Another paradox of chastity

In other words, you enjoy being aggressive against yourself (or orchestrating someone else to do so).

 

Absolutely. I have to remind my KH that all the bitching and moaning is really just a pretense.

 

Chastity is exciting to me because of the conflict. The idea of being in enforced chastity is hot and makes me excited. Of course the thing that being in chastity prevents is doing anything about it. It's being kept in that aroused state (mentally if not physically) that is wonderfully frustrating. Wanting out and not wanting out at the same time. Love it.

 

It can be enjoyable to orchestrate one’s own punishment. The enjoyment is in the orchestration, which if done badly is also called topping from the bottom.

 

It depends on the reason. Wanting to be punished isn't necessarily about the punishment itself, but could be about a demonstration of control. You might dislike the particular punishment, but like being controlled, and punishing you with something you dislike is a demonstration of that control.

 

I would say that there are conflicting emotions going on, which explain the apparent paradox.
Most men desire sexual release, but some men also feel that such release is shameful or undeserved, so they also desire to be restrained by chastity. So they both dislike and revel in chastity, as it is both an unpleasant restriction and something that makes them feel that they are being 'good'.

 

...and this is a similar paradox.
Most men who crave physical (and to some extent non-physical) punishment seem to me to be motivated by a mixture of things:
- the purely physical sensation of corporal punishment
- the experience of being punished to atone for real or imagined sins
- the requirement to be punished to correct actual failures
- a desire to please the punisher, by enduring punishment 'to make them happy'
- a need to be under someone else's control, as demonstrated by their power to punish

In my case, I absolutely hate physical pain, so I do not WANT corporal punishment in that sense, but I am filled with shame and guilt that can be to some extent be ameliorated by enduring punishment. I also have a strong desire to please, to serve and to obey, and so if it pleased by superior to punish me, whether for fun, to correct me, or as an exhibition of power, then I would accept it with resignation and devotion.

There are other motivations, too, such as simply trying to get attention, most commonly with a 'bratty' sub deliberately failing or showing off to 'win' punishment.

 

Don't forget it has also been said that A) a bad wank is still better than a good fuck... not my words but none the less i imagine they might hold true for some

Aso it could be that along with your reasons for masturbating .. some guys just enjoy a wank..

and if we are all being honest most guys would say they have done even if they don't since they got into TTTWD.... which does not necessaritly mean they would not just they hey prefer not to .. or aren't allowed to ...whatever.

 

Dear dentist, I really want you to fix my tooth, I know I'll hate everything you do to me while fixing it, but I also know I'll feel better afterwards.

Also a paradox?

 

I certainly believe truly 'enforced' chastity would beat voluntary chastity, for a person who is into it, with the enforcing person. But it only really makes sense to talk about 'pretended enforced' or 'voluntary', since everything else would be abuse/non-consensual. I'm into being kept chaste for my love, but if someone I didn't want to, tried to enforce chastity, it wouldn't be sexy anymore.

Personally I subscribe to 'consensual non-consensual', meaning I have consented to submit in a way that, within certain boundaries, allows my mistress to treat me as she wish, which for the chastity aspect means I'm forced to suffer because it pleases her. I revel in suffering for my mistress if I know it pleases her. Win-win.

So I don't have to pretend I dislike it. I do really dislike it very often, but I like even more everything else that comes as part of the package; like pleasing her by suffering, a super close connection, my increased awareness of her needs, my increased submission and devotion to her.

 

Punishment = reward. That's a paradox.

 

Personally for me, Ive jumped into the lifestyle and embraced it. I do revel in being caged and my wife holding the key and if anything that ENHANCES the enjoyment of chastity. Where I was orgasming 4X a day, the 1 a week or every other week is a thousand times better then the 50 I would have had. I make no pretense that I love my mistress to cage me n tease me at my behest.

 

I guess after a while the liking/disliking gets replaced by acceptance!

 

I kindly disagree, chastity is basically always a joy

a secure chastity device was for me always a joy, mental & physical. Sure, it was not perfect immediately from the beginning & continuously, there was the adaption phase of the body, finding the optimal fitting device & the normal highs & lows. I hesitated a long time to reply to this interesting thread, already I said several times that chastity can be joyful & don’t will appear repetitive. Maybe it´s more about to clear up a supposed egoistic aspect

the paradox is apparently, because in chastity there are united two levels of joy, correlated but different, the pleasure of chastity & the pleasure of orgasm. I think the term “ambivalent” is maybe better, chastity always gives pleasure, on the one way or the other, simply because it affects the most erogenous zone of the body. Therefore in chastity various different moments of pleasure comes together, the pleasure of enclosure, of teasing discomfort, erotic distress & frustration versus a continuous emotional & sexual tension, the pleasure of enclosure & deprivation versus release & fulfillment. The deprivation of erotic moment always reminds you to them & cause an arousal state. So being locked also gives pleasure. All that makes it, that essentially you can´t really „hate“ it, but rather love it, & if you dislike it, you like it even more. After all, what does that a difference, if you are secure locked & under control ? you have the unique chance to learn & appreciate

everybody is different & nobody forces you to love chastity or to do it, but I think apart objective troubles & individual refusals, if you don´t will admit & confess that enjoy you, then I suppose that maybe you have not reached the right point yet, where the joy prevail

well, maybe that´s all sounds a little bit chauvinistic, as if it´s all about the pleasure of the locked one. Does it seems mean that male always continue thinking of only the one thing ? it´s important to say no, quite the reverse, chastity can change you & help thinking only of the real “one”, your caring partner / keyholder. You will be more & more focused only on her, & on what unites both. Be worthy & grateful for that & make her happy

 

Chastity operates on several layers, and the layers that one prioritizes will determine how they view chastity and "punishment."

Physical - the device can be stimulating, providing sensations just walking down the street that would be absent otherwise. It can also be uncomfortable or painful and can be a threat to your health if not kept clean.

Sexual - the inability to orgasm on a regular basis creates a "built up" libido, particularly in the first week of being locked. Many who lock up for a few days or a week are playing with this "extended masturbation." This is where a lot of guys let their natural vulnerability get the better of them and start spamming women for attention.

Emotional - After a couple of weeks of being locked, my ego begins to morph, softening and calming the inner turmoil. As a submissive, this is where things start getting interesting for me and (I suspect) for many women who enjoy chastity.

Relationship - There is clear power exchange between a keyholder and a guy locked in chastity for some time. Physical, sexual, and emotional layers are within the keyholder's power. She may embrace that and learn to use it (be careful what you wish for), or be less interested.

Punishment - This is where the concept of "punishment" gets complicated. Is being freed from the device a reward or a punishment? What if she "takes away" the device because she's disappointed in behavior or attitude? Is he more motivated by sexual activity or by having a symbol of his emotional devotion locked on him by the one he loves?

Everybody is different, thus a vibrant forum filled with folks from all over the spectrum of needs and preferences, long-term and short-term. One must understand the individual to understand what "chastity" is and what "punishment" means.

 

My frustration has come at a price, blue balls. I have this suppressed cum built up in my balls has inescapably caused me to have blue balls. This feeling sensation has my balls feeling full of cum as the intensity and frustration increase every day. I'm actually begining to enjoy the blue ball sensation! Now looking to go long term orgasm denial. Looking for a key holder.

 

I'm sure initially that it is the guy who gets the most out being locked and denied, with the releases and working towards the releases being the motivating factor for his improved behaviour attention etc towards his partner. In time she hopefully starts to realise some of the benefits to her of their situation and begins to show a desire for more control.

As he learns more about what makes male chastity work and as they both realise that the drop is not their friend and increased lengths of denial are in themselves can be their own reward. There reaches a point where if pressed he would say that he preferred long term or even permanent denial to being allowed to cum too often. As indeed may his partner

There are other benefits for him too, he, she and /or they both may have developed an interest in exploring other fetishes/kinks whatever that that work better for them both the less often he gets to cum. In time his pleasure from simple orgasms becomes overwhelmed by or gets overridden by this new development. Perhaps this is just to please her or perhaps he gets great pleasure in pleasing her in this way

for example

We have disovered that I have developed ahitherto unknown a subby streak we had no idea was there.. without going into detail we are exploring that and looking at ways of exploring it further.

The sense of feeling controlled by my Lady is much enhanced by my continued wearing of her chastity device on what to all intents and purposes has become her penis amd her persistent denial of both my orgasms and erections. We both realise and embrace the fact that we both enjoy me geing locked and denied by my Lady and for her pleasure.

So to answer L-u-c-y's question
We all know most men here enjoy chastity, but doesn't admitting you enjoy it and REVELLING in it kind of ruin it for you?
On the contrary us both admitting that we enjoy it and what about that we enjoy has enhanced both our relationship and for us TTTWD.

 

Having experienced chastity on the honor system for more than a year and, more recently, chastity enforced by a caging device, I think the later is far easier, but the cage provides a constant reminder of the conflicted thoughts or paradox of it.

Sure, I know that I want to be and am chaste, but the cage simply makes it easier by taking away the option to wank independently ( and secretly, of course). The constant feeling of confinement, while not painful or uncomfortable, causes me to adjust my thinking to what I want rather than what is impossible now. I think of it as being like confinement in a jail cell. After a while, I guess you just become accustomed to it and don't think of the restrictions all of the time.

 

Precisely this.

Its the tease fuelling the longer-term high. Yes, at the point of tease, when she stops, your head feels insane, completely takes you over, but it ebbs away after a few minutes, leaving that long drawn out feeling of being turned on without end. Yes, its frustrating, but deliciously so. The tease is like charging me up.

I wonder if one's reaction to it depends on one's level of self-control. If you're a very self-controlled person,then you can take the frustration, and thereby reap the reward. But if you're not so self-controlled, then the frustration is just a negative thing to you, perhaps (as I have heard some others say) making you angry.

For me, its just wonderful, the best feeling. But with the proviso that I know I will get some release to an intense orgasm in a week or so after being locked, with plenty of crazy, beautiful teases along the way.

As my sex drive is high, I'm usually back to the intensity within 24 hours of being locked again, but often if the orgasm is really very intense, then that high is back within just hours of being locked back up.

I do wonder whether the whole thing is just as addictive as a drug, because it sure feels like one most of the time.

 

You list a lot of good points. As someone that’s been spanked for over 30 years I can relate to all of them. When MissShelly spanks me she gets wet and even if it’s a hard disciplinary spanking I still get a little damp even though I don’t want or enjoy it.
Nice Post

 

This is a great analogy to chastity!!!

 

It's a love/hate relationship. The more time passes I switch between loving and hating it more frequently. So after a couple of weeks I will go from loving it and hating it many times a day.