My Hands Free Journal

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by MissCarly, May 25, 2019.

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  1. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Just realized, It's been almost exactly 9 months (4/16/21), since Mistress allowed me PIV, telling me that it was going to be my last time having sex with a woman, so I could remember what pussy feels like. She promised me that she would make it memorable, and she did. She said that everyone knows when it's their first time, but very few are lucky enough to know when it will be their last.
    Just wanted to share.
    MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.
     
  2. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Here a couple of photos from earlier tonight with Wes, my favotite bartender. Such a cutie, and a true sweetheart.
     

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  3. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Nails
     

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  4. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Just thinking:
    Going to a gay bar gives me mixed emotions. On the one hand, the customers are, almost by definition, welcoming, accepting, and understanding. However, gay men are pretty much guaranteed to be into cock, and I feel a bit of a fraud with my tiny, girly penis. It is as though I am there under false pretenses. It has not come to revealing my shamefully small equipment to anyone, and maybe it won't matter if it does, but I can't help but be self conscious of what is nestled in my satin panties. On another note, I am becoming quite comfortable walking around the city wearing my D cup titties, lip gloss, nail polish, and weather permitting, a skirt. Am I a trans girl? Has my feminine identity become as true, as valid for me as is my masculine? I'm glad I don't have to identify with one particular gender.
     
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  5. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Just happened on the attached and wanted to share.
    MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.
     

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  6. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Here's something a little frustrating. If I'm wearing panties over my cage, the leg hole by my balls pinches uncomfortably. To solve this I have to wear boxers instead of panties, or panties and no cage. The result is Mistress has decided that I will wear the cage unless told otherwise. She has said that it will probably be about 50-50, because she wants "my gurl to be in panties, like a good sissy." One more way Mistress keeps me off balance.
     

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  7. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    This morning Mistress took some photos of me just dried off from my shower, showing the indentations on my clitty left by my 1 1/2" Jail Bird and me just locked up in it, a minute after the last photo. Teasing, she said that she's looking foreward to the day when my clitty will be so small, wearing a cage will be impossible. She said, "Smile, girl. You're getting there. Here's a promise: if your clitty shrinks another inch from what it is now, I'll suck it like I would a real woman's clitty. " She said she would have to increase teasing me while I am caged, to promote maximum shrinkage and to insure that she makes me impotent. "We might be just about there, my limp little sissy." To this end, she has decided that I am now only allowed anal sex while caged, making erections impossible, and eventually a thing of the past. She said that our goal is to make me permanently flacid, GenderQueer and limp. Mistress knows what she wants and expects of me.
     

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  8. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Mistress now refers to the indentations on my clitty from the small Jail Bird as "Your pin stripes" She also indicated her desire for them to be permanent, if possible.
    This morning Mistress came to my bed and leaned over my crotch. She smiled at me and drooled onto my cage. I jerked as though shocked with electricity when her spit touched my skin She whispered something like, "Good morning, sissy. Too bad you're locked in that cage and can't fuck me, or even jerk off." She then had me put on my harness with my large dildo and lay on my back. She mounted me so I could see her face as she moved up and down on my replacement cock, taking her pleasure. Every time her thighs touched mine, i suffered feelings of inadequacy, my useless girly clitty locked away below her very masculine toy. When she finished, she had me lick her pussy clean. She said, "Good girl, Dolly" and went to shower. Even her praise can leave me feeling demeaned.
    MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.
     
  9. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Mistress' sister came by for lunch. They had gone to her bedroom to get a top or something. Mistress called me in. When I entered her bedroom they were both giggling. Mistress was holding my phone. She told me to lift my shirt. I obeyed, revealing the bra Mistress had me put on this morning. They both laughed. Mistress then told me to pull down my jeans, which I did (of course), showing that I was wearing the pink satin bloomers Mistress wants me to wear in lieu of boxers, and then finally pull down my bloomers, showing that my clitty was locked in it's small cage. More giggling. So glad I can amuse them. Her sister exclusively calls me either "Dolly", "sissy", or "slut", as the mood takes her. It was her idea that I post the photos here with her following statement:
    "This is what a sissy looks like under her male costume. This sissy slut revealed her true self to me without a word of protest. How pathetic! Any ideas on how to humiliate her?"
    MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.
     

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  10. Deleted member 97060
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    I just love reading your posts
     
  11. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Thank you. It's a way to destress and coming to terms with being my wife's sissy and accepting that my gender identity seems to be transitioning to the feminine.
     
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  12. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Mistress handed me the key to my cage yesterday afternoon, telling me to keep the cage in position, lined up with the base ring post. I unlocked, and followed her instructions. She then handed me an open ring which I used to replace the lock's shackle. Then she handed me a pliers, which I used to bring the ring's ends together, sealing the cage on my clitty. Now my cage cannot be removed without using a reverse pliers to spread the ring open enough to remove it. She likes how it makes me look like a slave in ancient Rome, and is much less bulky than a padlock. She looked at me, smiled, and said, "Just because, Dolly. Just because." Then told me to bend over thedining table. This I did, my arms stretched in front of me. Soon I felt a thoroughly lubed butt plug probing and then sliding up my keester. This was unexpected. It took her a few tries to get it all the way in, until i felt my ring close around the base stem. I breathed deeply and exhaled as the plug settled into place. It is always a relief to feel it seated, no pun intended. She told me I could take it out for a bathroom break, but otherwise I was to keep it in until bedtime. She told me that since she is sending me out to gay bars, she wants my hole to get used to being penetrated at any time, like the sissy slut I am. And her exact words: "You're going to make someone a good girlfriend, Dolly."
    MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.
     
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  13. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Mistress found the attached photo of me from 20+ years ago, compared to one taken just a few minutes ago. She teased me that it is hard to believe that I once had a man sized cock, instead of the girly clitty I now have. I could almost cry for the loss, but I am also proud that I am obviously becoming the girl she wants me to be.
     

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  14. Deleted member 97060
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    The second one is much cuter. But I will admit the bigger one is very sexy and lickable
     
  15. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Sissy-J, thank you for putting this in perspective, and for your complements. Lose one thing, gain another. Hard to believe it could touch my navel back then. No wonder I was such a slut. Now I'm (according to Mistress) a sissy slut. Karma.
     
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  16. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    After trying to get me hard, via a handjob, an ass-fucking by Mistress' strap on, and even a b.j., Mistress has concluded that other than my getting semi stiff (accent on the semi), a growth of approximately a mere 2", making a whopping 3 1/2" and not enough precum to drip, I have to admit that I am, unless demonstrated otherwise, functionally (?) impotent. She said that from now on my sex life will be as a receptacle. Exclusively. I need no longer concern myself with the business of having an orgasm. That my clitty is only good for pissing. She said that the term "cum dumpster" comes to mind. So now I am officially Mistress' eunuch, and she now considers me more feminine than male. She said as we replace my clothes, we will shop in the women's section of dept stores or women's stores. She said that my identity as Miss Carly is moving to another level of feminization via every day androgeny. GenderQueer, she calls me. Hell of a way to start the week.
    On a related topic, Mistress said that my using the name Dolly is probably preventing people from taking me seriously, rather than a drag performer. So, to further incorporate both sides of my gender identity, I am to introduce myself as Carly rather than Dolly.
    MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.
     
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  17. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Mistress has decided that since a cage on my girl clitty is unnecessary, she wants me to wear a name tag attached to my p.a. instead. She seems to think that my being impotent is the ultimate in being in chastity, and a major step in my feminization.
    MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal
     

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  18. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Last night, Mistress told me that she wants to cure me of my "sissy erections", that I get, usually from the shower, nothing to brag about, and I can't cum from them. This morning, when I got out of the shower, she pointed out the slight swelling of my clitty. She had me stand in front of her with my legs spread apart. She then slapped my clitty and balls 5 times, leaving me with eyes watering and thoroughly deflated, my legs shaking. She told me that every time I swell up, she would slap me there. She went on to say that if my clitty swells when she is not there to see it, I must go to her immediately, and tell her it has happened, being my own informant. She will then administer punishment.
    I don't know if it's coincidence, but she just told me to pull down my panties, and what was revealed...well, she said it is almost like my clitty is trying to move back inside me, trying to transform into a real pussy. The attached photos show my ongoing shame.
    MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.
     

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  19. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Have to show new tag Mistress gave me to wear on my collar Front is name, reverse is how she describes me, "who you really are, my feminine little bitch".
     

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  20. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Mistress just had me pull down my panties, so she could take a photo for future comparison. When I had done so she giggled so much she could hardly hold the phone steady. She told me, "Post it right away. These days, everyone needs a good laugh." She really enjoys seeing my clitty retreat. Lucky me.
    MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.
     

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  21. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    This morning, Mistress told me that she will put me in the small JailBird cage (1 1/2") for 3 days per week, to prevent any regrowth of my clitty, because she likes it small and girly. She wants me to remember that as a biological male, I have nothing between my legs to be proud of. She enjoys reminding me of this fact. She told me to post the attached picture, her way of letting me know that I will be servicing her boyfriend in the near future, giving me something to think about.
    MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal.
     

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  22. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    Mistress told me that we will go into Manhattan, me w lipstick, nail polish, pink leather collar, and my D cups under my bowling shirt. She calls it my "dyke look". I have to admit, she's kinda right. She said her other choice for me is a softball jersey over my B cup tits, to see if anyone clocks me. We shall see what her final decision will be. Either way, i'm excited about being out with Mistress, with her in male clothes, obviously not passing, no more than Marlene Deitrich did in her tuxedo in the movie Morocco. Mistress said to me that it is becoming dificult to distinguish between my masculine and feminine identities, which I take as a compliment.
    MissCarly curtseys, accepting her ongoing, natural transition, and exits her journal. Hugs to all.
     
  23. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    What is it with me? Thinking about going out en femme with Mistress on Friday had me crying irrationally, in happiness, like I have been flooded with girly hormones. Is it possible that I am adapting to being feminine without HRT or the other med adjustments? Perhaps my emotions are alligning with being the fermine sissy I so want to be, that I should be. I am curious if anyone else has experienced this. I want to have natural tits. Are there any bras that will promote breast development in males? I really want to know, for Mistress and myself.
    MissCarly curtseys and exits her journal. My love to you all.
     
  24. Dennis Allison
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    Dennis Allison New member

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    It's great that you have been able to maintain your goal of sexual abstinence for 7 days, and there is nothing wrong with feeling proud of yourself for reaching that milestone. It's normal for people to experience frustration and discomfort when they are trying to change a habit or engage in new behaviors, but these feelings can often be overcome with time and practice.

    Regarding your conversation with your mother-in-law, it can be difficult to communicate with someone who has hearing difficulties, but there are strategies that you can use to help improve the situation. For example, you can try speaking more clearly, using gestures or written notes, or repeating yourself if necessary. Additionally, consider if there is technology, such as a hearing aid or assistive listening device, that could help improve the situation.

    It's important to remember that everyone's experience with chastity is different, and what works for one person may not work for another. It's okay to feel frustrated or overwhelmed at times, but it's also important to be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate this new experience.
     
  25. MissCarly
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    MissCarly Carly

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    I wrote that several years ago. The remark about communicating with my half deaf mother in law was just a joke, and had nothing to do with chastity. Wishing you all the best.
     
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