Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Even if you feel unsure inside, I have 100% confidence that you will find your way, your instincts haven't failed you yet.

 

Enjoy the journey one day at a time.

 

Sex is like food...
You might really enjoy a Chinese or an Indian, but it doesn't mean you should only eat those, and occasionally having something that you're not awfully keen on isn't a bad thing either.

 

I wanted to say that I think you sound like a truly lovely person, and Pete is very lucky to have you. A lot of concerns that I have when considering if/when/how to jump into this lifestyle with my wife have been around her wanting me to be servile, her turning cruel, her losing respect and love for me. You've done a lot to reassure me that this doesn't have to be the case.

 

Welcome!

One thing you will see here is that people are typically not judgmental but very helpful. One piece of advice that I have is read the experiences of others but find your way, what works for you and Pete. We all started somewhere, remember that!

 

Recently you mentioned laying in bed and your hand was casually resting on his cage.

Wanted to share a similar experience I recently just had. We were on vacation, i got a room with a whirlpool, we enjoyed the hot swirling water. While sitting there her hand happened to rest on my cage. Part of the scenario was erotic because I didn’t know if she was going to unlock me, fondle me, or become a sexual evening. The other part that was erotic was how casual, second hand, and ordinary it was for her.

We had our relaxing moments in the whirlpool, we got out of the tub, I attempted some intimacy which led to her guiding my head down. I finished her off with my mouth and fingers. After I was anxious as ever to be unlocked, but she simply said thank you and wished me a good night. I calmed down and fell asleep as well.

Long ago I would have been up all night trying to poke her with my cage, caressing her, trying to change her mind.

 

I have no experience with FLR (yet), so please take this for what it's worth:

What if you gave him a periodic chance (once a week, once a fortnight, whatever you consider appropriate) to earn the chance to masturbate in front of you?

One way he could earn this would be to write down and read to you something -- anything -- that he would otherwise find difficult to share with you. Maybe a sexual fantasy. Maybe a childhood memory. Maybe something you do that bugs him. It doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be long -- as short as two or three sentences would be enough, so long as he tells you the truth without hiding anything. Your sole criterion for judging his work would be whether, in your opinion, he really made an effort to open up to you on something important (from his point of view, not yours).

If you wanted, you could grade the result. An "A" could earn him a handjob, for a "B" you could start him off and he takes over, a "C" masturbation to orgasm, a "D" masturbation to frustration and locking back up.

Something like that. But the point would be to use his need to give you something that would be very good for both of you and for your relationship.

Just a though. Best, Antipater

 

What we do is, sometimes she will unlock me just to play with it, she'll give me what I call a "penis massage", she'll get a bit of baby oil or lube and will just gently rub it, nothing like stroking or edging, just rubbing. This will definitely get you hard but it doesn't even come close to making you cum. This will usually be after I've already serviced her with whatever she wants (ie, neck rub, foot rub, oral, etc) but it could also be on a day when she didn't need or want anything. So, if he wants an erection and you want to maintain control, maybe this would work for you too.

 

This is where edging comes into play. It feels good to have an unencumbered erection. So good, that when left to our own devices we typically play with it until we reach the logical conclusion of an orgasm. With edging you remove the cage usually after restraining his hands and get him fully erect repeatedly but don’t allow him to cum. Afterwards, you lock him back in the cage and have him take care of you. It’s an incredibly powerful experience.

 

In time you will know from his reaction and mood if he dared to come without permission whilst not in your presence. You can't fake being 4 to 5 or more days denied. Don't allow self exploration in the first days, as you probably won't notice the change. Just let him know that you would know. He would likely tell you if there was an accidental spill. He probably wants to learn how close he can get (or you can get him) to the edge without spilling and disappointing you. In the end, if you are both committed to the journey him knowing his limits is to both your advantage. He might want to explore that limit on his own a bit in the shower. Or like you said with you watching, and encouraging.

"Edge for me my darling.....10, 9, ..etc......1......lock up.

"I want you to get to the edge 10 times then we are locking you up again"

"If you edge X times I might let you come"

 

Sounds like you need to step it up. He wants to feel that your orgasms are his. He gets most of his feelings of validation from making you come, not from coming himself. Take all you want. Then take more. He will be putty in your hands. So horny and frustratisfyed. No guilt Sal.

 

That's a great word!

 

Male perspective...

After long periods of total denial, giving your key holder an orgasm becomes as good as having one yourself. I have often had the mental pleasure of orgasm but not a physical one myself when giving oral. It's as satisfying as a full orgasm, but without the ejaculation or the mental downer afterwards. After a while I found that I much rather prefer giving rather than recieving orgasms.

I started achieving that by 'faking it', making the sounds and motions of reaching a climax, as we both use the physical clues to climax together, but of course what happened was I effectively rewired myself to orgasm with her, but with only her being physically stimulated. My stimulation is all in the mind (and possibly the tip of my tounge!)

It does take longer periods of not having orgasms to get to that stage though, maybe something to aim for in the future.

 

When we first started she was very concerned with the health and well being of “her” penis. She thought it was a good idea to massage it with vitamin E oil every night or close to it. I would lock up after, sometimes needing a frozen bag of peas lol to shrink down enough. The attention was wonderful, it was allowed to get hard and feel sensation again. Plus it was incredibly erotic because even though it was clearly sexual, it was also almost medicinal in nature. Hope this helps.

She gave up on this after about a year when it was clear my cage fit well and there wasn’t a real reason to remove the cage.

 

One thing that is a real "mind fuck" is to get a harness with a very realistic dildo and let him make love to you. although he doesn't get that wet feel on his wily, it is still VERY satisfying for a caged man as well as his lady. If you gave him the choice to lay beside you and masturbate until orgasm or to pleasure you with his mouth and then have strap-on sex, I bet he would chose the later. Especially after doing it once.

As I've mentioned before, the 5% lidocaine gel/spray can be a lot of fun. It works better under a condom and you certainly don't want it on your lady bits or they will be very numb. If he wants to enjoy erections, apply gel and condom and tell him to edge himself for 15 minutes but not to cum. After 15 minutes you can give him permission to cum if he wants and sit back and watch the show. He will be a sweaty and exhausted mess when he finally gives up without the orgasm.

 

Its just ideas to keep in mind. In his denied state, he will crave pleasing you and seeing you get off is the next best thing. Him using the strapon instead of his penis will be almost as exciting as sex but without the orgasm as long as you give the impression that it’s as good or better than the real thing. I can promise you he will see it as a treat and fulfilling but without orgasm which keeps him in the zone.

if you want to get him comfortable with anal play, I’d suggest buying some anal/prostate toys and encourage him to explore alone first. Guys have a lot of emotional baggage (even under best of circumstances) when it comes to enjoying anal/prostate play and he may do better alone so he can relax and not be embarrassed. Culturally, it is taboo for straight men and they get constant reinforcement that it’s gay or feminine and unacceptable so help him get passed that. The prostate is the male g-spot and feels incredible and once he has a good experience with that, he will always look forward to it.

good luck and have FUN!