Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Stockings for sure. Stilettos I've never been able to quite manage. I think it's something to do with my ankles and how they bend, or don't. But decently high heels, yes. Sal

 

An odd moment this morning. I took off my necklace while I had a bath this morning and while I was getting dressed, My Pete wandered in and noticed that the necklace with the key on it was on the table. He picked it up and gave it to me to put on and offered to do the clasp at the back. He was holding the key itself.
It's been our rule that he never, ever touches the key. I don't know exactly why. It's our thing. There's no part of my body that's out of bounds but the key is forbidden. I probably should have just said something like 'No, My Pete, please put that down straight away', and I'm sure he would, and he'd have apologised. I really think he'd just forgotten himself.

I know this is mad but I think I'd been slightly startled by him wandering in to the bathroom (which we actually do fairly often when we're not showering or having a bath together) and instead of just saying something calmly, I suddenly felt angry, as if I'd been intimately and inappropriately touched by a stranger or something. I shouted, (he said afterwards, I screamed) "No! Just, NO!" I'm not proud of this but I sort of lost it for a bit and became Shouty Sal. He apologised, said he had forgotten and had only been trying to help. And instead of just accepting the apology, I said that since we were arguing, and also because he didn't want to play by the rules, then I wanted to unlock him. He apologised again but because we always agreed that if we were angry with each other, the cage would come off straight away, I insisted. So, ironically, the cage was coming off because I was angry about him touching the key. And he was asking me not to take the cage off! A weird and confuring reversal.

He dropped his trousers and pants, which must have been pretty humiliating, and I unlocked him and asked him to take off the ring and cage and pull everything up. But before he could pull his trousers back up, he was already rock hard and looking extremely sheepish. Suddenly, I saw everything in a different light. I found myself laughing out loud and at least then I saw how ridiculous I'd been. I couldn't bring myself to actually apologise but we kissed and I said something about another little thing about him I was beginning to understand. He was holding himself at this point. Not actually playing with it, but just holding it, as if for comfort. I just said that I didn't think either of us were angry any more and therefore we should get him locked up as soon as possible before there were any 'accidents'.

I patiently watched him wrangle the ring and cage on, which took much longer than usual as he was quite worked up. Once that was done, he asked if we were back to normal and gave me his goofy smile. And yup, Im afraid I cried a bit with the relief of it all. I said it had been a hard week of working lates and he apologised for touching the key. He offered a massage to take some of the stress away and it felt lovely and relaxing but non-sexual. I felt excited but I knew if I wanted the massage to be anything else I'd need to make that pretty clear. I knew he wouldn't dare do more without a clear signal. I didn't say anything so I ended up feeling physically relaxed but a fairly frustrated. He went out to the shops soon afterwards and I wondered why I hadn't told him what I'd wanted. I think it had all been a bit intense and out of control.

He returned having bought me flowers! That made me feel a bit weepy, a bit guilty, but also excited again. We kissed some more, which felt lovely. Sadly, we had to go out to lunch and he's out with friends tonight. At least we've not fallen out with each other. But somehow yet again I'm frustrated. I'm sure he is too, but he's meant to be frustrated!

Sal

 

Back on a more even keel this morning. We were just chattting in bed about nothing very special. Out of the blue he said he was beginning to feel a bit desperate again, "especially after yesterday". He said that when I'd said we'd have to remove the cage and he had to drop his trousers, his stomach had tied itself into a knot. I put my hand on his cage and asked if he was very desperate. He said yes and I think he expected me to unlock him. Instead, I tried to react as if he'd just told me he'd had a pay rise or something. "Oh, that's great news! i'm so pleased" etc. He looked disappointed but had to see the funny side.

I really felt like being filled, preferably by him but I knew he'd come very quickly. That would normally be fine as we'd just have another go an hour or two later but he was going out for the day so that wasn't going to work. Next best was have to have him use Dora - (the dildo, ugh horrible word). He had to warm it up, which broke the moment a bit. It felt nice, but somehow not quite what I needed - a bit mechanical. After a while, I knew it wasn't going to work, I patted the top of his head and he reacted instantly. I've been thinking about how oral sex really has got so much better over the last months. It's partly that he's taken the time to understand me better, quite a lot that I understand myself better so he gets better feedback, and partly that his tongue and lips (eek, I can't believe I'm saying this) are probably fitter? It's not so much the pressure but the stamina maybe? I mean there are muscles in his mouth, and they've had more exercise. I think this is one area where the captions have got it right.

Much less frustrated now but still feeling that I want to be filled by him. Sigh.

Sal

 

Yes I did, when I told him that I thought he should have a go with Dora. But I didn't have to spell out why it wouldn't work with him today, other than saying that I knew he had to go out so he wouldn't be around in a couple of hours. He knew what that meant. I do really love that when he's been locked he comes very quickly inside me and I love it even more that I can tip him over the edge even faster by asking him to 'come for me now'. But I don't really like doing that unless we know we can do it again in an hour or two when it can be more satisfying. Sal

 

I just had a phone call with Laura, mostly about her cat and pets in general, but of courseshe asked about how things were going with the Project. I mentioned that I was feeling a bit frustrated about not having had proper sex (I hate the term 'PIV' but might have to start using it). I told her about having wanted to this weekend but how I'd resisted because I knew he would come very quickly and that we wouldn't have the chance to be together for another go later in the day when he would be able to last longer. Then she asked me a couple of difficult questions.

She asked how I feel about having conditioned him to come so quickly. I said I really like it - I find it flattering and I love that he's out of control and that I can tip him even faster by asking him to 'come for me now'. She asked how I think hee feels about it and I said that he finds it exciting that I can have that effect on him but a bit humiliated that he can't last, but loves having another session later in the day. She asked whether, by always having PIV sex again a few hours later, we'd got into a routine? I said it was a routine we both enjoyed. She asked what would happen if I allowed him to come very quickly in the usual way, but then, perhaps just once in a while, didn't allow him the follow up later on. I said that he'd probably be upset and frustrated, and that I'd be frustrated too.

Laura said that I might find other ways to deal with my frustration, at least temporarily. She asked what would happen if a couple of hours later, when he was fully expecting PIV sex, that I just asked him to warm Dora? She said she was thinking of this from a dommeish point of view, which might not be my agenda, but she said that in the 'dynamic' that I've described (as she put it) I held a lot of power - to make him come, to withhold what he had now come to expect and to mess with his head a bit (she counselled taking care with this bit) by having him use Dora on me. I said I might try it sometime.

She asked if he had used a strap-on with me and I said he'd found it 'confusing' and a bit overwhelming. She asked me how it had been for me and I said that if I had to have a dildo instead of him, I preferred the sensation when he just used his hands to manipulate it rather than it being strapped on. Then she asked me an odd question - if I'd ever flown a kite for long periods? I never have. She said that she hasn't either but apparently there's a sensation that kite-fliers have after a while, which makes them feel that they're up there, with the kite and flying. She said that for men, a strap-on can start to feel like the real thing if the visual and other cues were strong enough. She said that if he were to wear a strap-on, if he could watch me give it close attention with my mouth, or my hands - making a big play of adding lube - that has a very strong effect on some men. I said we had tried something similar a couple of times and it had been surprisingly fun, once I'd got over the weird-factor. She said it was an extremely dommeish, controlling thing to do and recommended that I try to stimulate all his other senses as much as possible, to compensate for him (the real him) being locked up and not feeling anything. She suggested worshipping it with comments (eg. "I love it when you're so hard for me", etc, as well as touching.

I'm on lates this week again. Off to the gym now and then work until the small hours. Time to text My Pete a few times now to let him know I care, and to keep him keen of course. <Evil grin>
Sal

 

I am having an Extremely Annoying Day. I work as a video editor and if there's no footage for me to edit then I'm just twiddling my thumbs. It seems I've travelled in for nothing and then doubtless the material will turn up much later and I'll be working through the night. Anyway, that's a bit off-topic! Thanks for the suggestion re lasting longer.
When My Pete's been locked and frustrated for a while, he comes very easily. So easily in fact that I can tip him over the edge just by asking him to come for me. I like your idea of getting him to last longer, and I think he would too. But how do we do that? I tried Googling but couldn't find the answer! I'd be grateful for any advice! Sal

 

I think I've just realised I don't actually know what I want. I really do enjoy it when he can't help himself - I enjoy the feeling of him not being in control. I also like the suggestions that I should surprise him now and then by ensuring that the second session a couple of hours later doesn't necessarily happen every time. On those second sessions he does last long enough, so I think i will just leave things as they are for the moment. I wouldn't want to lose that immediate reaction. On the other hand, if I could command him either way, as I please, that would be fun... Sal