Vanilla Wife lack of interest in chastity tease and denial play

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Hilux, Nov 27, 2018.

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Do you enjoy the loss of control without the need for cuckolding or sissyfication?

  1. Yes

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  2. No

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  1. Hilux
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    Hilux New member

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    I have been trying chastity as a lifestyle with my wife for many years.

    We have been married for 18 years and our sex life is really awesome. We have three daughters who are all old enough to take care of themselves in and around the house.

    She does not really like the whole chastity cage idea, although from time-to-time she does play along for 2-3 days maximum.

    I run a 2 companies and have numerous people working for me. So I am always in charge, making decisions and thinking for and on behalf of other people. For me it is a huge turn on to "let go" and relinquish control to my wife in any and all matters sexual.

    I am a self proclaimed masochist and here my wife is epic, she love giving me pain and is really into biting, chewing and overall CBT which is awesome. She does have a wild side where she would dominate me from time to time in the bedroom to some extent, but still holding back somehow.

    I am not into any sissyfication of cuckolding, just the idea of my wife having control over my penis and orgasms drives me nuts. I also LOVE giving my wife pleasure whilst locked. She loves penetrative sex, all natural, NO Dildos or foreign objects allowed. This is a FIRM rule as I have tried this before. She does allow me to perform cunnilingus on her but again it is not something I get to do a lot. She feels self concious about her vagina , even reaches orgasms in no time when there is some alcohol involved. Followed by shame and shutting down again.

    I have tried numerous times over the past couple of years to get her more involved, but she endures and accepts my fetish without real complaints.

    So I play a game where my wife is an unaware keyholder, carrying the keys in her bags when away on business trips etc. I will send pictures and tell her, but to no avail.

    So yes, I continue to play as there are the odd occasion where she will play along and boy does she have a cruel side (Which I LOVE).

    I also love and adore my wife, so any outside keyholder is not even a remote option.She is awesome, being the fuel that fires by every sexual fantasy even after all these years!

    I would like to get her more involved or interested.

    I stumbled upon this site, hoping to find like minded people and learning more. Perhaps share experiences and get advice from people in similar situations?

    Perhaps get a woman's perspective in all these matters?
     
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  2. Hilux
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    Hilux New member

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    She is indulging me to an extent and has even suggested that her next tattoo will be the one in my status in December 2018. So perhaps there is some hope and she is making the turn?
     
  3. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Active member

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    It sounds to me like she already feels like she is very involved in your fetish, maybe even a bit more than she wants to be.

    I am not trying to be a kink shamer, but I would be thrilled if my wife loved penetrative sex. We live the chastity lifestyle primarily because of her hatred of penetration. I dare say you might be missing out on a wonderful sex life by focusing so much on something she’s just not into.
     
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  4. Drews
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    Drews Active member

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    Your description is very similar to mine except for masochist portion. My wife also loves penetrative sex. In my case I figured out that her issues with chastity were going to limit or stop the sex. She also felt like I was rejecting her and holding back the penetrative sex. I had to show her that it would make it better especially since I was a chronic masturbator. I told her take it off whenever she wants sex. I will always be ready. I really made sure sex was then great which it was. Basically try and make chastity about her, not you.
     
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  5. Hilux
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    Hilux New member

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    You have a point, hence I have stopped pushing her and just play the chastity game on my own, but it gets boring quickly.

    She refuses to play or tease when I am locked. So I take the cage off when she is home. She does NOT like any of the cages. But.alas...

    We have an awesome sex life and I focus on her needs before mine. I would just be awesome if she could be more actively involved with some of the chastity play more often. She really is awesome!
     
  6. Hilux
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    Hilux New member

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    Awesome Advice, Thank you!
     
  7. Drews
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    Drews Active member

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    I hope it helps. I see we are similar in age. My wife says it feels like sex when I was 20 when she unlocks me.
     
  8. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    There seems to be 2 major routes for chastity that i have seen.

    1. Lifestyle. She owns the keys, she decides to be the one in control of sex and sexual behavior. Many other offshoots and various fetishes and routines may come into practice but certainly don't have to. Male gives up his rights to his penis, and for the most part touching yourself is a thing of the past.

    2. Tool. You both get into it at different times but wearing a cage and holding the key is not the default. It is used as a tool for foreplay and keeps the male aroused. Like any tool, once it is done being used it goes back to its place (drawer) until needed again.

    It sounds like she is up for and likes option 2, and you would rather have option 1 with a bit more feedback and teasing. My only suggestion would be to ask her for option 3. Its an option that requires her to be doing you a favor, its not based on her needs or desires, it is something you want.

    3. Help. You tell her you need help not touching yourself and want to focus all your sexual energy on her. You ask her to do you a favor and hold her key and take charge of when she wants to use it.

    This requires you not to make it any more difficult so no bugging her, be receptive to her needs, and be greatful that she is helping you out with this. This also requires her to be a good sport and go along with it. The more you two do this, the more she may learn to really enjoy being your focuse and queen. Worst case scenario is that it doesn't work out and says sorry i don't want to do this anymore.

    Good luck it sounds like she is someone that is game to try new things
     
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  9. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    You sound like you have a good thing going. I wouldn't push it, to be honest.

    welcome, by the way.
     
  10. TommyB
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    TommyB New member

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    I'm two weeks into this right now. During my past few attemps when I would ask her If I should keep going or stop she would tell me to stop. Yesterday when I asked her, she told me to keep going. She is now catching on how happy and helpful I am and she is loving all the attention that I'm giving her.

    I think that my original problem was that when I first tried chastity, I thrust it on my wife way to fast and she was overwhelmed. This time I'm taking it slowly and not trying push it all on her. I'm just letting her absorb it and figure it all out for herself.
     
  11. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    Welcome. There are several successful alpha males here who understand your need to use chastity to give up control to your wife, how it is a release from the rest of your life. She's clearly a great woman and does have a kinky side. Explain to her what a relief it is for to have her hold the keys and control the symbol of your manhood, that's it just another manifestation of your masochism (which she has already accepted), and that it only make you desire her more and hyper-ready when she wants the natural penetrative sex she craves.
     
  12. your-caged-dog
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    your-caged-dog chastity its not a one way road.

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    im amazed of your skill off reflecting this chastity thing! every answer you post is really a helpful text for us newbys..thank you !
     
  13. Drews
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    Drews Active member

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    I responded yesterday but you said you would like a woman’s perspective. Since our situations seemed very similar I showed my wife your post and got her perspective. The first thing she said was if your wife read your post would she know that you wrote it? Have you really discussed all of these points? She also asked if you directly asked her why she is resistant especially since it sounds like she is very willing to try new things. She shared what her issues were when I intitially brought up the idea. She thought I did not want penetrative sex anymore, she thought I wanted to be submissive which was a total turn off to her and the final issue I just learned this morning, she did not like the idea of me going to the bathroom sitting. We got through all the misconceptions by having awesome sex when unlocked, understanding that teasing and submission are not the same thing and she caught me going to the bathroom standing. I figured out how to do this in my Jailbird. It sounds like you need to have a talk with your wife instead of trying to make her get into it or just figure it out.My wife now loves it now that she knows I am still the same and can give her what she wants even better than before.
     
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  14. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    Awesome sex life – check

    Sadist to your masochist – check

    Dominates – check


    18 years of marriage to someone with an awesome sex life and someone who helps fulfil many of your sexual fantasies.

    You however cannot let go of the one that she is not keen on. You still want to keep pushing even although you know she does not like the chastity cage idea.

    You know she is not keen yet still you cannot let go and want to keep pushing her to play your fetish fantasy.

    For goodness sake be thankful for what you have. Many guys would give their right arm for the kind of relationship you are describing.

    To keep focusing on something she is not keen on makes you seem shallow and ungrateful.

    If you weren’t keen on liver and onions but your wife kept suggesting it for dinner, wouldn’t you get fed up?

    I am quite sure your wife is fed up with you pushing yet another fantasy on her when she obviously gives so much to fulfilling the others already.

    Give your wife a break and enjoy what you already have. Stop trying to make her do things she is not happy about just to fulfil your sexual fantasies.
     
  15. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    Why on earth would this be an issue in the home?
     
  16. Drews
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    Drews Active member

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    This one surprised me also. She said it was an issue because men go to the bathroom standing. If you read her thoughts she did not want to get involved in chastity at the beginning because she did not want me to be submissive and she felt sitting to go to the bathroom was not manly. I cannot always figure my wife out but that is how she felt. The point was do not try and guess what your wife might be thinking, talk to her and get the real issue even if you don’t understand it.
     
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