Phase 3 / Year 3 / :)

So it's my third year in Chastity. Things that are planned for 2018:

• I will be pegged - wife and me bought a spareparts joque harness and a Tantus Acute Dildo. My KH and me are discussing what will happen when it gets here and it gets me very excited
• My KH will read the Mistress Manual from Mistress Lorelei. I have seen it recommended but have not and will not read it. She prefers paperback and it is waiting for here with the harness and the dildo. She will bring it back from the US when she returns from her business trip.
• I will continue giving foot massages, try to be a good husband, stay far away from porn AND
• 2018 is the year that I will get a Prince Albert piercing. Most probably not in the country I live currently as they don't have enough experience Might do it when I am in Austria or Germany this summer.

My KH has not joined nor opened this website nor read anything else related to dominating, key holding or anything else and even though things are going well. She knows she is in charge of our sex life and nothing happens if she doesn't want and whatever she wants will happen.

A few months I stopped asking if she wants foot massages and just started giving them almost every evening. She enjoys them a lot and sometimes I stay locked and we sleep but quite often she takes her cock out and plays until i almost come. She is very good knowing when to stop although Christmas and New Year she went too far. Here is my previous journal: The highs and low of chastity from an Addicts Perspective.

 

We are who we are but we can evolve.
I am going on to a ramble now. I have been reading the Mansion on and off, mostly logged out hence not that many likes, sorry folks. A special shoutout to @Jasmic68 @Mash2214 and
all the other regulars.

I noticed that I have anger issues that from time to time I react aggressively towards my wife sometimes without even noticing. We are working on that. What I also noticed that the things that
make me angry don't affect me when I am in a state of submission.

My wife came back Wednesday from a week away. I had a freaking week to miss her, I cheated which is why later this year i will get a piercing. However something happened to
deepen my desire to submit to my wife and it happened when I read The real feeling of Chastity by mobico69. (seriously rad it... i found it searching for clone a willy and
started reading in the middle (beginning is boring and end is pretty heavy, but then I went back and read the whole damn story)

When I started this journey into Chastity I wanted nothing to do with FLR,
submission or any of the other stuff, but gradually I read more and more and tried to submit to my KH without much of her input and it made me feel amazing and safe.
If I say without much input I have to correct it slightly because hell does she lead everything that happens on a sexual level and she learnt to lead and punish me in that departement . I love
when she has that authority.

When she came back from her trip she brought the strap on harness with her that i purchased for her and I know she will use it on me, i know she wants to and i don't care when
she does but it gives me a really warm feeling. Also I told her that I feel safe and happy when i am in submission mode and she likes me there. For now I don't need her to do
that much for me to get there but she has the Mistress Manual in Hard Copy which she wants to read and she now has a lot of motivation to read. She works and we have 2 kids so she doesnt have that much spare time.
Because of the kids and other stuff there will be no way in hell that we will ge the route of mobico69 and we will look for conversatoins as equals but I am pertty excited
about the start we had today.

We go to couples therapy and the theraupeut told us that we are the couple that are always sitting really close to each other and she is impressed by it. She doesn't have
other couples that hold their hands during therapy. My wife knew that I was submissive in the past few days and she loved it. But I also mentioned it in the Thearpie and
said that I feel that this is the place where I am safe. My wife is really excited. I didn't want to put any preassure on her which is why I told her:
"Whenever you are ready read the Mistress Manual pick out of it whatever you like." I didn't read it myself as this was recommended by the Author even
though I am curios what is inside. I am so ecstatic right now. Lets see where this takes us. Sorry for rambling. Happy Chastity everyone!

 

thanks @Jasmic68, it is interesting as i don't always notice I am aggressive myself. And what i clearly noticed the more i am in the sub role the less i get bothered by things that might otherwise enrage me. the chastity which we started in october 2015 already brought a huge improvement but of course also counselling.

I would actually like to go back to when it all started. I wanted her to keep a lock on my penis so that I can manage the masturbation AND Porn addiction. At that point I didn't want my orgasms controlled and any talk of FLR put me off. Now we enjoy Orgasm Control and she has kept me for a very long time (the exact number of days or weeks are unknown to both me and my wife as we stopped counting) - my guess is 8 weeks without an orgasm. I am always locked unless we played at night then I relock in the morning although I am starting to relock when I wake up the first time (as per her request) She punishes me every now and then with a riding crop but not very often.

In the past few days I have managed to get myself deeper in to submission with little changes from her but we have both agreed on the purchase of the strapon and she told me that she is looking forward to reading her Femdom Guide which she already started reading. This weekend I left my phone out of sight all weekend and was extremely attentive to my wife's and my kids needs. Even though Friday was my birthday party till 4am I was the one that got up at 7am to be with the kids, preparing breakfast and so on while my wife could have a lie in.
Whenever our paths crossed during the day she would fondle my balls or give me a kiss. At one point she pulled me in the down stairs bath room and licked and sucked my balls for minimum a minute. What an amazing feeling.

Yesterday when I came home I acted pretty normal in front of her and the kids but once the kids weet upstairs I dropped on my knees and kissed her feet. She enjoys it and it pushes me deeper in to submission. We had an amazing evening without any arguments.

When we went to bed she said. No playtime today so I looked at her with puppy eyes and her response was "It is about what i want and not what you want" and my cage tightened. We watched something on Netflix and she squeezed my balls a few times. I love my Goddess and we are moving slowly but I feel amazing.

She is gradually changing to be more dominant and she has a very dominant side, she enjoys it but the major changes were from my behavior and realizing how much better and safer I feel when she is the goddess and I am the underling whose role it is to make her happy.

 

8 days ago today my wife came back from a business trip and that is when I started acting much more submissive than I usually did. (not really acting - i managed to get in to that role) What a week it was.

Friday, two days after she came back we went to counselling and on the way there (by bike) I felt euphoric. It wasn't planned but when the Psychologist asked me how I was I told her that I am where I want to be and this is the zone I feel safe. Submissive to my lovely Wife, the Goddess (i actually used that word)

Since then I didn't get out of this zone until yesterday when we were sleeping the kids. Something small - but very irritating for me, my wife just took to long for everything to do with my kids. I read a book to the little girl and she should have read a book to the boy but it tooook ages till she started and she didn't seem to want to finish. I got frustrated, anger started to build but I was able to keep it down, we slept the kids and then we both went to the bedroom.

I told her "I need to confess something to you", she asked what it was and I replied: "I just slipped out of my submissive place, don't want to or didn't want to but I need to tell you, not sure what is going on." I then told her that it bothered me what had happened and also that it made me feel sad that she hadn't read more of the book. She came back in a harsh tone the more you bother me about that book the less I am interested.

I left the scene and cuddled up on the bed. I was not in a good place and pretty confused. In the past these small things would have meant a fight or an evening of silence was possible, however I pushed myself back in to the zone, went to see my wife and took the submissive position, arms behind my back. I apologized for bringing up the book and asked her to read it if and whenever she is ready.

She got ready to go out with female friends so I just stood there and watched, talking to her all the time, from time to time she fondled my balls. I was wearing some very short sport pants and a t-shirt and helped here wherever possible. (ordering the uber, getting something from the car, charging her phone) and shortly before the uber arrived i changed in to a dress shirt and nice pants and put on shoes. I told her that I would like to open the door to the uber but I didn't want anybody to see her husband with the sloppy shorts opening the ladies doors. I asked her if she allowed and she was happy and said of course.

I opened the door of the Uber, was extremely excited and in a state of total submission. I wanted her to have a good time without having to think about me, just relax so I didn't text her but waited up until 12.30. Then I thought I better catch some sleep, with a bit of luck I would wake up when she comes.

At around 2am I woke up as she walked in through the gate, got out of bed and waited for her naked, arms behind my back with my CB (Looker 2) on. As she walked in to the bedroom I knelt down and kissed her feet. I noticed she was pretty drunk and she instructed me with a bossy voice to take of the cage. I did and what came after blew my mind.

She ordered me next to her in bed, then she kissed me but she kept biting my lips, pretty heavily. It hurt but it aroused me, she grabbed my balls and my penis like she had never grabbed them before, so much force. It hurt but again it raised my Horniness level to 200 (100 is the max), she (also a first) twisted my nipples, she was on fire. There was no talk. After (perhaps 10) some minutes she took of her panties and started riding me, also very aggressively I lasted quite a bit but noticed that I would soon come, I didn't want to, but I also didn't want to interrupt the fun she was having so I didn't say anything. The trance she was in she didn't even notice and she kept moving forwards and backwards on top of my cock which didn't get small right away. 3 minutes later it was small and i told her. She had an enormous smile, fell of me hugged me and we both slept.

At 5am I woke up and wanted to put the device on but the erection I had thinking of her didn't allow me.. We were both extremely happy and even though I had an orgasm I am still in the submissive set of mind. I love it and want to stay there.

Love my Goddess, interesting how this is evolving..! Exciting times for sure.

 

Oh wow!
The pushing myself to be more submissive is working most of the times. I enjoy it. Friday the kids were not the easiest, to say the least, and there was some friction between me and my Goddess but nothing too bad and I was still being nice and submissive. The kids went up to watch there 30 minutes of daily tele and my wife joined them. The 3 of them used up the entire sofa. I lay on the floor with a cushion. Now the kids didn't see me and there was no open sub play. But I did give her a few kisses on the feet which the kids didn't see.

After a while, she told me: "thank you for bringing me back and letting me relax and enjoy", my cage tightened because up until this very moment I wasn't sure what she thinks of the rituals I started of kissing her feet etc... So it was the first feedback that she enjoys it and gets something out of it.

Kids went to bed and she asked for a full body massage which I was very happy to give her. She went to sleep on the massage table and there wasn't much action after. I was totally fine with that.

The next day we prepared for some friends to come over for a BBQ. I looked after the kids while she went out to meet a carpenter who should be working on an apartment we are planning to let out. I had fun with the kids until she came back. I went to the supermarket to do the shopping while she looked after the kids.

When I came back until the day ended there was total harmony between us. I wasn't submissive on show but would deal with any request she had and it wasn't that many so our friends didn't notice.

We both drank a little bit too much, took the kids to bed and then we talked. It was pretty emotional she was so extremely happy and said she doesn't remember seeing me so happy as I am now and that it such an amazing moment we are having together. She is on her days so all she asked me for is to use the magic wand on her. After which she teased me until near my O (one time only) and then we hugged and watched Tele, me with a raging hard-on and her smiling. After a while, i put on the cage and we slept.


Yesterday was a struggle, the kids were intense as they were probably missing some sleep and so there was no total harmony but thankfully no fights between me and goddess. (Should I call her Mistress L?) The day went by and she had hinted about some kind of punishment all week. I wasn't sure if she was serious but when the kids were in bed she told me to get ready.

Take off your cage and come here. I did as requested but it wasn't fast enough for her. She took her riding crop and hit it forcefully on the bed. With an extremely firm voice, she said if you are not here by three you will be in a lot of trouble. Adrenaline built and I got ready.

There was no warm up. The first hit was a sting. A brutal sting, I went down so that my penis touched the bed and my knees were on the floor. My face buried in a pillow. She gave me a few more hard hits until she commanded me to get on my knees NOW. In a loud and firm voice, she made clear that it had to be in an instant. I was scared and I was contemplating using the safe word. I was thinking to stop her to tell her all about warming up a punishment and not starting off hard but I did none of that. I just took the hits as they came.

We didn't count them but I believe it was between 15 and 20. For each hit she had a reason. If it was the one fingernail I hadn't cut when she asked me to or the few dead flowers that I didn't see when she told me to take out ALL the dead flowers (i had missed some in the guest bathroom). There were lots of small reasons for this punishment .

*****
*Warning* If you are easily grossed out stop reading here.
*****

Then she took off her clothes and asked me to get a towel. She told me she is in her days and she wants me to clean her. I thought it is part of the punishment and she wanted me to lick her despite her days but that wasn't the case.

She asked me to clean her with some wet wipes. I didn't do it the right way as she told me "I am supposed to get exciting from that" So I told her - this is all about you and if I do it it is because I want to and I am not grossed out by anything and I went to clean her with my tongue. There was no resistance from her and she enjoyed it. She was at the end of her period so there was hardly any blood. When I was finished I thanked her both for the spanking for trying to make me a better husband but also for the trust she gave me in allowing to lick her during her period.

Then she teased me quite a bit and we cuddled and watched a movie. The marks she left yesterday are still visible but when I think about the spanking I don't have any negative thoughts, quite the contrary. I am very excited that she punished me after she had announced she would. I also reassured her in the morning that I know the safe word and that I would use it if she ever crossed the line into unacceptable territory. I told her I was close to using it but didn't want her to dial it down.

I love Mistress L - I am so happy she is my wife and so happy we are going down this route. Oh, and she made a little bit of progress on the book but she said so far she applied nothing from the book. So I am in for some more surprises I guess...

 

yesterday i was unwell. as i commute by bike but the last 10 minutes are only uphill i called my KH and asked if she can pick me up. she did and then i asked for permission to go straight to bed with my phone without any servitude - she agreed and actually looked after me.

But that felt so wrong and so weird for me. My bike was still in the car and out of the gates so i said i would get it in and get the bike out and she told me she would do that for me. I couldn't let her do that.. I am so used to serving her that it just felt wrong. Also when one of the kids came asking for water it was interesting my KH waiting for me that I will go until she realized that I was not well enough.

I am better today although not 100% so lets see what this evening brings. We have friends over to celebrate Valentines Assume it will be Vanilla, they don't know I am locked and my Wife doesn't want to tell but there will be some sexual questions.. as I saw in the group chat.

 

Turbulent times

Ever since my wife came back at the end of January we had amazing times. No real arguments, me very submissive her dominant. She manages to put some fear in to me when she tells me
that i will be punished. started taking notes of mistakes i make and hinting at punishment.

i kiss her feet twice per day when nobody else is around and feel safe.

Come Saturday night, something was off. I was not as submissive as normal, my wife was very irritated and we kept arguing it went so far that
I gave her the silent treatment and stopped talking to her all together. First time i did it that extreme but it helped me. I wouldnt shout back at her when i feel shouted at and
not add any extra fuel to the fire. We went to bed not talking, woke up not talking. Until the next day I asked her to meet in a cafe before we both came back to he kids, we talked it out.

At the end I told her, just so you know, didnt touch your Penis and didnt take of the cage. She replied. You better hope you didnt but you used your phone during the day and you
will be punished for it. And zack I was back in Sub Mode. She drove home, i took the bike (like every day). At home I gave her my phone, we slept the kids, she did some ball torture and
afterwards she rode me. "You don't have permission to come", 2 minutes later I screamed STOPP..

And then she waited a bit, rode a little more and turned around. Thank you. I told her. "You didn't come", she said doesn't matter. I begged her, but I want you to come.
To which she said, sorry I got distracted. Managed to convinced her to give it another try and she came twice - while I didn't. We are back were we belong and are both very happy. I love Mistress L.

 

While I am not sure anybody is reading my rambles I didn't tell about our valentines date with 3 other couples...

It was a lot of fun - and very sexual.. but no question came near asking about my CD.. Questions were about pegging, who is in charge of big decisions, faking orgasms etc.. and it was a lot of fun.. But no real secrets revealed..

 

I GOT PEGGED by Mistress L.
And it was A. M. A. Z. I. N. G. More details later.

Happy, and in love ❤️

 

Things are going very well, we are having a great time and i was able to stay submissive most of the time.
On Friday we were both very tired and I jokingly said i want to fuck. She answered oh I can fuck you if you want. But I knew she was tired, didn't even know if I wanted it but said oh yeees pleeeease!
She asked, "Are you sure? You told me you needed to hours warning to clean up and get stretched" and I very nervously said - Yes, I am sure. Right away I put in the plug and I was pretty nervous since the one dildo we have is 4cm thick at the head. To say I was a little scared is a understatement...

Once it was time I helped her get it on (SpareParts Hardwear Joque) and the locally purchased dildo with the 4cm head. I put a Condom over it and made sure to put plenty of lube on the dildo and in my a**.
She was ever so gentle. There was some minimal pain... It seemed that she gets more and more inside. I moaned pretty load. Seemed like I am not controlling the pleasure moans. When it was over I was sad... Wanted it to last a lot longer but it was over because she got soooo horny.. So she said, bring me my toy (the wand) and she finished herself off. She was surprised she liked it so much and surprised how horny she got.
To be repeated!

 

We are now at the end of March.. I have been pegged three times. Last time yesterday. It was weird. I didn't like it. the past weeks have been fantastic., we were in so much so my KH just asked me what I wanted to do with her and I asked her to peg me. There was no foreplay and that might have been the issue. While I had the plug in all day in anticipation. I just didn't like it. It didn't hurt per se but it felt uncomfortable and definitely not good. She didn't feel good about it either. At the end we just talked and said lets forget this one but continue with pegging another time.

The changes that are going on in our Relationship are so cool, we are both so much in love. We went out Thursday night and she told me that she loves me so much and she is so proud of the marriage we have now. The family we are with our 2 kids. A few weeks ago we talked about the cage and the lifestyle and she told me if it wasn't for the cage we would probably be divorced by now...

Our nights also changed in the past few weeks. In the past she always thought she needs to pleasure me, unlock me and play with my cock. On Saturday she told me. I am tired. There will be nothing sexual for you today and then she said, well help me undress me but leave on my underwear. Then she said. Get down there and smell my pussy, but don't touch. She said, can you smell it? I am wet. But there is nothing for you today as you are punished, and I am tired.

The comment about being punished came because I told her Thursday how important it is for me to be punished as it has an effect on me when she promises punishment but it would work better if she follows through more I told her it doesn't have to be spanking, she can choose how she wants to punish me. So seems she is experimenting. We fell asleep in each others arms. But the fact that she let me smell her pussy and she made a comment about being wet made the difference for me. That was enough stimulation for me.


On Sunday Morning I asked permission to shower with her and I was granted permission. she pleased my cock which was amazing. Then she just left me there with a raging erection. I was so horny that I was fantasizing about her getting rid of my erection via ball torture. I asked her permission to tell her my fantasy and I did: "One of my fantasies is that you hurt my balls so hard that I loose the erection", she smiled and said - we can do that, sure, but not now. Get ready and put your cage on.

I love my KH "My Lady" as I should call her from now on and the past weeks were amazing, full of love and full of harmony.

 

Something I forgot to mention which helps keep me submissive and it became a routine I love. My wife and my kids watch one episode on Netflix before we bath them. A little controversial I know since the Kids are with us but I started lying on the floor with a pillow while the kids and my wife watch the episode but while they all watch I am under her feet and kiss them (kids don't see that part). Normally in front of the kids we act like a normal couple, however it is noticeable that she pulls the strings and that I am a very nice husband offering to get stuff and do stuff when necessary.

In this journal I also didn't mention that my smart phone is off limits from when I get home until the kids are in bed and this certainly improved our relationship, my mood and also my submissiveness. As soon as I enter our house I hand my smart phone over to my Lady.

 

I continue in Submission mode. My Lady was out from Monday till today on a work trip. We were very connected during this time and even though sending me sexy pictures used to be a hard limit for her she sent me a picture that made me real horny. It was a upskirt picture where I saw almost nothing but the dress, and the legs.... but it was my Lady in business clothes and it had a huge effect on me.

She came home this morning just before I went out to work. I hugged her, we kissed and I kissed her feet which immediately sent me in to submission mode again. She liked it and gave me a few spanks on my dressed bum.

Curious what the weekend will bring. We are both tired today so lets see. Expect nothing and enjoy surprises..

 

thanks @LesterBallard I agree.

Here is how the weekend developed.
I had no expectations for Friday night. Thought she would probably sleep early on Friday. I was thinking, she deserves it. When I came home in the evening she was in a bad mood but I didn't let it bother me, I helped her with the kids, we went to the park with them, then bathed them and had dinner and sent them to bed. After my submissive phase this bad mood probably would have caused a fight.

My wife had ordered 7 kg of strawberries from a farmer that we were waiting for. She was impatient and I told her, you go to bed and I wait for them. She said, no.. I am horny... So we went upstairs, she asked for her toy (her wand) and told me to take of the jail (as she calls my looker II) I was away for 3 minutes max... and she was fast asleep. She didn't play with her toy.. She was exhausted from the business trip, the night flight, working in the day, also having the kids around that were missing their mum....

I walked down to the living room uncaged, drank wine and watched my phone but didn't play with myself. So proud. I locked up again before going to bed as I am now comfortable sleeping with the device on... not sure how many nights with the device off until I would have problems again when sleeping with the device on. So I prefer to lock up for sleeping.

The next day started nice, I made breakfast for my wife, my mother in law for the kids (she lives with us at the moment, visiting from abroad) but later on in the morning the kids started to get annoying, at least the older one.

At lunch (the kids ate early, we would be eating at a friends house) I almost lost patience with my son so i left for the bed room. I was just lying there trying to calm down. Had all sorts of things on my mind. Don't remember what it was but I needed to check some facts on the internet so I took my mobile to look something up. Then comes my lady.. AHA.. I thought that is what you are doing, you are with the phone. Should you be on the phone? She lectured me....

Then... "pants down, on the bed" when she says that I immediately obey, but I don't look forward to what comes next. She gives me a few swats with the riding crop, explaining with every swat what it is for. Then she says: "What have I asked you for? What do you need with your son? I say, apologize? She says maybe but that was still the wrong answer and then swat.... She asks again, I don't remember if I said patience first or it was her. But then she hit me again - P.a.t.i.e.n.c.e Then she spells it P->swat, a> swat, you get the idea. I think she repeated it again with the spelling.. (ouch) I was supposed to be on my knees holding still but the swats are so hard and painfull that from time to time i fall on the bed lying on my belly. She continues but then orders me up as she says she can't administer my punishment when I am lying down.......

When she was finished I hugged her, apologized and told her I love her and thanked her for helping me be a better husband and father.

Then we left for a friends house where we were invited for a late lunch BBQ (around 2.30 pm). I got drunk and we all left happy at the kids sleep time. We were in perfect harmony and my wife wanted to ride my dick. She asked me to unlock which I did, quickly cleaned up and after only a little warming up she climbed on top. No "no cumming for you" from her which meant I was allowed to cum and that was in my head, I didn't want to cum... She was having so much fun riding and then she exploded. I was relieved... She asked, you seriously didn't come by now? She was really excited about that fact and laughed and said... You are an awesome lover and you didn't come.. hehe so you won't. It was a pretty long ride which I enjoyed, I was close. Think I didn't come because of all the alcohol).I told her I was happy about that fact as I loved myself more when I am in Sub mode and I don't like the "down mood" of the orgasm.

She told me, now go to sleep you are drunk and need to rest, I will watch my series. Sunday was a nice day in perfect harmony and she touched my balls a little in the evening. An awesome weekend and I can clearly feel that I am getting less sexual. I am always ready and horny if she wants sex but I have no issue if she is tired, I don't constantly think about masturbating but am very much in love and happy with "my Lady"

 

The chastity journey brought interest in ball play. My Lady squeezes my balls and she slaps them with her hands. I decided I want more or at least give her the possibility of doing more. I fantasize of her kneeling me or kicking me in the balls. I know it is not really sane and perhaps she will ignore or decide she doesn't want to but I think there is a chance that she gets turned on by my suggestion.

Wanted to set a dinner date with her for yesterday but something got in the way. Once I have something new in my head it is hard for me not to burst it right out. However I will be patient. What am I getting myself in to?

 

Not that much happening here. no dinner date yet..

when our paths meet in the house and nobody is watching she often grabs my balls and squeezes them lightly. When it happened this weekend I begged her to squeeze harder... harder... just destroy them I said, her reply was no, I need them. But she did squeeze a lot harder than usual.

On Friday my Lady was extremely tired. I told her that I would massage her feet and told her to try to sleep. I told her I would continue the massage until 15 minutes after she falls asleep. She loved it.

Saturday I got really drunk and she seemed very pissed off with me but didn't want to tell me why/what. She said I don't want to fight. So I went to sleep without talking or saying good night. In the middle of the night I woke up and hugged her, she was watching her phone and she actually apologized in the morning. No action..

Sunday she ordered me to take of "my jail" as she calls the looker2, she then squeezed my balls 5 or 6 times really really hard. It hurt but I like it after that she told me that she felt nausea and we stopped. It was the first time in ages that I slept uncaged. Every time I woke up I had an erection.

Yesterday we had some issues again which will probably lead to me being punished for loosing my P.a.t.i.e.n.c.e I my Lady

 

Even though I didn't have an orgasm in almost 90 days I had a rough week, not feeling very submissive. We had issues with our boy and honestly just had a bad week as a family.

Things are looking up. I am forcing myself to be more submissive and she already noticed. I remembered to buy her a huge arrangement of flowers which she should receive today. I do this almost every 3 months (sometimes 2, sometimes 5..) so I am excited to see her reaction. Love my Lady.

 

The last weeks or months have not been easy.
I have at times struggled to stay very submissive and we had a boatload of other troubles I won't bore you with. However we definitely argue and fight a lot less then we used to. My feeling is about 10 to 20% of previous and we make peace a lot sooner.

I hadn't had an orgasm since February 7th (looked it up in this journal). She played with me in that time but didn't want my services. I think I was inside her once and also allowed to please her orally once. Since a few days we are feeling better again. Some things cleared in our private live which made a lot of worries go away. So we started playing again. My Lady asked me to go down on her and it is one of my favourite activities that turns me on so much. She then rode my cock and without her saying it i knew I was allowed to cum. But I didn't, I didn't want to and she finished faster. She was happy I didn't come and proud of me for having stamina.

I slept unlocked and the following night again. In the mornings I would get up and play with myself, something I hadn't been doing in the past months. Why? Because I wanted to and I was sure I wouldn't over do it, or was I? This morning the exact same, at a later point I put on the device, wanted to leave the key in the safe box but I couldn't lock it as the lock combination was twisted. So just before going to work I think of just one more tease, unlock and play with myself and manage (unwanted) to ruin myself. The amount of sperm running down my penis was enormous. Don't think I ever had so much. This is stupidity and reminds me of Lucy's question why do you want to lock up if then you are going to cheat anyway. I have no answer to that question. I didn't want to cheat. But I did it.

I called my Lady and told her we needed to talk. But she wanted to know what happened, she was so worried about me so I told her that I played with myself. 5 minutes later I get a text. "I love you, you need to be punished, be prepared". No idea what she has planned but I am happy that she takes her role seriously. I am still sad and angry at myself for ruining the perfect run and my longest so far of 104 days.

Also she still hasn't read the book, she will never read the book, but who cares... We are in this together and are progressing at our own speed. I love my Lady and she loves her subby.

 

It has been about a month since I played with myself or had an orgasm. Thinking about what happened when I last wrote just makes me sad.

I have been good, my Lady was away for almost a week and the interesting thing is I didn't have any sexual energy or even lust to play with myself. When my Lady came home I was happy as usual the first night she just wanted to sleep.

However she did tell me that I am not submissive enough and she told me she thinks I need to be spanked and fucked in the ass....

That is just what she did. First she spanked me and then she took me from behind. I loved it, every minute of it. She asked for a short break after about 5 minutes and then she continued. It felt great but it wasn't long enough for an orgasm (which I never had from pegging) and at one point she was done, exhausted and happy. So I asked her if she wanted me to play with her toy or if she wanted to and she said, no thanks, I am happy, I already came.

I have been fantasizing about more ball torture:

and so after our session was done I just flat out asked her if she could do me a favor. it was weird since it was not for punishment.. i just want to get her there. so i said would you please do me a favor? She said of course. I said kick me in the balls please with your foot.

She was "Are you serious"? With my foot. I said, yes please. I knelt in front of her. And she was amazing because she told me why she was going to hit me, she talked down to me, lectured me and then, bam the first one, I took it well, the second one too, the third one and fourth ones hurt and the fifth one was the best hit which sent quite a bit of pain up my stomach.

I was thankful to her that she did it, it was more painful then I had imagined but I would certainly want her to do it again , weird, right?

I keep trying to go deeper in our FLR and what I am hoping to achieve is that she takes punishment more serious. It doesn't have to be physical, it can also be time out, writing lines, whatever - but I wish she would take more control. Love my Lady.

 

We are back After the amazing session we had on Saturday I felt a lot more connected to my KH and "my Lady", as she asks me to call her. I decided it was time for a talk.

I told her that I was happy with the journey we took together that for me it wasn't imaginable that when sexually fantasizing it would be exclusively about her. That is what I read on a forum that could happen if I stopped PMO (Porn Masturbation / Orgasm). I stopped and exactly this happens. I still think about sex all the time but it always includes my Lady.

I told her that I loved the time when she was more dominant and I was more submissive and she told me she too misses that time. So I thanked her for the session we had Saturday and that I loved all of it and especially thanked her for trying the ball kicking.

We talked a lot about punishment and I told her that I want to be punished on a regular basis and this is what helps me to get in submissive mode. I told her about the various options that also included non physical punishment like writing lines or corner time. She took it well and asked me for a foot massage which seemed to never stopped. While I did it she decided to watch Netflix but without consideration for me. I asked her several times if the massage was enough and she told me to continue. I think I did it for an hour but loved it.

We cuddled and went to sleep afterwards. Love this Lady. Know she will be more strict and looking forward to punishment.

 

agreed. thanks Rectrix, I communicated my desires now it is time to hold back again. Though from what we discussed yesterday she is very much on board. I haven't been communicating about my wants and needs a lot as I didn't want to top from the bottom. but sometimes it is necessary to have these convos.