Permanent chastity? Indefinite? Lifestyle? Sealed? Got any other terms you like or hate?

Yes!

Me being on the Identity side of chastity, Cage Chastity (as in "unleash the kraken...") looks like Adventure Chastity, but now you describe it, isn't.

Somebody else on Fetlife suggested "chastity as performance enhancer", which I'll call Enhancer Chastity.

That's neat because it gives us four broad styles, fitting the (rough and unscientific, but still handily descriptive) typology of the Personality Colour chart.

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So, clockwise:

• Cage (Red): "Penis so powerful, it must be controlled by somebody else."
• Spice (Yellow): "Penis on a rollercoaster."
• Eraser (Green): "What penis?"
• Enhancer (Blue): "Caution! Penis building up pressure."

I think any given chastity relationship can be more than one of these, and that whatever the baseline, most chastity is also a Spice.

However, I also think that often a narrative hides the real baseline. Some husbands try to spin Spice Chastity as really being Enhancer Chastity - "My porn habit makes me a bad hubby. If you lock me up and perhaps edge me and make me dress as a French maid..." And many couples start out with Spice Chastity, but end up in Eraser chastity.

 

Perhaps there's a fork in the road and two psychological paths for men when it comes to their interest in chastity. Exaggerating to make the point:

The right-hand path (Spice and Cage): "My cock is so awesome, she wants to own it!"

The left-hand path (Enhancer and Eraser): "My cock is so pathetic, even I don't want to own it."

Spice and Enhancer are a little ways down each path, and the ownership transfer is temporary or at least cyclical. The guy occasionally takes back ownership of his cock.

Cage and Eraser are at the far end of each path. Ownership transfer is "permanent" or at least "indefinite." He's given up ownership with no specific expectation of getting it back.

 

Oh, and I'd say "enhancer" probably isn't "if she locks it up for a while, it'll help with my porn habit" so much as "If I let her lock it up, maybe she'll take more interest in it." That could be where the spice/enhancer confusion comes from. Real "spice" would never lead to eraser. It's based on "she's already interested in my cock, but letting her have control of it sometimes is fun for both of us."

Enhancer is more like "what can I do to make my cock more interesting to her?" That could certainly lead to Eraser.

 

Oh, that's brilliant! You're addressing the underlying myths.

I think for this to be useful, we need to be clear what level of abstraction(?) we are addressing. Perhaps my typology really describes "Behaviours as Observed by a Martian"?

If so, then the same Penis Myth potentially applies to more than one Behaviour, e.g. "My cock is powerful and therefore must be Erased."

Perhaps what determines the Behaviour is the intersection of the Wearer's Penis Myth with that of their Partner?

 

Similarly, perhaps some of my Eraser path comes from ambivalence over the destructive aspects of masculinity, which is kind of "powerful penis" myth.

However.

If we combine the Allen Caged/Denied Matrix with the English Typology, we at least have a way to describe what we think we do, especially if the typology has two letters.

So my letters would be "ES": Eraser/Spice.

Tom's would be.. CS: "Cage/Spice" as he likes to have his manhood "owned", and his chastity serves as a spice in sexy time.

We'd need to tidy up the names to avoid duplicating letters. (Also Cage needs to be "Brand" instead, since that implies ownership.)

 

It's a good point. I think we need to consider carefully how all this will aid discussion.

We started with my observation that sometimes it's a bit like trans, then we expanded to include other types.

Perhaps it's enough initially to catalogue broad types - sweet spots people occupy - and then worry about parameters.

 

I like precise language too.

Consider another perspective:
This whole discussion is an exercise in calibrating the extreme upper right corner of Tom’s chastity matrix. I like the matrix very much. It is full of interesting information about our CM community. Although there are many conclusions to be drawn from the matrix once it’s been populated, I would suggest that many are using it to compare their version of chastity to others. Permanent chastity then represents the ultimate chastity experience and those members (pun intended) thus eternally confined are somehow holier.

Gentlemen, it is not a competition. Let us simply enjoy our chastity journeys. If we must add decimal points to our ratings to discriminate between a 9.34, 9.50 and a 9.98, 9.62, then by all means do it.

grayfelix

 

No, that really isn't the intent. I think upthread I even said that Adventure Chastity couples had more fun than the rest of us and were probably more conventionally sexually healthy.

Personally, what I want from this is to define what the common clusters are, so I can understand myself better and better help others. For example, Tom and I have very similar lockup patterns, but quite different relationships. That's useful to know.

Also, at the moment, there's a tendency to assume a particular playful kind of chastity is the default, which I think is unhelpful for those trying to make chastity work in a relationship. Lots of statements like, "This mistress should..." "Ruined orgasms should..." etc.

 

The confusion is because we tend to blur in our minds "cock" and "sexual being" and so you can freely substitute the two words. It's your sexual being that she's using, and which isn't pathetic. It's just your cock that she's locked up. Your mind lets the two concepts slide back and forth as necessary to maintain the fun.

Walking past some cute women while your cock is locked in a steel cage? -->SLIDE--> Your cock is your sexual being and your wife has asserted ownership of this valuable thing.

Pounding her with a vikskin while your cock is in a steel cage? <--SLIDE--< Your sexual being is fucking your wife in a powerful display of virility.

But wait, does your wife still own your sexual Bering? >--SLIDE--> Yes, it's locked in a steel cage she has the keys to.

But wait, does that mean she's not using my sexual being? <--SLIDE--< Of course she's using it, it's fucking her with the Vikskin.

 

Yes this!

I think a chastity cage can be like a rubber wrist band. Mostly it's comforting, but sometimes it gets pinged, and then wearing it suddenly becomes exciting.

Your comment highlights the problem that there are many layers to this. We're trying to put down some pins, but we have to decide which layer we're doing this on.

 

LOL! I got lost trying to follow this discussion many posts back. #betterthingstodo

 

OK I think I have it:

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This describes broad motivation, making it easier to discuss what we do, and also to work out how to do it more satisfyingly:

Locked/Unlocked identifies whether the chastity is broadly about being locked, or focussed on anticipating and then experiencing the unlocking.

Personal/Impersonal is about whether the chastity is mandated by person, or something more notionally impersonal, e.g. a timetable or a training plan, or a rule, even if it is imposed by a person including the wearer.

• Tom would be LP
• I'm a LI.
  
• Released by partner for sex would be a UP.
• On a masturbation schedule would be UI.

This is potentially useful for articulating what we are asking for, and for understanding the love language of a relationship.

For example, Tom's wife owns his penis, mine likes me not to have one; the dynamic is quite different. And, somebody on an impersonal masturbation schedule would find it weird to be offered early release.

I suspect when it comes to verbal teasing and play, men on the Locked Row "want" to hear threats to be locked longer, whereas those on the Unlocked Row "want" to be teased about the possibility of being unlocked.


NB: "Keyholder" and "Rule" might be better than "Personal" and "Impersonal".

 

Ahhhhh! The 2 X 2 matrix. I knew we'd get there!

Thus, we can have Tom's "mechanical" matrix.......and Giles' "motivational matrix".

Elegant in its simplicity.

 

It’s as permanent as you make it.

 

Based upon the "hyperlinks to your Mistress and your blogs"....you are definitely the person to moderate and guide this thread.

 

I think it describes the map for different paths. It might at least prompt people to ask themselves the right questions.

I am not happy with the terminology, though. Help me think this through?

For Personal/Impersonal, I think something like Whim/Rules would be better.

You're either obeying another person's Whim - which may potentially be dynamic and shifting - or obeying some kind of Rules, which may be imposed by another person, but are not so easily changed. The test is, "Could technology do this instead"?

For About Being Locked/About Being Unlocked... I'm not sure. It doesn't quite capture it. Being/Enduring might be better?

What do you think?

 

OK, so we have

• Locked by Keyholder (K) or Rule (R)
• About Enduring chastity (E) or About Being in chastity (B)

I meant this to supplement your matrix, which would handle the denial or not aspects, though if the chastee is getting of anally while locked...

I think that's OK. It's a jumping off point for self-description:

• "R/B in order to be better at receiving anal"
• "R/B because my wife likes me that way."
• "K/E because my wife wants to own my dick"
• "K/E" because my wife likes to tease and deny me."

How does that work for you?

 

Giles, am I reading this correctly? You have the makings of a classic 2 X 2 matrix but did not report four combinations. Perhaps I wasn't reading ALL of the posts clearly a enough. You DESCRIBE four conditions but list two combos twice. Again, I might have messed up.

For example, wouldn't "because my wife likes me that way" be stated as K/B?

 

I was just trying out a couple of obvious ones, please help by seeing if others fit the matrix

"Because my wife likes me that way" is R/B because it would work just as well if the lockup were enforced by a disinterested 3rd party, and because it's about Being locked up rather than Enduring chastity with a focus on the possibility of release.

 

These are the most recent proposed parameters:

• Locked by Keyholder (K) or Rule (R)
• About Enduring chastity (E) or About Being in chastity (B)

I think that the K/R is good because it is probably clear cut one or the other. We would definitely be K. My wife puts it on and decides when to take it off.

E/B I am not clear on because I think it is not all inclusive. (Sort of like using black and white to describe a color picture.) For me it is about the experience of having her and I share an intimate private endeavor. I don't know how that would fit into E/B.

We are also very 'bottom left' on Tom's chart and that may make our experience vey different from most on this site. I am enjoying this discussion a lot.