Why so few posts on D/s relationships with Pro-Dommes?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Andy80, Jan 21, 2021.

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  1. Andy80
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    Andy80 Member

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    Last year, despite all the problems caused by coronavirus, I started a new chastity and keyholding relationship with a Pro-Domme. She is not my first keyholder (I've had a couple of very lovely online KHs previously), but she is the first I have met and sessioned with in person.

    It has been a transformative experience sessioning with my Mistress and over time we have built up a genuine relationship. Sometimes when I see her we talk as much as play, we laugh, we hug, I cry (sometimes). And then being played with in chastity, and occasionally being released, has been an experience beyond my dreams. I am often completely overwhelmed by the combination of physical, psychological and emotional stimulation - which goes far beyond just fun with my cage. As a single man (and that's another story) being able to have my Mistress as a keyholder really helps.

    My Mistress, and many like her (in the UK at least) have a number of locked subs, some that they've been seeing for many years. My Mistress has described how it's a different relationship with these subs, almost more friends than clients. If you look at the Twitter feed of many Pro-Dommes, especially for example during Locktober, they will often be sharing the experiences of their subs. I know there's some cynicism about the business side of these relationships but I think guys who've actually been to see amazing Pro-Dommes wouldn't take that superficial view.

    Therefore, I'm surprised relationships with Pro-Dommes are - as far as I can tell - a comparatively unexplored topic on Chastity Mansion. I'm not saying there are zero threads on this issue, but seem to be very few. Maybe guys in chastity with Pro Dommes are not finding their way to CM, or they are lurking. I'm curious to know.

    I found a Chastity Mansion poll in 2015 that showed only 5% of members had a KH other than their wife or girlfriend and that they saw in person. I wouldn't expect it to be a vastly higher percentage, but I can't help feeling 5% is really low when I consider the coverage about chastity on social media. I also think exploring this could be to interest of self-locked guys who are seeking a keyholder and might wonder what it's like to see a Pro-Domme.

    Finally, I should add that I have massive admiration for Chastity Mansion members who have wives and girlfriends as keyholders, and where members describe how it has improved your love and sex lives. It sounds wonderful. I am quite envious in many ways. However, although she is not my partner, my Mistress has an extremely special place in my heart, as well as the key to my cock, and I'd love to hear more from members with similar experiences.
     
  2. StubHub
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    StubHub Active member

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    In my case don't see an outside KH working with us. She does not care to be the holder yet. They normally reside in her shelf of medicine cabinet.

    Don't visualize her Vanilla wanting me to use an outside person as Keyholder. But in the future things could change.

    Happy you're arrangement working for you. Everyone is different.
     
  3. Sipriotes
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    Sipriotes Slave to Artemistress

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    The two common arguments are that pro-domme relationships can create an unrealistic idea of D/s and kink for those in domestic relationships, and that pro-dommes are essentially expensive prostitutes who will do or say anything the client wants to hear in pursuit of money.

    I'm not saying those things are true or not, but that seems to be the prevailing attitude on CM (as well as the official stance of forum management).

    For the latter, I'm sure there are unethical or downright fraudulent Dommes who are only concerned about money, but I've also heard plenty of stories like yours where there is something deeper happening. Like with any profession, I feel like it would be easy to tell when someone genuinely enjoys it and when they're just doing it for the money.

    For the former argument, while I know many have a hard time differentiating between fantasy and reality, I should hope that most understand the difference between a restaurant meal and home cooking, and which techniques, expectations, and so on are appropriate in which situation.

    Full disclosure, I've never seen a pro domme; these are just some observations from the community.
     
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  4. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    the difficulty is finding a genuine pro-domme. There are genuine ones out there but there are also a lot of manipulative chancers. It's not an easy thing to get into.
     
  5. Thomas Gangman
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    When we first started bdsm, we went to a club in the city to find out more about the lifestyle. We enjoyed the experience so much we sighted up for lessons from a professional couple who did training in their home. At the start, her husband was the Dom and the wife sub and we followed the same model. Over the years we migrated to switching and then my wife became the Domme and I the sub.

    when we were introduced to chastity, my wife had a client with a marriage different than most. She said the husband was always dressed like a butler and later found out by accident he was in chastity. She had to drop off papers and when she approached the front door she glanced them the window and there he was naked and wearing a cage. My wife tried to walk away but they saw her and the lady came out and apologized for the surprise and brought her in the house.

    They were in a FLR and when the housekeeper had a day off they slipped into their roles. When my wife volunteered we had bought a chastity device she invited us for drinks the following week. I was to wear my device and strip when we entered and it did not sit well with me. Since this client was important to my wife’s business, we had to go.

    most of what we know we learned from this woman. I had a plastic cage and she suggested I get rid of it and buy one made of metal. After it split and I got cut we did exactly that after I healed. This lady taught my wife all kinds of tricks, from proper flogging and whipping, pegging, and real tease and denial.

    she was a pro and we learned a great deal from her and she is still one of my wife’s clients. Sadly since COVID started we have not seen her or her husband do to their age and both were smoker and are just too afraid to be exposed.

    I am lucky my wife has such an interest and is my partner, Domme, and keyholder. In fact, none of our friends are involved with a Pro Domme, but one should have the opportunity to learn from one.
     
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  6. Andy80
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    Thanks Lester and yes I can see that being a reason for the low numbers sharing their experiences.

    I have also admittedly only sessioned with one Pro-Domme in person but I think a chancer might be able to fool people on-line but much harder to do in person, especially if the Domme operates from her own specially designed premises, at least not beyond the first session.
     
  7. Andy80
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    Thanks Thomas for your reply and sharing your experiences. I enjoyed reading this a lot.
     
  8. VeryEnd
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    An interesting post. I’m single and have often thought long and hard about experiencing chastity. I have a very good person friend who is a relatively new pro domme. I’ve often acted as her canvas to allow her to try new things and practice her craft. It’s been fun both ways. Then chastity was mentioned, she wanted me caged. It’s something I wanted to experience but I felt I couldn’t trust her as she just wasn’t mature enough

    For me, where it’s my decision to be caged it’s very important that I implicitly trust the person holding the keys. I feel the KH needs to be mentally and emotionally mature to look after me as there will be good and bad days. It’s not something to do so you can update your professional CV ?

    I am on another site and created an advert looking for a keyholder. I’ve was inundated with so called pro dommes offering to hold my keys for a monthly fee. Again i cannot get my head round this. To me entering into a chastity arrangement is so much more than being locked up. I’m not against pro dommes but it’s not for me

    currently my KH is a good friend with twisted kinky mind. For me this works well as we talk daily nonsense of life, but then she knows me well enough to drive me insane and push me.

    if you can find this level of trust, respect and understanding with a pro domme, nice one. But my experience hasn’t been good

    just my thoughts on the situation
     
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  9. StubHub
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    Nothing wrong with prodome if it works for a couple or individual. Probably won't ever try this ourselves.

    Go with what works in your own relationship.
     
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  10. MissyB
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    I think the limited discussion of pro-dommes is probably similar to the low use of professional sex workers compared to sex in the general population. Most here are driven by connections to someone, with chastity being part of it. Even online exchanges, need a certain amount of commitment. I can see where a pro would be nice, as they could provide things that perhaps a personal relationship may not be comfortable with, e.g., discipline or bondage.
     
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  11. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    Why so few posts on D/s relationships with Pro-Dommes?​

    Short answer:

    As you say, only 5% of people here have a keyholder external to their relationship. That fits the stat for roughly 10% of men being comfortable as clients of any kind of sex worker. On its own, that's enough to reduce the traction a Pro-Domme related post gets.

    Then you have the thing that relationships with Pro-Dommes have to be much simpler than with a partner, so what are you going to talk about other than "this cool thing happened"? It's going to be the technical stuff around wearing a chastity device, which makes your pro-domme outlet invisible to us.
     
  12. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    Good chance it is because chastity is general an "old man's game" as they would say... and the majority of older men are already married.
     
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  13. Andy80
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    Thank you VeryEnd for your contribution which really resonated with me.

    I completely agreed it is more than just being locked up, and I share you views about the services that are just holding keys for a monthly fee - one of the reasons my post was very specifically about Pro Dommes that hold real 'in person' sessions.

    I'm sorry to read your experience hasn't been good. Perhaps I have just been lucky. Anyway it's good to hear you have a kinky friend instead. :)
     
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  14. KrystineKellogg
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    I'm only speaking from my experience, my life, and my viewpoint. I'm not speaking for anyone but myself.

    I'm a Pro KH. I'm nothing like any of the Pro-KHs mentioned earlier. I was getting into the world of Pro-Domme just as Covid hit. That brought a screeching halt to anything extra-curricular. Between the health risks and the three kids, and my mom in the house 24/7, any of my activities have had to remain online. And I have a shit-ton of activities that occur online.

    I believe that it was stated in the Welcome or the Rules that there is to be no Pro-KH or Pro-Domme talk on this site. So that, I'm guessing, is the main reason for the lack of that talk here, coupled with the stats mentioned earlier.

    And I'm aware of the ridiculous bloat of "Pro_Domme" out there. (See Twitter) But I can tell you that there are genuine Pros out there who are much like the one mentioned in an earlier comment, that are genuine, and enjoy the reaction of playing out a man's chastity desires. I'm one of them ;-)
     
  15. VeryEnd
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    in another post I’ve outlined how I’ve had a tough day today with extreme urges to do something I’m not allowed. KH, Friend or Miss as I call her has been excellent. She has checked in on me multiple times today, helped with guidance, taken the piss and generally driven me insane. All while ensuring I’m ok

    I don’t feel this level of support will be available from a pro domme?
     
  16. KrystineKellogg
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    It really depends on the Domme, the agreement/contract, and maybe the type of history that you have with her. I feel like the longer the "relationship' or agreement, the more "connection" you may have? Not in all cases though I'm sure. There are frankly, and sadly, so many frauds out there.
     
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  17. VeryEnd
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    Perhaps. My experience of pro domme has been ok for a session. Blow off some steam for an hour or two and it’s good

    long term stuff not so.
     
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  18. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Thank goodness! If you let the pros in, this site would be inundated with spam and trolls.
    There may be some genuine ethical pros out there, but what you mostly see on the web is a ton of nasty money grabbers.
     
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  19. Juan.
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    Juan. Active member

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    The reason is because it is something rare

    It is rare because of the nature of the relation, a pro wants money while the man/female wants to experience X/Y stuff, the power route is clear, the client gets what it pays and demands. On the session the pro try to act as he/she has the control but it is a lie, everyone deep inside knows it, that's why the pro will stick to what the client decided

    So in reality most of the clients that use a pro are just paying for a service, topping from the bottom and it is far from being a sub/slave or anything similar and it is why they will never surrender completely, they will only to fulfill the kink but nothing more. This cant last among time and is why relations like that are a minority, in many cases are just selfish relations, one parts wants more money while the other a play partner but the flame of passion will extinguish sooner than later

    And you have to add to all above that in case magic happens and client and pro shares a true connection you are not anymore a client, once one comes from work few like to keep working, you are tired of all of that and only want to live a normal life, not having to babysit a person who may not understand that you only want to play few days a month, not every one of them. You dont date a pro to live normal, things like that are hard to manage, or jeaously, or why not with you but yes with z client, or ... means that are much more complicated relations so most pass, after all few of us wants extra trouble in ours lifes

    But the same happens to the pro, he/she could see itself as a walking kink while many who come closer is because they only want more play time. It is normal that after some time and or experiences you dont date clients anymore, you are tired of that as always is the same, you want to be valued because how you are not because of how you handle the whip or how much sadistic you can be, know that the other part truly cares about you, likes you and all the things regular couples do for each other
     
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  20. Rodeo cowboy
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    Rodeo cowboy Active member

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    I think it would hard to build trust or intimacy, if in the back of your mind the meter was running.

    If I’m paying I’m calling the tune.
     
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  21. StubHub
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    I would agree but for some may be only choice. Not for us I don't think
     
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  22. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Fiona with the Magical Velveteen Pussy

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    My Wife and I have no issues with Pros, and we've played with them and taken instruction as well. They are an awesome resource and can certainly help you with your play as a couple.
     
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  23. Andy80
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    Thank you KrystineKellogg. I've had a very similar discussion with my Mistress.
     
  24. CaramelMochaBoss
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    CaramelMochaBoss Caramel skin. Likes to be boss in bed.
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    @Andy80
    Maybe she put him to full good use and he has no time/ no rights to post here ;) :rolleyes:
     
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  25. mch2323
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    mch2323 A lost sub in Florida

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    Problem is lots of doms that men in chastity find are all findoms or bots. Very hard to find ones that really care about the slave or what they need or want. To most it’s about the $$$. Me I would rather have a meaning friendship to start which is hard to find on any site.
     
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