Telling my best friend?

Mmmm….
I too have a very best friend, since school times actually, we do talk about sex, we’ve even shared saunas in the past, both naked.
He knows a little about our sex life, he knows my wife is dominant with me when it comes to sex, he knows she denies me pleasure and hardly ever lets me cum, I don’t think he realises how long I’ve been without one, he often says he couldn’t be like me, he’s far more alpha male than I am, and also much bigger than me, (so he’s fairly confident, my k/h also knows my best friend is much bigger than me, and boy, does she tease me about it)

As for telling him about me being caged 24/7, I haven’t yet, my k/h doesn’t want to either, even though she absolutely insists and adores me being locked, she just couldn’t tell, maybe one day, but not there yet.

If it were us, my k/h would have me unlocked, but she’d have me shaved, making it a little obvious we have something going on between us.
Maybe one day if you guys had the conversation about sex, and eventually you could talk about how your g/f denies you any orgasms, you could maybe just say she stops me from any play at all, if he were to say how does that happen, “she locks it away” you could say, then that might start the conversation, if he’s interested to hear, you tell him, if you feel he’s not, then you change the subject.

Would your g/f want them to know, does she speak openly about sex to the wife?

So we, personally would go in without the cage, and take it from there.

Good luck & enjoy the experience.

(One day I hope to tell my best friend that we do, it would also turn my k/h hugely, but we’re not there yet)

 

We decided long ago to not infer or impose the kinky part of our lives to others, for lots of reasons. For the brief period in which you will be in the sauna together, why not leave the cage off and go enjoy the sauna? Why upset anybody, especially friends, on something that really is none of their business?

 

It is a shame it’s not accepted more widely, it can be such a huge benefit for our wives/g/f’s etc. if only women knew how much so, they’d lock up all the men, (that might make the world a nicer place to live in too!)

You say your g/f talks to her friends about sex, and that’s she’s a little dominant, has she not wanted to tell them she locks you up! Is that too personal, or fear of being too strange?

My wife hasn’t really got too many close friends that she talks too regarding sex, there’s one that maybe she may could talk to, but she only sees her a few times a year.

As for my best friend, not sure really. I do speak almost every week, mainly messages, as he now lives in another country. My wife has also know him for years too, we are pretty close, she knows I talk to him about sex, he knows that she knows too. He’s married, in a completely vanilla relationship, she’s really really traditional in the sense, so he tells me. So why haven’t I told him, fear of being thought of as weird, strange, something like that I suppose, I don’t want him to feel any less towards me, but more of a reason is my wife’s wishes, she says not to tell, maybe one day, but that day is still a way off.

(But here’s something, my k/h does get turned on thinking he might one day know, and also he might be part of her/our play. She’s often said, imagine if HE held the keys to my cage, and she left it up to him when to decide to unlock me) but that’s just fantasy.

 

I was getting a bit carried away then, sorry.

Back to the original question, no, I would not wear the cage in the sauna.

Only time it would be allowable is if the other couple knew before hand and they had no problem with it, but as you say, they don’t know, so I wouldn’t wear it.

Here’s a curve ball for you, just imagine if they were in exactly the same position as you!

That’s the thing with chastity, you just never ever know!

Hope that helps with yours & more importantly, you’d g/f decision.

 

If you wanted to start gently and ease the discussion in that direction your girl friend could wear her key on a necklace that all can see while you have a towel wrapped around your midsection. I would think you could keep the cage under wraps so to speak. Who knows, they may be really curious and ask to see it.

My biggest concern with being uncaged (especially if it’s been awhile since your last release) would be an unfettered and unbidden erection.

If you talk with him about it be honest. Tell him you enjoy being caged but don’t want to offend them. Either way, let us know what you decide.

 

To be honest here, do we males really know what females talk about? The wife might already know.

Women are much more open about things than men.

Talk to your wife and follow her lead

 

If you tell them, you may find that you don't see your friends as often in the future. It would be a shame to lose friends over such a thing and you have no idea who else they would tell.

I'm very much in the keep-it-secret camp. A few hours out of the cage can't do any harm.

 

I wouldn’t worry about getting an erection after being locked.
One of my biggest ever fantasies was to be made to go into a naked mixed spa/sauna which my wife has since taken me too. I was extremely turned on beforehand, but also so flipping nervous.
There was absolutely no chance of any erection at all from me, even though my wife was teasing me with her looks, her comments about my size, her looking at others much much bigger than me, I so desperately wanted to show a little size growth, but no, nothing at all. The more I thought about it, the more it shrunk!
So maybe if it’s not a sexual fantasy of yours to be naked, then no erection will occur.

 

If she really wants you to stay locked just use a towel. I’m sure it wouldn’t be an issue then.

 

I agree!

 

I would say that if you are willing to go naked around friends, seeing a cage there instead is no big deal.

I am also of a mindset that I don’t find the cage to be kinky in itself and find no reason to need to explain it. I wouldn’t explain my piercing or lack of hair, it’s a private preference and if you feel like being naked and not being private, it’s up to you and deal with the consequences of what they think of it.

And when I mean you I meant both of you. Removing that towel and showing others your junk has consequences that might affect both of you, and showing your junk locked in cage is no different.

 

You control who you tell.

You do not control who someone else will tell.

For that reason alone I would not share my sex life with others.

 

I'm with @Nicoftime on this: "if you are willing to go naked around friends, seeing a cage there instead is no big deal."

I haven't been able to fully grasp why so many feel something like letting someone see that you have a cage on -- when the alternative is just letting them see your naked penis -- is viewed as an immoral "forcing your kink on someone". I accept that many people feel that way, and I respect their feelings ... I just have never been able to fully understand it. I assume that pretty much everyone is having sex, in some form, somewhat regularly. I know that lots of people, perhaps most, play in a variety of ways beyond straight intercourse. So what? Some people ski, some people skydive, some people play chess. Life is full of variation!

Asking them to engage in a conversation -- or listen to you monologue about it -- without consent, yes, that's intrusive and unacceptable! But if I wear elaborate eye makeup, am I forcing someone to experience my "kink" without consent? They can look away. That the barbells through my nipples show through many of my shirts -- am I nonconsensually forcing my kink on someone? I don't get it. Sorry to those who do -- I 'm not being judgmental, just admitting that I don't understand.

In terms of others learning that I have a cage: I generally think of it, when i'm not engaged in sexual activity (which presumably you won't be in the sauna) as body jewelry, like my various piercings. I don't have problems being topless at the beach so people can see my nipple bars. If one had a Prince Albert piercing in their cock (I don't), would you feel you had to take that out to go to a sauna? I see a cage like that: it's a piece of jewelry, and if you're at the stage where you're comfortable showing your junk, what's wrong with the jewelry you're wearing on your junk?

This most commonly for me comes up at the airport. There are people who accepted a job that includes checking that people aren't carrying weapons concealed in their groin. They know -- and are very used to -- the fact that they are going to see or feel a variety of things in groins while they are verifying there are no weapons. So when the scanner beeps, I simply say I'm wearing metal jewelry in my groin. If they inspect, they're going to be rubbing the back of their hand over my junk -- so what if they feel my cage while they're feeling my junk?

 

I wouldn't say it was immoral, but I wonder what other sex toys you might wish to use in a public space, with friends other strangers who didn't ask to participate in your fetish.

Would a cock ring be okay? How about a butt plug? Would be be okay for random men to bring along their fleshlight toys? Why not go along gagged, plugged, and caged?

There are venues for that sort of thing, if you must.

 

I hear you Jay, and there's definitely a fuzzy boundary. But a key thing to me -- and hence the comparison to wearing and displaying other jewelry that people don't seem to think is a problem -- is "use". I'm not suggesting having my partner tease me and my cage in front of others without consent -- simply wearing it (in a setting that, while "public", already has implicit consent for seeing nudity and genitals -- hence the example, is it a problem to leave one's Prince Albert piercing in and visible?)

Also, I do want to be clear, I'm not trying to argue with anyone or convince them that my perspective is *right*. I'm just saying I don't get the perspective that says it's okay to be nude in a sauna, revealing your organic sex toy (penis), but not okay to have jewelry on that penis.

I guess it feels to me like saying that is a consent issue feels like it's actually a tolerance issue -- it's okay for me to see you have a dick (and presumably use it for intercourse), but not okay for me to let you see that I have a caged dick. Isn't that an issue about the other person's intolerance for behavioral variety (kink shaming if you will) rather than in issue of my forcing my sexual preferences on you?

I get that this is a sticky issue, just haven't been able to grasp why some consider this offensive sexual misconduct ("forcing").

 

A cock cage is a sex toy, not body jewellery.

Conflating other things doesn't make it less so.

If you feel the need to impose your kink on others then be prepared for them to let the world know about it, especially the management or the police, or just everyone they know on social media and real life. Heck, they might even take a photo or video of you to share on twitter.

 

"Hey Joey, about tomorrow night. My wife and I have this thing we've been into lately. I don't want to freak out you or your wife in case the towel slips, but I'm wearing this stainless steel cage on my dick."

Hmm... Not sure how that conversation would work.

Or...

" D, what the hell was that? "

<laughs> "Sorry man, I thought I had it covered up. Me and my wife have been into this thing lately. I wear this for her, and she unlocks me if I've been a 'good boy' if you know what I mean. <wink> We've had a lot of fun with it. Sorry if it freaked you out just now. "

That might actually go alright.

 

If you were to have a pole I would go with number one for been naked with others and talking about sex is two different things and once you tell someone something you cannot take it back..

 

Many good thoughts from the others.
May I give you a sugestion?
Go uncaged. Have a feel for the situation. Is it possible to talk about intimacy and sexuality. You might start unsuspicious, about nudidity, maybe sex toys. If that goes well, maybe extend. What do you think about harder stuff? Maybe a discussion arises cuffs, canes, what ever. Maybe ask about chastity, not yet specific. If the situation seems suitable, you might advance.

 

Why would you do that? It's not his concern. Leave people out of your kink.

 

I must have missed something somewhere. I thought this was a question of whether or not to wear a cage in sauna with friends.

I’m not sure what that question has to do with discussion of toys, bedroom and relationship roles, etc.

Either you wear the cage, they inquire about your body jewelry, you explain what it is, and then live with what they think of it and who they will tell. Or you don’t wear the cage, and you just deal with friends seeing each other naked.