“Locked and forgotten” - the not so fun frustration

Give it time. Lots of time. She’s in control. Let her find her place and figure out what works for her. If you are feeling ignored, give it a week. If you’re still feeling that way, communicate your feelings. NOT wants and needs.

 

Have you actually talked to your partner about this?

 

Being ignored is the worst sort of punishment. I get very down if she's ignoring me.

It doesn't happen very often, but sometimes she gets busy and has no time for me, it can go on for a couple of weeks. Thankfully when she's not so busy she does want to play.

Chastity may not be the answer. Maybe there is something else your wife might be into that could be more fun for you as a couple.

 

Chastity can be full time but relationships ebb and flow un my experience. There are times I have experienced great enthusiasms towards my chastity and submissiveness, and Mistress/Wife has not been as interested. Happens for days sometimes. For my the ideal was having a separate KH (online in this case). They attention and interest balance out for the most part.

Oh and i really dont get the luxury of "losing interest" even briefly as a submissive. The results are never good if I dont react as expect, but this is what I sort of signed up for in the end.

 

your partner may simply just be vanilla or actively turned off by the sight of someone in a cock cage; the imagery that turns them on may be of 'masculine' men and there's little you can do to change that.

she may not *want* to be in control; and in the words of bruce springsteen, you may just have to learn to live with what you can't rise above.

i'm speaking as someone married to a wonderful, tolerant lady, and the sight of me in a cage does nothing for her. she's just not wired that way. i'm lucky in that she has no objection whatsoever to me wearing one.

 

My wife doesn't have a libido and no matter how many conversations I have with her I am always locked and forgotten...

 

Locked and forgotten is a very pure form of sexual submission. Teasing, Congratulations for achieving the highest level of chastity play possible.

 

Is that what you are experiencing?

 

There are definitely a lot more people who fall into that category than are willing to admit just out of blind faith in their keyholder. It's sad.

No-effort from my keyholder is a relationship-ender. This is non-negotiable. You will give me the same amount of attention that you expect from me. Locked and forgot is a very quick no-go.

 

More simply put:

"Locked and forgotten" isn't chastity, it's abuse.

 

There are more potential explanations than I can possibly list here. But clearly the two of you are in a different place. A relationship takes two (obviously). Do you know what she wants? I think you know what you want. Does she have to want what you want? Is it wrong that she may not want to play this game you have in mind? How do you think she looks at your relationship? Do you think she wishes sometimes that it was different? Might she be struggling with something? Is she happy?

It is sad to take a journey by yourself. Are you sure you want to? Can you walk her journey? Do you think she might be waiting for you?

 

Some simple questions:

1. Was she into it in the beginning? How long you been doing it?
2. If she wasn't into it, or is now but no longer, she is likely waiting for you to get bored of it

 

i disagree with that and would repeat @Elfman 's words: this is abuse. It might be punishment in (in my understanding) and extreme form of FLR, but it is far from anything i'd consider desirable.

 

Okay, for the sake of argument...

How is being "forgotten" any different when you're locked or unlocked?

My point is that some partners have low libido, and just are not going to want sexual activity no matter what. How is being locked in this relationship any different?

Or... did you lock up with the hope of being frequently "teased" and stimulated? Were you getting frequent teasing before locking up?

 

you have chastitymansion for not be "locked and forgotten"

 

Well if to be locked and forgotten is your and your wifes fetish and wish, everything is perfectly fine.

If not, something went terribly wrong.

 

Fundamental to marriage:

Being best friends is important because one day you'll both be old and maybe unable to be sexual.

Second to that, having a healthy sexual relationship is important. If you are not there, serious discussion and work needs done (whether you are in or out of a cage)

Being locked should not mean no more "sex". By sex, I am talking about all forms of sexual intimacy and contact. Not necessary penetration, as we know.

If you are being locked and forgotten, and assume you could also be unlocked and forgotten. Before you can have a fun and healthy caged life, you need to make sure the other more fundamental elements of a solid marriage are there.

I've heard of chastity + FLR saving marriages. Maybe that is true for some situations where the male is submissive and the female knows what she wants and understands the tools given to her, and then also wants to use the cage and her power to transform things. That seems like a unique situation compatible with only certain personalities.

Focus on the fundamentals first.

 

I’m definitely locked and forgotten but I think I’d also fall into the category of unlocked and forgotten. My wife has little to no sex drive due to a medical condition.
I’ve come to realize that the fantasies I read about will likely not be part of our relationship. Despite this, I’m hopeful that she may eventually warm up to my kink.

 

Kinda surprised by the number of people here who seem to demand that their partner should partake in their kink. You cannot expect your partner to behind your domme and then say it's her fault if that does not come naturally to her. That's topping from the bottom.

 

I haven't seen any comments on this thread that portrays that. Being forgotten in a relationship is not topping from the bottom, nor does it have anything to do with kink.

 

It's, like, half of this forum, not just this thread.

 

I don't think it was specifically to 'being forgotten' being top/bottom thing, but that there may be times we are topping by introducing chastity, and as a result, become forgotten.

We are all amateurs. (well most of us anyway), we don't know how to navigate this. Neither us nor our wives/khs. We aren't medical doctors either (again, not most of us), We change, physically and sexually. and not at the same time as our partner. How TF do we navigate that? We wonder, "Is it me?", "Is it her?". In almost all cases, it's both.

I read these posts and wish I could fix things. The only thing that works is talking it out. And having a partner that is ok with talking it out. That may mean you don't end up with your favorite kink. Expecting to, is where you're "topping"

 

Being ignored or neglected in any relationship sucks without any kink added. Add the cage just makes it worse.

 

I definitely fell into the “unlocked and forgotten” category. My wife simply does not have a sex drive. Chastity has actually helped us to bring some balance to our sex life. She doesn’t mention my cage daily, but she’ll drop little words or phrases every now and then to tease me. It’s these little things that really keep me going. And when we finally do have sex, though it may not be often, it is always wonderful.