Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

He got back from his 'lunchtime' jubilee drink early evening yesterday, slightly drunk and announced, a bit vulgarly, (but with a smile and sense of humour) that he was absolutely desperate to come and please would I make myself immediately available, and (pointing at where his cage was), please would I make it available too. I felt myself about to act like I would have a few months ago but managed to take a deep breath and think. My heart was doing odd things.

I told him that it's now the wrong time of the month for me to make myself available. But even if that hadn't happened a day or two early, I said that our principles are that I have taken control of his orgasms, and his erections too, at least for a while, and that I wanted him to keep to that and to trust me. I offered to have a shower together instead - immediately accepted of course. I'm beginning to think that cfnm is a thing for us, so I was sure to ask him to strip off first and I told him I'd enjoy looking at him naked for a moment. I made sure to take my time before getting undressed. He asked me to take the cage off and I said no. He looked completely surprised and horrified.

In the shower, I did everything I could to arouse him and he got more and more frantic. I was still wearing the key on my necklace and I tugged a bit on the cage and asked him asked how it felt. He told me that he knew that if it wasn't for the cage it would be hard. He said he felt aroused but it just couldn't grow. I said I was very sympathetic and said I loved having this control over his sexuality. He said that one of the most difficult things for him, apart from just being desperate to come, or even to have erections, was the whole unpredictability of it all. He said he'd allowed himself to get excited and anticipate release and then been badly disappointed. I repeated that I loved having the control and found it very erotic, and sympathised again with how hard it must be for him.

When we were drying off, out of nowhere, I said I'd like to take it out for an airing. He looked pathetically grateful when he was lying on the bed and I took the cage off. I licked him and immediately took him back into the shower - nobody told me that soap gets trapped inside the cage, yuck! Back on the bed, I told him I would play with it for a while and 'see what happens'. Then he did a bad thing - he put his hand on my head to guide me down to it - sort of the way that I have been signalling to him with my hand on his head, but much less subtle. I stopped straight away and asked him to keep his hands clasped together above his head and that if he released them, the party would be over. He immediately apologised and I acknowledged that it was an understandable reflex but that he must let me lead, and as a result he would not be coming today but that I would edge him for a while.

I don't think I've ever seen him so aroused. It took ages for him to get back into the cage - even using cold water from the shower. He was rather quiet the rest of the evening and went off early to work this morning. With my period, I can't say I'm feeling very sexy today and I'm worrying whether I did the right thing. I was sure to text him how exciting I found it yesterday but haven't had a reply.

Sal.

 

Gosh, time flies! It was last Saturday week, I think - so today that'll be 9 days! I quite like the idea of giving him a ruined orgasm but I've never been very confident getting the timing right. And I'm also assuming that this is with the cage off, rather than with a vibrator (we've never tried a vibrator on the cage before)? And I won't warn him in advance that it's not going to be the kind of orgasm he was expecting. Sal

 

Thanks for the responses. I've realised it's too much - there's no reason to play with ruining on top of everything else, at least for now. I think he deserves to be satisfied. I appreciate the very tactfully put messages above! I do tend to throw myself into things and it's good for me to have the steadying influence.
I'm sure My Pete will be grateful too!! He'll be back later tonight for a nice surprise.

Sal

 

Thank you for the lovely compliments. I think this side of me has been waiting to flourish for a long time, and actually there's a complementary side to My Pete that has also been hidden. I think we've both known it in our heart of hearts but looking back on it, it wasn't until last autumn when we were in an adult shop together just looking for a new toy, and the assistant suggested a cage, that things really changed. That cage was cheap and badly made and uncomfortable but I think we both realised we were onto something, so we bought a better quality one. We played with it every now and then, but neither of us quite admitted that it was really a lot of fun. I only discovered a few weeks ago that My Pete had actually used it on his own for a few days at a time!
I became more and more curious, and I think he did too. I was very lucky in having a friend who'd been a domme, or domme-ish as she puts it, for a while, so I could talk to her. Then I joined this site to try to understand it all, and myself a bit better, but mainly to understand what might be going through My Pete's mind. I got so many insights, so quickly. Nothing that doesn't seem obvious now but I needed it spelled out to me.
But I realise I'm not like everyone else. I know some women who would run a mile. Others who would try to accommodate their partner's wishes even though it's not really their thing. But perhaps just a few who genuinely find the whole control element really exciting.

Sal

 

When he got home yesterday, we were both in a happy mood although I was in some pain with boring women's stuff. We laid around and chatted and I said it would excite me if I could undress him and uncage him. His eyes lit up like a puppy with a stick! I asked him what he'd most like, given that ordinary sex is off limits at the moment. He said he just wanted to come - I could decide how. I told him he deserved it and just held it and stroked it while whispering nice things. I spun it out for as long as I could and let him be snoozy afterwards for an hour or so before suggesting a shower together and locking for the night. We carried on chatting and then fell asleep.

I know this is all a bit 'vanilla' but I realised after some of the messages yesterday that I might have been overdoing it. Thanks for that advice - this felt right.

Sal

 

Ahh, we don't have a shower wand. But I know that My Pete would be delighted if I suggest it! Sal

 

"Trust me: By the time Pete figures out that he is a human guinea pig in your experiment of control he will be so far addicted that it will be too late."

Thanks. I like to think that it is our experiment, not just mine! Maybe I'm fooling myself but in my heart of hearts I know he wouldn't go along with this unless he was enjoying it.

And thanks for your kind comments!
Sal

 

Thanks for saying such lovely things! I blush. Sal.

 

We both woke early this morning because we'd left the curtains open, so we lay in bed chatting for a while. After a bit I realised that I had my hand on his cage - not doing anything, but just rested there. He pointed it out and I said I really liked the way that it was ours and not just his. I asked him how it felt and he said it felt odd knowing that my hand was there but not being able to feel anything other than having my wrist on his stomach. He said the strangest bit was knowing that if he didn't have the cage on, it would be erect and probably throbbing but as it was, it couldn't even begin to grow. I asked if that was sore and he said no but it felt strange to him to be aroused but not be able to get hard. He said he felt a bit like a big dog on a lead sometimes but that he quite liked it. He told me that wearing the cage he feels aroused much more of the time than he did before - a kind of 'background arousal', he said - but of course he has no control over the peaks. He said that sometimes he feels like a drug addict who would do almost anything for a high, or in his case, an orgasm. But he also said he finds that allowing me to take control of his orgasms - not only his orgasms but his erections too - very exciting and he's loving not having to be responsible and take the lead.

He asked me how I felt and I said I also felt a more frequent sexual buzz, and find having the control very exciting. I also said that I wouldn't find it exciting or want to continue if he didn't also enjoy it. He said 'enjoy' wasn't really the right word (he was laughing as he said this) but he definitely wanted to continue. Phew!!!

I asked him what he did when he got really desperate. He said that if he was at work then he just thought about other things. If I was around then he occasionally tried hinting or asking me for release but he said that hadn't seemed to work. (Another thing filed away) And if he was alone in the house, he'd tried playing with the cage but that had only made things worse. He said he'd noticed that every orgasm he'd had since being locked for the first time had been accompanied by me stimulating his nipples and that the association in his mind between his nipples and coming was definitely stronger than it used to be. I asked him if he had tried to make himself come that way and he said that of course he had, but with no success. I told him it excited me to think of him doing that and that I wanted to continue to try to make that association stronger.

And then, out of nowhere, he said. "I've tried something else as well". Big pause. He told me that over the years, various male friends had alluded to anal or prostate play but of course it had been a no-go area for him (see previous post about what happened to him at primary school). But recently, after he'd told me about what had happened, he also told another friend, and then several others, who were all sympathetic but none of whom made a big deal about it by the sound of it. One of those friends is gay and followed up with some conversations and sent him some lube with a little note saying that My Pete should find a quiet moment and explore. (I asked if that friend or any of the others knew about him being caged and he looked absolutely appalled and said definitely not!) I asked him if he had indeed explored at all and he was a bit non-committal about how far he'd got (not far, I think) but he did talk about the 'entry point' being more sensitive and enjoyable to the touch than he'd realised. I asked if he'd thought about trying to make himself come that way and he said he'd wondered about that but hadn't got anywhere close.

I thanked him for telling me and said it was something we might gently explore one day, if he wanted to. We kissed and got up. We had a lovely cage-off, intimate shower together - I shaved under the ring and washed and stroked it very carefully and methodically and told him how happy I was that he'd told me about his experiments. I didn't say anything about this being a reward, but I did want him to feel good about having told me, because I knew this was a really big deal for him.

Still throbbing away, I let him dry himself and wrangle the cage. He presented it for locking (such a magical moment, every time, but I still wish it made a more satisfying click!) and I put some of my hand cream under the ring to stop him chafing, and we had a lovely long kiss. He started asking me, "When...", but I just said, "Time for breakfast!" and that was that. This felt like an important morning.

Sal