Question for the long time Chastity, Tease and Denial Participants...

First time I was denied when I expected to PIV after she'd cum was a moment of realisation. It hit home unexpectedly. She just rolled over and went to sleep.

Doesn't feel like that now. I'm very happy being denied.

Self pity only has come into play when I've been locked and forgotten. We've learned that it's important to maintain some intimacy, teasing and attention every day to keep the dynamic happy.

 

It's less rational than that. Intellectually, you can accept chastity and want to submit to that, but tell that to your body when you're horny as hell and craving relief.

 

A long time ago in my journal I wrote something along the lines that chastity made no sense because you want something so bad while wanting to be denied it just as badly. I hate not being allowed erections or orgasms but love it in the moment when my wife tells me I’m not allowed them. It’s a constant ebb and flow.

 

Same here. It was both hot and that a shockingly real new chapter opened where the tables had turned dramatically (for the better).

Likewise...the new dynamic it has created and evolved to is way more fun now! I love the horny energy, the communication and connection we have, playfulness, etc.

Yup. This is key. And makes sense. A healthy dynamic within a couple needs to be, well, a healthy dynamic, with needs being met. Intimacy, teasing, attention...and that doesn't need to be teasing me. I've found the power of intimate connection between us where I am creating space for her pleasure satisfies me as well. It takes all kinds of the right flavors to make the meal really interesting.

This too! It's more like there are three of us in the 'couple'. Me, her, and my sex drive. I can rationally/intellectually look at my sex drive like..."hmmm, he's horny again (still), let's play with that" (tease and denial). But my sex drive is like "come on man, just let me have an orgasm already...you know you want it, too...come on...yes, yes, let's do this...now? How about now? Hey, wifey...you know you want him to have this...go for it" and round and round it goes..

 

For sure, early on there is grumpiness and some self-pity I suppose, but then comes acceptance and conversion of that energy into other activities.

The duality of wanting to orgasm vs not wanting it can be maddening, but that's where acceptance comes in.

 

For me it's a battle of will power, there are times when I loathe having the cage on, it feels uncomfortable, which draws my minds attention to it and I struggle to think of anything other than getting it off me. Then there the other part of me that doesn't want to give in. Usually that side wins.

Tease and denial is on her terms, not daily, rarely during the working week where we are both tired, but that is normal for us with or without chastity, the difference being that without, id usually have a wank or 2 in the shower during the week, now I just push the feelings aside.

 

when we first started this, I told my wife, I always want to orgasm and I always want you to deny me. There is still a lot of truth to that. But I'm only two weeks into this lockup and I really love to have sex with her while caged. I don't know why, but that's actually my preference. She's promised at least a 3 month lockup. Last time we went three months, I was really considering asking for 6. I was a bit disappointed when she uncaged me. I have a streak of masochism, so maybe I enjoy the "suffering"

 

OMG I totally forgot to make the post about me, dammit.

 

Eventually her orgasm takes the place of yours and it ends up being preferred because you are still horny yet still satisfied in a way. If you do have an orgasm, you have the drop off which can last one or two days depending on who you talk to. When I am teased a couple days a week it seems like I could go without an orgasm for months.
This is how it is for me anyway. There is a lot of variety in how people experience denial.

 

I also get some satisfaction from her orgasms, as long as she's having regular orgasms it doesn't seem so bad.

My mood does fluctuate though, sometimes I feel the whole thing is ridiculous and want to quit, but then my mood changes (usually right about the time she does something kinky or Dommy).

 

My longest time denied is 17 days so nothing compared to some. Working towards a month. That said her participation helps alot. I get attention regularly mainly via spankings and teasing my cage. She doesn't really care about her orgasms which I find odd. More rub feet, keep house straight and get her a drink or ice cream cone etc.

 

It was at first, and it did create a few arguments, but you become accustomed to it goes on and as you understand the dynamic better.

 

Your mileage may very, but

Its tough for me to swallow not having an orgasm in the midst of sexual intimacy. Afterwards, I'm glad I remained denied.

There is much truth to this as well. Sometimes I even feel the buildup to her orgasm in my own body and her orgasm provides a form of release for me as well.

Being teased regularly without opening the cage makes the eventual erection amazing, not to mention the orgasm.

For me, having been locked 24x7 for two years now, the month long denial periods gave gotten more difficult because the sexual intimacy upon release has gotten progressively more pleasurable. My brain craves the dopamibe high and hormonal flood of orgasm more than ever.

 

She has gone off blowjobs so if that is important to you don't follow this path. Expect to spend much time between her legs. It an all or nothing thing so you're unlikely to take it back when you start this. If you're particularly attached to orgasms I would say don't try it as you may find she likes you better orgasm free. If you don't mind being orgasm free for the rest of your life it is very rewarding to be allowed to lick her more often.

 

+1

 

It used to always be a frustration, being denied.

At some point in the past few years, it seems to have completely stopped being an issue, and I learned to be content under her control. Her word is my law. No arguments. No fights. No complaints. No sore feelings. It's weird.

 

Over time you’ll probably crave the denial as much or more than wanting to cum.
For me, it’s such a turn on when I’m begging to cum while getting teased and my Wife simply says “NO”.

I find being denied erections for a while much tougher to deal with than the orgasms being denied.

 

I've been locked 24/7 for over 6 years, and I never looked at it as a "bitter pill to swallow". I always wanted to do it. I was certainly a little anxious about it at 1st, and the early days were difficult at times, but now I'm very comfortable in my cage. I really don't want to take it off. As I've said here before, I am confident that I will be locked as long as my wife/KH and I are still alive. Both of us just love it.

 

It is a mental game at first and takes some mental strength to get beyond feeling like its a bitter pill. The longer I am locked the more I want it. It is the chastity paradox: the more you want to cum the more you don't want to cum.

Now that I have adjusted mentally, I still need to remind myself often that being locked was my desire and I am a better husband and lover when locked. I have replaced the "bitter pill" with being fulfilled by pleasuring my wife and her orgasms have become "ours".

Some days are tougher than others but I wouldn't change a thing about my locked life.

 

Yep!

Last weekend my wife gave me an orgasm. I begged her not to let me cum, and she said that's not my choice. And proceeded to take me over the edge. Basically to calm me down and give my nervous system some time to rest. I'd built up quite a bit of sexual energy. And honestly, needed a break. It's addictive to feel that charged up. But she's looking out for me, and keeping a balance. It is a really fun and intimate dynamic to be that attuned to each other and looking out for each other's well being as well as messing with and having fun with my sexual energy and the desire to pleasure her and feel her pleasure to relax my own horniness. (I hope I articulated this clearly).