On telling your girlfriend or wife.

The truth will set you free

 

My Goddess knew about my cages months before we even got together, it wasn't until a bit later that she really found out how it all works and got super turned on by them.

The first night i was locked up and she was teasing and torturing me in the cage with a blowjob she realized she REALLLLLLLY likes chastity torture

 

take it slowly. DOn't jump in with the full "lock me up forever" idea. Remember, this has been playing out in your head for a long time. It won't have been in hers. She needs time to think about it, in particular what the benefits are to her, the attractions from her perspective, the reasons that would want her to consider it seriously.

good luck

 

From the GF/SO's perspective, this is a massive paradigm change. She might not take to it straight away; it might take her time. Be patient and prepared to answer (some very strange) questions. Invite her to talk to you about it.

Our first attempt failed mainly because I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my husband wanted me to receive pleasure and that was his pleasure point. I became very self-conscious about being the only one with an orgasm and ultimately started avoiding the whole thing. It took quite a while and a lot of talking to get me to want to try again.

 

I am guessing that you are not wearing a CD in your new girlfriends presence and that chastity is something you really want to try. If you got as far as being engaged to your previous girlfriend before you mentioned your desire then I would respectfully suggest that the sooner you bring the subject up with your new GF the better so it avoids the heartbreak of a broken engagement.

If chastity is so important to you maybe it is better to be completely upfront about it and seek out a GF who is at least open to the benefits of keeping her male chaste.

A good start might be to say that you really want to be true to her and feel a CD device would ensure you do not stray.

 

I liked the idea someone posted during another previous question where they too wanted suggestions for approaching this and similar processes and the answer they proposed was to make the suggestion that both parties make a simple wish list. On the list "keep it simple" suggest each write down a couple od suggestions of things that might be fun to explore or try with each other and see what transpires. The secret is to talk openly as early as possible about things that inspire or turn you both on either from experience or just the desire to try. If you are open to at least bring things into discussion then anything is possible. Good luck

 

I agree with @slave stroppy - talking is essential. If she isn't into it at first but is willing to try give her a chance to explore it. If she says no straight away and doesn't agree to give it a go at all, under any circumstances, then pull back - pressuring her into it won't work. Chastity is a shared activity and both partners need to be at least somewhat willing to try it out on a very small vanilla scale.

 

Dev810, you don't say it in your post but I think maybe it's possible that you are ashamed of your own kinks - chastity and whatever else turns you on. Believe me, I speak with a lot of experience about shame and lack of self acceptance.

If I'm right about that you don't fully accept the kinky parts of yourself you're the one you need to speak with first. Your chances of getting a positive response are much higher if you can look her in the eyes and say, basically, "This is who I am. I accept myself and I hope you will accept me. All of me."

 

Very wise words.
The truth WILL set you free, truth to yourself or truth to another.

 

Baby steps. I'd like to be locked up and give you control. The idea turns me on. Can we try it for a weekend?

Check in with her. Praise her. Tell her you love it.

 

How you approach this depends your own feelings on it.

If you are into chastity to control your habit of self pleasure, to aid in tease and denial, or in to female dominance. There can be a mix of all of it or just one of them.

Just to control your self pleasure is an easy one, ask for help. Her holding the key and taking charge of your needs is a burden, one they may enjoy, but it is work that you are asking her to hold that responsibility. When asking for a favor, you tell them your problem, your solution, and request they help you. This is an easy one, and probably the most accepted by significant others.

Tease and denial? That is more of a hands on role, one that requires active effort on her part and is more sexual in nature. As with any kink or sexual request, of course they may not be into what you like and the answer may be no. That being said, if you are honest with them about what you like and what turns you on, most partners will give something a try, or at least compromise with something similar that they feel more comfortable with. “Do you know what turns me on and what I’d really like to try?” That being said, that should be enough for them to at least feel comfortable enough to try. If a partner openly feels like sharing that information, or doing anything differently than the norm is too much, this isn’t going to work. They have already decided, no new activities are welcome or will be tolerated. You are out of luck.

Female dominance? This is the most difficult one to bring up. This one actually may be asking someone to abandon their sense of their own identity, and ask them to identify as something else. I’m not saying they can’t change, she won’t enjoy it, or it is impossible. I’m just saying that if they feel uncomfortable being dominant, they may never be into it. Forcing this issue can turn things weird for her. This can be brought up like the tease and denial, with a simple explanation of what you find hot and would like to try. With this I would explain a little more about your identity. Your deep need to submit, and how you feel without being submissive and how you would feel with her in charge. I would not recommend all the things that you would do for her, or how this will make you better. This reeks of a con and they may be leery of why you can’t do that stuff without it. The benefits are better shown than explained.

Finally I would like to say that most I think have a pretty good idea of how they will react. They know their partner, and know what they will say and how they will react. So if you know she will never be a dominant female led marriage kind of gal, maybe don’t even go there, start with what you think she would accept. The easiest route is to be honest, say this is something that is important to you, and that you really want her help to make this happen.

Good luck

 

i was open to my now wife, then girlfriend 11 years ago about my fetishes, femdom, leather/pvc, boots etc. went down like a lead balloon.

to be fair she did let me buy her a pvc nurse dress but it was only worn a handful of times
she now flatly refuses to do anything with regards to being sexy or erotic. her sex drive is almost non existent.

mine is quite high and i’ve told her i am going to lock myself, i did ask her to be the KH but that was refused also, she does not want to see or feel it. we are in love, deeply, and i am sacrificing intimacy for her. hopefully she will realise that i am not a sex mad pervert one day and be open to being the KH and controlling my desires.

being open and honest is good, but just be careful.

 

Is it about telling her about your fetish (and want her to join this) or do you want to ask her to take full control over your orgasm and/or become devoted to serve her? In my case I've asked my love to take over full control over my orgasms and my wish to be more submissive to her. Finally that became the fundament to discuss more about how we moved forward. Once we had a few open and intimate discussions about this, finally we developped our way of chastity. Goodluck!

 

There's plenty of good advice in *how* to tell her. But whatever you do you MUST tell her and soon. Accept yourself. This need is not going away. You've already hurt one woman by a late disclosure and now by your own admission you're "quietly hurting [another] relationship." Man up and tell her. If she loves you it'll work out.

 

I was lucky I guess, I didn’t have to tell my wife as it was all her idea, we were already in a bdsm lifestyle and she discovered chastity on line, she shows me as soon as I got home the same day and told me to order a cage and to prepare to locked.

 

I think one should be very careful here and probably avoid that language. "Straying" implies sleeping with others and if that's what it is intended to mean, I don't think any girlfriend is going to be happy about you telling her that you're not sure you can stay faithful. Telling her that the only way you might *not* sleep with another woman is if you are put in a chastity device isn't going to do anything to paint you are trustworthy or desirable, and certainly won't make her feel special.

On the other hand if "straying" here was intended to mean having moments of weakness and masturbating behind her back, then she might well be receptive to that. The guy could say, perhaps, that he recognises that he has a high sex drive and is looking for a way to channel it exclusively for her benefit. He could tell his girlfriend that he'd like to masturbate less and focus his sexual energy more on her when she needs it, but is finding it difficult to achieve this, and ask her what she thinks.

He doesn't even need to mention a device to start with, just float the concept of restricting his masturbation and by extension, his orgasms without her involvement, and gauge her reaction/responses. She'll appreciate that he's asking for advice for the benefit of their relationship and her enjoyment, and is more likely to get in sync with the idea.

It's the idea that matters, first and foremost, and then the implementation part becomes relatively easy. Using any sort of toy or equipment in a consensual space is really just the implementation of an idea, whether it's rope as a way of doing restraint, a blindfold as a way of doing sensory deprivation, or a chastity device as a way of doing orgasm restriction. Once she's on board with the concept of him giving up some of his pleasure to please her more, playing a fun little game and locking his penis in a cage should be no big deal. It might start as just something he does just during sessions, then maybe "just for the weekend", before extending it further as both are comfortable with it.

Disclaimer: I am not in chastity nor do I have an SO at the moment to even experiment, these are just my thoughts.

 

There's two old jokes about the difference between Sexy and Kinky...

1)
What's the difference between sexy and kinky?
Sexy is using a feather.
Kinky is using the whole chicken.

2)
What's the difference between sex and kink?
Sex is what you talk about with your mates down the pub.
Kink is what you won't talk about with your mates down the pub.

The thing is, there isn't really a hard line between them, it's a gradual blend from one vanilla extreme to the kinky other. And so it is with a partner. If you have a difficult topic to introduce or discuss, then break the big leap down into a number of small steps. Each small step is achievable, and hardly a step, over time you gradually move to where you want to be.

eg: you want to wear a chastity device with a piercing.

So start with teasing.
Then move on to teasing and denial.
Then maybe handcuffs behind the back. (can't touch yourself)
Then "how would if be if I wasn't allowed to touch myself, except when I'm with you"
Then "how would if be if I wasn't allowed to touch myself, except when I'm with you, and you give me permission"
...
until you get to
"Isn't it about time I sent you to get that Prince Albert?"

 

Maybe introduce it gently as a game not long term. Just something like I you've seen this device and it seems very arousing that she could control. You know more like you would have introduced a sex toy. Just don't make it a big deal. Later you could always take if future and please her extra when you wear it so she see the advantage of you wearing it.

 

I'm of the opinion that you need to be honest. If you have kinks that you are sure are beyond her current comfort zone or just more than you are willing to disclose, then tell her that. I just think that moving the goalposts without fair warning up front is going to make her feel like "it will never end".

So as an example, you might tell her that you want to try tease and denial now, and if it works for both of you that you have other fantasies that you don't want to discuss yet. That way she doesn't get the idea that T&D is the ultimate goal and get surprised later when you add chastity (or whatever) to the discussion.

For me, I just laid it all out. I haven't shared all my fantasies, but I gave her (the offer of) full control of my cock by lock and key.

She was open to the idea right away (she's very vanilla, but the idea of control is very appealing to her). But even so, it took months for her to process the idea and begin to act on it. About a year later, we were juuuust starting to play chastity on a regular basis, and honestly, we're probably moving at a faster pace than most couples. It's hard to wait, but I'd say patience is key (with occasional reminders that you are still wanting to explore this). She is likely to need some time to figure out what this all means, and she may avoid it as long as possible for fear that she won't like what she might learn.

Be patient. It's not a normal request, and some people will be freaked out by the idea. But also, get started, because this fantasy isn't going anywhere.

 

Hell NO!

Imagine the conversation.
What do you mean you need something to ensure yuo don't stray, do you think you re going to stray, or do you mean you don't want to stray again.. have you strayed in the past ....

..... A minefield of negative thoughts all introduced to her by by YOU. OWN GOAL!

Also if you turn around to your partner and say I want to change our sex life her first thought is going to be whats wrong with it... what does he think I am doing wrong.. you might as well be a kamikaze pilot

These two have helped me introduce it new partners before ...including my current one

Sarah Jameson has written a guide to male chastity called "Be careful what you wish for".
This covers the subject of introducing your partner to TTTWD in very vanilla gentle way slow steps to moving from introducing the concept to choosing and wearinga device to giveing her the keys. All vey tastefully done involving no nonsense initially about FLRs S&M or effeminisation and sissys etc.. All potential put offs at first.

Also... The science behind male chastity https://www.reuniting.info/node/4865
really does explain how and why it works ..or at least how and why it can for those that are open minded enough to try it.


Of course starting out by exploring or introducing aspects of S&M or femdom or even I suppose cross dressing first before even thinking about MC might work for some. Don't know much aboout those approaches.

 

Talk dirty during sex about it. That's a good time to see how she responds. And if she dislikes it, you can just say you were adding spice to the fun and nothing more.

 

Thinking about it
My then wife and I were browsing the net and we came across some CD on a sex toy site. We googled male chastity and got altarboys site before he lost his bottle and took down all the pictures.
She said lets try it look you have got hard just thinking about it.
I had .. though her playing with my penis the whoe time might have had something to do with it too

We ordered a cb-2K.. to
be honest I don't know how that damn thing did not put me off TTTWD for life.

On reflection I think it was she that had got in to the idea before we 'accidentally' discovered MC together

Iit is just one more way to broach the subject without scaring her off. which might work
You'll need to prep though. You need her to be in a good relaxed mood (would a little alcohol help lower inhibitions... hers ...not you need to be very sober even if you act not ) with whatever strategies you need to have in place to ensure no distractions whilst your looking at the different cages do your homework .. you need to accidentally find as site the really lays out what could be in it for her. What you don't want is loads of cock pics or any of the more extreme aspects of TTTWD... stick to T& D particularly D and all the advantages to her.. upto you then to play it the way that might appeal to her most

After all it is always about her isn't it? and it needs to be that way if its going work

If she is up for trying it with a lot of hard work you have a chance to make it more than just try.

You will have to show her the advantages and not complain about being denied too soon but do let her know it makes you feel like doing more for her..and then DO do more for her and before she asks, learn to anticipate. Even if it is yur intention to do so do not go soft and subby on her do not turn into wimp and do not go sissy on her you have to make it all about her. And if she is worth having as a partner she might start to show or even say she is feeling a little guilty about neglecting you. You know her best so I won't tell you how to respond to that .. but if compromising with the truth gets you both where you want to be there is little harm in it. If you do feel bad about a few fibs tell her later when you are 1/2 way through your second planned 3 month denial.. if you dare.

Good luck