I'm Frightened

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Colton27, Dec 4, 2020.

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  1. Colton27
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    Colton27 Member

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    I think people should become more aware of the possible pitfalls of this lifestye, myself included, before diving in. It seems that once one has accumulated any experience on this path, there is no going back to "normal" sex.

    My girlfriend and I started playing around with chastity early last year. Long story short, we got more into it until it was a full-time thing. She controls my orgasms, giving them rarely. This was all fine and good until my emotional crashes started to get more and more severe after cumming. My problem is this: I can't go back, I can't cum and the thought of never cumming again scares me as much as the nosedives my mood takes. Does anyone ever really quit orgasms completely? If so, how? Any advice or knowledge would be greatly appreciated.
     
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  2. rhodry04
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    rhodry04 Active member

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    First of all try and relax. I know it’s easy for me to say not knowing the whole story but don’t panic.
     
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  3. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Active member

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    Agree with @rhodry04 , take a deep breath and try to enjoy the ride, let the wave, the rush, whatever you call that feeling that is overwhelming you every minute right now replace the 10 seconds of pure bliss that is an orgasm.

    Im still not accepting no-orgasms (at all), I AM accepting that my frustrated sense of arousal is pretty damn cool though.
     
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  4. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    In truth I suspect there are very few people who never orgasm.

    You need to talk things through with your partner. This needs to be consensual and enjoyable for both. If it isn't it won't work. Good luck
     
  5. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    This may sound like crazy fap fodder, but there is actually a thing called Post Orgasmic Illness Syndrome, which may involve something like an allergy to your own semen. It's not very well studied but of you go over to the devoted POIS subreddit, some of the symptoms may seem familiar.

    My experiences make me suspect that long periods of denial strip away our immunity to reacting to semen. In my case coming after a month+ of denial stings like hell, creates a rash on my pubic hair, causes my nose to run and plunges me into gloom.

    I also suspect that if I went back to having regular orgasms, this would go away... though I am not entirely certain and it's not clear I shall get to find out any time soon.

    I certainly don't plan to give up my orgasm, but I am very happy to be in a phase where my wife likes keeping me locked. Given a choice between lifestyle femdom, or regularly masturbating over fantasies of lifestyle femdom, I know which I would choose. Have chosen.
     
  6. DoesasTold
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    DoesasTold Feeling Sexy if even only on the bottom half!

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    I have experienced the post orgasm blues as have many many folks on this forum. I found that the longer I abstain the worse it is and if I have multiple orgasms per week that feeling isn’t as intense. But, what I have also noticed is that if I orgasm 3 or more times a week that I’m am generally more of an irritable person. Trying to balance that and finding the sweet spot of the best orgasm “schedule” might help to alleviate the Lows of release after a long time and also the negatives you may experience from a more frequent release.

    I have also found that with each time I go through a stretch of chastity I push my limit a little further down the road. I don’t get that feeling of abandonment as early on in the process.

    Best of luck!
     
  7. Tessasissy
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    Tessasissy Member

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    I have found that the longer I go without orgasm say 2 to three months, when my wife gives me a single orgasm, the down is nowhere near as bad as if I am given an orgasm every 2 or 3 weeks.

    As happend recently and I was allowed a month out of chastity (which I actually did not like) fir the last two weeks I master bated quite a lot. That had a bad effect on my mood and interaction with my wife.

    For me it is clear that 2, 3 or mor months between orgasms is ideal, as I have very little if any drop off.

    I am not sure how I would be with no orgasms at all, but As I am not alowed to dicuss chastity or as for release with my wife if she decided no mor orgasms and said nothing I would never know!
     
  8. debbie jones
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    debbie jones Member

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    ive not been doing chastity very long but i hope i can give up orgasms for good im going to give it my best try ,i get relife from nipple stimulation i find when im feeling very horny playing with my nipples at any time of day give me great relife . my nipples have not always been sensetive but many years ago my wife licked to play with them and over time they became very sensetive so dont worry if yours are not sensertive at the mo give it a try and see if you can get some sensertivity in them . i find now that i can have what i cal;l mini orgasyms feels like you might cum but you dont but you do reach a peak as if your going to .
    i get so much pleashure from nipple play i dont ever whant to go back to haveing piv or orgasms

    best of luck hope this might help
     
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  9. Colton27
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    Colton27 Member

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    Thanks. Yet more ways the male orgasm is destructive. If the self-harm was more prevalently taught, I think far more people would restrict their frequency.
     
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  10. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    My understanding is that only a small proportion of men suffer from this. For most men, especially young ones, I think the benefits of masturbation far outweigh the possible costs.
     
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  11. MissyB
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    @Colton27 , I understand your situation. Beginning something like chastity is exciting and you think you're only trying it out. But as it becomes more than a lark and closer to a lifestyle, you can have second thoughts or difficulty in adjusting. I've not reached that stage. Yet. But having experienced several stretches of more than two months in chastity without orgasms, I can relate to your fears and concerns. As others have said, both the orgasm itself and the drop in emotions afterward can be hard to handle, at least for me. But facing a life time of no or very rare orgasms doesn't seem ideal either. I guess you and your partner have to keep searching for the right balance and also try to find ways to offset the emotion cliff after cumming. Good luck on your path and hope you can still enjoy it.
     
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  12. trenck
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    trenck Member

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    I think there is. With all my fetishes, I experienced that I needed increasingly stronger doses of them to arouse me. They wore off. I wore my chastity belt longer and longer till I totally lost my desire to masturbate. I finally felt stupid wearing a chastity belt when I wouldn't masturbate anyway. So I decided to finish with chastity and to focus on my other interests instead. A few months later, my desire for masturbation returned, as did my fantasies about chastity. We just need breaks and changes every now and then.
     
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  13. Lazlo Toth
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    Lazlo Toth C/D on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale: 4/9

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    POIS is absolutely a real syndrome. I suffer from it myself. Although I wouldn't say severely. I DO swear I am catching the flu every time I ejaculate. In fact, POIS symptoms helped contribute to my male chastity as a means to curb the syndrome.

    When my wife says not cumming is "for my own good", it's a medical fact!
     
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  14. Pretty Monnica
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    Pretty Monnica 24/7365 chastized sissy in an FLR.

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    I am certainly not new to chastity play, but am new to having an actual partner/Domme/KH to play with. In my case, in doing it, and at 49 years old, my main concern was men's health type issues. I absolutely am not willing to completely give up on proper releases, because I just don't see the logic behind it. I already have slight urinary issues and not maintaining some degree of workability down there in the interest of the pursuit of being under another's control, is not something my partner or I want to come to light in our world.

    We do slow build ups and work through scenarios as foreplay and while I never know when it will happen, eventually I am taken care of. It's the light at the end of the tunnel for us. My fantasy is to be turned into a shemale style plaything, and not to be locked forever without any release of orgasmic self (whatever that looks like to each of us). So that varies in all of us. We all see and feel this differently.

    I really don't have any advice for you, besides to say that it is critical that you tell your partner, and, take care of your well being. Doing any of this at the sake of our own mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical health goes against every reason we ever wanted to engage it in the first place.
     
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  15. sissydavenport
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    sissydavenport Locked sissy sub / spouse of Mistress Davenport

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    An eternally helpful way to do this is to have Her schedule your orgasm on the calendar. That way Y/you both know it is going to happen (and not before then or after) and can build up to it a bit. When releases just happen out of nowhere after long bouts of orgasm denial, it can be hard on the sub. Trust the calendar method.

    -nancy
     
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  16. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    Sounds like you two lack the communication and honesty to have a successful relationship in general. I would start talking.
     
  17. Dr MBogo
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    Dr MBogo You heard the lady! In you go.....

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    Everyone is different, but our experience has been that there is no going back. We'd never consider going back to vanilla at this point. at age 62(for both of us) I have no doubt that I'll be locked 24/7 for as long as we are both still alive, and we both still love it! Neither of us has any desire to go back to our old sex life.
     
  18. Dr MBogo
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    Dr MBogo You heard the lady! In you go.....

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  19. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Active member

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    It sounds like you are having other emotional issues going on in your life and chastity is perhaps just exposing them. Definitely look into discovering what they are before giving up on a dream relationship in many ways
     
  20. Wonderwomanssub
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    Wonderwomanssub Active member

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    The nosedives become easier to control the further along you get, at least in my experience. Every once in a while I’ll get moody or become a little short with my answers but its generally short lived. Once I realize what I’m doing I find it becomes easier to recognize and control my mood then the moodiness generally just goes away.
     
  21. Chase See
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    Chase See Member

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    I’m not sure if this is the same. I don’t think it is but I’ve recently gotten a little afraid too.
    My gf and KH has been so kind to get into this lifestyle with me. Currently, we’ve agreed to 3 days of lockups Wed, Thurs, Fri every week and normally ends up as normal sex in the weekend. Recently I’ve had some issues that I needed to be unlocked and she obliged but did say that starting to give excuses to be unlocked and that I’m pestering her for more sex since I’m not masturbating now.

    I think she’s getting more into it and more firm which I love but it is scary where this is going. I’m afraid that I can’t orgasm normally if I orgasm too much when locked (after her teasing me and making me cum in my cage for instance). I certainly don’t want my cock to permanently grow smaller too. I just want to relieve control but I don’t want our sex life to decline by this lifestyle. (It has actually improved tbh since we started)

    she’s going away for Christmas and as per our initial agreement it means I’d be locked for the entire time which could last to 5 weeks. Unlocks kept to minimal or completely 0 if possible as it’s also difficult for her to monitor if I’m given unlocks. We’re thinking of using plastic locks with serial codes to make things easier to monitor but it’s not simple.

    im 30 and I’ve never gone so long without cumming and I’m worried I can’t do it. At the same time I want to be obedient and submit to her control over my body. But I think it’s rather rude in my opinion to ask for the chance to unlock and cum during the time she’s away. Tricky situation in my opinion
     
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  22. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    There's another thread you might find useful.
     
  23. Ormaz
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    Ormaz Member

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    So true.
     
  24. Finn-egan
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    Finn-egan Active member

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    I had lots of ups and downs when my keyholder and my wife agreed on a course for my chastity that included not using my parts for sex. The denial fetish part of me LOVED that, and part of me was terrified. We cut my orgasms back further and further, and weaned me off masturbation, except for emptying myself. I have Crohn's disease, and prostate stimulators are not an option for me. We got me down to every 6 months, but I did develop prostitis, which took a few weeks to clear up, and reoccurred a year later, when I was emptying every 2-3 months. Now I'm having to empty without ruining the orgasm, as we had been doing, and it's cleared up, but none of us are happy with me having to do this so frequently.

    The trick to all this, and the reason we got into it really is to get me to get my pleasure and relief, from giving pleasure, and re-wire myself to not need my genitals sexually. This has largely worked, but it's taken years to get there, even with me wanting it. Patience, and focus on putting her needs before yours is my best advice, but also listen to your body, and be aware of any health changes.
     
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  25. theadoulos
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    theadoulos Junior Member

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    I have experienced similar "nosedives" over the years with and without chastity. For me, generally, the more intense the release of whatever kind, and the more infrequent, the stronger the nosedive.
    That you are aware of it and have made the connection is huge. It would seem too that if you have a partner who is interested enough in working with you intimately to integrate chastity into your lives, there would be an interest in the effects and consequences of that.
    My nosedives became more manageable with those things: awareness and an invested partner.
    In the leather and S/m world I started out in "aftercare" became and is a thing. Taking time for all participants to ground after a scene received recognition and respect. There are nosedives in those pursuits too. Whether you identify what you do as BDSM or not is immaterial. Releases are a significant emotional event. Whether that's a wicked mix of pain, pleasure and physical control or unlocking and orgasming after lengthy denial.
    For me, the recognition that my aftercare needed to be different from the more typical "bottle of water, fuzzy blanket and cuddle" was important. A partner who was willing to do different was huge. So when chastity became a more significant feature of my life, I recognized some of what was going on, voiced that to my Domina and keyholder and together we put the things together to not only address the nosedive, but use the energy of it to grow our relationship and practice.
    Essentially what happened was that she began to acknowledge, affirm and validate my feelings. And to remind me that the emotions were temporary, transitional. As that was communicated in a mix of words, actions, and physical and she was very consistent, eventually, the emotional "blow" became manageable and even welcome. Not something I looked forward to, but no longer something I dreaded.
    In fact it positively enhanced the authority she had and we both wanted her to have. In being an active part of the full arc of the "chastity experience", she exercised and demonstrated her authority and power, built trust, and deepened the connection.
    It's one thing to simply hold the key and deny or control releases. It's another thing to engage more and be involved in the teasing and release. And it is another thing still in my experience to have someone involved for "the whole ride". Not just the physical key, not just the erotic fun, but also the problems, the consequences, the aftermath, the rebuilding, the thoughts, feelings, changes and more. Being part of the processes that go on in and around it all is really the amazing part. Hearing that first time "Talk to me. No editing. Tell me what's in your head and heart no matter how crazy you think it is." was difficult and amazing. The insistence both that I share and that I relock. Later that I must unlock and release, and all the reasons, not just "because they're my orgasms now". It all started to ground things. More than manage things.
    Until I was both surprised and not surprised, when the belt was more a part of my body than an external fixture when she made it plain "This is not punishment. You aren't bad and so need to be locked. I secure what I value. Focus on that."
    If you need specifics, feel free to respond or message.

    And, yes, it's fearsome. The significant things in our lives are.
     
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