Why doesn’t your Domme want sex with you?

She does have what she calls ‘real men’.

Every relationship is different. I feel freedom in my servitude and submission to my wife/owner. I do feel like I am having sex while giving her oral. I also feel like I’m having sex when I’m with her and her ‘real man’. Her satisfaction is my satisfaction.

 

Very true. She has always been along for the ride and did the kinky stuff for me. I really screwed up much earlier in our marriage (we've been together for over a decade) and told her I wasn't interested in food play in bed, which as far as I can tell has been the only spontaneous kinky thing she's expressed. However now that she's got the key, she's progressed down a path...

- not sure about this chastity thing
- worried about my penis
- thinks i'm doing this for just my sexual pleasure
- happy with my housework
- hesitant to say no to whatever I'm asking
- didn't complain when i do chores wrong
- comfortable with chastity but doesnt like the cage
- doesn't care if im locked for 3-4 days
- says no if she really feels strongly
- says "you could do this chore differently"
- happier with my housework
- no longer worried about *her* penis
- keeps me locked until she has a use for her penis
- tells me no easily
- tells me what to do and how to do it
- knows that i want to focus on her sexual pleasure

So this has transpired in just a few months. I'm wondering (and secretly hoping) that I'll have some "buyers remorse" soon with her new attitude. She's being way more bossy and I'm guessing she'll take her new confidence and surprise me quite a bit.

 

First off let me start by find your viewpoint very interesting, and very proactive, which is a breathe of fresh air. I would add to your response to me with some information that I didn’t add, mostly because it wasn’t part of the original question.

1. It is not her that wants her to only do things she wants to do, it’s me that craves that. Would I be happy if she wanted to screw my brains out every night? Yes, but only if that is what she wanted. And yes you are correct about sex can be, and is almost exclusively for us, about intimacy and connection. She does this with me anytime she desires, and will sometimes hop on for a little ride and be done. I will orgasm if allowed, but more often than not, after she has had her intimacy time, she gets the wand out to finish up. She gets her big O, and I get the pleasure of knowing I am part of her satisfaction and has the kind of sex she really enjoys without guilt or obligation. It is very liberating know you are always doing the right thing, because we are always doing it the way she wants.

2. Caught jerking... it was actually a thread from here we were talking about when the subject came up. It was about what your kh would do if they caught them. Her initial response when we first started was to hand me the key back. Quite a bit of time later she brought it up and said “I changed my mind, I think I would lock you up for a year or so, we’re not going back”. Issue with the lock isn’t about her not trusting me, although I’d be lying if I said that the added reassurance didn’t appeal to her. It’s about me not trusting me. Freedom leads to light touching, which leads to edging, which leads to “she’ll Never know”. I have been allowed freedom for periods of days, and if I haven’t been told to lock up, I usually do on my own to remove temptation. Not that I am a cheater, it’s just easier with the cage.

3. No she doesn’t use “certain amount of time”. When we first started she experimented with different times, but quickly threw that out. She didn’t like the idea of a clock holding the key and not her. It took away her options, and seemed like she was a warden or security guard, instead of someone who locked up her things for safekeeping. It’s not about her keeping me from touching myself, it’s about her not wanting to share her things lol. Actually I’m not exactly sure why me touching myself isn’t allowed, I just know that she’s never handed me the keys and said to do that, so I’m guessing she doesn’t want me wasting my sexuality on myself without her.

4. She doesn’t feel the need to...isn’t talking about her desire for sex. Our sex has just changed, we are having more and more sex, it’s just not traditional, and is centered around her. She gets off almost daily, with either my mouth, fingers, toys, or a combination. She has said this is the best sex she’s ever had, and has never felt so comfortable and open about getting her needs met. She doesn’t just lock me up and go without. She just doesn’t seem the need to unlock me because she is sexually satisfied in other ways besides me grinding it on her for a few seconds and being done. She can have intense orgasms with the wand after a long oral session. Can O with my fingers (which are much bigger than me), or can O with our 9inch strap on that I wear. That is one of my favorite ways...I get to have sex like someone with a big cock and explore positions that I normally cannot reach or do on my own.
We are having plenty of sex.

So we may not be typical, not really sure there is a typical in all this. I do know that she is very happy getting exactly what she wants, when she wants, and i am happy that she is sexually satisfied and it’s because of me. No she doesn’t do the long tease sessions often, but she does them whenever the mood strikes her, and that is the only time I’m comfortable with it. Knowing she was doing something out of obligation would turn me off. She takes it out to use whenever she wants, and her being happy, makes me happy. Watching her have a great O, holding her while she shudders, hearing her moan, it’s all amazing. That is what most of our “teasing” is, and believe me, it’s quite a tease being that close and still not being physically pleasured.

Hope that clears some of that up.

 

For me its fairly simple. I will masterbate by myself senselessly and fail to serve my partner. I have OCD and get really stressed out. And masturbation de-stresses me so much. Being in chastity makes me feel safe and distracted though so it works well too (outside of missing some sleep). But it lets me serve so much better, since I'll do anything for a milking <3

 

But she always has the key for when she requires her cock....

 

I don't know if it's more attention, per se. It's more the kind of attention. When I'm locked I'm far more likely to put her needs above mine and to watch the shows she wants to watch, rub her back or feet, really really desire to pleasure her sexually instead of just wanking myself off, etc.

 

I will try to explain in relation to my situation.
When we met we were in love, we made love like rabbits.
We didn't fight.
From time to time I would please myself when I thought in the next few hours she won't want sex.
Time went one.
We got kids.
She needed less sex.
I watched more porn
more extreme porn
she denied me because she didn't want sex
I denied her because I just pleased my self and because of sentiment.
I got angrier,
unhappier
a lot of it had to do with porn and masturbation.
We got a Chastity device and went to therapy.
The combination worked.

Then came the turn.
I read, if I stop porn my fantasies will be with my wife. This sounds extraordinary and I wasn't sure I believe it. However it happened. Whenever I fantasize about sex it includes my wife. No porn actress. If you have time watch the video I have linked above (the ted talk with garry).

Why women don't drop their husbands? Sometimes there are kids, sometimes there are good memories and the wish it will return to the good again, sometimes there are financial dependencies. Thank god we don't all just throw away the relationship at the first speed bump.

 

I disagree that the Domme also has to give up PIV or that she is caging herself. She can have it whenever she wants. That's the whole point to us, that he's always there ready for her, that he hasn't been off somewhere with me wasting himself. Thus, your first sentence is correct -- Dommes are sexual on their own terms. Whenever they want to they can. It's the boy whose erections are stored away for her.

 

You were close 4 times last year. She has said that She would like to do it more, but She likes
the fact that she can hop on a dildo on top of me and tease me very well in that position. And the
fact that I can do nothing but please Her really turns Her on. She gets off very well in that position
and can verbalize what I am missing.

As far as Her wanting me more. I am perfectly fine pleasing Her in anyway She wants. She has
become very accustomed to the fact She can take me upstairs, have me knock Her socks off and
then say "you can go back to the laundry now." cool as ice. She will sometimes pleasure herself
and have me watch just to see me swell up in the tube. She cares, but also knows it's always
what SHE wants and it is a privilege to serve Her. Dominant or selfish? Maybe both, I'm not
sure, but it works for us.

 

i can not say i am happy, but i did screw up. i hope i am saying this without offending you Miss Veronica. i was getting fellatio and intercourse daily from my Wife. Before that i was allowed to join in with my Wife and Her GF. i now serve them in their needs orally and due chores around house. i am wearing panties by my Wife's orders under my clothes when out and when home that's all i wear. Maybe i needed to have many orgasms controlled and i would have never got to here. So i guess i am sort of happy just not sure where my Wife & Her GF may have me headed. As always Miss Veronica Thank You for reading my reply. If You like to ask more questions i will answer them to best of my ability.

 

Just wanted to add something as you mentioned a domme having to “make” their sub behave better through chastity, and they should already treat her that way.

You are absolutely correct...in theory, but speaking for myself, and I imagine many men, it is a priority adjuster.

Example before chastity:
It’s 9, my kh is ready for bed and is tired. With that knowledge, I know no funny business is going to happen. I’m not real tired and know she is just going to sleep. I might just stay up, watch some tv, and if the mood strikes me, get myself off watching a lil porn. She believes I’m isolating her, and basically I am.

After chastity:
I am not real tired, but something drives me to be closer to her. Even if I know no funny business is going to happen, I go to bed with her anyway. Needing that closeness and intimacy, anything I can get. She’s happy that I put in the time and effort to be close to her.

Should men act better, even if they aren’t horny, locked up, and all that Jazz? U bet. In reality a horny guy acts differently, he just does. He’s more willing to put a priority on her. He watches movies he would rather not, goes to parades that he thinks are a waste of time, goes to bed early to snuggle, and even talks about his feelings and anxieties more freely. I congratulate you on having such a partner that doesn’t act any differently whether he’s horny or not, I believe it is a bit more of an exception than the rule.