Me, myself and her

Quick and unexpected update. I will be taking one of the kids to an event this week that I just found out will require me to go through a metal detector. My wife will not be with us and in fact will be out of town for the day. When I found out I brought it up to her and asked what she would like to do about it. My initial solution that I presented was to be proactive and tell whoever was manning the station that I’m wearing genital jewelry and don’t want my child to be made aware of it and ask for some discretion. Normally I’d just ask to be unlocked but considering it is both Locktober and I’m being “punished” with a continual lockup for months I didn’t want to push my luck.

Her reaction was unexpected. She thought about it for a second and said “I don’t want the first time you get caught or exposed to be when I’m not around to enjoy it. That wouldn’t be any fun.” So I asked what her solution was. She said “right before you leave, at the very last moment, you use the bathroom and can take the cage off. The minute you get home you put it back on. I don’t want you to have any opportunity to get hard. And you better control yourself because you’re not allowed to. In fact if you do, if there’s even a hint of an erection while you’re unlocked, you have to tell me and I’ll decide what to do about it.”

I gave her my word that I would follow her instructions and assured her that the last thing that will be on my mind that day will be my penis so it’s a safe bet that I’ll remain flaccid while I’m out. Then she added “You better not. So you’ll be out what, about eight hours total? Starting the next day the last thing you’ll do before going to sleep will be to edge yourself with the vibrator in front of me for eight days in a row. I think eight hours of freedom deserves eight nights of self inflicted frustration.” I asked her if I would still have to if she had already edged me that day and she responded “yep. No matter what happens during the day we get in bed, you edge yourself and then I’ll kiss you goodnight and go to sleep while you try to”. The giggle that followed told me how much she enjoyed her idea.

There’s a few notable things from this conversation for me to unpack. First there’s the fact that she seems slightly excited that one day I might be “found out” and wants to be present when it happens. We’re very private and certainly don’t advertise our sex life so it wasn’t a reaction I was expecting. I guess if it’s accidental she’s fine with it. Secondly is her conviction that I do not get an erection. There definitely is an enjoyment of denying me that very basic function for such a long time or at least having the power to deny it. She was so firm in saying I better not get one. Third is how simple yet devious her consequences are for me. I’m no stranger to being edged, it goes hand in hand with denial, but she’s ensuring that not only will it be the final thing I do every day for about a week so that I’m going to bed as horny as possible but I have to do it to myself. All the torture with none of her involvement to make it bearable. Like I said, devious.

I’ve said it multiple times in this journal but every time I think I’ve got this figured out she finds a way to surprise me. Her dominance, for a lack of a better term, over both my sexual pleasure and function is scary. Hot, but definitely scary. I guess it’s perfect for October.

 

I don’t consider myself a beta male or submissive (nor does my wife, quite the opposite in fact). For us it’s more about her being able to control an unstoppable force. She likens it to caging a tiger or resisting a hurricane. Chastity for us is about making me go against my natural instincts and the benefits it provides to us both. Mostly her, but we each get something out of it.

 

She knows she doesn’t have to worry about that. I’m a man of my word and it’s understood on both sides that none of this works without trust and honesty, just like our marriage. In fact I have the emergency key on me at all times and am proud to say I have never used it without permission. Giving into temptation is just not something I’d be comfortable doing, I’d rather deal with the denial than deal with guilt.

 

If she was doing the edging I’d take whatever attention I could get (sad but true) but I’d rather go without if I’m doing it myself. I don’t really get any pleasurable feelings out of using a vibrator caged. It’s only her direct involvement that makes it enjoyable and even then it’s not physically stimulating, it’s a mental/emotional thing. My wife is keenly aware of this which I’m sure is why she specified that I will have to do it myself to make sure it isn’t a “funishment”.

 

Todays trip went smoothly. True to my word I waited until the last second, quickly removed the cage and headed out. We had a good time and I didn’t set off the metal detector so a win in my book. Once we got back I put the cage back on and had officially succeeded in my eight hours of freedom while keeping to her terms.

My wife got home some time later, said hello to everyone and then cornered me in the kitchen as I was making dinner. She kissed me and grabbed a handful of my crotch quite obviously feeling for the cage. “Glad you’re back in. Did he behave himself?” I told her there wasn’t a hint of an erection the entire time and I was so distracted during our trip that I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I was free the entire day. “Good. Exactly how it should be.”

The remainder of the night was fairly domestic. Dinner, cleanup and watching one of our shows together while the kids did homework, played video games and/or chatted with their friends. We were both pretty tired from the day and I waited for her to say she was delaying the start of my eight days of consequences so she could get some sleep, but when we finally made it to bed my wife reached in our “drawer”, grabbed a vibrator and handed it to me. “Ready for day one?”

I turned it on and began the lackluster job of edging myself with it. My wife watched me intently and asked what I was feeling. “Nothing really. Just the pressure slowly building inside me knowing that the moment I have the opportunity to feel any pleasure is the moment I have to stop.” She smiled and said “So this is a great reminder of what you’re not allowed to have. Don’t stop until you’re right at the very edge.” The moment came and I removed the vibrator, feeling the inside of the head of my penis swell in need of just another second of stimulation in order to empty the two months of cum that had been building, then the tight pressure of everything relaxing and retreating back down inside me once my body realized it wasn’t happening. That’s what I hate about edging caged, especially doing it myself. All I can feel is the buildup and the eventual denial. There’s nothing else to distract me from it.

“My god babe, you look really frustrated right now. Would it be easier if I did the edging for you?” I replied it would. It would be so much easier. “Not going to happen. I hope being unlocked was worth it. Go ahead and edge yourself again.”

Once it was over she grabbed the vibrator and dropped it in the drawer, turned off the light, cuddled next to me and kissed me. “See? Now you only have seven more days of that left. Good night baby.” She fell asleep rather quickly after, wrapped around me. I just laid there feeling her skin against mine, acutely aware of the soreness between my legs. I did finally fall asleep as well and woke up this morning aching for the attention I won’t receive for some time. Seven more days. I can do it.

 

Things seem to keep progressing wildly in my life. Is it because it’s Locktober? Is it because I’ve been caged for so long? Coincidence? I’m not really sure. I tend to update this journal for one of three reasons; I need to vent frustrations, it’s been too long since I have or something noteworthy happened. Recently it’s been the latter and I feel like I’ve written more than I have since starting and documenting the first six or so months of our journey.

Yesterday there was a window of about an hour where we were alone. The last kid had left and we had a little time before having to head out and pick up another. Usually these times are spent doing things around the house or just talking to each other. This time however the minute the car pulled away my wife turned to me and said “I want to cum”. Despite her station as keyholder and the power that comes with it she rarely demands it of me. She’ll say it in the moment once we’ve already begun an intimate encounter but this is different. This is a “do your job” type of demand and feels less like her communicating her arousal and more like her giving me an order.

My hand was grabbed and I was pulled upstairs. Whatever I was doing, or planning to do, was made inconsequential by her. She wanted pleasure and I was going to provide it whether I liked it or not (in case you’re wondering, I always like it). Once upstairs she took off my clothes, took stock of my cage and then undressed herself, sat in her chair and motioned for me to kneel between her legs. “Lick my pussy.”

She was incredibly wet already which told me she had been patiently waiting for this free time and thinking about it for a bit. The orgasm came quickly and I was told to grab her vibrator, then I went back to licking her. Shortly after she shimmied down the chair so her lower body was hanging off of it, feet resting on the bed behind me. “Lick my ass.” The combination of my tongue and her vibrator brought more orgasms from her.

Next came the request for the dildo. Despite us both trying it just wasn’t working for her. “I think it’s just not the same as what I want right now. It’s not you. But I don’t want to unlock you”. I offered to go back to orally pleasuring her and then she said “I never thought I’d say this, but I think it’s time to try the harness.”

I have been dreading this moment. Using a dildo on her was one thing, wearing one as though it was my own penis was another. That’s not to say I don’t find it erotic at all as I’m quite kinky person but it felt like a big step down an unknown road. I put it on looking down at a smaller, but more erect than I have been in months, silicone penis in bright purple sitting right above a caged one. It was such an odd thing to see. My wife must’ve thought the same because she chuckled the moment she saw it.

Once she had gotten over how funny I looked I knelt down in front of her and slowly pushed inside. The first thing I noticed is how easily she accepted it. The few times I have used it to fuck her prior I have felt resistance. The muscles in her vagina were tense and tightened almost like they were fighting against the foreign object entering her. This time however I was able to slide it all the way in without a problem. The other thing I noticed was I could almost feel it. Every thrust sent tingles through my real penis as if it were being used. Is it a consequence of being caged so long or just muscle memory? Both? Who knows.

Like riding a bike I began fucking my wife for the first time since July the way I always have. My hands were free to caress and touch her body. My hips thrust in tune with her, following the slightest change in her face or breathing to give her just the right speed and depth. There was no look of confusion followed by acceptance this time. She fell right into it orgasming over and over, finally handing me a vibrator and telling me to edge myself while continuing. It was such a wild experience. I hit the edge and asked her if I could cum (she gets so turned on by this and by telling me no that it sets her own orgasm off, so even though I know the answer I give her the satisfaction) but once I removed the vibrator and kept thrusting into her it didn’t go away. I rode that edge through three more of her orgasms and had I been allowed I may have actually been able to cum.

Once sated she said “I need to squirt so fucking bad. Get your face down there.” I licked and kissed her while she vibed her clit waiting patiently for the inevitable explosion into my mouth. Twice she came, squirting like I had popped a water balloon both times, the second of which she pushed her pussy into my face and grinded against it with such force that I couldn’t possibly catch everything and had her running down my chin and chest into a puddle on the floor. Afterwards I sat on the bed rubbing her calves and feet for a few minutes while she sat slumped in her chair exhausted and basking and I for her to speak. “That was so fucking good. There’s no substitute for how you move your hips and use your hands. I bought that harness just to fuck with you and didn’t think I’d ever make you wear it but Jesus Christ. That was sooo fucking good.” I smiled at her, proud of my role in it all. “Just to be clear it was amazing but it’s mediocre compared to having you inside of me. You’re going to be doing a lot more of that but it will never, ever replace you.” That was just what I needed to hear to put any fears at rest.

We cleaned up and I offered to play chauffeur so she can get into pajamas and relax. On my way out the door she kissed me and said “good job husband. Actually, great job. You were fucking amazing.” A little stroke of the ego is always welcome.

That night in bed we had our usual talk about what had happened as we always do when there’s something new introduced into the bedroom. I told her about the “phantom penis” feeling and being stuck on the edge, both of which she thought were perfect additions to my denial. I told her I felt aroused, humiliated, frustrated and oddly satisfied all at once throughout but mostly I was glad that she could get something close to what she needed despite my current state. She reiterated how much she enjoyed it and how being able to see me thrusting into her while feeling my hands on her body was what she had been craving. While the harness was meant to sit unused in the drawer she was glad she got so frustrated that she decided to try it. Seeing me in that position of power while her legs are spread wide and she’s at my mercy makes her feel feminine and sexy. She also noticed that my breathing and the noises I made were very much in line with when I’m unlocked and inside her so the vicarious feelings I was getting made sense. It also added to the experience for her; she knew it wasn’t me inside her but it was easy for her to not care because of everything else. She ended it by saying something that echos my own thoughts on many occasion. “It’s so amazing to me that the longer we go the more wonderful things we discover. We’re lucky to have each other.”

I was given a pass on the nights edging. “You rode the edge long enough earlier and the way I’m feeling right now, you definitely deserve the night off. We’ll start again tomorrow.” A kiss goodnight and some cuddles ended our day and I tickled her back with my fingertips while she drifted off. I spent some time thinking about the day, feeling nervous yet excited about where we are headed. One look over at her and the realization that I’m going wherever she wants and we’re doing it together was all I needed to put my mind at ease and I fell asleep soon after.

 

I’m midway through Locktober and about to start the final month of my four months of continuous caging and denial. I can’t believe I’ve gone this long without an erection or ejaculation, 12 weeks so far of both and new records for each. Looking back on it, it doesn’t feel that difficult but in the moment it can be almost unbearable. My wife is also dealing with her own denial and I can tell she’s getting antsy for the moment I can be inside her again. Dildos, tongues and vibrators certainly do their job but she is very vocal about how much she prefers me.

I feel the same. Aside from my selfish desires to feel something pleasurable I miss the contact, the closeness without any barriers. We’ve always been fortunate in that we can feel intimacy regardless of what we’re doing or how. It doesn’t matter if it’s soft and slow by candlelight or rough and primal with ropes and toys; there’s always love and we always end up in each others arms afterwards enjoying each other’s presence. None of that has changed but there’s just something about that connection of our bodies. It doesn’t matter if I’m not allowed an orgasm.

Last night while laying in bed watching some tv before sleep our legs brushed up against one another which led to more touching, kissing and eventually everything else. I went down on her while she stroked her toes on my cage, kissed her body as she touched my back and arms. She told me to put on the harness and fuck her in her chair which I did the way she likes it but not before she gave it the oral attention I haven’t had in ages, looking up at me while doing so. Such a tease. I then got on my knees and crept inside her as she lay back in the chair taking it all in (physically and mentally). After she came I leaned forward and pulled her towards me, kissed her and caressed her back and we began slowly making love. In the moment I forgot that it wasn’t me inside her and so did she. We were wrapped in each others arms and she orgasmed slowly and continuously. I felt it through the resistance of her muscles and it was as if it were me inside of her. It was wonderful and sex like we haven’t experienced since our anniversary and since she’s kept me locked. It couldn’t have lasted more than ten minutes but it felt like an eternity.

Afterwards as is always the case she told me she was so built up she needed to squirt so I got into position with my mouth over her pussy as I stroked the inside of her thighs and she used a vibrator to cum in my mouth multiple times. Once she signaled me we were done I sat back and rubbed her legs until she was ready to get up. When she did she grabbed a robe and said she was going to pee herself (it still boggles my mind that so much liquid can come out of her and she still has to pee afterwards. I figure she’d be too dehydrated) and I asked if she wanted to take the dildo to clean. She turned around and said “it’s your job to clean my cum off your stand in”. I told her that was messed up and she retorted “I know. Still your job though. Do a good one”.

Once settled in bed we had our usual chat about the nights escapades. She reaffirmed that the dildo is not as good as the real me but it will be getting used often if for no other reason than to torture me and make my being inside her a monumental event for us both. We both talked about how much we enjoyed our more tender moment and how we both forgot about the silicone imposter for those minutes. Then I said “we’re never going back to the way it used to be, are we?” She paused and asked “are you unhappy?” “No. Endlessly frustrated yes, but also very happy.” “Then no. We are never going back. We’re just going to keep getting better at this.”

 

As my unlocking finally draws near my wife and I decided to talk about how the past few months have been for us with me being caged and what our feelings were around the situation.

Emotionally we were on the same page; there was definitely something lacking. We still had the passion and desire but the lack of skin on skin contact while having sex or making love was noticeable after so many months. We both felt like something was missing. “Probably your penis” she joked.

Physically for me it was tough. Probably one of the most difficult things I’ve gone through. Months of no erections and not being able to fully feel her touch was frustrating in a way I’ve never experienced. Watching her get fucked with a dildo instead of me was torture. She, on the other hand, enjoyed herself immensely which is understandable. She still got sexual pleasure, orgasms and penetration. She did say that it’s not the same when it’s not me but her dildo was good enough. She also missed having me in her mouth but the look on my face when she would give her dildo a “blowjob” instead was a worth it.

Surprisingly as time went on I had a much easier time mentally. I think knowing exactly what was expected of me made it easier to think of myself less and her more. My wife had a difficult time at first struggling with some guilt but once she made up her mind to be strict about it she was able to just relax and enjoy herself.

After this part of the conversation she told me she had been thinking about changing a few things. She realized she needed to do a better job at being a keyholder and hearing that I had an easier time mentally made her mind up around what she wanted to do. “We love each other and we’re equal partners in our marriage, but I realized that this part of our relationship is separate from the rest. We can’t be equals when we walk into the bedroom or this won’t work. I have to stop trying to be your wife and be your keyholder. If not I’m worried that eventually things will just go back to how they used to be and I honestly don’t think I could ever really go back. I don’t think I’d want to. So I want to set some new rules to help me with that, which I think will also help you. We both need to know our place and be comfortable in it. I don’t want to feel guilty or question what I’m doing and I don’t want to torture your mind. Just your body.”

It was nice to hear her thought process and I agreed with what she said. I’m a routine oriented person and knowing where things stand and when is my comfort zone. I told her I’ve already committed to this dynamic and whatever she wants to do I will do. She sat up, which made me realize how much trouble I was about to be in, and told me the new rules along with the reasons behind them.


-Three months of continual lockup was a bit too long for her. While the dildo helped her not to relent and unlock me she thinks it was too much denial of her needs. She’s more comfortable keeping me locked longer but a month or two is probably the most she’ll make me go in the future. She added “I may make you go longer if I want to or you piss me off again though.”

-Adding to that she said “I want your erections to be just for me, not you. So I’m not going to unlock you unless it’s for my pleasure. If you get hard it’s because I need you to be. I can’t stop you from enjoying it so when I do you will have to go to the edge whenever you get unlocked. You have to pay a price for your pleasure.”

-She’s going to keep to the current rotation of full and ruined orgasms. I get a real one once or twice a year and ruins decided by a wheel spin. There were a couple changes though. “I’m not letting you ruin when you’re hard anymore. Like I said, erections are for me not you. Any ruined orgasms you get you will be caged. Also just like you have to pay for the pleasure of getting hard you have to pay for the pleasure of cumming, so you will clean up every time you do. No towels or wipes though. You have to use your mouth.” I reminded her that ruined orgasms aren’t really pleasurable but she replied “you still get some relief and that feels good. Don’t worry though, it’s not like you get to cum that often anyway.”


She gave me her reasoning behind these changes. “I get what I want and you give it. Those are our roles in this. I get to enjoy everything with no restrictions and no strings but you’ll have to pay a price for any enjoyment you get. This way we’ll both remember I have the key and you have the cage.”

While I can’t argue with her logic I will admit I was not only surprised by the severity of some of her new rules but also a little worried about them. The lockup time I had assumed already. I knew she was way more comfortable keeping me caged but also knew after a couple months she was getting a bit antsy. That tied in with her statement that my erections are for her although the required edging every time wasn’t expected.

The biggest shock was around ruined orgasms. When she started talking about it I was worried they were going to be even more restricted but when she said they weren’t changing I was relieved. What she came up with, though, was worse. The realization that I will no longer get to cum uncaged is a mindfuck. Sure, I still get a full orgasm or two to enjoy hard every year but the majority of my ejaculations are ruined so the majority will be caged. While I don’t really enjoy them it’s admittedly nice to be able to go over the edge while hard. Staying caged is like ruining a ruined orgasm, if that’s possible. Plus there have been times I’ve been able to ruin inside her mouth or pussy which will no longer happen.

The cleanup part will be tough as well. I’ve done it before but it’s always been at her request in the heat of the moment. I’ve never had to go into it actually knowing that I would have to do it, feeling the buildup to that inevitable conclusion. I wonder if that’s all that will be on my mind the entire time next week when I’m due to have one.

She asked if I was fine with her new rules and I asked her if I really had a say. She laughed and said “no, I have the key.” Then she added “I almost forgot. When you get edged I want it to be before one of my orgasms. I want to try to get you to associate your buildup with my release. This way my pleasure will start to become your pleasure.”

And with that half hour conversation this lifestyle has once again become even harder on me. I know that is how it needs to evolve to survive but it doesn’t make it any easier. Things have changed many times in the year and a half we’ve been doing this but what’s starting to worry me now is there’s only so much left for her to take away. I find myself thinking “I should have been careful about what I wished for” more and more so I guess we’re doing it right?

 

Jailbreak

The day I’d been waiting for finally came. After 101 days I was finally due to be unlocked. My wife and I were doing some much needed projects around the house while the kids weren’t around to distract us and once we finished and sat down she leaned over and kissed me saying “today is a big day for you isn’t it?” I told her it was and she grabbed my hand and led me to the bedroom. She slowly undressed me and then herself, playing with my cage and kissing me. She giggled and said “he’s dying to get out. It almost looks like you might break the cage.”

She laid down on the bed, legs spread and on full display. “Convince me.” I obliged and licked her slowly for a good 15 minutes. She remarked about halfway through “it’s so fucking great knowing that you’ll do this for as long as I want.” Once she was satisfied with my mouth she said “I want you to grab something.” “The key?” I asked. She replied “no, put on the harness and come fuck me. I haven’t decided if I’m unlocking you.” I reluctantly put it on and did as she asked. It’s been torture before but this was by far the worst. Today should be the day but here I was, still caged and using this dildo instead of getting to feel her.

Luckily she changed her mind once she was having a hard time orgasming. “I need you inside me. I guess I was looking forward to you being unlocked too. Grab the key.” My excitement gave way to some worry as she loosened the screw. What if I was too sensitive? What if I was too hairy for her (I’ve kept my balls shaved but obviously couldn’t access the rest)? What things refused to work properly?

The cage slid off and most of those fears were put to rest. I immediately swelled up, ready to go and it felt amazing. I couldn’t believe it. I had an erection. It’s silly looking back but it was a monumental experience. She looked me over and said “aside from all the hair everything seems to be in good shape. Now come give me what I need.” She shimmied to the edge of the bed and I stood there savoring the moment. She looked at me and said “remember the rules. It’s for me. You don’t cum when you’re hard anymore so don’t ask or mention it.”

I slid into her for the first time in what seemed like forever and it was pure bliss. I’d forgotten how perfectly we fit together. She obviously felt the same as her back arched and she grabbed handfuls of the sheets groaning “oh my fucking god!” I went slow both to see my limits and to give her time to adjust. After a few minutes she told me to go faster, deeper. She orgasmed over and over in quick succession. It was amazing. Another would start before the previous one had fully stopped. I could feel my sensitivity growing and I eventually had to stop sliding in and out and just stay fully inserted and pump my hips. I was so incredibly close and told her I didn’t know if I could keep going. “Figure it out, I’m not done.”

25 minutes I managed to control myself (I’ll admit clock watching out of curiosity). There were a couple of times I thought I was going to lose it but some mental gymnastics helped immensely. Finally she’d had enough and pushed me back and out of her. “Lay down, I need to cum on your face.” And that she did, multiple times. I was drenched and I half expected her to look like a raisin after all the fluid she squirted out. She was wiped out and laid down next to me, out of breath and glowing.

As I lay there I realized how different it had been. There was no asking, no questioning tone to her voice the entire time. She was strict and matter of fact about what she wanted and when. She wasn’t my wife for that experience, just a keyholder using me for her pleasure. This was exactly what she had talked about and it seemed to have worked. I didn’t think of myself aside from trying to prevent doing something I wasn’t allowed and she just fell into her own experience without hesitation. I was worried it was going to feel cold and uncaring but oddly enough it didn’t; there was still intimacy but in surrender instead of compassion. It was exactly what I hoped it would be; still physically tough but mentally easier. I looked over at her and said “that seemed to work well.” She agreed and then reminded me I still had to pay for the pleasure I received as she started stroking me. “Time to hit that edge.” I guess the edge I hit while I was inside her didn’t count. It didn’t take long and she gave me a few seconds before she started again. Then again with her mouth (I missed that feeling so much). And again. Six times she brought me right to the edge. When she was done I was swollen and turning shades of red and purple. She remarked that I looked like I could explode at any moment and that’s definitely how I felt.

Some time later, when she was rested and we had some time to cuddle and kiss, we decided it was time to get up and start prepping dinner. She started getting dressed and I stood up and started to pull on my underwear and she corrected me. “No, back in the cage first.” I was still rock hard and said I’d need some time to shrink down to size to which she said “fine, but no clothes until you can get back in. Come on, let’s make dinner.” We ended up in the kitchen, her fully clothed and me completely naked (with a robe strategically placed nearby just in case). I commented about how more often than not when she unlocked me I was allowed to stay out until the following morning but she said that was because she always felt like I needed an occasional break, since I made it through three months she realized I didn’t. She may let me have the odd night uncaged but not this time. I asked if I could at least shave before going back in and she said no. She joked that I’d probably cum just from a couple strokes of the razor at this point plus it was an interesting new texture for her and she wanted me to keep it for now. I personally think it was also a way for her to show even more ownership over that part of me.

After a good 10 minutes of distraction I finally shrunk back down and put the cage (and some clothes) on. I came back downstairs and she patted my crotch and said “he’s all safe and snug in his happy place. I think your penis prefers to be in a cage” While we cooked she told me how great it was to be totally and completely selfish. Aside from what part of my body she wanted to use she didn’t think about me at all and it was a freedom she’s never experienced. She asked me how I felt and I reiterated a lot of what I’ve said in this post. Then came a question that stung a bit. “How was it fucking me and being in my mouth knowing you’ll rarely get to cum like that anymore?” I’d thought this when she made that new rule but hearing her say it to me along with the amusement in her tone cemented it into reality. She didn’t even really want an answer, it was just a rhetorical question. The kids returned home not too long after which ended our open conversation about the day.

Time will tell if my wife stays on this strict path. As is generally the case I’m experiencing a mix of excitement and apprehension over the whole thing. I’m loving the fact that she is enjoying herself so much and getting into her role more and more but I can’t help but thinking; what the hell have I gotten myself in to?

 

A quickie (update)

This Saturday marks 16 weeks of full denial and not only will I be allowed a ruined orgasm but it will be the first one since my wife has decided they will be caged only from now on. She’s excited about it (a little too excited). Me, not so much. It’s been a year since I’ve experienced that and while I don’t fully recall it I do remember that it was pretty terrible, just cum dribbling out with zero pleasurable feeling. This will prove to be even worse since I’ll be cleaning up as well.

I’m out of town for the next few days and just got off the phone with my wife. She filled me in on what’s going on at home and then mentioned she packed something special in my bag. I looked inside hoping for some tasty treats but instead found her vibrator. I was a bit confused and she said “since you’ll be cleaning up this week I wanted to make sure you get plenty so the next few nights while we’re on the phone I want you to edge yourself with the vibrator a few times. This way you’re nice and full Saturday.”

To add insult to injury she also informed me that her period has started so “if you were hoping to get off easy and lick your cum off my pussy it’s not happening. I’m not exactly sure where it’ll be yet but I’m thinking my toes might be humiliating.” Then just like that she switched gears and we were back to talking about the kids, work and general household stuff. She’s something else. Now I’m waiting for dinner to be delivered and decided to do this quick update since this journal is pretty much my only outlet and our conversation is stuck in my head.

She is seemingly going all out about being a better keyholder. She’s a fantastic wife so if she puts half the effort into this aspect of our relationship as she does the rest I’m in deep, deep trouble.

 

@Rectrix That means a lot. When we started and had no clue what we were doing this site (especially the journals) helped immensely. As things have progressed it’s been a source of information, ideas, entertainment and a much needed outlet for me. This is a tough lifestyle to live so if my posts are doing one of those things for another person out there I feel like it’s worth the time I spend on it.

 

Delay of Game

Saturday the 11th I was scheduled to get a ruined orgasm after 16 grueling weeks of full denial. Part of me was looking forward to the relief, especially after the prior three days of edging my wife had me perform. The other part of me was a bit anxious. This would be the first one that follows the new rule of caged only and full cleanup afterwards. I had returned from my trip and we planned to spend most of the day doing some painting around the house. The kids were all out so we played “our” music and got to work. I enjoy doing projects with her as we work well together and have fun acting silly and flirting.

Once we got the first coat up we stood back and admired our work. She grabbed my crotch and asked how I was feeling. “Full” was my one word answer along with a bit of a chuckle. She stood in front of me and pulled down the front of my pants just enough to expose me and took some time poking and prodding. “Not full enough I think. Stay here.” She returned with the vibrator and handed it to me. “Edge yourself some more.” I did and stopped short, panting. “Again”. She looked into my eyes while I did as she wanted and said “edge only, no accidents.” She probably saw the struggle. Once I stopped for the second time she got a serious look on her face.

“That just reminded me. One more thing for the new rules to this. I told you that you can have two real orgasms a year, but if you have an accident you lose the next one, and so on. I hate when you cum when you aren’t allowed and I also hate the orgasm drop so if I have to deal with one I’m not going to deal with the other. So if you ever want to orgasm again and actually cum without the cage on, you’d better control yourself. Now edge again.” This wasn’t expected and kind of harsh. Yes I’ve had a couple of accidents before but it’s not like they were on purpose. They were truly accidental. Now they could potentially kill my chances at a real orgasm. To quote Roy Kent from Ted Lasso: fuuuuuuck.

After three more edgings (the final one performed by her) she saw how much I was dripping and said “much better, that looks full. Now pull your pants up and stop screwing around. We have painting to do.” We finished up and despite the ache in my abdomen and puddle in my pants the rest of the day was a lot of fun. We wrapped up, cleaned up and sat down to dinner. She asked how I was feeling and I said “more full”. She asked if I needed my ruin and I said “yes and no”. When she asked for clarification I told her I was looking forward to the relief but having to do it caged and clean up afterwards took what little fun there was out of it. She smiled and said “good, that’s the point. It’s not about you enjoying it anymore. Just me. But you’re going to have to wait because I’m exhausted and when you do that I want to be able to enjoy watching. Maybe tomorrow. We’ll see.”

Sunday evening she approached me and asked “I bet you’d love to get this over with tonight, wouldn’t you?” I agreed and she grabbed my hand and said “not today. I was thinking, your ruins are so you can be emptied out and afterwards is when you have the most stamina. So I think we’ll wait until next weekend. Earlier in the day I’ll let you do it and then later on you can fuck me for a really long time.” I was a bit disappointed as she was right; I did want to just get it over with at this point. She probably saw a change in my face and said “don’t worry, it’ll be worth it. Just think. You’ll get ruined in your cage, lick up every last drop of your cum and then a few hours later you can watch me enjoy multiple real orgasms. I think that sounds like a great day.” I don’t get to see the devious side of her often but when I do it makes quite the impression.

Now I wait. Two more days. I still don’t know if I’m looking forward to it. The purpose of all these new rules is to prioritize her pleasure and minimize mine to the point of eventually making her orgasms and her physical enjoyment the only things I look forward to. Given my feelings about what might happen in a couple days I’d say it’s working as intended.

 

That it is. It’s like she’s suddenly a new person. What’s really head spinning is that she hasn’t changed a bit outside of the bedroom. It’s jarring when she flips that switch.

 

Chastity 2.0

Last Saturday marked the end of what became 17 weeks of denial as well as the end of the routine I had become accustomed to. My body definitely needed it but the rest of me was not looking forward to the events surrounding it. We had planned to do some home improvement shopping for the afternoon and after a nice lazy morning of coffee and PJ's it was time to get dressed and ready to go. When we got upstairs and started to get changed she stopped me and said "don't get dressed yet. Take off your clothes and stand at the edge of the bed, it's time to ruin." I got, and stayed naked while she put on her clothes. She grabbed the vibrator and handed it to me. "Edge two times first and build it up." While I was doing what I was told she proceeded lay a towel along the end of the bed, pull up her pant legs and laid down with her bare feet directly under me. It was obvious what this meant but she felt the need to make sure. "If you didn't figure it out, you'll be cleaning it off my toes. Are you ready?"

I took one final shot at getting out of my predicament. I asked if it was really necessary to do this caged or to clean it up afterwards but I didn't get an ounce of sympathy. "It is. You only get hard for me now and you aren't supposed to enjoy this. It's so I can enjoy myself later." I was given the go ahead and told to make sure I watch so it all makes it onto her feet (I'm sure it was to make it tougher for me too). I felt everything well up inside me and pulled the vibrator away and proceeded to have the least satisfying and most humiliating ruined orgasm I've ever experienced. I watched as the cum dripped out and she slid her feet from side to side to cover them both. I remember wondering if it was ever going to stop. Once I was empty she looked at me and said "wow, that was a lot. You've got a lot of work to do. Now clean it up." I knelt down, looked at her and asked one final time if this was necessary. She was stern. "It is, get it all. Don't forget between the toes."

After she was satisfied with my work (and pointing out anything I had missed) she told me I could get dressed and meet her downstairs. We grabbed our list and headed out. In the car she asked what it was like for me and I told her plainly it sucked. There was no pleasure and any joy I'd find in relief was overshadowed by the knowledge that I'd be licking up whatever came out. Her reply was "I'm sorry, that sounds pretty terrible but that's the way it is now so hopefully it'll get easier." That was the last discussion we had while we were out and went back to being husband and wife. On the way back I asked if she wanted to stop and get dinner or cook something at home and she decided we should just order out because she's going to want to get fucked when we get back.

Once home and unpacked she surveyed the house (I assume to see if the kids had all gone out already) and told me to come upstairs with her. I used the bathroom and when I got in the bedroom I found her naked on the bed holding the key. What followed was a good hour plus of ecstasy for her. She was licked and fucked in every way possible, orgasming over and over. This all culminated in her having a few squirting orgasms on my face ending with a matter-of-fact "ok, I'm done" and laying down basking and cuddling with me. "That was amazing. You were a fucking beast and didn't have to slow down or stop once. I think this is going to work nicely." She gave me a kiss and then moved her head down to my penis and gave it a little kiss as well, saying "you did good today." Then she began slowly stroking me and said "time to pay up, get to the edge". I was edged three times like that and then she turned to me and said "I want you to think about the fact that you might only get to cum like this once or twice a year now if you're lucky" and gave me a slow and utterly amazing blowjob for the final edging. It took everything I had to tell her when it was time to stop and I will admit there was a moment where I considered just letting it happen and facing the consequences but I didn't.

She got up and started getting dressed. "Let's go order some food. I'm starving. Orgasms are so draining. Oh right, you wouldn't know" she teased. She handed me the cage and said "lock up, I'm done with him for now" and went downstairs. It took a bit for me to soften up and then we placed our order. While we waited I asked her if she wanted my phone to spin for my next denial period but she declined. "I don't think I need to spin anymore, I'm just going to make you ruin whenever I want. If I think I might want marathon sex I'll do it in the morning again. Or not and you'll have to control yourself. I might just ruin you because I want to watch you clean up. You'll never know when or why it'll happen but since it'll be in your cage it'll be easy to do whenever I want and I don't have to worry about you enjoying it."

Just like that the long periods of denial, and any residual guilt I may have thought she had, were probably gone. Most likely I won't have to go three or four months without ejaculation ever again but it comes at a high cost that makes me unable to get excited about it. Honestly I'd rather go months and get a ruined orgasm uncaged than to have one every few weeks in the cage and clean it up but I don't make the rules. The one thing I am excited about however are the benefits to my wife. She truly enjoyed herself in a way she doesn't often get to do these days. We can usually have sex for about 20/30 minutes but it's been quite some time since we've had a marathon like that since I've stopped masturbating and orgasming regularly, so she only gets that kind of treatment a few times a year. Now she can theoretically have it whenever she wants.

The following morning she straddled me in bed and started kissing me, grinding her pussy along my cage. She said "I really want you again, and lucky me I get what I want". She unlocked me and we had another long (but quieter due to an almost full house) session. Multiple orgasms for her and some edgings afterwards for me. As seems to be the new norm once she was done I was handed the cage and told to lock back up. I asked if I could wait a bit (I was rock hard and really wanted some freedom) and she said no. She was headed out to pick up one of the boys from a sleepover and said "If you're not in that cage when I get back you'll be punished." I gave her a little smirk and she told me it won't be something I'd enjoy. A cold water wash got me back in before she returned and when she did we went upstairs so she could fully tighten the screw (this has always been her thing if I put on the cage without her around; I get the screw started but not fully tight so she can finish it off). I asked her what the punishment would have been out of curiosity and was told it would have been a month caged with no unlocks. I jokingly retorted that sounds like more of a punishment for her and then quickly apologized, but not before she reminded me "wasn't it a smart ass comment like that that had you locked up for almost four months?" I've really got to learn to not poke the bear either by accident or on purpose.

And so my new "adventure" begins. I know I say this often, or at least think it, but it's mind boggling where we are now after only a year and a half. We've both learned a lot about ourselves. Our desires, our limits and even how our minds and bodies function in relation to one another. I'm not going to lie, it's a challenge for me and has become even more so as time has gone on. I'm well aware that I'm carrying the majority of the burden in order to make this lifestyle work for us and it does get overwhelming at times. Dealing with the denial, the humiliation and the loss of power is tough. On the flip side knowing my wife who I adore is able to enjoy the physical side or our marriage as much as she enjoys the rest makes it worth it to me (most of the time). I also think that because it stays in the metaphorical bedroom we are able to keep that aspect of our relationship separate from the rest and still have our marriage be what we both want it to be so there's no lingering feelings on my part.

This lifestyle is about kink and sex to be sure, but I feel like it's mostly about love for us. Why else would I sacrifice so much for another's benefit if I didn't love her the way I do? I can say that there has never been another person I would have ever considered doing this with, let alone actually go through with it. It would have been a disaster. I know she loves me too and if I were to ever get to a point where I couldn't go on I'm sure she would sacrifice all that she now enjoys for my benefit. Lucky for her I'm always up for a challenge and she is more than happy to push me as far as she can.

 

It’s Hard not Getting Hard

My second caged ruin was a few weeks ago. We were wrapping gifts in the bedroom away from prying eyes and I was extremely flirty most of the time. The first ruin hadn’t decreased my arousal at all and I’d just been building on it. It’s an odd sensation. I wasn’t extraordinarily “full” as it had only been about a month or so but I was so damned horny. It felt like it had been ages.

Finally my wife stopped in the middle of a present and said “someone needs some attention. Grab a towel.” I pretty much ran out to the bathroom ready to return to her naked with the key. Instead she was sitting on the bed still clothed. She took the towel and laid it on her lap. I must’ve had a confused look on my face because she answered without me even asking. “I don’t want sex but I might later or tomorrow. So let’s get you ruined so you’re good to go when I do.” She pulled off my shirt and then pants and had me stand in front of her naked, slowly using her finger on my frenulum through the bars of the cage. Just when she sensed I was getting close she stopped, waited a few seconds and then continued. This went on a few more times; to the edge, pause, resume. Finally she went just far enough that I dripped out onto the towel on her lap. It was just as disappointing as the first time. A bit painful, zero pleasure with only the sensation of something coming out of me. Once I was empty she told me to stick out my tongue and slowly wiped the towel across it. When she pulled it away she realized she got some on my nose and beard and started laughing uncontrollably. I went to kiss her and return the favor and she pushed me away, still laughing, which got me started. So we sat there for a bit laughing together. It was the best part of the experience.

Once I got cleaned up we went back to wrapping and she asked me how my second time was. I told her just as bad as the first and she asked for some elaboration. I told her the usual; the lack of erection, the disappointment of it being ruined, the pain when it swells up. She stopped. “So it hurts? How bad?” I told her no more than a normal erection attempt. “I always thought they looked uncomfortable but they actually hurt?” she asked.

I have to explain that in all the time I’ve been caged I’ve never once told her that attempting an erection in a cage can be a bit painful and mornings can be particularly terrible. It’s never been something I can’t handle and I didn’t want to give her a reason to question what she was doing, especially when she was still wrestling with feelings of guilt and uncertainty. Had she known she may have changed what she was doing in favor of my comfort.

She observed “that’s why you get up so quick in the morning? Because it’s hurting?” I confirmed her suspicion and waited for her response, ready to tell her it’s not so bad and I’m capable of dealing with it. To my surprise she said “well if you’ve survived it this long, you can keep surviving it.” I told her why I never said anything and she agreed. “Had you told me that a few months ago I might have kept you unlocked more, maybe even not caged you overnight. Now I’m kind of glad it’s the opposite of enjoyable for you. I know that you’re really not getting any pleasure unless I decide you can. Plus I can’t see myself doing it any different. It’s kind of scary, but I don’t think I could ever go back. I don’t think I’d ever want to.” I said “so you’re fine with the fact that being caged is painful at times?” She replied “absolutely. It’s something you’ll just have to keep dealing with.”

Merry (no) Fucking Christmas

My first Christmas under my wife’s new stricter version of chastity was a marked difference from the last. While I was not allowed to cum the previous Christmas (I was denied until the new year) I spent it unlocked as a holiday treat and, despite her exhaustion from the days events, she had relented and given in to my advances so I got to enjoy some physical attention that night.

This year however I woke up caged, just as I have for the past five months. I asked her at some point early in the day if I could be allowed some freedom since it was a holiday. Her response was simple and to the point. “It stays locked up unless I’m using it and I’m not using it at the moment.” Christmas night as we finally slowed down from the day and were getting ready for bed I came up behind her and started kissing her neck. She spent a minute enjoying it and turned around, kissed me and said “I’m wiped and all I want is to cuddle and have my back rubbed.”

As we lay in bed with her wrapped around me and me stroking her back we talked about the day. At one point I remarked “I really can’t believe I just spent all of Christmas caged.” She picked up her head and looked at me. “Of course you did. Like I said, if I’m not using your penis it doesn’t get unlocked.” I took the opportunity to ask why such a drastic shift in that regard. I used to be allowed out for hours at a time, overnight even. Now I think I’ve had only a couple hours out of the cage total in the past few months. She explained “I used to think you needed the freedom, physically speaking. Then when your smart mouth got you locked for those four months I realized you could survive. I know you want to get out and I know it’s tough always being caged except for the occasional times that I actually want you to be out but I also know that you don’t NEED to be unlocked. So that’s how it is. I might want you out tomorrow, I might want you out next year, but I don’t have any worries about keeping you in there until that time comes. Lucky for you I do love your penis so you will get unlocked. Eventually.” That last bit came with a kiss and a giggle.

Despite my remaining locked we had a wonderful Christmas. The kids were as excited as teens can be, the food was great and we got to spend time with each other and family. Honestly I don’t think it could have been any better had I been released. There was a lot more flirting and affection from her which has been the case for quite some time now that she doesn’t have to worry about giving me the wrong idea. There are no expectations from me these days. There’s always hope of course but I know that there’s no way this cage is coming off unless she wants it off, no matter what I say or do. It allows her to be free in her interactions with me which I definitely appreciate. It actually kind of reminds me of when we first started dating. The flirting, the “accidental” touches. All of those wonderful and exciting little moments you have before sex became an expected part of the relationship. Being locked as much as I am now isn’t enjoyable but in the grand scheme it’s a (usually) worthwhile sacrifice for all of the things it enhances in our marriage.

The Talk

A couple days later I was having a tough time. These moments seem to come randomly; days when I am so unhappy and frustrated being in a cage. My mind will race and I’ll start taking stock of my predicament and get an almost hopeless feeling. My wife and I have a sort of code for those times. I’ll text her a particular phrase so she knows it’s one of those days for me and she’ll ask about it when she has an opportunity to talk.

I sent it along with a message that I miss her, received a kiss emoji back and went back to my day. That evening once the house was in order and we were able to settle in she sat with me and said “so you’re having a tough time in your cage today, huh?” I told her getting used to this new way of doing things was a challenge. I laid out all the things I had thought about throughout the day: Staying caged when ruined hasn’t diminished my libido so it’s growing to increasingly higher levels. Cleaning up afterwards takes any enjoyment of release away. I miss morning wood. I miss erections. It’s frustrating only getting unlocked once or twice a month and going right back in. Two orgasms a year is such a small amount especially if they are the only times I’ll get to be hard when I cum.

When we have these talks sometimes she’s sympathetic and compassionate, sometimes strict and no nonsense. This time she was a bit of both. “I’m sorry it’s hard sometimes but you should be proud that you’re able to deal with all that for me and for us. I certainly couldn’t do it. But like I said, I can’t go back. I’ve gotten way too used to this so you’re going to have to live with it and whatever rules I make, probably forever. Do you know why?” “Because you make the rules?” I replied and she started giggling and said in her best (but terrible) Samuel Jackson “‘cause I’m the mutha fuckin’ keyholder, that’s why!” This sent us both into a fit of laughter so loud one of the kids popped downstairs to see what was going on. We couldn’t even talk due to laughing so hard and after a minute they just left saying “apparently my parents are children now.”

So what’s my takeaway from all that’s transpired the past few weeks? Nothings going to change. I don’t usually want it to but even when I do it’s no longer really an option for me. Sure it’s consensual at its core but if I were to tap out, even for a little while, it would probably crush my wife. Honestly if the roles were reversed I’d be hard pressed to ever go back to a time before chastity and denial so I can understand her stance. So I’ll enjoy it when I enjoy it, and when I don’t I’ll push through because I have to. And probably send her another text.

 

Goodbye 2023


It was a struggle acclimating to my newly apathetic and sexually self centered wife over the holidays. I had spent Christmas caged and then New Years rolled around. We had been so busy with work and family that there wasn’t a whole lot of time for us so I was really excited to have a fun night together and then hopefully a “fun night” after that.

At this point I was nearing a month of being caged, zero unlocks at all. I had a ruin a few weeks prior but due to it being caged it had zero effect on me and if anything it made things worse. I was fantasizing more and more about just touching and licking her body and was dying to get out of the cage and feel any kind of stimulation. I would randomly think about how lucky she was to be able to freely touch herself if she wanted. She really doesn’t masturbate as she feels it isn’t worth it when she has a perfectly good husband to take care of what she needs, but she still has the option. Unlike me.

We hung out with some friends and the kids and ate, drank and played games. Nothing crazy like in my 20’s but a really good time for an older and (mostly) more mature me. Every once in a while I’d check my watch, not to see how long until midnight but instead to see how long until I could get my wife into bed. The ball finally dropped, we shared a passionate kiss, hung out for a bit longer and then finally retired for the night.

I’ll admit I was excited as hell. She’d been extra flirty all night and had a good buzz going so I was pretty sure I’d get somewhere with her. Plus she’d kept me locked for one holiday already so my odds had to be good. We got undressed and climbed into bed and began kissing. I ran my hands over her body and she did the same with me. I was absolutely straining in my cage and after a few minutes I made my move and let my hands travel further down her body. I got to the waistband of her panties and she grabbed it and said “nope”.

I looked at her and she said “I’m tired and I think my period is coming so I don’t want sex tonight.” I jokingly said “you know, there was a time when I’d still get some attention when you had your period.” and she said “there was also a time when your dick wasn’t in a cage.” I can’t lie, it was a pretty admirable comeback and we both chuckled at it.

I backed off but still kissed her for a while longer. I may not be getting anything sexual but damn do I adore the woman. She started to drift off and said “it’s kind of fitting if you think about it. You ended the year in a cage and you’re beginning a new one in a cage. Since I’m doing things differently now it’ll be good practice. You’ll be in it a whole lot more this year than you’ve ever been. Like, a whole lot more.” The way she stressed that last part made my stomach drop.


Hello 2024


The following morning I was up before her (stupid morning wood, or morning stump as we’ve taken to calling it) and brought her coffee. We relaxed in bed for a while and eventually she asked me how I felt about staying caged for New Year’s. I told her flatly it sucked and she said flatly back “good.” She then reminded me we have a weekend getaway planned for this week, just me and her, and said since her period should be gone she may be in need of my services.

Of course I said I’d be happy to oblige and was hopeful her needs would require me to be unlocked since it would be a month continuous by that time. She said “maybe, but even if you are it’s probably not going to be like our vacations used to be. You know, when I would let you stay unlocked all day or even overnight. Those days are over. If I unlock you you’re most likely going right back in once I’m done.”

That’s undoubtedly the biggest challenge right now. Not the lack of erections or orgasms (though that has always been and will probably always be challenging) but getting used to my penis being literally used as a tool for her pleasure and nothing more; a toy taken out when it’s wanted then packed away when she’s done playing. It’s so contrary to how she is in every other aspect of our relationship that I think that’s where I struggle most. It stings a little every time she reminds me of my place in our bedroom hierarchy. I feel almost helpless which for someone like me is an uncomfortable feeling. I find myself wondering if it’s easier in that respect in a full-on FLR where there’s no difference between your role in life and in sex. Would I be more accustomed to it? It’s not something either of us have any interest in, nor have the personality for, so I’ll never get an answer to it. It’s a curious thought all the same.

It will be an adventure seeing how this year will play out for sure. We haven’t even had a full two years of chastity and it’s already become so restrictive. I can recall reading posts and stories when we started thinking “there’s no way that would happen” or “my wife would never do that” and being certain I had nothing to worry about. Things like using dildos as substitutes, being almost always locked, cumming while caged; those were all either fantasies masquerading as reality or the experiences of someone with a keyholder who was nothing like my wife. No, my wife was the type of woman who took as much pride in satisfying her husband in every aspect of the relationship as I do in satisfying her. Now all of those things have become my reality, my day to day.

The collateral damage from that has compounded things as well. Blowjobs for instance. I used to get multiple blowjobs a week. She loved it, and while she still does she says that my being caged and her needs when I’m out both have to take precedence now so I rarely get to feel her mouth on me and when I do it’s not for long. Sleep is another. I’m up at 5/5:30 every day due to the discomfort. While most mornings it’s not a big deal, even kind of helpful, when we’re up late it can really drain me for the day. I’ve started to get used to it but sometimes (like New Year’s Day) it’s a challenge.

Then there’s silly things like shaving. I’ve shaved my bits since my late teens. It’s a personal preference and as an added bonus the women in my always seemed to like it. While I still shave the balls, both for me and because my wife prefers it, I obviously can’t shave my penis. Now that I’m only out for sex there’s no opportunity to and my wife has turned that into a bit of a control thing. I’ll ask before I go back in the cage if I can shave real quick as it bothers me mentally (not physically) knowing I’m hairy but she always tells me no. Just because she can. I have a doctors appointment that will require me to be naked in a couple months and told her how ridiculous I’d look with bare balls and a hairy penis and her reply was “if I feel like it maybe I’ll let you shave for it. If not I’m sure the doctor will be amused.” She doesn’t prefer the hair, she prefers me bare (hence the balls) but she’s not letting it happen because just she has the option and she knows it bugs me.

So yeah, 2024 will feel like a whole new experience. I’m not really complaining too much as this is as much my doing as it is hers and the benefits outweigh the struggles (although the struggles are a bit much sometimes). We’re fast approaching the end of our second year and I’d like to think things will change less than they have in the past so I can finally settle in to a routine with this as I think that will be a huge help in coping. We’ll see though. I’ve had that hope multiple times so far and my wife has always had some new idea on pushing my limits. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.