My girlfriend never initiates anything, but seems to love chastity play when I have initiated

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by 3hsmka, Sep 23, 2020.

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  1. 3hsmka
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    3hsmka New member

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    I (22m) have had a cb6000 for about 2 months now but I have only worn it for maybe 15 days. I have not worn it at night and my longest lock up was 4 consecutive days. Every time I have worn it for a day, it has been me asking if I should put it on today or if she would like me to put it on. She (24f) has never told me to put it on, or given me a timeframe to keep it on for. She sees chastity more as a “foreplay” toy and has never teased or denied me even though I have expressed that as an interest.

    I have not brought it up now in the past ~3 weeks and she has never made mention of it. I’m planning on talking to her on why she is hesitant to initiate chastity play and locking me up. When we have played with me locked up, I swear (and she would agree) she has had the most intense orgasms she has ever had playing with herself while I watch or while I eat her out and use her vibrator on her. Every time she cums while I’m straining in my cage it feels like I’m cumming too and it’s just so intense. She has shown moments of enjoying her dominant side - kicking me out of the room while she played once or tying me down while she rode my face.

    We are both kinky people and still very new to this world. From a non-sexual standpoint, I feel so much better locked up. All of my attention and focus goes to her and I feel so much more inclined to do extra things, give her massages, etc. I think I need to talk to her and see what hesitations she has, if she has really enjoyed it, and if it’s something she wants to try out long term (locktober perhaps ) with me. I just don’t want to end up “topping from the bottom” and was hoping she would initiate, but she might need some extra comforting to get there.
     
  2. MistressS
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    Seems to Me She is enjoying herself with you chastised. Give Her time to develop. Does she come on CM here or has no idea you are here. If She does there is a lot knowledge she can she from others here on the benefits of chastising you. I feel in time She will run with it and you be sorry you got what you asked. I wish the two of you the best.

    MistressS
     
  3. tegelad
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    tegelad Class and sophistication in all things

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    ---> We are both kinky people and still very new to this world...

    You can't be kinky and new at the same time. Remember projection is like desperation and is an extreme turn off. If you truly feel better locked up, then lock it up as she isn't averse to the chastity belt. What you CAN NOT do is force her to have feelings or force communication when she is not ready.

    So set goals for yourself, lock it up. Put it in an envelope or lock box and put it on the night stand or near to her and tell her. I am locked up and I will only unlock if you initiate it. I prefer to be locked up because of X, Y, and Z. If I have a health issue I will state this and will take the key and do what I need to do but I will tell you.

    I did 14, 7, and 34 days without a cage. I edged and prevented myself from orgasming and it was hard AF. I used it as a growth vehicle and I am on a trek for 42 days without a cage.

    You are lucky to have a partner that desires and is ok with it, so don't ruin it.

    To quote Nike, just do it.

    Educate her, get her on chastity mansion, and female verified and have her start talking to the women here. One thing you can do if you want to get her motivated is state you are interested in her sexual empowerment through control of your orgasms, and then leave it at that. Women are not "dumb", and in fact in sexual things they are more experienced than men since they have real repercussions in life with sex versus us guys.
     
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  4. Kelsboy
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    Kelsboy Member

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    I sorta was/am in the same boat. We’ve gotten to the point where she likes me locked up but it takes some time so you have to be extremely patient and not force it on her. The biggest thing is getting her comfortable with the idea and showing her how she can benefit from it outside of the bedroom. There’s a whole other world that comes with chastity that she will end up liking better than just going with your fantasies. Try showing her the mansion and also try and find literature written by women that promote male chastity. I’m actually going to try and show my gf/kh a new book today. Call it topping from the bottom if you’d like but in a relationship there needs to be communication and expression of what you like and want in an informative way rather than a demanding way. That worked for me. She will decide what she likes and doesn’t like and you just do as she wishes to try and help yourself promote male chastity. My girlfriend won’t let me lock myself anymore, it’s her decision so I wouldn’t get too fresh with doing that if you want her to be the one calling the shots. Try asking for permission to wear it for her and then show her different types of services she can benefit from after getting her permission. Soon she will be locking you longer and longer
     
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  5. anasyrma
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    anasyrma Active member

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    Show her the benefits of you being in chastity. Focus on her needs and desires. Do everything you can for her. She will see how much better you are as a partner and then she will take more of an interest.
     
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  6. Thomas Gangman
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    Thomas Gangman Active member

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    I would also consider a cage either plastic or metal rather than a tube. Open access makes it far easier to clean than having to take the tube off each time. We started with the cb family but after the cage split and pinched my shaft, it took two weeks to heal. I Like metal cages, easy to keep clean and the wife likes the look.
     
  7. LongTimeLurker
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    LongTimeLurker New member

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    I'm new to this too and about your age. My GF first didn't want to participate but then gave it a try. At first I was locked for 4 days but then I said that I want to try how it feels to be locked up longer. So my second lockup was 13 days during which my behaviour towards her changed so much that she told she fell in love with me for the second time.
    Both of the lockups were initiated by me. After the last one there was some stuff going on so I haven't feel like going to be locked again but to she noticed that I'm not as nice to her as before so she initiated the lockup for the first time.
    You could try longer lockup too and maybe she will notice the benefits for her.
     
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  8. madams-sissysub
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    perfectly put Mistress S.
     
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  9. TheEncoded
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    TheEncoded Member

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    I recently divulged my interest in chastity to my wife. She was taken back by it and wanted some time to think things over. The next day, I came to the realization that the device was my kink and was for me not her. I was being selfish.

    So I decided I would employ my willpower to limit my orgasms in order to have as much sexual energy as she desired. I spent the next month only having an orgasm once a week but giving her an orgasm 2 or 3 times a week however she wanted.

    Then, after a month, she brought up the chastity topic on her own and told me she understood and that she wanted to get one.

    I've had a holy trainer now for a couple weeks and I'm working on getting comfortable wearing it (there have been some pain issues).

    She intends to get more serious about it after I've healed from my vasectomy at the end of next month.

    Sure, I would have liked for her to lock me up the day the HT arrived and be denied for weeks or months right out of the gate. But that's unrealistic. At least for us.

    So I guess the take-home is that it took open communication, acceptance, and patience.
     
  10. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Create a game that challenges you both and relieves her of any guilt in keeping you locked. Secure the keys in a tamper proof container and the first one who opens it loses the game. You can create penalties that you each put in a jar to draw if you lose or just put $100 bill in the jar with the keys that the winner gets to spend however they wish. Or start with $20 and add another $20 every week or payday.
     
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  11. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    Maybe she's only interested in it as play? You can't make people share your kinks and she may simply not want to do it on anything more than an occasional basis. That's her prerogative. Good luck
     
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  12. Couple4517
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    Couple4517 Member

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    With my partner she was fairly similar and is now the one who decides if she wants me to remove it etc otherwise I wear it all the time. At first we also just tried it occasionally and over time she grew more used to it and it grew from there but it took months to get there so patience is key. I think also key was me explaining that actually having an orgasm is great but then there is a low whereas being kept locked up and being teased regularly was actually an incredible feeling which I enjoyed a lot without the low. Prior to that she didn’t think I would be enjoying it like that. Then as others said she came to see the other benefits. But it takes time, we have been doing this for a couple of years now and it is everything I could have hoped for but we still have had lots of off times and difficulties etc so patience and talking is key.
     
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  13. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    It takes previously vanilla partners a long time to own the kink when they enjoy it (which I assume is the case here). Add to that cultural pressure on women to "be nice". Often they hide behind doing dominance as a service, which gives them the space to discover what they enjoy while pretending they're doing for you... it's not ideal, but it's where the world is at.

    One strategy is to shift her experience from keyholding - which involves responsibility and second-guessing; emotional labour! - to having a locked lover.

    You can initially do this by putting the keys out of reach, so there are no decisions to make. That makes you the perfect victim for "careful what you wish for."

    I think the best way to do this is to get a ksafe (cheap timer safe found on amazon) and put the keys in that. You can start by owning the idea, "I really want to put my keys in this for 24 hours" and get her to press the button.

    After a while, you can offer her the chance to change the timer setting.

    Eventually, assuming she likes you locked, this will become routine and she'll feel comfortable setting times that amuse her.

    Caveat: A lot of women are more interested in male chastity as "neutering lite" than as a way to tease and deny. She may like chastity, but not want to pay any attention to your penis; that may be the point for her.
     
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  14. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Your Lady appears to be enjoying your chastity play just like it is.
    You say you don't want to be guilty of 'Topping From The Bottom' and yet you would like her to behave differently.
    Perhaps the next time you are locked and she offers to unlock you try denying yourself any orgasms and asking her to allow you to relock so you can better experience the feelings of denial. If she agrees to this then pull out all the stops to show her how beneficial it could be for her to prolong your denial.
    Its a possible way forward that is still in a sense TFTB but is I think not without justification if your intentions are good.... and not just good for you.
     
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  15. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    You can also just keep it simple and ask her if it’s ok to leave the keys on her key ring so you can only unlock when she is home and let it evolve from there.
     
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  16. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    I’d also recommend a good stainless steel cage because plastic cages like the CB series really start smelling bad after a few days.
     
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  17. Gadlo
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    Gadlo Member

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    Good to hear from couples the same age.
    Me 25 and my gf22 are new to this, too.

    So I think she just needs time to accommodate on this topic and to understand why exactly you like it.

    In the meantime be caring and talk with her. Be honest if she asks you on the topic.

    And good luck! I'd love to hear more from your progression in the future :)
     
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  18. wastlander2002
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    wastlander2002 Active member

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    Maybe spend more time with the sex before hand...women Are no different than men they want to have sex...and when they are satisfied that the sex needs are being met or their libido to put it another way they are more likely to indulge in the cage play
     
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  19. 3hsmka
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    3hsmka New member

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    I wanted to share an update, but first thank you to all who have given advice and their experiences. It’s so encouraging hearing others’ successes! My partner finally took initiative, and it finally made me realize how much chastity is about her needs and not mine.

    Today, she took initiative for the first time. I had not put on the cage yet this morning and had (selfishly) asked her if she would blow me because I was really horny. Immediately after I came, she told me to go put my cage on and that it was her turn. This came out of nowhere, but I knew it was what she wanted and she wasn’t pandering to some fantasy of mine. It was her desire, she wanted me locked up and she wanted to tease me and tell me I wasn’t allowed to touch while I watch her bring herself to an orgasm.

    This was the moment I had been waiting for and writing about in my original post, but when it finally came I realized how selfish I had been in longing for this. It wasn’t about me, it was about her and it felt so much better that way. Chastity isn’t about my fantasies, it’s about making me a better partner and I’m so excited to continue on this journey!
     
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