Something that fascinates me about chastity is the way it affects my perspective on penetrative sex. A common narrative that you see in this culture is, "Men are too focused on penetration/their penises. Chastity forces them to be more sensual and attentive to their partners." For me, it seems to be the reverse. I've never been very aroused by penetration — the idea, or the act. When I engaged in sex, I always preferred using my mouth; penetration occurred only because it was expected, or because my partner wanted it, but I never actively enjoyed it. A typical engagement would involve me giving her 2-4 orgasms via oral sex, and then penetrating for a couple minutes until I was satisfied (usually five minutes or less). Likewise, when I looked at porn, I would never watch porn that involved penetration; it just didn't excite me. I preferred watching BDSM scenarios, usually female-led. However, when I'm locked, I suddenly find the idea of penetration terribly arousing. If I have a partner who is locking me, I constantly imagine bending her over and fucking her. If I'm locking myself, I find I'm suddenly drawn to porn involving traditional penetration. It's like there's this bell that goes off in my head saying, "You can't have this anymore. This isn't for you," and that suddenly makes me want it. And then, the moment I'm unlocked, the desire goes away. It's a bit maddening — the fact that chastity, which is what prevents me from penetration, is the same thing that makes me desire it. As I'm typing this, I wonder if it might have something to do with power. Possibly, when being controlled by a dominant woman, it spawns a part of me that wants to fight back, and my body's way of fighting back is to say, "Take her and show her who's really in charge." But of course, the cage prevents that, which just ends up arousing me even more. I don't have any real purpose in saying any of this, except to share my experience, but if anyone would like to share their own perspective, feel free.
I think when you can't have something it's human nature to immediately want it more. Enjoy your frustration...
I was also the same, as I have said in other posts I was never very good at sex in most ways, and my Madam soon took to using others once we began cuckolding. So I can agree with the other posters!
Horny minds behave in unpredictable ways, for sure. I get so horny that when we're fooling around and I sense how wet she is I swear I might cum, just like that.
You might find that over time that will go away. For many of us penetration means an orgasm, and an orgasm means hormone drop, which can be rough after days of chastity. Over time, we desire the pleasurable orgasm but detest the hormone change, which makes the whole thing rather hit or miss. Many of us would rather just get a ruin (which avoids the hormone issue) or not get an orgasm at all.
My experience and my research does not support the idea that a ruined orgasm is without consequences.
We haven't had PIV more than once in the last 10 years for a variety of reasons. But, like you, I'm thinking about it a lot more lately. I'm thinking about positiions we could try it that wouldn't hurt my wife who has flexibility issues. But with only 1 release 1 orgasm every 4+ weeks, it seems like an eternity before the next opportunity will arise to experiment. I'm becoming more interested in trying a strapon just to get close to the sense of that feeling. That's going to take a lot of time to work up to for my wife who doesn't want to think of foreign objects inside of her.
Interesting… Have you ever seen the description of using a strapon (foxing) as a “mindfuck”. That’s because, 100%, it feels nothing like the real thing. You can see that it’s happening but there is absolutely no pleasure associated with the motions. In fact, even the motions feel alien. It’s not something that my wife and I are in any rush to repeat, but if it was good; it would only be on her side. You would probably receive a greater sense of likeness by rubbing yourself against her with a bit of lube… A fantasy that is rarely discussed on this site would be the use of a fleshlight between her thighs. “You’re not man enough for real pussy” sort of thing… but it would be closer than using a strapon.
I found that I missed things that I took for granted before I was caged. Erections - more of a nuisance on most occasions than actually something I looked forward to, it was a means to an end if there was going to be any fun. Today I would gladly enjoy being unlocked just to have a proper erection. Thrusting - I know foxing wouldn't provide any contact stimulation but just the act of thrusting is something that I didn't know I enjoyed and would miss. It is an animal act by the animal brain and when she stimulates me in the cage, I inevitably thrust my hips. Maybe using a strap on to have sex with a flesh light is the ultimate denial but I tell you that I would welcome it during any playtime she'd be willing to authorize.
Actually, I'm mostly thinking of new ways to please in the traditional sense. Even if I was able to get inside her with my little guy, any movement would cause him to slip out. There is no way I could hit her g-spot with my limited stature. That's why I need something with a little more length. Our orgasm to orgasm ratio is about 10 to 1 now but our teasing to orgasm ratio is now close to one to one. When she chooses not to orgasm after teasing me, I'm left desperate and unfulfilled. Her orgasms are giving me a huge sense of relief. So I'm looking for new ways to extend her pleasure. I can only imagine what it would be like to penetrate her with a strap on after an intense teasing session. I've got my eye on one that that you can put a bullet vibe inside. I'm wondering if that could really elevate the experience for her.