Finally Had The Talk

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by John&Ann, Sep 24, 2021.

  1. John&Ann
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    John&Ann Member

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    She couldn't understand why I would want to wear this thing. I finally admitted I was tired of cheating us by masturbating. I know I am right to call it cheating, one thing I have learned on this trip alone locked up. I feel the difference in just wanting to go home and be with her. It is a good thing.

    She was shocked. Do women not know men struggle with this. Many men I am sure don't care that they do. I was surprised that she seemed surprised. She told me she was glad I told her and said we need to talk about it.

    Oh boy. I like being honest but it is hard especially about something like this.
     
  2. Ransom
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    Ransom Member

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    Good luck! Hope it all works out for you!
     
  3. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    First steps can be hard. Good luck and enjoy.
     
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  4. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Active member

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    Unless she’s an active participant, masturbating cheats both of you. I know it seems counterintuitive but being caged can lead to a more fulfilling sexual relationship because you tend to focus on her wants, needs, and desires. Over time you’ll both learn to open up to each other and be less worried about your interests being judged. When you have to focus on non penis centric activities you tend to explore other forms of pleasure and that can be really intense for both of you. Good luck in your shared journey.
     
  5. DoesasTold
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    DoesasTold Active member

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    Sounds like a good start to an exciting journey. Don’t rush it on her!! Let her come into in her time and you could see it really blossom if you don’t get all weird right away. Save the weird for later! ;)
     
  6. Jah Rubbings
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    Jah Rubbings Jah Rubbings

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    It's the masturbating elephant in the room.
     
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  7. BarbCD
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    BarbCD Active member

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    Just my own experience. N=1. I think women (my wife) know their husbands masturbate, but don’t really think about it and assume it happens far less than it actually does. She (they) prefer to think that they are the sexual focus and all male physiological desires are met through them.

    For us, one of the reasons we both like me caged is that because I’m only out for PIV at her whim, her assumption and preference is now the actual fact.

    I just feel I need to add. Neither one of us finds anything wrong with masturbation, and believe it is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of. That we choose to direct my sexual energy to PIV is simply our preference.
     
  8. Turma
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    Turma Member

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    The right beginning. Especially a honest approach!
     
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  9. Guest 8927
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    Guest 8927 Active member

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    Try to remember that for the female, chastity was not a fun experience. Chastity has been used to mistreat women since its inception.

    While in it, be very aware of Her. Masturbation control as the reason for Her, won't be enough reason to engage you. She has to see it helping make you a better entity in your life. She already knows men are horn-dogs.

    Talk to Her about love and adoration, commitment to Her. Be better at everything you do that involves Her. Write Her a love note, or a poem. Start being a sweet and good guy to Her.

    Because if you don't put in that work, they don't see the point in putting in any for you. I know you are into this, but in it, there has to be a reason She is. Good luck.
     
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  10. Junebug15
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    Junebug15 Active member

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  11. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    that rigt but some men make mess and dont make sure they have clean everthing up.
     
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  12. John&Ann
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    John&Ann Member

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    I leave her hot tea and love notes often and flowers too for absolutely no reason. She is so worth it
     
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  13. madams-sissysub
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    Congratulations and good luck!
     
  14. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    Something very similar happened with my wife and I... We found out about these chastity devices by random and I don't think she had any idea how often I was playing with myself. I felt like I was playing with myself because she wasn't interested in any intimacy and she felt like I wasn't either; it was a vicious cycle.

    Now we do something every night, and it has taken a lot of stress off our relationship... It might just be an intimate massage and her seeing how aroused I can get with her using 1 finger. She says it doesn't get old seeing how bad I want her & enjoys seeing how little she needs to do to keep me aroused.

    I hope this helps the relationship between the two of you, just be open and honest.
     
  15. John&Ann
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    John&Ann Member

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    Agree with all you have said
     
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  16. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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  17. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    The nasty part of masturbation is what goes on in my head when I do it...its nasty fantasy stuff that doesn’t involve her and that is cheating...and then afterwards Im down and not interested in her. And it's addictive.
    So we consider it horrible.
     
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  18. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Having “The Talk”, is probably the most difficult thing a guy can do short of asking her for a first date.

    It sounds like you handled it very well. The next hardest thing is coming next. Ask questions. There is a lot of hard-earned experience that can be shared here, helping you do it right for her.
     
  19. Chastity lord
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    Chastity lord chastity lord

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    Never a truer word spoken. Women need to see a benefit to themselves of our chastity to want to be a part of it. Once they see the benefits like my Miss they won't want to go back to pre chastity days as its a win for them.
     
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  20. Rick Jorgensen
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    My wife and I were both raised fundamentalist Christians, so the "felt" risk involved with confessing to masturbation was extreme. I've told her the joke about 98% of men masturbate and the other 2% are liars, but it never clicked for her. She thought it was just a joke. As we all know--and actual surveys prove, I'm sure--it may be humorous, but it is also darn near the truth.

    In the first week I had the same kind of enlightenment as you. Once my wife agreed to go forward with male chastity and be my KH, I told her that it made her the star of the movie in my head--and it was the truth. I don't know the psychology involved, but I'm not going to question it because the result is awesome.
     
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  21. Rick Jorgensen
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    Forgive the "me, too" post, but this is sage advice.

    Be patient. I have a couple short e-books I found on Amazon I could recommend, both of which were written for previously vanilla folks. I'm letting my wife read them on my Kindle so she can see the passages I highlighted. She is about 2/3 finished with the first and we talk about some of the passages.

    I know that the "book club" approach like this isn't for everyone, but it really gives us (mostly her) space to process. It is really working for us; we have never had such frank discussions about our sex life.

    It is also a source of humor because we are delightfully weird that way. When I suggest something I know she wants and she knows that I know, I often say, "That's the lock talking." I guess it is funnier in a text message... :p
     
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  22. Whiskey05
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    Whiskey05 Member

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    Communication is important
     
  23. Whiskey05
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    Whiskey05 Member

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    Yep 1 small step at a time
     
  24. anonymous75
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    anonymous75 New member

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    Can I ask a question please? Why did you need to become a better husband? My husband has been trying to get me to a FLR relationship for about 10 years now. Every time I tell him to lock up or go to the shed (only place for a true spanking with teenagers in the home) he says I’m not serious and I don’t want to and laughs then we have sex and that’s it. He wants me to “make” him do things
     
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  25. anonymous75
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    anonymous75 New member

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    What I meant was why did you need that to be a better husband?
     
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