He left me no choice!

some of us may do it to try and push the chances of something happening back however those of us who have a partner who reacts in a way such as this will learn in the end it just takes some of us a lot longer to get the message.

 

I our case I was the alpha up until a little over a year ago. A lifestyle that takes 45 years to develop can't magically change overnight. I still have trouble letting myself get into a submissive attitude but I am working on it. M'Lady becoming more dominate with me is helping me learn my proper place.

 

some have chosen to test the waters and do things to either “enjoy” the punishment, or want to find out if their partner is serious about the consequences.

My wife may be a bit extreme, and I know that you’ve went through all of this time and again, but she would tell me she’s not doing any of this anymore if I’m not playing ball.

I’m not saying that people don’t screw up, that sometimes expectations aren’t met, or that sometimes punishment is just plain old part of the deal. I am saying you can’t say one thing when it’s a fun sexy game, and then quit when it’s time to actually submit.

If it’s you that wants this FLR, and he only participates when it’s a sexy game, well the games don’t happen anymore without surrender of the rest. Communicate that you aren’t going back and forth.

I know if I was an ass constantly after any play, there wouldn’t be any play.

 

Agreed. That is exactly what I'm doing in my case. I warned him I would replace him and he thought I was bluffing. As my first locked male, he knew he was somewhat special to me, but there comes a point where it's not worth it. That constant power struggle you're dealing with @BKwife is SO IRRITATING!!! He knows that you're invested and not willing to lose what you've spent. He's using it as leverage every single day to top you. Vanilla guys do this to women all the time too and it gets toxic. That's why I rewired my brain through NLP to be immune to sunk cost fallacy. I have happily thrown in the towel multiple times now without ever looking back. There is always a better model. They get better and better as you get fussier.

 

That's wonderful to hear @BKwife ! And it looks like he found a great match in you, because you can more than handle his feistiness!! I love how you chose to punish him btw. Made me laugh.

 

Sometimes we crave the attention and domination. Sorry!

 

As mentioned in other sections of the forum you should get a dog training collar. We have one, and madam loves it! Nothing will rewire his behaviour quicker than getting his balls electocuted for a few days!

 

Damn, he must really like the punishment! Perhaps a punishment he won’t like.

 

Just as my madam does BKwife. The last time I was argumentative with here she had me put it on and over the corse of 30 mins she got it up to 75% it was excruciating, I was just curled up on the living room floor, whole my madam was sat on the sofa laughing,
Tell him to order one off amazon ASAP,
As I have heard they want to ban them.

 

Just learned the same lesson myself Ma'am no excuse,

 

It's just our nature to keep pushing.

 

We revert to our childish, brattish selves every now and again. Annoying but inevitable

 

I think being bratty is part of being a submissive. Now, in a full slave role, there is no disobedience. I am happy to be a submissive, and happy to be corrected when bratty. OK, sometimes Very happy to be corrected.

 

Ok I really wasn’t going to reply to this thread because BK is still a little pissed.

I really agree with what you said. This is not a lifestyle for us yet, not really sure if I could handle it if it was, I know Bak could. It’s still a very fun diversion from every day life for us when it works, when we have time, when the kids aren’t around, and if I’m feeling good. So the line between FLR and everyday life is constantly moving and some times my line and her line are not in the same place. It’s not an easy task for either of us.

The real problem this time is that it happened on our anniversary and it was about home remodeling so kinda an important thing.

I won’t go into details but if anyone is curious BK did get her way in the end.
Of course she did!!!!

 

When normal life blends in to this stuff is really when the whole FLR comes into play. If that isn’t in the arrangement beforehand, I could see the confusion and not knowing where the boundaries are.

I myself still have some limits that I don’t back down from. We both make decent money, she is in charge of hers, I am in charge of mine, and we split mutual bills. As far as major expenses, if she wants me to chip in (renovations etc) then she would have to ask me and agree. My other limit is my son, her suggestions are welcome and listened to, but I make the final say on things pertaining to child rearing.

Most everything else is fair game, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get my way or a say in anything.

 

You don’t have to trade him in. In fact don’t as it sounds like you have a great love for each other.

What you need to do is make sure punishment is not funishment. It has to be about corrective action and learning to please you.

You might look into borrowing or finding another submissive or better yet someone’s well trained slave. Maybe a weekend of having another male serve you would make him a little jealous and step up a bit more. Maybe a permanent slave would really keep him on his toes.

What really matters is you find what works for you. You have unlimited possibilities minus the hard limits the two of you have set so don’t be afraid to try things. That said, be sure to communicate and always put that first.

 

Nettles.

 

Hello @QueenOfSwords. I get where you are coming from: the male sub agreed to a FLR, so he needs to just follow, and you will brutally dump anyone who doesn’t get it, because they have duped themselves and possibly you.

My concern would be that there is another way you could both be duped. You may end up in a LTR with someone who gets off on the knowledge that you are too strict for him. If asked he would say “oh yes I knew all along how strict @QueenOfSwords is, no problemo, I haven’t been mislead, after all, she made it very clear at the outset” when in fact he hasn’t ever fully faced up to the enjoyment you get from dominance, he has just got used to it sustaining his own perverse submissive enjoyment (a bit like we are now so used to Trump’s tweets they seem normal, and even enjoyable: the guy hides nothing, he is shameless). Once you are both “locked in” to such a relationship would there be any way of questioning it?