Asexual wife and long term locked

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by smlocked, Oct 16, 2018.

  1. smlocked
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    smlocked New member

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    i have been lurking around for a while and realized I never posted an introduction, so here goes.

    My interest in chastity started in about 1990 when my fiancée (now my wife) and I got brave and went to a adult store in downtown Minneapolis. They had a leather sheath with a padlock that we got and played with, but it was a toy.

    After we got married I found the first version of the Kali’s teeth device from TPE and got that. Then it was the Remy tune before the CB3K and then CB6Ks. I enjoyed them, but none were secure and some were unbearable after a handful of days.

    Over the years my wife has had a lot of medical issues, and her hormones are a mess, but she can’t take anything because the doctors worry about messing up other things. So she is completely asexual. She does not even want to be touched in a casual way, and she cringes when our son hugs her.

    I had a high libido, and I was on the verge of all kinds of things, including cheating or divorce, but decided I would make our lack of intimacy a chastity challenge. I decided that saving our marriage was worth the $600 for a Lori chastity tube. I got pierced and eventually got the money and ordered the device.

    With my wife being asexual she dislikes my wearing the Lori cage, and really wishes I would stop! But she said that if it is a choice between that or our marriage she would tolerate my being locked. I try to go without locking, but after a few months I am jerking off and watching porn a lot, so I go back to locking up. My last lock up was over 4 months without removal.

    So I play a bit with Emlalock, and Chastikey and try to keep my key out of my own grasp.
     
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  2. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    Welcome and good luck. Hope it works out for you both
     
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  3. Joey love
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    Joey love Active member

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    Welcome to CM and good luck
     
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  4. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    You're a good husband, good luck. Personally, I think it's somewhat selfish of her not to hold the key given your mutual situation and your dedication to her.
     
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  5. L-u-c-y
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    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

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    It sounds like a very difficult situation, well done for sticking with it.
     
  6. smlocked
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    smlocked New member

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    There are times I feel she is selfish as well. Other times I feel I a, the one being selfish about it because I am doing something she would really prefer me not to be involved in. There have been a lot of different conversations in my head about options, and cheating, leaving, demanding are some of them. They are all selfish on my part. So self locking seems to be the best solution, even if it isn’t perfect.
     
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  7. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Active member

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    Wow, that’s a tough situation. At best it’s a “lock it and forget it” situation. It sounds like she is just a friend and room mate so why would she care if you got intimacy elsewhere? It’s not selfish to want intimacy. I think chastity in this case is a bandaid and won’t really help in the long run.
     
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  8. Joey love
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    Joey love Active member

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    Possibly, but it’s her choice.(and on this site I guess I could add “as always!”)
     
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  9. G42G
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    G42G Member

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    My wife has a chronic pain condition from Fibromyalgia. She has good days and bad days but still participates and is my KH. I also have a chronic masturbation and porn problem that this is helping to resolve. Stick with it for yourself. It's worth it. No longer being consumed by wanting the next orgasm has done a lot for me. It's very much like any other addiction. If you use a timed lock box or some other method and only allow yourself to cum on that schedule it would be a very positive change from where you were. One step at a time. Eventually she may warm up to the idea and participate but don't pressure her at all. IMHO, of course.
     
  10. maid_carrie
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    Welcome to CM @smlocked and thanks for the introduction.

    I think you are both testament to the view that a good marriage needs commitment and hard work at times. You can't bale out at the first sign of difficulty, and sounds like neither of you have.

    Now you've done the intro, keep on posting :)
     
  11. smlocked
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    smlocked New member

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    I use a 4 digit realtor Master lockbox and have been using Emlalock. I sometimes find an online key holder, and sometimes make my own key set.

    Currently I have an experiment with the site “writeforme.org”. If people complete my typing task it automatically adds a week to my session through an API trigger with IFTTT.
     
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  12. MouseJstr
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    MouseJstr Member

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    Can I direct message you?
     
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  13. smlocked
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    smlocked New member

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    Certainly.
     
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  14. zebra
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    I kind in the same boat - married 31 years
    But my wife loves me but has currently no interest in sex rarely wants to get off - she had and still has medical issues - so she has good mood days and tired bad mood days it a roller coaster at times
    I self lock to keep me from masterbating-
    I hug and kiss her daily but we just hold hands on walks -
    Yes at time she mentioned she feels like roommates -
    So yes at times it a struggle
    My chastity she has no interest aka out site out of mind
    I use emlalock and a cable security seal through the lock only unlock for doc appt and flying
    Ok rambling I stop
    Open to pm some times need to just chat to clear things
     
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  15. Ma’ams Slut
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    Ma’ams Slut OWNED, LOCKED, SUB TO MY LOVE MA’AM M

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    Welcome to cm it sound like very difficult situation. I hope it works out for you!
     
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  16. Robinoh
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    I too am in a similar situation. I self lock often. My wife of 27+years and I have discussed it but due to menopause and other issues (loss of her dad, mom has Alzheimer’s, etc) she has zero libido. She used to have a higher sex drive than I do.

    She knows I lock myself up for extended periods of time but doesn’t really pay much attention to it. We’ve talked many times but things haven’t changed much.

    Last night, 3 am, she and I were awake for no real reason and she said she had a dream about me giving her an orgasm with my fingers. I listened to her and she then said “would you please touch me down there “. Of course I jumped at the chance and gave her the best orgasm she’s had in over a year! I was locked and still am. She had no intention of pleasuring me nor did I want her to. I wanted it to be all about her. I can’t wait for her to wake up today and talk about it... patience is all I can recommend and wish you luck with your situation.
     
  17. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    I'm so happy for you.
     
  18. MrMartini
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    MrMartini Comfortably Locked

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    Welcome. Similarly, I’m using chastity to control my masturbation and watching porn. It was overwhelming and out of control. While only at it a little over a month, chastity has been the best thing I did.
     
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  19. Mojoman
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    It seems that for every woman that is "mad-for-it" and happy to enjoy her partner in FLR/chastity, there is another who shows no interest and has a self-locking partner. If this is just FLR/chastity she is not interested in and sex life is otherwise good, then no problem, she has that right. If it is a complete loss of interest in sex altogether, then that is a problem that has nothing to do with FLR/chastity or any other kink.

    The latter situation is very hard on the partner and has to threaten the longer term prospects for the relationship.

    Medical help is usually available, you only need to ask.

    Amazing how understanding we all are when a woman cuckolds her partner in search of fulfilment. I think it needs to work both ways.
     
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  20. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Active member

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    Many women would greatly benefit from hormone replacement therapy. The medical community freaked out over a big study in the early 2000s and told women they the risks were too high and to just deal with it. Further research showed the original study was very flawed because it lumped all HRT together. After going deeper, they realized that the problem was the synthetic like Premarin and Provera was the problem and that bioidentical hormones like estradiol and micronized progesterone had great benefits for health and mind. The good news is that the good stuff is dirt cheap but there is no money in selling it so there isn’t a pharmacy rep pushing this stuff to your doctor. Menopause doesn’t have to be the end of a good sex life. Hormones do far more than raise the libido. Women suffer far more anxiety and depression after menopause as well suffer from symptoms such as vaginal atrophy, dryness, fat redistribution, bone loss, cognitive impairment and more.
     
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  21. Robinoh
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    Couldn’t agree more Jessica. My wife’s dr prescribed the “good stuff”. She’s starting it soon. I look forward to her seeing positive results in all phases of her life not just her libido. In the end I just want her to feel better and be healthy and happy. The libido will be what it will be.
     
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  22. smlocked
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    smlocked New member

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    Many, but not all, women might benefit. Some have medical conditions like my wife where taking hormones would almost certainly cause ovarian cancer.

    We finally had an opened discussion and while she has zero interest in sex and is bothered by the chastity cage, she acknowledged that if we are not being intimate then it really is not anything she can say about it.

    I asked if she would rather me be locked in chastity, or spend my time jerking off and watching porn. She thought for a long time and said she actually would lean toward jerking and open if it weren’t for her fear of our teenage son seeing the porn and all the new studies saying how detrimental porn and masturbation are.

    She finally said she would keep me locked in my stainless Steel Lori 5 tube as long as she did not have to participate often, and was not expected to play games.

    Then I made a final request I will probably regret. I asked her to not let me out unless there was a very compelling reason, and that my being horny and wanting to jerk off was never going to qualify as a good reason. She agreed. I may have just maneuvered myself into permanent chastity.
     
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