His Kink...Making it Ours

It has just happened. Everything is very much at Mrs Chaste whim! She is very much "I'll do what I want!". The end of September will be 12 months. We may or may not reach that point or we may go beyond it. I have no idea and neither does she probably!

 

In a committed chastity lifestyle relationship, provided there aren't pre-determined and agreed-upon expectations, a lockee should never be aware of or ask for, well, anything! A KH may or may not have something in mind, or not at all... It's best to let it be dynamic and just see where things go! A mood may strike to want and permit PIV, maybe not? The thrill of handing over pleasure control is that 'we' hope for release, pleasure, etc, but never know if/when/how it may be....

 

My recommendation is to start believing that it is YOUR key, your cage, your property. My GF started chastity with us but felt bad every time life threw us a curveball. The dynamic really changed when she took full ownership of the cage. We agreed on a break once since due to a life threatening situation but she couldnt wait to claim Her property back. Its weird, but it works. At some deep level I even feel like my junk now belongs to her.

It is great that you are still interested. Don't feel bad about taking a break. But I bet you will be even happier (and much stronger) if you can make that change of thinking.

 

As my wife mentioned, life has been a bit of a roller coaster for us over the last few months. We have some things going on that have just made things, different, to say the least.

For a couple of weeks we took a break from really sharing chastity at all, but I didn't want to let it go completely. We talked about it and decided I would continue with self locking. I used a couple of spinners to set some time frames, locked back up and went on with life.

The first month or so of this was a little rocky for me as there were some frustrations and between that and the next month there were some times that I went a week or more without my cage.

The last 3 or 4 weeks have seen great improvement which I am really enjoying. @Spades has participated in my chastity more and more. Sex has been AMAZING and often (not PIV but maybe soon ). I feel like we are both ready for her to take ownership of my key again but want to wait a while in hopes of continuing what we have going with out interruption. We also currently live with our in-laws (and have for a 16 months) but our house build is nearly done, so waiting until then at this point makes the most sense. I want it and she wants it but we want to make sure its the timing is right.

Our communication in the last month or so has helped our situation a ton as well. We have both stepped up on this tremendously. @Spades has started doing some things that she has always enjoyed, that I really no idea about throughout our 10 year marriage. I can't stress to anyone new to chastity how important communication is to make this work and even through marriage and life. Communicate, and do it often.

Excited to continue the journey S life settles down for us as I am thinking she has some exciting things in store!

Wonder how many orgasms she will get before she allows PIV again

 

I just had Mark take a half inch off my Contender. It made a world of difference for me. Sadly i dont belive the Amicus model can be shortened.

 

I have a Contender now as well as the Amicus. I just got the Contender recently, and honestly right now I am back in the Amicus. I like the Contender because it is lighter but after a week in it I wanted to try the Amicus again. I am not sure that I have a preference yet.

 

Yeah it seems alot of us start out with the Amicus and later transition up to the contender. I love that its super light weight and easy to clean. I could never warm up to the base rings. It didn't matter if they were round or oval they would spin and were never comfortable. With Marks help I converted a Chinese ergonomic ring to fit my Contender. (Pic in profile album)

 

Yea I have the same issue with it spinning to the side, but honestly I don't really even notice anymore. To me it doesn't change the comfort so I deal with it.

 

What a fun ride you two are having just enjoy every step!

 

Congratulations on your new home. Glad to here your restarting his chastity. My wife loves wearing her key. Best of luck to you both.

 

These are hard times for everyone, so You are not alone, @Spades. I wish You all the best in finding the missing piece.

You are certainly welcome to message my Keyholder Wife, @MistressAMA, for discussion. She's a model for making this kink Her own and reveling in Her dominance.

asa

 

Howdy, I don’t think I saw your journal before, and just wanted to give you encouragement.

You are doing fine and your feelings are quite natural. I just wanted to let you know that life still goes on, and being his keyholder doesn’t mean the world still doesn’t take its toll, and it’s not going to be a constant force no matter how fun it can be when it’s firing on all cylinders.

One of the reasons my wife stopped doing locktober...it put pressure on her to make it a giant long tease session. The calendar became the one holding the key instead of her. Instead she has fun when she wants, and when that happens, it’s actually very hot and intense because it’s not forced or for my benefit. Guilt was a natural consequence, but as time went by, she understood that I was happy that she is happy.

If that means fooling around 4 times a month because she was in the mood and life wasn’t getting in the way, then that’s what happens. If it turns into a month or two because she just wasn’t feeling it, then that’s what happens too. As long as he knows you remember he’s locked, acknowledge it occasionally (a pat on the cage is an easy reminder) he will be happy that you’re happy.

Hang in there, don’t be hard on yourself, it’ll turn around when you’re feeling it, and then he’ll enjoy it all the more knowing your into it.

Good luck to u both

 

Thanks for the lovely yet candid and sobering post, @Spades. I believe we all go through similar phases in our KH journey.

I've quite often felt less than happy with my emotional fulfilment out of the dynamic. But I soon discovered that after shedding any and all remaining feelings of guilt and 'obligation' towards playing an expected 'role', I realized that I had to allow myself to simply be myself. No pretend, no 'play'. I simply enjoy being in charge, feeling love, getting attention and giving it as well-- very often in kinky ways --, and in my FLR with no rules other than whatever I want goes, I found that everything slowly but surely started flowing and feeling much better.

So, perhaps it's about finding that inner dominant peace, the strength to confidently lead our men in guilt-free, mutually enjoying ways, and take full advantage of the enjoyment that male chastity affords us as women today.

Make it happen--we're rooting for you! xoxo

 

We’re had to tackle the same emotions in our own way. I encouraged her dominant side thru full denial. I made every orgasm only about her. everytime I felt any sense of arousal i ask her to slap me as hard as as she could. when she became comfortable with putting me in my place, it finally resulted in what she said was the most “complete” orgasm she ever experienced. Her leadership style is improving in leaps and bounds...

 

These things are not BS. They are the most important things. They require all of the attention and energy you have. And it is worth it.

@RexVa says it so well. You are trying to build confidence, he has expectations. When you are ready, you will make the expectations your own. By the nature of FLR, he should follow. That’s when you both discover if it is just a kink, or he is ready to accept your leadership. You will be able to throw out the rules. The rules are what you say they are. If he is serious, he will learn to anticipate and avoid the need for complex rules. Enforcing rules is too much work for you.

You are an amazing woman. You are willing to embrace the FLR life. And, you are reaching out to learn more. That, makes you very, very special. Think about that, and begin shedding the self-doubts. You deserve the confidence and the joy.

 

I’ve enjoyed reading about your journey. Edging (bringing him to the edge of an orgasm and then removing all stimulation) along with ruined orgasms can help keep things really interesting. Good luck on your journey and have fun with it. It can be an incredibly fulfilling lifestyle for both the KH and her husband.
O2

 

Hi @Spades every relationship is different, and every couple's approach to chastity is different. And it takes time. Don't beat yourself up. You say you want to make sure he is fulfilled sexually, but you are feeling unfulfilled. Are you getting him to provide you with pleasure while he is locked or are you just trying to provide him with pleasure? Might be the missing link.

Here is a link to a journal blog from a keyholder who was struggling - it is from a few years ago and the couple are no longer on CM. The initial stages of the blog might be worth a read. https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...from-being-a-vanilla-wife-to-keyholder.25780/ [Note both partners used the same account, so sometimes you need to work out which of them is doing the writing in any post.]

 

Hello again everyone, it has been ages since my last post so I'd like to give my perspective on how things are going.

Things are going great. The end..

^^ If life was only that easy.

I love chastity, I love that my beautiful wife has embraced controlling my cock and my orgasm's. I love that she still seems to lovr having that control. I enjoy being in my cage, the way it makes me feel, mentally and physically, to the point that if I'm out for an extended period of time, I miss it. By extended period of time I mean more than a few hours. I love that chastity has brought my wife and I closer together. I love that I can give her endless O's and not have to worry about my own.

In the beginning, I think I'd hoped that eventually this would turn into my wife becoming more dominant but it hasn't. I am coming to terms with that as I am not going to push her into being something, or someone, that she isn't. I am learning to be better at just accepting things as they are and being thankful for what I have, because I know that where we are is far past where other husbands have gotten when throwing their kinks at their wives. We have tried some things. We have rules and we have punishments, but the punishments never come for broken rules. Lately, I have taken a step back as I do not want to top, and I'm perfectly happy with how things are.

Over the last couple of months we have developed a "thing" for her feet. She gets a nightly foot massage which I truly look forward to. To me it just creates a closeness that I get to look forward to each day.

Last but most certainly not least, in the last couple of months we have been exploring cuckolding, or her having another partner. There have been 2 situations, with 2 different guys that have come close but ultimately cancelled just prior to the actual experience. Personally with this I struggle with understanding myself and my thoughts as to whether this is a fantasy or of it can be reality. The thought of her receiving pleasure from someone else excites me tremendously. Reading chats of hers with other guys excites me. I want to see her recieve ultimate pleasure from someone else, however the whirlwind of emotions as it gets closer to a scheduled meeting is fucking intense and I struggle with how to work through them in my head. The emotions are so mixed it is difficult, some bad, some good, some exciting, some scary, etc etc etc. We have agreed that for the first time she will do this by herself. This allows her to be comfortable and confirm that she can or can not go through with it and later, if it gets there, I can watch. I think part of my emotions stem from this as I have a sort of "left out" feeling which is something I am trying to work through and see the bigger picture. This is some that we have communicated a ton about. Something that we both agree we can get through whether the outcome is good, bad or ugly. We have a solid marriage going on 10 years and much better communication (thanks for chastity).

Not really sure that any of this was going anywhere lol. Just typing my thoughts as they were coming into my head. I hope all of you are doing well, staying safe and staying healthy.

Until next time..

 

A lot of wonderful stories in the thread. My Goddess and I met and after awhile and a build up of a lot of trust, I confessed having an FLR as a root desire for me. It's been a long and sometimes bumpy road that has resulted in a sexual twist on an excellent, communicative, and extremely hot relationship, coupled with a lot of love, romance and friendship in between. As an alpha or masc male (if you will) I have been through two failed marriages, and countless breakups. Our journey began, and continues to get stronger everyday and I am just so very thankful. Our role reversal has me happy, and content, and dying to sign up for it in marriage (we are engaged) and have her ride me off into the sunset, clicking her 5" heels with whip in hand joyfully.


Best of luck to all of you. May we all find our one true love, and may they dangle their control on a key around their necks forever. :*

 

Superb post mate. Really appreciate your sharing.