My Locked Journal

Sentencing day arrived, or perhaps parol hearing day is a better description, but the 9th turned out to be a very busy day, no time to discuss my chastity sentence, so it was moved to the 10th. Just an extra day... on top of the seven weeks.

On the 10th Mistress decided that she wants to go back to no set dates, me getting to cum when she's in the mood. Potentially it could days or weeks before she feels like letting me.

Then she told me "and I'm not in the mood tonight" then after a pause "I really like telling you that".

So we're now entering into the eighth week of my caste state. I think that's a new record for us.

I obviously frustrated sexually, but I'm not sure if I feel sad or relived, maybe both, it's very confusing. I want to cum but I like being her chaste slave. I like the emotions, feeling connected, dependent and very in love. We've been cuddling a lot and doing lots of sexual things on her terms. It seems the stricter she is the more I adore her.

 

We are approaching the end of the eighth week of my chaste state. For us this is a new denial record, I think our previous record for keeping me chaste was seven weeks.

Last night we relaxed in bed and I massaged and moisturised Mistresses feet as she watched her favourite renovation show. After I finished her first foot she rested it on my cage, not gently, pressing down, giving me a strange almost agressive look as she presented her second foot. I massaged away, trying to get control of the attempted swelling in my cage as her first foot pressed down. It felt very dominant and very erotic. I was a little worried that foot pressing into me would make me cum while still in the cage, how embarrassing would that have been. I excused myself to go to the toilet, composing myself before returning to massage duties.

She instructed me to moisturise her hands. As I worked the cream into her fingers she told me that she had to work over the weekend and needed me to be her obedient little house wife. I of course replied yes Mistress. As I finished her hand Mistress told me it was time to go down on her. I slide between her legs, making love to her with my mouth, feeling so turned on and so happy.

I lost count of how many times she had cum under my mouth and fingers before she told me to go get the key.

Some silly submissive part of me asked "are you sure? you wanted me to be your obedient house wife tomorrow."

"Yes." she moaned.

I got half way across the bedroom to where she keeps her combination key safe when she said "Stop!"

"I changed my mind," she said "you're right, I want you obedient tomorrow."

I groaned and returned to bed.

"You where so close." she said grinning as I slid back down between her legs.

As I licked her I realised she was incredibly turned on, her pussy was swollen and hard, muscular ridges and shapes, a very hard clit. I don't remember feeling her as turned on. I licked her through incredibly intense orgasms. Her desperate moans and gasps were so rewarding for me. She didn't want to stop. I lost count again.

Afterward as we spooned I asked her if changing her mind and telling me no was the thing that had turned her on so much, the thing that had made her so hard. She laughed telling me yes it was a huge turn on.

After spooning for a while longer she got the key, telling me I was allowed to be unlocked for sleeping. Then I did something strange, I handed back the key and said "please Mistress, keep me locked."

She took back the key. I asked if this pleased her. She replied "yes."

 

We're starting the ninth week of me remaining chaste, a whole new territory for us.

I spent the weekend being an obedient house wife. Cleaning surfaces, cooking, vacuuming, steam cleaning tiles, cleaning toilets and bathrooms. She was very impressed with the toilet cleaning, I disassembled the seats and buttons to get them super clean. I also booked her favourite restaurant on Saturday night, attempting to romance my Goddess.

Mistress spent the whole weekend working, continuing as I brought lunch to her desk. I tried to not be needy, but on Sunday I asked if there was any time for play. Mistress was far too busy to spend a lot of time, but she did agree to some discipline, which she enjoys.

Mistress cuffed me to the bed, spread eagled, face down, wearing nothing but my chastity cage. Leaving me there as she took calls in her home office, which is next to our bedroom. Ever so often between calls she would walk into the bedroom, toy with my balls and use her flogger or her riding crop on me. She is so damn good at this, I'd swear she has a secret second life as a dominatrix. She drags the flogger or crop along my skin, between my legs, caressing me, before striking my bottom, thighs, back. Sometimes hitting the bed hard next to me to see if I jump, which I do. Giggling over the red marks, cooing over my poor "little bottom". It's such a confusing measure of pleasure and pain.

"I'll be back soon" she'd say happily and leave the room. I'd hear her on more calls as I laid there helplessly. Then when she took a break she would go to work on me again. At one point she left the handle of the flogger between my cheeks, tails falling down between my legs, caressing my balls every time I tried to move. I lost track of time, it must have been somewhere between one and two hours.

Mistress told me she found disciplining me to be great stress relief. She asked me how I felt, I replied "very obedient". But it's more complex than that, some pain, but intense gratitude, adoration, a need to serve her and fluttery tummy in love feelings. My inner submissive is so strange.

This morning she laughed as she said "if only people knew what I was doing between meetings."

She's gone into the office, I'm at home so she left me with a list of house wife duties. She seems to take great pleasure in calling me her "obedient house wife"... my inner submissive seems to like it too.

 

Last night Mistress got home late. We went to the bedroom, she took off her panties, pulled up her business power dress and sat on my face. I've been begging for this for so long. I desperately licked her as she angled her hips.

After a few minutes she pulled away, laying next to me, dress still up around the tops of her thighs, smiling as she played with my chest, squeezing nipples.

"Please." I begged.

"No." she replied.

"Don't you want at least one orgasm?"

"No." she replied, still smiling, still squeezing my nipples.

Mistress sent me to fix her a drink, gin and soda. They she lay relaxing on the bed, dress still up around her thighs, looking like the Goddess she is. I ran her a bath as I cooked her dinner.

After her bath we spooned in bed, cuddling and talking.

"You know we've started nine weeks of me being chaste?" I mentioned.

"Two months already?" She replied. "The problem is if I let you pop you won't be as obedient."

I confessed I was worried about that too. I've noticed we go through kinky denial periods, have a whole load of intense sex, then my submissive side sort of goes to sleep and we become vanilla for a while. I told her I like us being a kinky couple, I like feeling so intense about her.

"I want to continue this all through winter." She said.

I had a moment of panic, its the beginning of autumn.

"You... you want to keep me chaste for another six months?" I asked.

"No," she laughed, "I'm going to let you pop, but we need a way to re-set your behaviour afterward, it might involve a lot of flogging."

Relived I asked "Are you going to let me cum before we get to three months?"

"That's for me to know... you'll find out."

Mistress told me she wanted me to sleep unlocked and gave me the key. I returned to bed with the usual instant erection.

"Do you want some attention?" she asked.

"Yes." I replied desperately.

"No." She grinned.

"Do you want me to suck you?" she asked.

"Oh god yes please" I replied.

"No." She said still smiling.

I went to sleep... eventually.

 

Mistress finally allowed me to cum!

After licking her through several orgasms she gave me the key and told me to go shower. Returning to the bed we alternated between me licking her and her sucking me. Finally she pulled me up between her legs. I entered her and almost immediately pulled out, being inside her felt so amazing I was in danger of coming straight away.

"You can do it" she encouraged me.

I entered her again, managing to hold on for a few thrusts before being overwhelmed and exploding inside her. My orgasm seems to go on and on, one long extended high that did't feel like it was going to stop. Eventually though it did and I collapsed to one side, tummy muscles spasming, slowly drifting into a very deep sleep. It was an incredibly good orgasm.

Now we face the challenge of getting me back into the desperate state that she so enjoys. I must admit that at the moment "No" does not hold the same power it did a day ago. Mistress has me locked back up. She is planning flogging and edging sessions to get me back into desperation as quickly as possible. Myself, I feel quite relaxed and content... though I wouldn't mind going again.

 

It's funny how you finally get what you desperately want, then a couple of days later you're feeling sad and grumpy. Such a strange emotional drop. We are funny creatures.

After Mistress let me cum I was feeling very content. But then she was busy and didn't have time for much in the way of domination. So I was locked, neglected and I guess a bit sulky. I think I did a good job of obeying and doing my chores, but felt down and not connected.

Anticipating the emotional drop (been there before) I'd asked in a different post for suggestions on getting back into the pre-orgasm emotional state. One suggestion was affirmations, that seemed simple and quick. I discussed the idea with my Mistress and she liked the idea. The next morning I knelt hugging her as she stood and stated the affirmation I'd thought of.

"I can't hear you." She laughed. My face was buried against her.

I looked up and tried again. “I promise to obey you and remain chaste for you.”

“I promise to dominate you and edge you.” She replied.

That felt good. The next morning we both forgot to do our daily affirmations. Sigh.

However, on the weekend Mistress had the time to play. She walked up to me and grabbed my cage and balls in one hand, telling me she wanted the living room vacuumed. She leant in for a kiss, still holding me, then she squeezed hard! Hard enough to hurt. Hard enough for my eyes to go wide and make me gasp into the kiss.

“Now!” She added.

“Yes!” I squeaked.

I’ve never vacuumed so quickly before. She was amazed at how little time it took.

That evening she threw the key at me and told me to unlock and shower. I obeyed that order quickly too. She told me to lay next to her, within easy reach, me naked and her clothed. Then she proceeded to moisturise my cock and balls with one hand, while ignoring me and watching her renovation show. Gentle caresses as she rubbed the moisturiser in, then hard squeezing pumping of her fist, then no contact as she let my moans fade. Then she’d start all over again, all the time ignoring me. At one point she switched to ball slapping, just hard enough to make me nervous.

She asked me if I was having fun, I told her it’s torture. I asked if she was having fun, she told me yes, but I think she was referring to her renovation show.

Her show ran for about an hour, that whole time she kept bringing me to the edge again and again. Finally she told me she’d finished playing and to put my pants on. Her show had finished.

Mistress ordered me to giver her a foot massage. Finally she told me it was time for sleep.

I begged to go down on her. Mistress told me “No.”

 

It’s now been a week since she let me cum. The clock has re-set and I’m obsessing about metrics again. She typically likes me unlocked when sleeping, but this week she’s been keeping me locked for sleep as we try to re-set.

Mistress let me go down on her. I’m obsessed with turning her on and wanted to get her as turned on as a few weeks ago when she changed her mind just as she was about to unlock me for sex. It seems to be a verbal turn on, her telling me no. In between licking her I asked from between her legs when she might let me cum again. This week, that got a laugh. Next week. Next Month. Next Year. Never again, worryingly that got a laugh too. She told me maybe the end of May… maybe. She was clearly enjoying herself, but not as hard as before. Female arousal is so complicated.

Last night while watching the renovation show she obsesses over Mistress sort of edged me again, or at least what ever comes before… the stroll toward the edge. She left me caged, stroking the cage and my balls through my underwear as she ignored me and watched her show. Unable to get hard I moaned softy beside her, for the whole hour of her show.

This morning she unlocked me for showering and as I stepped out of the shower gave me a tantalisingly short suck.

I feel compelled to kneel before her. I feel desperate for her attention. I feel a need to please her. I feel like I’m back in that denied obedient mind set.

 

I think I'm very much back into submissive mode.

Todays she's given me a list of housework to do. I heard her doing some house work too, vacuuming downstairs, and I felt incredibly bad about her vacuuming. I went down and told her she shouldn't be doing housework, she should just be adding want she wants to my list of chores. I so totally meant it.

She's been quite strict since she let me cum a week and a half ago, with hardly any unlocked time. I'm very conscious of not being allowed to have erections. Only one supervised erection since I last came, when she edged me.

Yesterday in the car I asked her of she was still enjoying being my Mistress. She reached across grabbing my cage and balls in one hand, holding and squeezing as I drove.

"What do you think?" She asked.

 

A couple of nights ago Mistress edged me again, but this time she wasn't watching her renovation show, she was focusing on my unlocked cock. Lots of gentle stroking, going on and on, holding me at an erect aroused state for such a long time. Suddenly she grabbed me hard and pumped her fist, no lubrication, rough almost hurting, but quickly bringing me right up to the edge of an orgasm.

I managed to gasp out "I think I'm going to..."

She's stopped all contact, leaving me moaning. I've never been so close and yet not been allowed cum. Such torture.

I've noticed she's getting rougher with me, more aggressive. Grabbing and squeezing, making me squeak. I feel very dominated when she's like this... objectified... and have to admit I like it.

 

We both woke early and started to spoon under the warm sheets. I begged her to let me worship her. She seemed to be in the mood to enjoy my begging, so I kept begging until finally she said “just a little one”. I said “thank you”, which she seemed to like too and slid down her body.

After licking her through two orgasms and using fingers to rub her through a third she sank her mouth around me. I was kneeling next to her, she’d allowed me to sleep unlocked, massive erection from the excitement of her orgasms. She rolled toward me, taking me in her mouth in one fluid motion. The sensation was overwhelming and on the first suck I gasped with embarrassment and panic “Oh god I’m going to cum”. She paused, holding me in her mouth as she said “mmmmmmmmm”, then started sucking and bobbing. I came instantly and hard, gushing into her mouth as she kept on sucking. Finally I fell back on the bed exhausted, both of us enjoying the warm morning sex afterglow.

One of the great tragedies of a chastity lifestyle is that she is so very very good at giving head.

I totally blame her for me cuming without permission, I felt helpless and she knew exactly what she was doing. She seemed amused.

 

Checking in with my Mistress I asked her if she was still enjoying keeping me locked, "it's delicious" she replied with a smile.

I've been pondering my "delicious" predicament. In the last three and and a half months I've had two orgasms. One with her permission, she told me she wanted to "pop your cherry". The second without permission when her teasing became too much and she took me over the edge. I'm obsessed with metrics. Based on this rate I can expect between two and four orgasms for the rest of this year! That's a sobering thought. I used to think twice a week was not enough. My chastity and submission feels very real, scary and strangely erotic.

 

Mistress has been busy with work all week, working huge hours, no time to be with me. I’ve been locked and ignored all week. Being ignored is the hardest. The longer I go without being allowed an orgasm the more needy I seem to get, the more obsessed with her I become.

When I’m ignored my mood varies between feeling that being locked is silly and I want out, too feeling very submissive and controlled even though she’s ignoring me.

When she spends time teasing or demanding her own pleasure it seems to validate being locked… because I’m getting attention. I keep having to remind myself that my denial and our FLR is supposed to be about her and not me. It’s hard to be selfless. I guess more frustrating practice at putting her first is required.

She told me last night that if I continue to be a good boy she might let me go down on her on the weekend. No expectation of an orgasm for me, as far as she's concerned just the being allowed to go down on her is now my reward. Dam-it she's right, I want to so badly.

 

I was a good boy and on Saturday night she did let me go down on her. I licked her through four orgasms and used fingers to rub her through a fifth, before she shoved me away and told me "enough".

As she lay there basking in post orgasm warmth she asked said "I feel satisfied, how do you feel?"

I replied that "I feel desperate to please you".

She smiled and rolled away, leaving me straining in my cage.

On Sunday and Monday night I begged her to let me worship her again, confessing I want her so very badly. She took great pleasure in telling me no, big smile on her face.

Often she likes me to sleep unlocked, but hasn't offered to unlock me for a while. I finally asked her if she wanted me unlocked for sleeping and she again took great pleasure in telling me no, telling me that she's keeping me locked.

She really seems to be enjoying herself. She's driving me crazy. I love her so much.

 

Last night I begged to worship her again. She said "No" again, then told me "quiet time". I started to talk and she said sternly "ssssssh! quiet time!".

I fell silent spooning her. Then she pushed her bottom back into me, thrusting back onto my cage and rotating her hips as I remained quiet. Reverse humping me with her bottom. Then told me "go to your side of the bed".

The sterner she talks to me the more turned on I get. I am a very strange cookie.

 

I'm so desperate. My balls feel big, full and uncomfortable, I seem to be leaking pre-cum out of my cage all the time.

Last night Mistress allowed me to worship her. Saying "no" seems to be a turn on for her, so we experimented more with verbal dominance.

Mistress had a bath, then ordered me to massage her feet while she watched her favourite show. After her show finished she ordered me to go down on her. I passionately kissed her, lips and tongue caressing and exploring. As I licked she told me "You must obey me... You are not allowed to cum... you are not allowed to fuck me". I licked her through her first orgasm and from between her legs begged her to tell me what I can't have. Between her moans she told me "you can't fuck me... you can't cum". She grabbed my hands, pulling them from her hips to her breasts as I licked. Under my mouth she felt very turned on, firm and very wet. She came again, making such sweet sounds.

Mistress pushed me away and got out of bed, returning with my key. "Unlock and go down on me again" she ordered. I hurried to the bathroom, freeing my cock and washing it before returning to the bed. Instantly erect as I sank down between her legs licking. As she got closer to her orgasm she told me between moans "You can't fuck me". After coming again she pulled me up, firmly grabbing my straining erection, squeezing hard. "That's enough" she said pushing me to my side of the bed. Unlocking me just to tell me "no", she's so evil.

After a few minutes I crept in behind her. Spooning her warm naked body, gently stroking her hip and leg. "I love you" I whispered in her ear. A minute later I whispered "I want you". Mistress replied "you can't have me".

I didn't seep well. My straining leaking erection kept waking me up. In the morning after showing, in a small window of flaccidness I was locked back up. It was almost a relief to be constrained and kept soft.

I knelt at her feet, kissing her belly. She was fully dressed fixing her hair, I was naked apart from her cage. "I love you" I said softly, followed by "tell me what I can't have". She replied with relish "you can't fuck me... you can't cum... you must obey me".

It's crazy how saying these words turns us both on.

 

Small penis humiliation (SPH) is a strange thing. As men we are obsessed with our "manhood", having someone insult its size or ability should not be a turn on. But I've been doing some reading and according to some articles around 60% of men find small penis humiliation a turn on. Assuming a bell curve on size distribution a lot of those men would have to be at least average size.

The reason I've been doing research is that my Mistress is a natural when it comes to small penis humiliation. I'm an average size when erect, but I'm also a grower, so there is a big difference when I'm flaccid and consequently I have small chastity cages.

Some of the comments she makes when I'm caged (usually while caressing the cage):
"It's so pretty"
"So little"
"What a little penis"
"So tiny"
"It's so cute"
"Poor little baby"

I told Mistress about my research and how SPH is a thing. I told her about the stats and examples of the insults people use. She was amused and of course liked that its a documented kink, because it's something she already enjoys doing.

This morning she called me "clitty boy". I guess I'm in the 60%, I can feel it straining in the cage in response to her insults. Very strange.

 

Mistress had a hard week at work and yesterday needed a little stress relief. She told me it was whipping time and to go to the bedroom and get ready.

It's winter and cold, but she insisted I was naked, just the cage, bent over the bed, legs spread, shivering.

We haven't had a safe word for a long time, but we reintroduced one so she could really let go in these sessions, without holding back. Our safe word is "mercy".

She alternated between her flogger and riding crop. Mixing in caressing, nails running down my back and legs, fingers caressing my balls, rubbing my perineum. Then back to whipping, then back to caressing, then back to whipping. I was moaning and gasping and jumping with the loud strikes.

She asked "no mercy?".

"Not yet Mistress" I replied and she kept on whipping.

I was lost in sensations of pain and pleasure.

She told me to repeat "I must obey you Mistress", I repeated and she whipped me harder, telling me louder.

Then I realised she was behind me, between my spread legs, pressing up against my ass. I think she grabbed my hips. It was confusing and I was still lost in the sensations. I realised she was stood behind me humping me as I was bent over the bed. I lay there, feeling surprised and very dominated.

She pulled away telling me it was time for after care. We lay on the bed and I snugged into her. I do love after care. I always feel very emotional after these sessions, vulnerable, grateful and so in love. She asked me if my bottom was stinging, and I told he yes it was stinging a lot. She laughed, it was a joyous, naughty loud laugh. She had really enjoyed herself and that made me happy.

Later in the evening as we snugged in bed I was still a little confused about what had happened.

I asked her "after you finished whipping me were you humping me?".

"Yes I was" she replied laughing.

"That was very dominant" I commented.

"Yes" she replied and it was time for sleep.