My Hands Free Journal

Hello, BavarianWoman. Well, there is certainly no room for growth in the cage. It's like a medieval torture device for the penis, making it useless for anything but urination. Wearing it, I definitely do not feel masculine or manly.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

This morning, Mistress took me out of my cage for the attached photos, saying they will amuse whoever looks at them. She pointed at the first photo, taken while I was still laying in bed, saying that I should be ashamed and humiliated for having a penis that looked like a tiny shrimp. She sent the photos to her boyfriend because, "He could use a good laugh."
Once the photos were taken, Mistress had me lay back on my bed. She then sucked on her index finger, and ran it along my shaft. There was a little stirring, but it would be a gross exaggeration to say that i got stiff. It took a while, but i felt a climax building in my still soft penis. As ordered, I advised Mistress of my impending climax. She stopped, waiting for the sensation to calm down. When she was satisfied, she began again. Soon I was clutching the sheet, desperate to remain still, a second torture, as Mistress wanted. With the one finger Mistress tormented me, over and over. Finally she stopped. Panting, my heart slowing, I gradually shrank back to my normal pathetically deflated state. She handed me my cage and base ring, and told me to put them on. I was close to begging her to make me cum, but obeyed her. I was thoroughly subdued to her will. She handed me the padlock. "Now lock it, Princess, and wash the dishes." Yes, she has recently taken to calling me "Princess," Just another way Mistress uses to diminish my residual masculinity. She does love making me take part in my chastity, my submission to her.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

P.S. Just realized next week marks 2 years since Mistress allowed me PIV. I only had it then because she wanted me to know it was the last time I will ever have PIV with anyone. I am left with giving blow jobs and being ass fucked/pegged. I have ceded to her total control of my sexuality.

 

Today Mistress brought out a cage I hadn't seen before, and locked it on me. It's a pink micro cage, with a front that looks like a vagina. My only problem with it is my clitty lips keep shifting, making it uncomfortable to pee. Mistress likes that the size of it combined with the vagina front, makes it both extremely restrictive as well as humiliating. Mistress said I will wear it overnight, and she will inspect it tomorrow. I'm both curious and apprehensive. If i could just remain lined up with the pee hole, this would be (I think) a very fine, effective device. I find wearing a micro cage puts me in an emasculated head space. (Where'd my dick go?). One more step on the road to feminization. Speaking of which, i am told that she will be sending me into the city, wearing an ankle length black skirt over black satin panties, my B cup boobies, nails with blue polish, lipstick, and a pink leather collar. Should be fun...if I don't get beaten up by a pack of rowdy striking tv writers.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

I suddenly had an idea. I had Mistress remove the lock. I wet a q-tip and barely inserted it in my clitty. I then threaded the q-tip through the cage, seated the cage, and had Mistress lock the cage on me. To finish, i pulled the q-tip out, resulting in an alligned pee hole. To be honest, I tested my new pussy, and the pee shot out every which way, making sitting down a necessity for peeing. I sit anyway, so that will be no hardship. I suppose if you had a divided urinal, and you moved in real close, you could get away with it, but I'd be afraid of wetting the person next to me. Mistress was impressed with my solution to the problem. Please let it work tomorrow morning.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Photos. Me wearing my skirt at a gay bar on a slow night (tonight, ok it was early) and me picturing what i'd look like with boobies. I like it. Readers, do you think i"d look good with boobies. Me having a gender/identity crisis. Lol.
Last picture is me posing for Mistress' pleasure, getting ready for an unexpected fun time.

 

Today Mistress unlocked me, told me she was going to give me a ruined O. She stroked me with one finger, then with her fingertips. This must have gone on for over an hour. No stiffening, no growth, no build up of approaching release. Just the slightest tingling. She stuck a finger in my ass. Felt good, but no reaction. While holding my limp clitty she told me that I was a great disappointment to her. She said she wanted her girl able to cum in her cage when getting fucked, not be totally impotent. Next test will be a pegging by her. That will be in one week. If that fails, she said we'll try the real thing. Having said that, Mistress locked my clitty back in the small jailbird. So there it is. Mistress, for all her skill, could not coax my clitty back to life. I now feel that if Mistress is right about my condition, in a way, I'm now closer to being the androgynous GenderQueer person Mistress wants, with my (previously) most obvious masculine trait now gone. I now have no idea what will make my Mistress happy. I am confused, which might be what she wants. I am beginning to despair of getting hard ever again. Fingers crossed.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Mistress told me to take an inventory of the daily changes which now define being Carly.
Must always Wear:
1. Nail Polish
2. Earrings
3. 1 1/2" cage (presently under consideration as being unnecessary due to possible permanent impotence)
4. Satin panties
5. Lip gloss

Mistress wants me androgynous, and as our neighborhood is one where people gossip, she said that I won't be wearing makeup. In a typical contradiction,
Mistress had me wear lip gloss when we took a walk the other day. It was a test for my wearing it permanently.
The attached photos, per Misttress, are:
1. my current normal...pathetic, I know.
2. Gay bar w. Gay Beer neon sign
3. Me wearing the gayest sunglasses immaginable! Fabulous!

 

20 minutes ago, Mistress surprised me with a new cage, the type that pushes the penis inside the body, leaving only the balls showing. A 50 mm ring keeps my balls from being pinched, supported by a waist strap. So far it is not uncomfortable, but it looks like it will spray pee on my balls rather than go straight into the bowl. Mistress said, "We'll see what happens. It should be interesting. Anyway, maybe it will help shrink that clitty down to nothing, the way it should be, giving you a nice flat front, not confusingly masculine."
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Well, the results are in. While the new cage is comfortable, the pee stream requires I sit down when relieving myself. As there are quite a few places (bars, etc) with urinals only, Mistress has decided that I wear the new cage at home, and the 1 1/2" jailbird when out.
Mistress sent me the attached pictures. The first shows the real me, the second represents the approach of her next boyfriend, her, and me, the next she said is how she enjoys imagining me dressed. "Cute and submissive, Princess. Obviously knowing your place." and the last shows her inner self, my key controlled by her.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Mistress decided to take a photo of my clitty before changing me into the micro cage, to document my shrinking progress. The attached photo indicates, imho, that this might eventually make a permanent change. As Mistress said, we shall see.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

I know. When aroused, it will come out of hiding, but not anywhere near what it used to be, where the tip could touch my navel, as shown in the attached photo. Now, if I were to jack it, I could only use my thumb and index finger. It is a depressing situation, but I am still pleased that my masculinity, which Mistress finds offensive, is being modified and suppressed.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Jottings from Mistress' Princess:
Mistress said that I have shrunk to the point that they don't make condons small enough to fit me. Also that I couldn't dribble enough to get a girl pregnant, anyway. Mistress has a nice way of putting things. She had me watch her order a C cup breast plate for me. She said that between my incredible shrinking clitty and new titties that will give me nice clevage, my sense of being masculine should greatly decrease whenever she has me go out dressed. As she is against surgery or hrt due to health considerations, Mistress is pleased with my progress transitioning. She also ordered a pearl necklace for me, smiling as she did so.
Mistress took a pov photo as though she was going to take me in her mouth. She said it will help me understand why she finds my clitty far from attractive. She said that with my clitty retreating inside my body, it almost looks like my foreskin grew back. She found the idea funny. Mistress said that the photo of me holding my clitty between thumb and index finger is hilarious.
Mistress said that the drawings reminded her of me, only my clitty is much smaller.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Well, I have just gone a month wearing nail polish. Something new. The other night we went out to dinner with a couple of married friends, and neither husband or wife made a single comment about my nails. It was unexpectedly empowering. That night, I suggested to Mistress that I would continue to wear the nail polish, and she enthusiastically told me that she loves the idea. She wondered if it indicated that I am now embracing being a sissy. I told her I feel that it was an indication that I was embracing my feminine/androgenous/trans self, which is what she has been leading me to. Factor in my retreating clitty, and Mistress was pleased.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

My C cup chest plate arrived this afternoon, as did the pearl necklace. I look foreward to going out to a gay bar, wearing both. I think it will be exciting and a little nerve wracking. And to keep things interesting, Mistress won't let me carry a changing bag, so I won't be able to take off my boobs until I get home. No chickening out possible. I'll have to wear a shirt that will show off my new clevage. I am so stoked for this.
Part 2
Just tried on the new boobs. They ride a little high to look natural. They're also very sweaty. I'll have to wait for cooler weather. So I'll wear the B cup pocket bra, which hangs more naturally, and a polo shirt to show 'em off. The pearl necklace looks good, and is nicely provocative. A little lip gloss, painted nails and pearl earrings should finish my androgynous trans gurl look nicely. The real me, Mistress' "Princess."
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Last night Mistress had me come to her bed to lay next to her. She completely undressed and allowed me to touch her. I was naked except for the Innie cage. After awhile she said that I could touch myself to get off. I fondled my balls, which felt good but that was all. I reached for my clitty but touched nothing but air. It was hidden inside me behond the cage. I groaned in frustration.
"What's the matter, Princess?" She spoke low, slightly mocking me.
"I can't get hard", I said, peevishly. You've taken away my dick."
""You're my girl", she said. "And girl's don't have dicks. You certainly don't have one. You just have a slightly oversized clitty that you and I are training to stay indside you unless I want to use it."
That is as close to word for word as I can get. I think that little exchange was the whole point of having me lay in bed with her. That only just occured to me. God, I'm slow.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Lately I've been obsessing over not even being able to touch a cage containing my penis. It is a mindfuck not to have the sensation of something between my legs, (not counting my balls, which for some reason I don't.) Even when the cage is off for my shower, the presence of my penis is negligible. Or rather, the presence of my clitty. If having my clitty tucked away inside me disturbs me, then I can only imagine how bottom surgery would affect my peace of mind. Maybe I just need to get out more.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

My black sneakers/walking shoes needed replacement, so Mistress went on Amazon, and bought me a pair of women's sneakers, white with a 2 12/4" heel. This went along with her decision that I replace my clothes, as needed, with girl clothes, or at least androgynous clothes. I have to say that tho they are a little pinchy in the toe, I like them fine, makes me feel a little girly. I am still amazed ar how easily I embrace being feminine without trying to be a girl.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Recently accompanied Mistress to a doctor's appt. All went well, and as we were leaving the doctor asked me how I decided what color nail polish to use. I could see Mistress trying not to laugh. Caught off guard, I said, Just a whim."
This morning Mistress told me to put on the underwear she had put on my night table. It was a pair of strap on shorts with a dildo in place. She said it was the smallest toy that she could find, and was still way bigger than I will ever be. She said that such a small toy will be perfect for when she isn't in the mood for "a man-sized cock." Best of all, she said, is that I won't get any pleasure when she "uses" me. She told me to share the attached photo with anyone who reads this journal. Mistress has found a new way to humble and humiliate me.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

She ordered it from Amazon.

 

Personal evolution in photographs.
Be careful what you agree to.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.

 

Lately Mistress has ordered things for me, putting on the address line it was for "Carly (my last name). This is to make the name "Carly" one step closer to being my acknowledged identity.
Today Mistress put me in the House of Denial plastic cage which has enough holes to make it unnecessary to remove it for cleaning, light enough to wear for extended periods. She said we'll see what happens when I have to pee, with an undercurrent of "don't give me any problems, princess." We'll be testing which base ring works best for me, as well as experimenting without the support strap. Our goal, per Mistress, is for me to be locked through July, with inspections every Saturday, eventually becoming every other Saturday, and then once a month. Obviously Mistress plans on a long lock-up for me, not as a punishment, but because she likes the look of the cage. She also told me that she wants to see if she can get me to drip again.
MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.