Asexual wife and long term locked

OP, how is it going? I asked my wife to keep the keys at work while I keep hope alive for intimacy and unlocks. Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

 

Hi and welcome!

 

I went back and reread the original message, and was struck by this sentence.

She's asexual, and doesn't want to be touched. That's sad, but here you are trying to deal with the whole situation in a constructive way, and she's trying to tell you to stop!!!!

To me, she sounds like she doesn't care about your happiness at all. All she cares about is her own feelings about something that doesn't affect her at all. After all, she doesn't want to touch you.

It ticks me off.

 

Succes

 

I guess my hard limit would be 'no intimacy', no cuddling, hugging, etc.

I have lived in a marriage, where sex rarely if ever happens any longer, and it didn't bother me overmuch.

So long as the cuddling, physical demonstration of affection was there.

When that ended, so did the relatonships.

Guy

 

Makes sense to me.

 

Hi there and welcome to the mansion!

 

What kind of underwear and pussy trim do your asexual wifes have ? Are they wearing sexy dresses and heels or are they keeping their body and clothes asexual too ?

 

Just curious how it went though security? I took my mature metal jailbird off during the airport screening. It led to am embarrassing moment when I had to open my carry-on bag to show the person what it was. He was confused by the shape. If I was wearing it I imagine he would have had to take me off to a room to visually check it out. That would not have been pleasant at all.

 

For me personally, If I am wearing it then I wake up lots. Mainly between 2am and 5am. Then I have to get up as Its not worth trying to go back to sleep. So if I am not wearing it, I get a great nights sleep. I do relate to the edging thing though. If my wife is away and I am not locked (self-locked) then I can waste hours playing with myself and coming up with elaborate fantasies. Very selfish behaviour but its something I struggle with.

 

Wife and I have been sexless from the beginning - exception being baby making - which happened twice. But, we share a bed, kiss and cuddle etc. What helps there is me being able to control my erection - e.g. avoid getting hard.

 

I don't understand why asexuals marry a sexual person. Why not seek out another asexual? It's as selfish as a gay person marrying a hetero person for convenience then refuse intimacy.

 

Does male Chastity have to be about sex for the Keyholder? There's so much we can give and do to benefit our KH's and in return they will want to keep us locked when they see the results of our servitude.
If you give Her everything She wants, unrelated to sex, do you think She may begin to enjoy your chastity?

 

Why does anyone marry someone who is sexually incompatible? Just look around this site. So many people spend years trying to convince their significant other to participate in their kink.

In some cases people didn't know about themselves. In other cases, they knew on some level, but didn't want to admit to themselves. And sometimes they fell in love with someone who was sexually incompatible and told themselves it was going to be okay.

 

Your comment makes sense logically, but relationships often defy logic. In my case, I met my future wife, we really clicked and then over time fell in love. She was very clear that she had a solid romantic streak but no interest in sex. I knew that going in. I followed my heart while my gonads protested We did find a way to have children. The early years were sexually frustrating but for many years now I'm in a denial zone that I really love.

What I would advise is that asexuals be very upfront at an early stage. Thankfully my wife was. Sexuals should also be upfront - if their sexual needs are critical and the other person does not see it that way, then the relationship should be friends only.

 

As long as people are upfront and honest, I don’t see a problem. Society needs to de stigmatize lgbt and asexuals so that people can feel free to be open with their identity. So many people are hiding their true selves and are even in deep denial to themselves. You can only suppress a core identity for so long before things come apart and people get hurt.

 

I completely agree with this, @Jessica Alexander, and the previous statement by @sexlessmarriage. I spent nearly three decades of marriage thinking my sexually intimate connection with my wife was just around the corner, right after <fill-in the blank>... child-rearing, vasectomy, career pressure, etc. Come to find out, it was never going to happen. I am a highly sexual person, and she has no need. It's breathtaking when you finally reach that conclusion. I thought male chastity would be the great equalizer, but she has no interest in that either. There should be exams which come before the marriage license...

 

Unfortunately, it sounds like she has no interest in your happiness.

 

Women are usually idolized on this site but women can be as selfish and self centered as men. It’s selfish to withhold intimacy and expect your partner to not get it elsewhere. She would fear that you would be happier with someone else and withdraw all the other benefits to her. She gets everything she wants in the relationship and is happy with the status quo, while you get a room mate that probably isn’t paying half of all the bills.

 

A spouse who is in a sexless marriage needs to decide how long to try to change it and whether they will stay. The worst is to keep hoping and trying on your end for years without major efforts by one's spouse. What I recommend is set a deadline and if one intends to stay draw up a sexless marriage agreement.

 

If my mistress lost all her sex drive I would rather just adjust my hormones and become asexual with her. No way could I be in a cage while receiving zero intimacy.