Submissive head space

At least you are allowed to talk it out. I have to follow my Wife and I'm not allowed to question. A couple of orgasms is a lot for chastity. Don't push her. Relax.

 

I understand how you feel. Feeling ignored and forgotten, thinking you are the only one realizing you still have not gotten to ejaculate. But rest assured your Wife has not forgotten you are still in chastity. It occurs to her at random times I'm sure.
Try and realize just how lucky you are to have a Wife willing to engage in your desires. It terribly unfair to "punish " her emotionally for doing your bidding....

 

My wife is a blind, deaf mute with anger issues, so we don't talk much.

In fact, I'm not even sure if she knows I'm here.

 

My wife and I were caught up in a similar pattern.

What got us (me) out of it was her telling me how much she missed feeling SOOO constantly loved and adored - that she missed the attention.

That was all I needed to hear. I let go of all the BS and resolved to be the very best boy I could be for her without having any expectations.

CONSISTENTLY.

The longer I did it - the easier it became to stay in sub-space regardless of where my wife was or what she was doing.

Even nights when I was tired. Even days when I was so horny I felt like I was going to explode and it felt like she was ignoring me (she wasn't). For months - I put in the work (and continue to do so).

Actions truly do speak louder than words. The rewards have been incredible.

I am now 6 days without orgasm. She's teasing me constantly but not touching me. I have no set end date on the horizon.

On Sunday night I was left kneeling at the foot of the bed for over an hour and a half BEFORE she allowed me remain in that position to rub her legs and feet. I could barely stand up when I was done - and I thanked her for it.

Yesterday she took a rubber paddle to my ass for forgetting to make the bed.

It's more than I could have ever imagined. You already know she's into it. Build on that and be patient - and be good.

 

I would say continue to talk. Since that seems to work. Make a check-in day to have both of you touch base with each other. Relationships are built on communication. It's when we stop talking to each other that things break down.

 

I find myself running through a similar cycle. Maybe it's hormones, I don't know. But ti does seem to come regularly, no matter what's happening. Then of course, there's orgasms. They tend to mute or destroy my submissive tendencies for a while. I have to work to keep it going then.

 

I know exactly how you feel, what helped me was that she ordered me to written her weekly letters (part of her contract with me).
In case I run into any topics, I can address it there without pushing her for a reaction.
The problem seems to be, that when being in chastity, I think a lot about her and feel supercharged.
I think that it is normal that we (men) often think about "her" when we are in our special zone.
What helped me is just accepting that this is also a form of submission/devotion towards her (spending my time thinking about her very often).
Maybe try out writing her weekly letters which serve two purposes:
1) you can tell her everything which is concerning you
2) she doesn't have to respond
3) it makes you feel submissive when she ordered you to do so

Imhers.

 

For most couples, the pressures of real life have a nasty habit of getting in the way of a true FLR. Probably not what you want to hear, but perhaps try lowering your expectations for...

1. Your FLR and how it compares to the fantasies you read about online. No matter how many times my wife and I tried to commit to the real deal full time, we never could make it work for more than a week. We both work stressful jobs with long hours, and we've known each other far too long to take the Mistress/slave monikers seriously. It just isn't us, and that's okay.

2. Your wife's ability/desire to maintain the dominant role. For most people, being a leader who's in charge of someone or something is mentally-taxing. In many cases, it can be straight up exhausting. If your wife isn't naturally kinky or dominant, then a 24/7 FLR is probably too much to expect out of her.

3.Your own ability to stay in the submissive headspace. I doubt there are very many men who don't experience stretches of time where sex, kink, and submission simply aren't a priority. This is perfectly natural and it's a great time to pause the FLR and chastity play for a bit. Personally, I stay locked during these times (which can last for weeks) because I prefer to keep chastity as a normalized thing in my life that's unassociated with kink. Figure out what's best for you.

 

You got it.

Some might think being submissive is weak. To do what you are doing requires a strong person with conviction. Congratulations on taking the leap of faith.

 

Your question has resulted in some good, real-life answers. I think many of us go through what you are.

You recognize that stress affects her. It does for all of us. I think this is one of the greatest challenges of being submissive, and a service submissive. You want to work hard for her, but you do want some recognition. A slave may not admit to needing recognition, but most submissives do. Stress can impact your partner’s ability to acknowledge you. It is hard work being dom.

In a D/s relationship, there needs to be a balance. If you have been in a long term relationship, I think it is required. Balance, is what got you to long term.

If you want to continue, smoother her with service, and continue talking. Remain the core person she married. For better or worse, you are probably talking more now than ever before. That is something to build on.

Keep us posted and let us know what you have found to work, or not.

 

Yes, you are not alone. I refer to this in my relationship as riding the roller coaster. Go watch that movie Parenthood with Steve Martin for the reference. Maybe you need to talk with your wife sooner. Not wait for things to get to that level. I think as others have mentioned also working on building your endurance. If you usually have trouble at 3 weeks, resolve to go 4 this time. One thing my wife and I used to do once a month was sit down and make a list of 3 things we liked or that were going well and 3 things we'd change or were worried about. We'd exchange lists and talk. Another good habit to develop is to thank her for things she does do. Sometimes I'd even write my wife a thank you card.

In my opinion this issue will not go away entirely, at least for us I know it won't. The goal is to minimize it. Go longer between down-turns and try to make them shallower with quicker recoveries. Good luck.

 

I know how you feel so many times in the past I would just blow it off once my Wife/Goddess let me out. I so longed to feel as though she was remotely interested .. I so craved a FLR relationship and to be locked by her for her. Reading some of the blogs and comments on CM and some other sights Like Tumblr and Femaleleduniversity. Dealing with the psychological aspects I was able to start over once I understood what I wanted from this. Then i grew some balls pun intended and starting to communicate with my Goddess openly instead of trying to drive it. Also I redirected my focus on the FLR side and maintained patience. Slowly she saw the benefits and I suggested lock up. Slowly oh so slowly she started to see the benefits we still have a long way to go but I have been locked since Valentine's and she has started to open up her vanilla tendency enjoying her pleasure . We hit a milestone on my birthday yesterday and she required pleasure leaving me locked and oh so horny as she lay in bliss kissing me saying happy birthday sweet dreams ... I had to admit I went to sleep way happy. When I served her coffee this morning she praised me for being very good last night and her orgasm was intense .... Slow and steady is the key especially if she has a busy work life, let her know you are there to make her life easier and hapy

 

I think most of us go through this at some time, as others have said, talk to her about it, bout be pushy, just ask her how she is feeling.

 

@Sub K read this thread

 

That. Precisely.