work early I put the cage on myself and while she was downstairs wrapping presents I wrote a note to her that I was napping and waiting for her in bed. I taped the key to the lock on the note. I must have dozed out and when I awoke I found a note on her pillow saying the key was in a safe place until later(a little interest). Ofcourse the kids woke up from nap not allowing us to play. Later that evening she was tired so nothing happened and I just slept with it on.
    Tuesday I took the kids to school and returned home and sat down for some research on how to tell her how this can help our almost sexless relationship. I ended up with a 3 page letter. I left it for her to read and even included websites for her to read. Later that evening she took my cage off and told me she is just old fashioned and we had sex then off to bed.

    After reading many threads here I ordered the book Male Chastity A key holders book. It should be here Monday . I also ordered a cb3000 that hopefully fits a little better.

    My question is how do I get her more involved with chastity? I've thought about just putting the cage on myself and dropping the key in her bra?
    I did notice and I think she did as well that while I was caged i did touch, caress and kiss her more.

    Any and all advice is welcome.
     
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  2. jb123
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    jb123 Member

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    If she's not interested then you have to respect that. It seems the more you push the more she resists.

    If she has no issue with you wearing it then it seems shes letting you indulge but wants no part in the control.

    As long as it's not causing her any uncomfortableness then I see no issue with you wearing it, so maybe the best bet is for you to just keep wearing it but only come out when she needs your equipment, maybe keep the key in a drawer or something and let her know where th ed key is when the mood strikes.

    Just my two cents.
     
  3. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Her Locked Little Boy

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    Treat her with more respect than you ever have before. Also show her how having you locked up and not playing with yourself is a benefit to her. If she isn’t benefiting from your Chastity than why would she be in favour of it.

    Chastity is more about Her than you.
    Good Luck
     
  4. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Member

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    Welcome to the mansion @Whitehoseman ! I’m in literally the exact same situation as you with the added issues of my wife having zero libido due to menopause and life stress.

    She’s very aware that I wear my cage. I’m locked probably 75% of the time I’m not at work. I’d be locked 24/7 if not for safety concerns at work. We’ve been together almost 30 years and I love her more than life itself.

    @jb123 puts it perfectly. Indulge yourself and let her go at her speed. When I’m locked up she’s aware. She’ll bump it or touch it “accidentally “ and we may chat very briefly about it. But then move on. It doesn’t bother her it’s just not something she gets right now. Nothing sexual really is...

    As @Mash2214 aays perfectly as well. I know I treat her differently (better) when I’m locked up. I believe she does as well. So I believe she sees some benefits. The libido issues just keep winning tho.

    I’m committed to her and to chastity and hoping the two will come together soon!

    Keep the faith! Take it slowly! We’re 2+years into it. Don’t push. She’ll push back more than likely. Stay true to you and to her.
     
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  5. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    #5 Nicoftime, Dec 7, 2018 at 6:18 PM
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2018 at 6:24 PM
    The short of it? She’s a bit old fashioned and isn’t comfortable with it. She actually told you, so you don’t really need to interpret anything. That isn’t to say she won’t try, or wouldn’t enjoy it if she gave it a chance, but at this point she isn’t comfortable with it.
    So now that we have established this isn’t an interest of hers it’s ....yours, how do we get someone to do something for you? You ask them. You do not weigh the pros and cons of chastity, you do not tell her that you will be a better husband or do more around the house. You tell her that you really need help controlling your urges, that you would like help to remain focused on her. That you aren’t strong enough to make the decision to leave it alone when it’s not needed and want her help. Simply put, you are asking for a favor.

    Put in that context, most women would be willing to help their partner out especially if:
    -you are not asking her to do anything but decide when she wants to unlock you. She has no other responsibilities.
    -you do not bug cajole, harass, or try to manipulate her into unlocking you.
    -you let her do this as she wants. If she puts the key on a necklace, great, drawer ubet, envelope sure. It’s her favor, she’ll do it how she wants.
    -show her appreciation for doing you a favor.

    To start off, surprising someone with a cage already locked on their privates isn’t the way to go, either is mixing in restraints. Throw in that she thought she was going to see someone that wanted her and found someone that locked their privates from her. This kind of stuff shouldn’t be a spring on you surprise, it needs to be discussed and thought about, not unlike fore play.

    Sounds like you had someone that was willing to try, you just need to stop with the fetish and sex application, and ask her to do you a favor. Once she does, treat it like a favor and don’t take it or her for granted.

    Good luck,

    Ps. Do not give her a cage or key for Christmas, or any occasion actually unless she specifically asked for one.
     
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  6. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    ^^^^^^ Exactly what Nicoftime said.
     
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  7. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Member

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  8. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    516AA4FA-4E5F-43FB-9058-B553DF7695DB.jpeg
    Blushing...

    How it starts, and how it is, can be worlds away. When I first asked about it, she wanted no part of the responsibility of my sexuality. Within two months she sent me this pic telling me I wouldn’t be getting it back.
     
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  9. Gigaman
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    Gigaman Kept by BK Wife

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    I agree with everyone and it makes sense to sit back and process what you have read in all of the posts above. We have all been in your shoes and I understand what you are trying to do but the idea of repeatedly surprising her, or a gift with a key will not work most of the time. Go slow, it has to be her decision. Forcing it on her will only make her resent chastity and maybe even you.

    Best of luck to you.
     
  10. cagedfoxer
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    cagedfoxer Member

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    My situation had been somewhat similar. Her initial reaction was horror and tears when I brought up the subject of chastity and showed her the cage I had bought. We talked about how I wanted to get back the intimacy that had somehow been lost. We gave it a go. She was uncomfortable with the idea,I struggled with the inevitable cage fit issues and I got fed up that she didn't live up to the fantasy I had hoped for.

    We gave it a break and I brought it up again six months later. We tried again but device number two caused some irritation and I had to stop. Interestingly she said she wished I stop changing my mind as she did not know whether she was coming or going.

    Forward another six months and attempt 3, with the device now fitting and me committed to not pushing her and letting things develop. I go out of my way to not coerce her in to cuddles etc and provide endless unsolicited foot rubs. The initial week lock up got extended to two and then 4 due to various things. At the end she said she enjoyed it. So we did another 2 week stint which got extended to 2 months as a result of games she introduced. We're off to a posh hotel for her birthday this weekend and I'm coming out, but I now fully expect to be back in again afterwards.

    She says she is now loving it, not getting pounced on when I'm feeling fruity. She expects me to be caged all the time and is used to me walking round with it on, but not yet comfortable with public signs such as wearing a key. It is clear she's growing into the whole concept.

    My advice is therefore firstly to take it slow, very very slow. Let her develop it at her pace and don't have expectations of what she will or will not do. She probably won't want to do all the things you would want, but to be successful you need to accept that is ok.

    secondly you need to focus all your efforts on her, be helpful, give her the things she likes such as foot rubs and don't expect anything in return. If she sees there is benefit in it for her she is much more likely to go along. My wife had given up trying to understand it but its enjoying me caged pretty much all the time.

    Hope this helps in some way.
     
  11. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Member

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    Love the pic! @Nicoftime someday I’ll get that sent me
     
  12. Whitehoseman
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    Whitehoseman New member

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    So I'm gathering going slow with this from here on out. My only question is that if I want to cage myself should I and just give her attention? Or should I only do it when she is away?
    If i do cage myself and suddenly she wants to play then what?
     
  13. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Member

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    I self lock as much as life allows. I love it! The being locked up part, self locked not so much. Let her enjoy the pampering while locked and see if she connects the dots.
     
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  14. Whitehoseman
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    Whitehoseman New member

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    Going to give it a try this weekend. I did notice earlier this week while caged I did pay more attention to her than usual. Hopefully she notices as well. Going to go for the whole weekend in a cage.
     
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  15. henry58
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    henry58 Member

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    Do your own thing, don't pressurise her and be a great friend and partner.
     
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  16. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    @Whitehoseman
    Have you tried talking to this person that I imagine is your wife, although you don't actually say that she is. Writing strange little notes with keys attached to them and 3 page letters isn't (IMO) the right way of introducing her to chastity. You have children, are they hers. Surely you can talk to her.
     
  17. Whitehoseman
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    Whitehoseman New member

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    Yes she us my wife and the kids are ours. I have tried talking to her but I never seem to be able to Express the why part very well. That's why I am hoping the book I ordered can help express that.
     
  18. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Her Locked Little Boy

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    I strongly agree with what @Nicoftime says. When I became active here almost two tears ago it was his insight and knowledge that helped more than anyone. A lot of people are willing to give advice @Whitehoseman but the advice is different and or better from different people. In my Book Nicoftime is one of the best people to get advice from. Your in good hands.
     
  19. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Her Locked Little Boy

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    Damn years not tears. Ha Sorry I didn’t read it over before posting. Oops.
     
  20. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Member

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    @Mash2214 is 100% correct @Nicoftime has been a great source of advice and that advice has been SO helpful thank you !
     
  21. Fatkid57626
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    Fatkid57626 Unquestionably devoted

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    Agree with everything above...If you dig into a lot of the journals here you will find successes, failures, but most importantly experience. You will find situations that read very similar to what you are going through. You will also find common mistakes and the same repeated advice. There is a reason it is repeated. It will either develop over time or it won't. Either way, it will be on her schedule.
     
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