New to the Mansion

Welcome to our community. I hope you find it helpful and enjoyable.

 

Hello and welcome to Chastity Mansion even though have been here awhile.

 

Welcome, and Yay!

I always recommend a bit of space and time to the male members, and don't see how it can't apply to you too. I guess I'm not sure of how far you'd like it to go, but it is Locktober for all of us, and perhaps a bit of light gameplay can be afoot? I dunno, a card game, a board game, a competition that is timed, a dice rolls.

There are ways you can make it fun. For example, "I will do that thing you like, if I lose, but if I win, you let me lock you up for 24 hrs, and tease you as much as I want, without removing it". It adds an element of a gamble for him, and a bit of fun for both of you.

I'm not sure if you have a device yet, but there are a lot of cb6000 device knockoffs on Amazon for 30 bucks, or so. They come with a variety of sizings in the package, and as far as it goes are pretty minor league stuff, so not too intimidating at first.

Good luck!

 

Hello and welcome. I wish you luck persuading your husband that chastity is the best way. The simple reason? It makes him a better husband, lover and human being. Good luck.

 

Get him to read up on the benefits. Read journals on here. I've been keeping one here since I've been in chastity, and I've been surprised how amazing denial feels, and how addictive too. Edging and denial is more intense than coming and lasts longer.

 

Welcome to the Mansion. Enjoy!

 

Hi there and welcome to the mansion!

 

Hi and welcome!

Your situation is certainly refreshing, if not unique. Most have to ask to be locked. That being said, like if you want him locked he has to want to be locked.

How to make him want that? Well you being female, I wouldn’t bother explaining how to manipulate a man lol. In all seriousness though, making it a sexual game, and making it he reward worth the wait, and promises he can’t resist.

Go with a high quality cage, make it a team effort measuring and ordering, and make it something he can and will wear often. Nothing ruins chastity like a cage that is unwearable. Make it all fun and more importantly, very sexual. Constant teasing, perfecting ruined orgasms, making him watch you be sexual, the dirtier and more sexual you are, the more he will be willing to push his boundaries.

good luck

 

It's a bit of an odd twist for all of us, as @Nicoftime mentioned. Usually it's the male trying to engage the female with chastity play.

Once it's locked, and you have that key, girl, it's all yours at that point.

M.

 

Hello!

If you look at the site, evolvingyourman.com the blogger has some really good content of exactly what your talking about. May help looking through some of the posts. There are alot of good ones on there! Best of luck!

~Ransom

 

It’s a marathon not a sprint. Don’t expect to lock him in chastity on one day and expect it to be your new lifestyle overnight. Take your time, and turn it into an erotic adventure. Gently introduce him to your inner Domme. Plant the seed and water it often.

 

Very much so.
You might not want to tell him this, but the way to go is first do short sessions, of hours at a time, make it part of the tease before you have sex. Then build it up gradually. Then occasionally don't let him have sex or an orgasm after the foreplay teasing. Then get him used to being caged overnight.

This is where you often have to take a rain check.
Unless the device fit is correct first time, or he never gets morning wood, (both of which are unlikely) you're going to have to go through a process of getting the best possible fit of cage for long term wear.

Once you have a device that he can comfortably go through the night with, then it's just a case of increasing the lockup periods until you reach the next magic stage. That's when he realises just how much pleasure he gets from that constant state of arousal, and how much better that is than to go through the cycle of having an orgasm, and in the next minutes losing his libido and not wanting to continue having sex, and in the next hours and days, losing his libido and arousal and not wanting to have sex.

Once you reach this stage, he'll be the one who doesn't want to be unlocked.

What helps, is that most men are quite competitive, like a challenge or a bet, or can be encouraged to be, so as long as there's something to look forward to in the initial stages making the lockup periods longer and longer shouldn't be difficult. Just gently gently, catchee monkey.

Welcome to the mansion, and your other half? He's a very lucky man.

 

Hello and welcome to CM!
This is just my 2 cents worth.

First he is open for discussion about it (or at least not completely shutting you down about it). If you can exert any dominance towards him, ie: him allowing you to tie him to bed, chair ect. or take control during sex, then you at least have an opening to get him engaged in a conversation about it. I would use your own experience with denial to express to him how amazing it feels (after all the frustration) when you finally get to orgasm. Really talk it up. Get him curious.

I would try to get him to let you measure him. ( if he does allow you to take control at times, tie him to the bed.) Many cages do not fit well. Most on here will tell you they have at least 2-3 or more where they just didn't work out. The CB series is very common and comes with many options in the box to customize it to our different dimensions. The base ring, the ball gap, the cage size ect and is fair in price for what you get. Most of the plastic devices are a bit "clunky" IMO. The stainless ones feel more streamline and the weight adds another reminder when wearing it that it is locked on.

So with all that said about cages, the point is to get one. Even if he doesn't want to "play" at first if the cage is around (say in the nightstand. Be sure he knows where it is. I would be willing to bet curiosity will eventually win out and he will try it on his own when you are not home.)

Then tell him how bad you want to try this and how you want him to feel how good it feels to be frustrated and how AMAZING it feels when you finally get an orgasm at the end. If you do talk him into letting you put it on, start out slow. Just one evening or night with it. I don't know if I would go overboard with excessive amounts of teasing to start. Just try to keep him engaged. If he does allow you to tie him up and he fully trusts you without any doubt. Then tell him you are going to put it on so he can feel what you felt and how amazing it is. If he doesn't freak out on you then you are making head way. Then release him and have him walk around a bit. Tell him how hot it makes you to see it on him. Tell him how much you love him for doing this for you. Ask him how it feels. Is the base ring too tight. (the rule of thumb is one to two fingers should be able to work between the ring and skin) It will probably be around this point he will say take it off or he will just go with the flow and have some fun with it for the time being. Again work his ego. Tell him you think it looks sexy on him and is really making you hot and wet just seeing it. As with any D/S S/M play keep checking in with him. Make sure he knows you have his comfort and safety in mind and reassure him of this fact.

Sorry for such a long reply. I just wanted to give you as many ideas I could think of. In any case make it fun. As mentioned above, make a game or competition about it. Also keep in mind about men's curiosity. If you have a cage around and he knows where it is there is a good chance he will try it on on his own. Good luck and if there is anything I can help with let me or us know. The members here are ALWAYS willing to help further the cause. Lol!

 

I mean it take two willing parties to do this, but maybe you guys could take turns with the tease and denial the way you want to do it with your partner. Communication is key, but this forum will probably have all sorts of ideas for you to play with.

 

Once he's hooked, it is very addictive.

 

First, welcome!

Second, subs are easy because we're just ultimately looking to please our Dommes (and by proxy, what turns You on, then turns us on). Just talk about how much the thought of keeping him locked up is to You at about the mid-way point of every other teasing. At some point he'll then bring it up to You on his own, then he's asking You for the favor instead, which is always fun in its own right

 

First, thank you for posting and adding to the conversation. You are not the only female on here with a husband not into chastity, but as others said, your situation is not common here on the mansion. In real life? Perhaps more common than we think!

Anyway, it does sound like you are mostly there. You have been open with each other and have explored kinks together in person and online with fetlife. So asking him to wear a chastity device is not that huge of a leap. And, it does not need to be a power dynamic at all. My wife and I are in a total equal partnership and no power exchange dynamic at all going on, with the very specific exception of chastity.

As to your question, the simple fact that you want to cage him will arouse most men and get their interest. You can explain that this not a lifestyle power exchange, it’s very specific to having access to his cock and that you get to hold the key. You can discuss some ideas that make it work for both of you. I think you will probably want to start with short term lockups, and extend the length each time. At first, having a device on his dick and your putting there will have him in a constant state of arousal. But you two have practiced orgasm denial before, so leverage that position the chastity device as a means to an end, orgasm denial and play. It won’t be long before he associates being locked by you as having a huge reward at the end, and will actually miss it when not caged.

Good luck to you both, and please do give us progress reports.

 

That Ice Queen / Dominatrix trope is certainly alive and well in a lot of areas online. For whatever it's worth, W/we're the antithesis of this too (i.e. Loving, affectionate, W/we both like physical intimacy a lot, She doesn't demean me, etc.) and most of the other Femmedomme couples W/we know are as well.

 

It does not sound to me that you want to keep sex to a minimum, so that sentence likely does not apply. Frequency of sex and the intimacy and and passion involved are not necessarily the same.

When libidos differ, one solution is to replace quantity with quality, and that’s where mutual acceptance of chastity can come in.

Here is one instance where it works for us. My wife has a job that is very stressful to her in September. In years past, I would get frustrated and even a little resentful because the job consumed her for the month, and I got very little attention. And while I tried to be all adult about it, and I truly do rationally understand what’s going on, I couldn’t always help feeling needy and then forgotten. Neither of really looks forward to September.

But we did something different this year, and it worked out great. Over Labor Day weekend, she told me she knew what the subsequent weeks were going to be like, so she told me she wanted to keep me caged until she was over the tough spot and could give me some attention. **

(** as you might imagine, we have had prior discussions about chastity, sex, togetherness etc, so there are many years of marriage experience behind this comment. This is real life, not a porn movie.)

I was happy to oblige, and within minutes had my cage on and handed her both keys. I immediately had the calm mental sense as if her hands were holding my genitals in safe keeping. We subsequently had a great month. We did a state fair, a Renaissance Faire, busy weekends doing home stuff etc. I even had a night out as my femme self with friends. And all the while I felt her with me, those imaginary hands holding me did wonders for my outlook.

I was released yesterday for fantastic PIV that was wonderful for both of us. (I need to change my signature LOL). And yes, I was locked and denied for 4 weeks, but because she had asked me to be locked, and would make sure occasionally that I knew that she knew I was caged, I actually felt very good about it. I was not morose, petty, or resentful. Physically, I enjoyed having the cage on, and mentally, knowing that she was in control of this particular aspect for now was very calming for me. Under our rules, I can express my desire for her, but cannot ask for release, and that worked out very well for her, under the circumstances.

Obviously, September only happens once a year and I am in chastity more often. But I share the above as one example of how it might work in a situation where libidos or sex drive differ, even if temporary.