Another paradox of chastity

I'm of the opinion that I would have to do a lot of thinking before attempting to respond to that question L-u-c-y

 

This has been a very interesting thread to read, and many of those posting mirror my experiences with chastity, within a loving FLR with my Mistress, Amanda.

For us the primary purpose of my wearing her cage is that it is symbolic of her control. Sexually, it prevents me from having any release which is not supervised by her. In daily life, as I work away from home most weeks, it is a reminder that even at a distance she is still caring for me by guiding my behaviour.

Chastity, whether locked or based on trust, can be frustrating, uncomfortable, and sometimes painful. In the early days self consciousness can cause mild to moderate embarrassment. However the satisfaction of knowing how happy it makes Miss A, plus the massively greater satisfaction from when I am released and allowed full pleasure from her hand, outweighs the negatives.

So my response to Miss Lucy is that I don't enjoy the physical effects of chastity, and some of the emotional effects, but I need, and love, being in chastity for Miss Amanda, and I would not have it any other way. Even now, just over half way through the longest period without a full orgasm that I have ever experienced, I am simultaneously frustrated and excited.

 

To me, even when wearing my cage, I'm still indulging in a fantasy. Similar to role-playing, I also play the part of the guy who's kept chaste with the ultimate desire to break free and orgasm.
It is a fantasy though. I don't want to break free. I love being chaste. I hate it when I have to take off my cage cause it hurts after a few days. I could always escape my cage (cheating I know), stop playing when self-locked or tell my partner I'm done with it. However, I don't. I usually initiate it in a relationship, although after a while most girls love it as much.

Now one could ask, why pretend? Why not say that from start and cut all the "please let me out" begging? Again, I think it is because of the fantasy of true orgasm denial. A situation in which there's actually no escape (e.g. PA) might be quite different.

 

There are times I think “why did I want this?” And want it off, however, I don’t voice them and I get over it, quick. Because as my Wife pointed out in the first week “if we’re going to play this game, we’re going to play it properly”. If I ask to be let out, that’s it, likewise when she unlocks me, It’s Her decision when I get locked up again......

 

I was not really in to denial, but I was very much into losing control.

Having all sexual decisions and touching be her idea, her desire, and only possible with her approval. It turned into denial because apparently she doesn’t feel the desire to take it out of its cage more than a handful of times a year.

She has a bit of a sadistic streak in her and sometimes she does things on purpose because she wants to see the look of desperation on my face, but that’s about it.

If she wanted to unlock me every night and fool around I would be ecstatic. I only enjoy chastity because it allows me to give up control.

 

No Mamm . Not for me. There is wonderful feeling to being owned. There is security to it that for me is hard to really explain. As for me, I am proud to be owned and I love it . Besides if I didn't enjoy it my wife would not leave the cage on.

 

For me, chastity and especially wearing a chastity device, is only a way to further express my submissive nature. I don't know if I revel in it, but I surrender to it. I can remain chaste without being caged but wearing a device to prove my willing submission is much better. Same with discipline. I will endure and almost embrace it if it satisfies my owner, master and KH.

 

Nope.
No.

We treat it as a gift. Chastity and orgasm denial is a gift. I’m always held and kept. I’m aroused easily. I feel owned. It’s lovely.

There is frustration. There is desire to cum, to stroke, and to fuck. But my keyholding wife loves my wriggling body and squirmy mind. It’s for her. She enjoys it. Her glee in playing with me makes it all worthwhile.

She does love to mock me, and call my life “so hard”.

This her doing something against my will. I wanted that in the beginning but I grew out of it, especially as she didn’t want to be a jailor... she wants to be a temptress and tease.

 

Quite happy to admit that I enjoy being kept in chastity. Mrs Chaste also admits that she enjoys it! We are a funny lot you know us locked blokes. Actually enjoying being kept horny and frustrated! We (Mrs Chaste and I) think of it as a lifestyle and in its way it is! But really I suppose it's like playing an intimate sex game 24/7. Whatever, it is fun for both of us. If it wasn't we wouldn't do it.

 

L-u-c-y said: ↑
This has always puzzled me...

We all know most men here enjoy chastity, but doesn't admitting you enjoy it and REVELLING in it kind of ruin it for you?

Wouldn't keeping up a pretence of disliking it make it more enjoyable?

I wanted to be owned and locked for so long, that I couldn't ever say I dislike it. It turns out I do enjoy it, and maybe I like it too much, but it's me. The feel of the weight and the constant touching leaves me lightly stimulated all the time knowing I can't touch myself or masturbate at will. Luckily, my former owner broke my masturbation habit and left me without spontaneous erections, so I don't have the need to do anything without female supervision, ever. I know I don't deserve sex and I love being denied, and I WANT to be pussy-free for life. An occasional hand job is way more than I deserve, but that's enough for me.

 

I admit I like it, but my KH would never allow me to "revel" in it. Indeed, she views it as reeling in the big catch, and no angler wants her trophy fish to just swim to the net. Some resistance is expected, and gladly provided (since that IS the situation here).

Thus at least one resounding Yes to your question.

 

I tolerate chastity. I most decidedly do not love it.

She likes it. She likes the control. She likes me sexually frustrated.

I love the change it has brought to our relationship. We are closer than ever before. We communicate more, and more openly. We are intimate almost every day in new and creative ways. She is growing in understanding herself, experimenting, and gaining confidence.

That’s what I love. I am happy to give up my every future orgasm to support her, and to be her witness.

 

I’m not in chastity, so I cannot comment on the original post; however the exposure and release of aggression can be intensely erotic in the right circumstances. So perhaps it’s not so much punishment that is wanted, but freely exposed female aggression, otherwise held back in normal society. Thing is, there would be no need to pretend to dislike it if the aggression so exposed continues for too long-it would be unpleasant; however in the right circumstances with the right woman that could simply ratchet up the eroticism.

It’s much easier to imagine pretending not to want to expose ones own aggression on someone else (for erotic satisfaction- if one’s Domme permitted it, of course). A sub ain’t supposed to have such freedom, so a desire for it would need to be hidden.

 

I think the confusion here stems from the assumption that chastity is somehow linked to punishment or pain or otherwise being done against the wishes of the male. I think that's unwarranted.

From what I can see (and my own experience), many men greatly enjoy chastity. Most of us wouldn't bother otherwise. The idea that chastity is linked to submission (and/or sissification, belittlement, 'control', etc.) is by and large a myth. Many men do like and enjoy these things, and chastity plays a part in that, but it's by no means a hard and fast rule for everyone. In many ways it's like making the assumption that women dress in a certain way just to titillate men. Some do, but certainly not all women. If you set aside your preconceptions, it may be easier to understand the attraction.

As I've stated before in other threads, wearing a device is physically pleasing; the sensation of being 'held' has a great attraction. And this has nothing to do with 'pain' or 'cruelty' or 'submission' or even the involvement of a keyholder. A man can associate being locked with those things, but it's not a requirement.

I also find that as my libido decreases with age, the need to cum wanes as well; so wearing my cage becomes more of a substitute for orgasm. But I know not all men are in that boat.

The mental aspect of chastity is, I suspect, based more on anticipation than punishment anyway. I liken it to the feeling of excitement you used to get in the run-up to Christmas. How you'd wait to open your presents with a barely contained feeling of frustration. Then on the big day, you rip through all the gifts and suddenly the urgency is gone. "Is that all?" Chastity is a way to delay that feeling of anti-climax (if you'll pardon the pun) for as long as you want.

 

You make some very good points.

 

I would not say that I enjoy it. It has become a part of my life, but it is not always easy.

I like the overall results of wearing the device 24/7, but it can be trying at times.

 

Chastity is the trunk of the tree.

The foundation of whatever you would like it to be.

So pick your branch and set yourself free.

 

It is something to think about. Why would a male suggest to his beloved to lock him up, hold the key, control his desires and fetishes? This then turns the male from self centered to a better person considering what he can do for others.

As mentioned before, I enjoy the restrictive feelings that the cage provides. It’s a constant reminder to me that @LadyL is always with me

 

Unlike most of the people here, my interest in chastity is rooted in insecurity and depression. Participating in chastity is my way of punishing myself for being such a loser, a form of emotional masochism I think.

So, revelling in it and obsessing over it is the point. Acting dis-interested and having someone else encourage it would remove the shame aspect.

 

I am permanently self locked, 24-7-365. I don't think it is punishment. I want to be permanently locked. I enjoy it very much. It doesn't ruin anything for me. I have no one teasing or denying me or making demands of me.

It is something I do to honor my wife. She didn't ask me to do it. I did it without her knowing for a couple months, and then sat her down and told her and explained why. She is not into it, but grateful for it.

I have come to love and desire staying permanently in a cage, and, for me, loving it just makes it that much better.

 

Surely enough I'm not interested in solving Paradoxons, but that doesn't mean I don't think about them.
Lately found some (almost lyrical) lines from some wise guy (at least I'd like to call him that way) wich describe it better than I ever could:
"Chastity is a pure human experimental art form. The art of sacrifice, the art or virtue, and the art of pure, sensual indulgent lust. It is glorious body display and adornment. Device Chastity in reality is an abstract concept. Naturally fluid male sexuality is what makes it organic. Chastity is as beautiful as it is vulgar. It is the balance of raw power and submissive weakness. Chastity is longing and lamenting. For those who like it, love it, and for those who love it, crave it. Chastity will provoke you sexually and yet you need it to control that same urge. It creates the illusion of pure innocence and projects total deviant sexuality all at the same time. It is a granted wish with unforeseen circumstances. It is cool calculation and reckless abandonment. Submission is everything that refers to the delight of the senses. There is more sensuality and stimulation in Chastity, even for the briefest time than in most recreational drugs. That is what Chastity does, it stimulates the body in every possible way."

 

I have thought about that too. What keeps it real for me is that she knows what I really don't like ... and I can count on -those- being the punishments.

 

I can’t speak for all men. Also, I am in honor chastity with my wife, but not enforced. For me, what makes chastity appealing is the giving up of control to another person. She fulfills my needs by deciding when/if I will get a release. That allows me to focus exclusively on meeting her needs. In fact, letting her know I like it is extremely important in our relationship because my wife enjoys meeting my needs, too.

Fortunately, my wife is not into punishing me. However, in my fantasy world, any punishment that I might desire has less to do with the actual punishment and more to do with a sense of atonement. If I did something to disrespect my wife, I would anticipate a need to make it up to her. Punishment is the easy way of atoning for an indiscretion. If my wife issued a punishment, I would have given her what she expected to earn forgiveness. It is far more difficult to figure out how to atone if she is not explicit in what she expects. Thus, if I did something wrong, I would (probably) rather have her punish me and be done with it than work hard to figure out how to make it up to her and earn forgiveness. However, taking the harder approach to forgiveness can result in greater rewards as a couple.

 

That's quite a first post, @FallingALittleFurther. Hope you'll do an Introduction and share more of your thoughts. Being a masturbator has some similar issues -- some guys masturbate because they're losers and can't get women, and other masturbators, even if they have success with women, start to feel like losers. And, of course, there are other masturbators who are basically solosexuals, in love with their penis and unwilling to invest emotionally in women.

 

It does seem a paradox, but if you change it from the enjoyment of being in chastity to enjoyment of being released from chastity it's not so mysterious. It's just that it's not phrased that way. And while you may ask -then why are there so many men who enjoy long term chastity if it's just about being released?- the answer may be that the longer the wait the more enjoyable the reward.

I doubt there's a 'grand unifying theory' for chastity's attraction among lockees, but it might explain some of it.