When did you pass the point of no return?

I'm a fair size man, my wife isn't in to me wearing female underwear, but I kinda wish she was

 

Give her some time, she may come around. I know I did

 

Good question. We may be hitting that area right now or going through it. Though we have not had a discussion about pausing at the moment.

 

What makes you think you might be passing the point of no return?

 

Really wasn't aware that we had but prompted by this thread, I asked last night (I have been self locked for 14 months She took the key reluctantly month 5 bought an anklet month 7 and reluctantly is going FLR with a spanking D/s dynamic part time.) She said that as far as she is concerned "this will be permanent" (because it "makes me nicer" I think she in truth likes the control) "there is no going back, this is our life now" I had asked about strap-on for her and Hotwifing. She said " I am not ready for that and it is my decision not yours. I will let you know". Does this mean she is open but not yet? or No but if I change my mind I will let you know. I tend to think our choice of words somehow sub-consciously tells our thoughts and intentions. Of those cucks who have crossed over that line What do you think?

 

That would be awesome

 

I am not sure I can explain it well here without sounding like a fabricator, liar, or a tool. I will try to do my best.

I have been in the lifestyle for a number of years. I stumbled into chastity play early and bought a CB2000 back in 2003 or so. I used that cage for a number of years.

I learned not to be shy about my kinks early on. So when I meet a potential date, I always front that early in discussions. No sense in wasting my time. They don't have to know anything about kink, but they have to be intrigued and/or willing to try it. I have had many past GFs who said they were vanilla start participating in kink with me. Whether they stuck with it after we broke up, I have no idea.

But I was quite active in some local BDSM groups and I had a few gfs/Mistresses over the years that I met there or at an event or even through online places such as FetLife. I was in a couple poly relationships and had that arrangement in my marriage for 10 years until my recent divorce.

My point is that while I liked and participated in chastity, I have not been actively caged all the time since 2004. It would go in spurts over months/years, etc.

How that relates to my current GF and keyholder is that I have dated women who were heavily involved and experienced in D/s. They particiapted in chastity and I enjoyed it enough. When I my my current GF she hadn't heard of chastity and new nothing about it. But she was willing to try it. When discussing kinks with a partner one has to let the person come into some play at their own pace. You can't push, beg, coerce or discuss someone into enjoying a kink if they are not kinky or not ready. My GF is evolving into her role nicely. (Yes, I know I just referred to her like she is a Pokemon. lol)

Anyway, she if by far the most brutal when it comes to how she treats orgasms and edging. I try not to discuss it in forums or on reddit because it sounds like I am writing fantasy and BS when I write about it. But it's real.

I don't know if she enjoys it because the practice gets her riled up or if she gets riled up because I get so riled up (I have asked her and it seems to be something she hasn't been able to put into words for me. I like too much discussion so I try not to push people. Really? A person who writes a book response to a simple question likes discussion?? Nooooo lol)

Either way she is coming into her own and for the first time in my life I had the thought, "Be careful what you wish for." She is getting more comfortable with the role and that is causing her to surprise me sometimes. Now, in terms of D/s is she a perfect Domme that is in my fantasies? No. She is new to a lot of things and often our time for play is short and limited. We don't get long scenes these days as we used to, so bondage and impact play etc haven't been practiced. She doesn't have that stern demeanor that some people take on - which is fine. I want her to be herself, but at times I would like some more degredation or humilation or just her being more dominant in general. Perhaps she will grow into those in her way as she has the others. I mean it is okay if there are some aspects you like that your partner does not have.

Hope that makes sense.

But last night she surpised me again and it was the perfect thing to say before I ended up pleasing her as best I could and then we went to bed. I think she saw how it affected me, so I am not sensing she is going to ease back any time soon. But I could be wrong. Hope that kind of helps?

 

Is she keeping you locked or are you self-locked or even unlocked?

 

She has been keeping me locked, but will leave me unlocked for a couple to a few days at a time while telling me I am still on the "honor system" when it comes to touching.

I self locked when I first bought my CB2000 but that quickly turned into me just learning how to wear the device and tolerate it. It took some time to get used to wearing it, sleeping with it on, and then having it on for extended periods of time. When I got comfortable with wearing it to the point that if I had a KH locking me I would be able to comply, I stoppped self-locking. Self-locking for denial purposes doesn't suit me becuase it's the lack of choice and control I enjoy. If I were in a position to ever need to self-lock then I would cross that bridge when i come to it, but I haven't self-locked for many years.

 

When you say she isn't "into it" do you mean feminizing you doesn't appeal to her or turn her on or that she is unwilling to do it?

 

Correct she doesn't want to see me in women's lingerie or panties.
She's just not interested in it.

 

Well, I guess it depends how important it is to you to have. We all can't be interested in everything our partners want, but we do some of them because they turn our partner on. Perhaps she could enjoy it that way?

 

Thank you

 

We passed the point of no return when she stopped feeling guilty about receiving orgasms while I remained locked.

She told me after all the years that I got sex any time I wanted, she has lots of making up to do.

 

I don't think I would even now how to act in a "normal" relationship anymore. It probably took my wife about 3 - 4 years before she truly embraced being in control, and then about a year later she was like, "I love this and I don't want to go back." That was music to my ears.

 

Chaste bear,
A review of my postings yielded the threshold of 'no return' for my Lady and I - she put it in writing to me on 11 Mar 2019. As I've written, many years of trials and discussion preceded it, but 2019 was a year I'll never forget. After many offers of submission and service, my Lady accepted my offer and ramped things up in a major way.
Our new credo echos the popular meme on caption pages: "I'll come when I want; you'll come when I want." For me, that is seldom. By design, explicitly, my Lady has steered my submission into service to her, as her very personal butler. I dress the part in almost all my waking hours, and serve her as she directs. In return, she sees to it that I am denied access to her penis except to lock it up for her after she has freed it to play with. She is wise and skillful in her tease/torture of me; my only outlet for the resulting constant horniness and longing is serving her. She is delighted with what she has helped me become. No way we're going back to the 'before' time.

 

This makes so much sense that it should be a book on its own.

 

9 years ago, I was dared by an acquaintance’s wife to try to wear a cage first for hours then a day and go out in public wearing it. Having a week to go and try it. Once I had spoken with her again. She asked where the cage was, I was wearing it still. I think that was the point I knew no going back.

 

I have searched everywhere, but can’t find it. WTF does “BAW” mean? A type of piercing, or a type of cage?

 

Badass Workroom, a maker of chastity cages.

https://badassworkroom.com/
https://www.etsy.com/shop/badassworkroom

 

@Chaste Bear I hope you don't mind me asking a personal question or two. You describe your husband as a "power bottom", so if he's the bottom and you're locked, are either of you getting any action? I always assumed it would only be the bottom who was getting locked.

 

That's definitely turning a corner.

A "normal" relationship would be pretty boring - Almost intolerable, at this point...

 

Thanks CB, very informative, good to hear that you're both having tons of fun. And even though you're both versatile, it sounds to me that you're more of a bottom and he's more of a top, right? At least, now that chastity is involved, I think it's headed that way.