Phase 3 / Year 3 / :)

I had a lot of hope that my "advice" would be listened to. And yes, most of us men on here are impatient. So thanks again @Rectrix for trying to help me slow down with my "suggestions".

We had a eventful week. Up until Thursday I was mostly very well behaved and very submissive. She played with her cock twice which was awesome!

Friday I had an accident with my bike and my little girl in the trailer. I have no clue what happened but the trailer tipped to one side and made me crash. My girl was shocked and bleeding from her nose and her face. I had strained my ancle and went to the hospital for an xray.

My KH didn't punish me that night although there was sufficient stuff to punish me for. She didn't punish me the following night as we went out and she didn't do it yesterday as she was too tired.

All valid I guess. but it leaves me somewhat feeling neglected. (It's all about her right ) But I listen to the advice I get here and will not "suggest" ways to punish me that don't take away her time. She could easily have me kneel in front of the bed, back to the tele while she watches her favorite show. But I will just wait and see if at one point she feels like wanting to be dominant again. Writing this and seeing that it has been less than a week shows me that I am too impatient and I must focus on other stuff.

After last weeks talk I started sending her my infractions by Signal (more secure WhatsApp) and will continue doing so. Love my KH but am very impatient.

The one awesome thing that has come from sending her my infractions by Signal is that it gives me the chance to reflect on my own actions. Also when I formulate them I am actually usually aroused. It also pushes my submissiveness.

 

A fast update. As I mentioned we have my infraction list in which i write every bad thing i do. and i was just updating it.

"Yesterday night instead of hugging you and showing compassion after you told me about your headache I thought about myself and grumpily turned away. I am sorry for this."

And then i read the entire list of infractions so I wrote her a message on whatsApp telling her. "Reading my "sin list" makes me feel like I am a horrible person. Better get started on the "I am the best husband" list. Look what nice things I do for my wife."

Then my Lady immediately wrote the list for me. It melted my heart I was happy. And then the twist. When she was finished she added stuff to the sin list... Looks like my "Be careful what you wish for" moment is closer then I thought!

 

Remember when my Lady spanked me to the words of P.a.t.i.e.n.c.e ? Well Patience certainly pays off.

Yesterday she finally came through and punished me. She asked me about 15 times how I want to be punished. I didn't go there. I asked her: "Are you asking for my input or is it a rhetorical question?" She told me: "No, I am thinking out loud."

After some time she proceeded. "I am going to hit you" And she ordered me to get ready (naked on the bed without the cage). She went to work with a riding crop. I was excited and it showed but that erection quickly left. I was visibly shaking and scared of every swat. She did an amazing job asking me for all my infractions. I was scared because I know if I forget some she hits more and harder and I wasn't prepared. But I guess I got them all. It lasted probably about 15 minutes although I had no feeling for time.

When it was over I thanked her and she proceeded to play with me but she also kept squeezing my balls and reminding me that I had told her that she can break one of my balls since I no longer need them for reproduction. (I did that to take away some of her fear of hurting me, knowing that she would never go too far). Then she proceeded to tell me that punishment will change and she will pinch a hole in my balls next time I please myself. She was dead serious. It scared me. She got up and got the needle and showed me just so I knew she wasn't kidding. She said "I am not messing around. You be prepared!" It was exhilarating, scary and a hundred other emotions put together.

I staid unlocked all night and it seems I had an erection all night. Of course I touched myself but I didn't go anywhere near edging, and to avoid any troubles, the first thing after getting up was to put the cage back on.

Wrote to Dietmar from Steelworxx and he told me the price for updating my Looker 2 to implement the PA Lock and I am pretty sure I will go there. Curious how it will be on my daily commute with the Looker 3 (Looker 2 with PA is Looker 3) and my daily bike commute.

This morning I felt extremely connected to my Lady. I love her to bits and pieces. There was an amazing connection. Since I am injured I drove with her and like always I very politely inquired about her lane choices, she asked me if I am criticizing her to which I replied: "No my lady, just asking!" Opened my Signal app and made a note to her. I criticized your driving. We moved on and had a great time in her car and after went for a quick morning coffee to her office from which I walked to mine. Proud that I had a little bit of
P. a. t. i. e. n. c. e! And happy that I found this amazing wife.

 

Keeping it honest here / also for myself to go back and revisit. I feel low again. Had an amazing weekend but got very annoyed by stuff that went on in our house on Monday night. With my mother in law who has been visiting and helping with the kids for the past 3 months. I am trying to understand what went wrong, what irritated me and how I could have avoided my emotional explosion that happened.

Tuesday, after I was still feeling emotionally empty I decided it was time to play with myself. Thankfully without watching porn but it so happened that I had an orgasm. Which makes me feel even lower.

I am probably getting a PA in summer. I do know a PA is not a 100% solution.

There was no punishment, no playing just both pretty upset with each other. I didn't treat my lady as I should have treated her and I am sad about it. I know things will turn again and I will not take of my device, I will see this through. The only two happy moments yesterday were the bike ride home (it just helps clear my head) and the half an hour that I was able to read a book with my boy.

 

thanks Rectrix!

 

Sent the following in our signal chat.things are looking up again. Let's see how we grow.

"pretty frustrated. hurt. not sure i should even be writing this but i feel it gives us a way to move on. thanks for apologizing today. I am not hurt by your actions I am hurt by my actions.

The last days have been difficult for me. i exploded on Monday night. I felt at a very low point on Tuesday and that was when i played with myself again. Not sure i should explain. I hate myself for doing it and it seems i am not in control when it happens. i went more than 90 days without playing with myself and then come times when it gets hard again. at least i have resited porn. i always think about you.

i will accept whatever punishment you want to expect should you want to, if not then it is also your decision. I am sometimes scared of myself. We had an amazing time for the past 3 weeks when we started to be more submissive and dominant - until I broke it last Monday night. I am very sorry and I am not sure how to fix it. Te amo."

 

A week went by with absolutely nothing from her. no punishment, no teasing, no edging, no sex. On Thursday she sent me a Signal message:

"Today you will be punished. I need a list of your infractions. For each one you mention you will receive one, for each you don´t you will receive 2 You have until 8pm to provide the list"

She punished me at night it made me more submissive and I was nice with her all weekend. On Sunday night she punished me again for slight infractions that occurred during the weekend but it wasn't with the crop - it was ball busting and squeezing but not too serious, more like foreplay. Would have loved it harder. She then got on top and rode herself to an orgasm. i asked if I am allowed to cum and she said yes.

I thought I was good yesterday (had the day off) but she said I was horrible and nasty. And now I am again getting the "absolutely no action treatment" which i really despise. I am trying harder to please her. Not sure what to do. Being ignored is a lot worse then being punished.

 

I tried with all my willpower to be submissive even though I got little back. On my ride home each day I would tell myself "treat her like the queen", be as nice as you possibly can. It is not easy to do but I got more submissive by the day and I could feel she felt better each day.

We went out on Wednesday night and when we got home she said.. Please, no.. I am to tired to play, I giggled and hugged her. The next morning she let me lick her before entering the shower. I always kiss her feet in the morning and if and when she is naked I try and see if I can smell or lick her... and she allowed me. Not sure how much pleasure it was for her but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Yesterday she had a lot of work to do.. I kneed next to her wondering how that would be if it was a punishment and was very devoted and horny. She asked me to come up to the bed. I just lay there hugging her and watching her while she worked on her laptop. She is so efficient. It is amazing to watch. I was very devoted, horny and submissive. She was so tired that when she was finished working she just wanted to sleep, I hugged her and we slept.

During the next day I recorded a Appreciation Tape for her. It was the 4th one I had made. Basically telling her how much I appreciate her and love her. Love the kids thank her for being there for me. Also apologizing for Monday and telling her that I do believe that she should be punishing me for it (yes a bit of topping from the bottom) I also mentioned that she would make me happy if she brought the riding crop along on our holiday.

This morning she let me lick her right after she came back from running. Which for me was extra pleasure as I love her smell and I had fantasized about being allowed to lick her when she comes from running. There was an intense connection, we hugged a lot this morning (before she went for the run) and she said how she just would love to start hitting me (music in my ears)... So there might be some punishment coming up. We are so connected in this moment that there for sure will be some kind of play. Love my KH and am proud that I managed to push myself down in to subspace again.

 

I am back in the "zone" and it feels great there. No arguments all weekend and a pleasure to service my Lady and just be nice. Happy to be back in the Sub zone. Hope i will stay there for a long time.

 

We went on holiday. It was great but there was no time or privacy for play time.... (we stayed in good sized apartment but it was a one room apartment with kitchen and 3 sofa beds all in one very big room. And even if the kids are sleeping my wife doesn't feel o.k. to play.

Also I was completely unlocked as my cage was sent back to Steelworxx to get a PA Lock. It was all my idea and all, my wish and I am still on board but I haven't yet done the piercing and I am a little scared as I don't have any tatoos nor piercings and I am about to get a hole drilled in to my penis. My Lady is very supportive and would have also been o.k. if I would have changed my mind.

I was not good on holiday which meant I played 5 times per day but tried to avoid orgasm on most. Like a small kid again The day my Lady found out it stopped. She was not happy to hear and up till now I completely obliged with her orders. I am now 2 weeks without self play but she has greatly increased play sessions for me.

She also punished me twice and it helped me be more submissive again. I am now at the point of admitting that I like to be punished. It is weird as every time she mentions possible punishment I get horny. When she does it any erection goes away but in some way I guess I still like it. Or as @Mash2214 mentioned in one of his threads he is thankful that his KH cares to redden his back side.

Not sure how long it will take till I am locked up again with a PA. But I am positively surprised that we are doing fine with me not playing with myself and with her punishing me more so I stay in the sub zone.

Overall we are very happy and aligned.

 

Thanks a lot Mash. I only just saw today that my Journal had replies... Your journey certainly inspires me. "Murder yes" haha - you got me there... Glad you didn't pull through on it.

 

Nervous, anxious, excited?
When we were on holiday I wanted to get a PA as they are used to doing that there Here in Chile not so much... However I found a very serious piercing company and they have one guy that does PA's so I am going there on Thursday 1.30pm.

I am struggling with temptation device free although I am not watching porn and this is something that makes me happy. Yesterday I "cheated" on my wife twice...

The good news is that she wanted to play at night and I was ready and loved every minute. I was even a better lover as I lasted very long (well she didn't let me cum) but really enjoyed it.

The "cheating" doesn't make me too worried even though I always regret if afterwards but the hard line for me is no more porn. When my PA is ready the masturbation will stop anyway...

 

Today was a huuuge day for me.

On my own will and with permission from my Lady I got my first body art. I got a Prinz Albert Piercing. If someone would have told me I would do something like that 3 years ago I would have said you are crazy.

If someone at the time I looked in to chastity would have told me I would do it I would have said the same. Hell when I first started reading posts on chastityforums.com I thought the guys getting a PA for security are nuts.

My Lady is happy I did it but she gave me 100 or more opportunities not to do it but now she does seem thankful.

I don't think I have to worry about temptation for masturbation for about a week although when thinking of my lady I just got a attempted erection.

For the ones who want to know tec specs.. . I got a 3.2 mm piercing (or gauge 8) and my Steelworxx Looker 2 is currently being modifyied to be a Looker 3 with a 4mm PA lock. (Gauge 6) I don't expect to lock back up until end of November and it feels weird I am not bothered about it. It is all part of long term happiness in my marriage and I am so proud that I made the decision but a lot more proud that I was able to completely get away from Porn. As they say you always stay an Alcoholic so I am for sure still a Pornoholic but I seem stable and safe for now and sooo happy with my Lady and my Family.

I will be 3 months without a cage and it doesn't scare me. Today I took the first step for a long, happy and chaste future.

 

thanks a lot, Rectrix. And thanks a lot for coming here and reading my posts. "can't conceive of ever doing it" Who knows maybe in a few years you will join the "crazies" who make holes in their junk

 

now it is clear you ARE human I always admired you (and still do) for your strong will.

I go weeks without any cheating and then out of nowhere I start just a little bit... once that starts it doesn't end until I come. And then comes the regret.
The PA just removes one more layer of temptation.. Lets see what will happen once I am locked again

 

Obsession, Panicking, Impatience

so I decide to get a PA. When I do it I tell myself well if it doesn't work out you can always let it grow back. Then the pain goes away and I obsess more about the subject start to try and find people that have the exact same device and use the PA lock permanently.

I start finding people that were not happy and couldn't wear it regularly. Contact someone on twitter that seems to have the same lock, asking him if he is a permanent wearer, he tells me that no, the lock led to bleeding. Though he tells me it was a cheap chines PA lock.

Can't help myself.. I know I should just wait a very long time till I heal but the topic is currently owning me. Guess it is not every week that you get a second hole in to your penis... and are reminded of it every time you go to pee.