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Holding His Key

Discussion in 'The Foyer' started by Chesty LaRue, Jul 21, 2017.

  1. Good Morning Everyone.

    I want to start out by thanking everyone for giving me some much needed information over this past week. I gave my husband the gift of chastity about a month ago (with very little knowledge of what power it possessed for me) and quickly realized that I had a lot of research to do. The first three weeks were pretty overwhelming for me... but then I found this site and it helped guide me a little more. Now I am enjoying the process a lot more, and I believe he is too.

    I found that there was a lot of information about men being really excited about being locked up, and a lot of hesitation from their wives or gf's... but there wasn't a whole lot of women openly speaking about what they were concerned about.... what their questions were.. until I got on here (and sometimes even still, it's the men who come on and say "she wants to ask"

    We sat down in the beginning and set some guidelines. We don't do the whole "here's your chore list" We have a "meeting" once a week to see how it's going for the both of us so we aren't talking about it all week.

    So... going into our 5th week... I have some questions, and feel free to give advice (but please remember, we are in the beginning stage)

    Is there a certain "way" he should ask to be released? He cycles and cannot ride with it on, sometimes he decides to go for a group ride when I am at work... how do I handle that?

    How many days does one usually go between release days?

    How long is one usually released for?? Hours? Days?

    How often do you tease? (does that count as a release?

    He has trouble sleeping... It concerns me that he isn't resting... is that normal?

    I also need better ways to praise him other than just sexual pleasures for me... Suggestions??

    Thanks in advance for any and all feedback anyone can give, and I hope that this may also help any other keyholder out there who has the same questions, but just doesn't want to ask.

    Happy Friday Everyone!!!
  2. I can only give advice from my experience, but....
    how many days between releases? As many as you want dependant on the device your using. I have a mature metal jailbird design for 24/7/365 days worth of use and yes I've exceeded the 365 days between releases.
    How long am I released for? Anything from 5 mins to 10 hours depending on many factors.
    Teasing? About once or twice a week if I'm lucky or once every two to three weeks if I'm not. Does it count as a release? No because I remained locked up and not allowed to cum.
    And as for the sleeping, I can assure you it does get better. The erections weaken and you hope neatly do get use to it after a month or two. Now I can't sleep comfortably without it on cause I feel something is missing and I feel uneasy not having it there.
    Praising and sexual pleasures should be him being allowed to do stuff for you, like I get cage rides where my keyholder and myself have sex but I remained locked and I can't cum and the pain of a squashed errection although painful is very pleasant in this instance. And if I'm really good I can pleasure my key holder while wearing a strap on so i can fully pleasure her with a big hard cock and fully pleasure her without cumming to early or bring to small. Then I can pleasure her orally if it's been a good day and just want a small quick moment together. Basically my pleasure comes from seeing her happy and that's the only rewards I want.
    Any more questions please feel free to contact me.
  3. nice info
    chris82 likes this.
  4. Your questions are an echo of how I felt. I don't feel competent to give any definitive answers, we are all different, so my responses, which work for us, may not be right for you. Now I have got the disclaimer out of the way, this is how I approach things ...

    Ian never asks to be released. I try to be proactive, and on the rare occasions he needs to be uncaged (neither of us cycles but certain chores have a similar need) I will release him on my own initiative. This hasn't happened when I wasn't there, so all I can suggest is an emergency key in, say, a bottle of frozen water. As long as he only cycles and you trust him to remain chaste and relock as soon as the ride is over I would not have an issue. Others will say tough, you are locked, get over it, but I am of the "we have a real life" school. That said, while I will release Ian for the reasons we are discussing, I would never release him for "but it may be socially awkward reasons" such as work, socialising, shopping, traveling, needing a pee when out etc.

    Times of lock and release must be what you want. I experimented with various lengths of lock in, but it became obviously that for cleanliness and general comfort "little and often" was the best way forward for us. I aim for, on average, locked for at least 50% of the time. What I do is try to be random. Locked can be anything from a few hours to 4 or 5 days, release anything from 1/2 hour to a couple of days.

    Teasing is, to my mind, integral. Whenever Ian is locked up I wear the padlock key visibly round my neck. That is a constant reminder that I am in charge. Whilst it's rare for people to comment, if they ask I tell the truth. During the day I feel his genitals very regularly, wherever we are, and at night, no matter how tired I am, we have intimate contact, so he gets as excited as the cage allows, and I get as excited as I want! I don't count that as release, it's a one way orgasm for me.

    I had to ask Ian about sleeping. I sleep like a log, nothing wakes me. It seems the first few days were a bit bad, but sleeping on his back, or his side with the bottom leg crooked and top leg straight gives a comfy space. Also don't drink a load of liquid at night and have a pee before bed. Waking in the early hours with full bladder and middle of the night confined semi stiffy isn't good.

    I agree with you that praise or reward is so important. Again, I think whatever form it takes, it must be what's right for you. Ian loves me to be exhibitionist, so I now really make the effort to do that for him. That's probably not your thing, but a small gift? A meal out? Or just say "you know, I really love you".

    Hope at least some of that helps

    jemmi, slave_m and Chesty LaRue like this.
  5. First off welcome and congratulations on being open minded enough to try new things with your partner. My first rule it isn't fun change what you are doing. I'm going to address each of your questions. Feel free to disregard all of what I am going to say. So lets get to it...

    1st what is your purpose for chastity? Fun? Stop masturbation? Sexy Fun Time? It's something new you want to try? It was his idea? It was your idea?

    1. How long should he be locked?

    First we should define "Being Locked". I define it as the period of time between sex with my wife. Others might define it as time between whole orgasms ("O" for short). Still others might define it as time between any ejaculate release (ruined or non ruined "O"). If you have the keys, (or are in control of when he's released) you make the rules. That being said, you obviously care about your partner or else you wouldn't be asking, so try to make him comfortable while pushing his limits. Only you and he will know what those limits are. I started off with a short term of lock (1 week or less) and gradually increased to what I think of as the sensual zone. To me that is the point at which I am still interested in sex to the point where the thought of doing something simple for my wife makes me "O" in my pants... Seriously... Making the bed, I thought "If I don't do this just perfect she will not like it" and I would have an accident in my underwear... LOL For me this takes about two weeks. Before that I am horny and striving to please, but after it happens I constantly want to make her happy. After that I found that anything more than a month makes it feel like I'm being neglected and become upset at the whole process. I also unlocked at night at first because night time erections interrupt sleep. 6 months after I began I wanted to try locking at night in an effort to achieve 24/7 lockdown. After a few weeks I began to get used to the device and night time erections became less of an issue. I still had them from time to time, but going to the bathroom at 4 am usually gets rid of the erection and I go back to sleep.

    2. How long are men released for?

    I was locking only while my wife and kids were out of my site. I don't know your current living conditions, but you make your own rules. I personally am a fan of unlocking at night. My penis actually grew 1/2 inch by locking during the day and unlocking at night. Also, when we go on vacations where we will be in bathing suits most of the time I'm unlocked. It's all up to you.... If you want him locked 24/7 with your key in your cleavage and his junk in a cage with no release for the rest of his life that's OK too... As long as you both agree that it's SAFE SANE AND CONSENSUAL.

    3. Unfortunately my wife never teases me. So again that's up to you. You can do it nightly or weekly.

    4. He isn't sleeping well... Try not using it at night if you can trust him to not get up and masturbate. Get a second "bigger" device for night time. I lubricated with coco butter every night before bed. That helped me a lot. Also try securing the device with a piece of paracord around his waist at night. That held everything in place for me and helped also. Again, I got bigger by not wearing it at night... Just saying.

    5. Is there a better way to praise other than sexual? I think that three things will help you here. First, thinking of his chastity as a non sexual device will increase his desire to please you. Second understanding the psychological reward and punishment system researched by Thorndike BF Skinner known as operant conditioning will help you better understand how to praise and punish affect your partners choices. Just research the Skinner box. 3. Hypnosis, this is one of my favorites. Download the audio from this video... If you don't know how let me know.

    Any of the men who take this very seriously and are active and or professionals will tell you that there are times when the device must come off. Also ask anyone on here who rides a bicycle... He can do it in a device... If he has to wear tight shorts and will be embarrassed, you can make the call. Good luck.
    Mark Owen, jemmi and Chesty LaRue like this.
  6. My suggestion for this would be to get a lock box with a changeable combination (e.g. realtor lock box). Leave a key at home locked in there. When he needs to unlock and you are not around, he can phone you and get the combination. Later, you change the combo and lock the key back in.
  7. We have done that... But I kind of thought he would only need to use it for emergencies, but I guess I could change it every time he wanted to go ride.
  8. Welcome

    I think we overthink these things too much.

    Release...it comes off when you want it off.
    Orgasm...happens when you want him to.
    Teasing...happens as often as you feel like
    Time out of cage....as long or short as you wish
    How to ask out...how much control do you want?
    If it is important for him he will
    Not cheat and can probably be
    trusted and simply asking for
    The key is ok. If it's important
    for you to make sure...tell him no
    Sleeping...this depends on the comfort of your
    device. I couldn't go cage free at night
    Or I would wake up humping. Even
    The best device can cause ya to wake
    Up a lil early.

    All of this is really about what you prefer. Our dynamic is that my natural state is locked. She unlocks me when she feels like it(usually for sex) and tells me to relock whenever...anytime between immediately to a day or two. Teasing usually is me pleasing her, but occasionally she take time to have it about me...but it's only if she wants to, when and how. Many times I am allowed out of cage for sex but not allowed to cum.

    I have found that she has a pretty good idea what's best for her and has adjusted all of this to her, and how I act. She noticed I sometimes don't act as devoted after orgasms so has adjusted things to suit her. We don't do time limits or release dates...it comes off as few and often as she likes and that's it.

    So experiment and see what's best for you, and have fun. This is just how we have developed, your mileage may vary.

    Good luck
  9. WOW! 365 days!!! That's amazing! Thank you for your info!! That is very helpful!!! I am happy to hear about your experiences so I can help figure out how to create this environment the best way possible.
    chris82 and slave_m like this.
  10. Every couple varies. Questions like how long should he be locked up are hard for anyone here to answer because we don't know what each if you hope to get out of chastity.

    For example, many couples on here have regular uncaged tease and denial sessions, some several times per week. Then there are people like me where my wife would rather I was never unlocked. And there is a broad spectrum of everything in between.

    How often he should be unlocked for non-sexual reasons depends on his activities and how much you trust him. I do 3 one hour bike rides per week and never unlock for it. My device fits well and I have learned how to position myself on the seat without causing any pain or irritation.

    But, for hygiene's sake, I am unlocked daily during showers to clean myself and the device (I wear a Holy Trainer which does not allow good hygiene without removal). Temptation to cheat during showers and sneak some masturbation was very hard to resist at first. I would not advise letting him have a lot of unsupervised unlock time at first.

    Teasing can take whatever form you want it to and be as frequent as you want. The only thing I would say is try to gage where his limits are and not push him too far. My wife has figured out that if I go more than a few days without some teasing I get grumpy.
    Chesty LaRue likes this.
  11. It is different for everybody, but based on your questions I can't help but notice some similarities to my experience. My wife and I started with chastity a little over 6 months ago and went through a lot of the questions and learning curve that you seem to be asking about so I'll offer this advice.

    It is fine that he asks to be unlocked as long as you both understand it's your decision. I asked my wife to unlock me last weekend while we went sailing. It's a small boat, the kind you get wet in and everyone in close quarters. Too hard concealing a chastity cage in a wet swimsuit on a small boat. That being said I regularly ride a beach cruiser type bike and a stationary bike with my device on. I also jog and swim laps with it on. It can be done.

    When we first started my wife struggled with a sense of guilt over being responsible for locking me up. We decided on a smart phone app that works like a customizable wheel of fortune wheel. We started with the options 24 Hours, 36 Hours, 48 Hours, 60 Hours and 72 Hours. I remember at the time being terrified of 72 Hours. Now it is totally her call with a minimum of 2 weeks and I've asked not to exceed 3 months, but again her call. Start slow and build, but push his comfort zone.

    Time of release is a real bone :) of contention between my wife and I. She wants me locked up immediately and I really want some time off. I also want more than one orgasm. Usually after I get my first orgasm I get ornery and I don't obey her like I do when locked. This has resulted in these power struggles that usually sort themselves out in a few hours to maybe a day. Because my wife doesn't like these struggles and my attitude after orgasm she is leaning towards dramatically extending lock up time.

    The quantity of teasing you do is really up to you. Again this is a contentious point with my wife and I as I think there should be some major event once a week and little gestures, fondles, etc on an ongoing basis. She's good at the later, but lousy at the former. For us chastity quickly morphed into a Female Led Relationship (FLR). She now has me doing the vast majority of house work, giving her orgasms whenever she wants them and punishing me for my lapses in proper behavior. We have no formal agreement or chore list, she's just in charge and it's my job to make her life as easy and pleasant as possible. So when I don't get teased I try to remember that and carry on, but I still act up at times.

    Sleeping as others have said, you just get used to it. It is rough to start with and the type of device makes a big difference. I could not do the kind of long term wear I do now with my first device. The jailbird, while expensive, is worth every penny.

    Non-sexual praising is a tough one and really depends on your dynamic. For me I enjoy feminization and humiliation so when my wife has me wear panties and or a butt plug while I go about my day it's actually a reward/punishment type thing. While my wife regularly tells me what to do, she is very polite about it. There are a lot of please and thank you's. When I bring her breakfast in bed I usually get a "this looks wonderful". Down and dirty the biggest reward for me is her happiness. The other night I was cooking dinner and cleaning up while our kids played a game and my wife sat on the porch reading. She asked me to bring her a drink and when I did to massage her shoulders. She let out a long sigh as I did and said "this is wonderful". Made me very happy and my cage a little snug.
  12. Good to know. Thanks for that. That is what he wears too.. so maybe a short ride with it might be "enlightening"
  13. I would suggest he attempt to ride with one on. I have been wearing my device when I work out which often includes 5 mile runs and there has been no issue, key is that it need to fit properly
  14. Just have him get some baggy mountain biking shirts and nobody will be able to tell he's wearing it. I road bike and mountain bike in mine without too much trouble. Road biking is never a problem, but I've had a few small issues mountain biking. I also run and swim in it, too. Just did a 5k 2 days ago.
  15. Joroincharge

    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!
    Staff Member Moderator

    Mar 10, 2009
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    Great post!

    But your questions: no simple answers as all relationships vary,

    But my twopence:

    Cycling? Some others manage to combine with wearing. Maybe he nereds to learn how.
    Length of release time (if any): YOUR decision, and on your terms.
    Tease ditto
    Sleeping: he beeds to get used to it. he will in time.
    Praise: vanilla (non-sexual) things he likes.
    Nicoftime likes this.
  16. Thanks for all the advice everyone. I know that in the end... Everything is up to me, and I think that may be what may seem somewhat overwhelming to women who don't want to dive into this. It seems like a lot of decision making... Just ONE more thing on your plate... But once you're into it, it's not really the "chore" that it presents itself to be on paper. Trying at times, yes, but rewarding by far!!

    My mind has been eased by just having some guidance with the timelines and what not. When you're going into this blindly, you don't have a penis, your husband would probably never unlock if he could chose... It's nice to be able to get some advice from people who've been there done that!!

    We've had a great weekend with just a couple hiccups.... On the right path but still learning nonetheless.

    Joroincharge and Nicoftime like this.
  17. If in doubt , you can always start a poll on the forum and let the CM Members choose when he gets a release :p
    My mistress did it once, it did not go well for me :p
    Lanas Pet likes this.
  18. @Catbond@Catbond. that's cos you very very naughty man. :) giggle.
    Apfel, Lanas Pet and Catbond like this.
  19. For a more specific answer to what WE did...

    Right away she unlocked me every night and it ended in an O or a ruined O. Then she ended up going about a week between O's and unlocking nightly for an oil rub down and lock back up.

    Things changed when I got pierced for chastity. Was 4 weeks without and I still got her off with other things while I healed. The forced break I think helped her not feel guilty. This very quickly turned into weeks of lock up without O's.

    Since she found out she was having even better O's with toys or oral, she stopped all guilt, got orgasms from me daily and unlocks me to let me O when she thinks I deserve one. In general she doesn't think it's worth the drop in servitude for the few seconds of penetration. If she wants her pleasure I stay locked, and if she feels I should have done she unlocks me and allows me to cum. It's a gift, and has little to do with her getting a great O...for that we have toys.

    That is where we are at now. Usually once every 3 to 4 weeks.
  20. Joroincharge

    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!
    Staff Member Moderator

    Mar 10, 2009
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    It should never be a chore - for you. Though you can decide to make it a chore for him if you want.....:):):)
    slave_m and Nicoftime like this.
  21. I wear a Mature Metal JailBird while bicycling on a mountain bike.
    My purpose in cycling is to increase my fitness level, lose excess weight, and reduce my pot belly size.
    My mountain biking is done on pavement or dirt roads and not in wild areas with logs, big rocks, or drop offs.
    I am still pretty much in the beginner stage of this. I rode for over 20 miles yesterday which was a big increase in distance. My thighs were so sore yesterday I could barely walk when I got home. A shower reduced the thigh pain by a lot.
    I never wear "biking clothes" just regular clothes which are regular cargo trousers from Walmart, somewhat baggy, and cotton underwear. My male parts were just fine in my JailBird.
    It might help to have been wearing the cage long enough to be truly well fitted with a custom device rather than a generic device.
  22. Well, I had to go and brag about my caged cycling. Earlier this week I had my first ever skin irritation from road cycling. Bad enough that I had to remove the cage overnight to let the raw spot scab over. It wasn't terrible, but it made me wonder what was different about that ride and how I prevent it from happening again.

    I mountain biked for an hour today with no problems, so it just seems to be confined to road cycling.
  23. I've started to get back into road riding recently so I've only gone on one ride while caged. I didn't have any specific issues other than my testicles trying to go back into my body like they normally do when I exercise.
  24. Oh, and just in case anyone questions the timeline of my comment, that was a typo. It was supposed to be early LAST week.
  25. I hate that part. It doesn't bother me too much when cycling, but it can really be a bother when running. If anyone ever discovers a way to stop it, they will be the hero of chastity mansion.
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