What's it like to go from ‘just as a kink’ to full-on lifestyle / relationship tool?

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by keptcherry, Apr 26, 2021.

  1. keptcherry
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    keptcherry Member

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    Began playing as a couple with some generic knockoff device around two years ago. It was too awkward and ill-fitting to be worn outside of the bedroom (or even over night) and we stopped using it after a few months rather than continue having to remove it well before we (she) wanted. Both of us liked the idea though, and we continued to bring it up often enough that I began reading Chastity Mansion threads to understand the practical aspects.

    We discussed it more, and over the past year my girlfriend has patiently helped / encouraged me to measure for a custom device and become comfortable wearing it. I'm now in a custom Cherry Keeper w/ Headlock, and as far as we can tell it fits close to perfect. I'm able to sleep without waking through consecutive nights, and I experience practically zero morning discomfort. Teasing isn't painful, and the rest of the time I'm truly able to forget about it. Washing and urinating no longer seem to take much more time while caged, and physical activity is fine --- the other day we hiked close to five miles, with no chafing issues. I've grown accustomed to her seeing me in the skimpy (but practical) pouch-style underwear I once found embarrassing, and I don't instinctively cover my caged crotch with my hands when she walks in on me peeing or peeks into the shower. Most importantly, she is able to forget about my device ... it doesn't distract from our intimacy --- and even then, it rarely is touched by her.

    I decided to finally create a Chastity Mansion account while she's gone tonight (maybe she should join also?) --- we recently somewhat acknowledged the basically-FLR dynamic we've drifted into, and she revealed right before leaving earlier that she is “no longer interested” in chastity “just as a kink” --- I'm sure we'll talk more when she returns, but we spoke long enough for her to elaborate.

    We've been discussing our relationship alot lately: her need for conversation, touch, attention... I've also been casually wearing my cage again over the past week “on my own” and sort of testing some new rings that finally shipped for comfort. Even with the keys on the dresser, she seems to think the results have been impressive. Chores and organization projects are being completed; she's receiving spontaneous mini massages; I'm cooking meals and running errands. With everything taken care of, we've been able to enjoy our time together more than before.

    She hinted earlier that, knowing myself (and she knows me), making this work would likely mean slowly moving toward me being in chastity more or less at all times. And while she stopped short of an ultimatum, it was made clear that she has absolutely no interest in continuing to use chastity only on occasion for sexual teasing.

    I think things have suddenly been such a dramatic improvement from her point of view that she now genuinely wishes to see if we can use this as a relationship tool.

    We've talked about “doing” this before, but when I think what it would be like to have no excuse of discomfort for taking it off and to always go right back into it, it feels very different. Especially with me always being in chastity aside from cleaning and play as our likely eventual goal.

    Thank you for reading this far, and if anyone is interested I can post updates. Mostly here to learn, but ask any questions and I'll respond. I would especially appreciate any advice from those who first experienced chastity as a kink before more fully integrating it into their lifestyle, and how they handled that change.
     
  2. inchastity4her
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    inchastity4her Active member

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    Sounds like you are off to a great start. We moved on from just playing in the bedroom with on and off chastity combined with pegging me to full-blown, full-time chastity. It happened kind of suddenly over a year ago as a means to "de-stress" our marriage. She was experiencing issues with the onset of menopause. Vaginal dryness, mood swings, hot flashes, etc. We would both desire to be intimate but if her vagina wasn't cooperating she got massively stressed and then I felt guilty for even trying and then we were both let down. For the first time in our marriage sex became anxious and I was afraid to even bring it up some days. She knew I was very sub and enjoy getting pegged as a substitute for vaginal intercourse. So basically we both agreed that she had had my cock for 25 years (which is very thick and performs well) so now maybe we should temporarily switch roles. So THAT opened up a whole new dynamic to our sex life. I was caged and in panties 24/7. She tossed out all mens under wear I had and I was her full-time sub. My toes were painted all Winter and she would dress me in garters on weekends while doing chores. She went from being disinterested in sex to being horny again. She has a hitachi wand and my mouth was easily able to make her orgasm. I was receiving ruined orgasms occasionally and if I was really good she would put the fleshlight fake pussy between her legs and let me "fuck" her. We lived like this for well over 7 months and rarely had real intercourse. So FFWD to 2021 and now her Dr has her on estrogen creme which is a MIRACLE drug. She began to let me out of chastity I think around February and we were having wild, insane sex again like when we were in our 20's. After about a month of almost daily vanilla sex she began to feel I was getting spoiled. She also said she had much harder orgasms after waiting a few days. So she asked me to lock back up, promising that I would get more access to her pussy than last year, but only when SHE wanted it. I was not permitted to ask and if I wanted sex it would mean pegging me and the vibrator would please her. Things got really interesting about two weeks ago when the RealCock2 realistic dildo arrived. (I made a detailed post about it in the strap-on and pegging forum.) It looks and feels a lot like my cock and she said the pleasure it provides is nearly identical. We have used it about 6 times with amazing orgasms for her. Twice she has unlocked me and told me I could have sloppy seconds. The other times she just lets me fuck her with the fake cock while making fun of my locked cock.

    I know this is long winded but I can say after 25 years that moving even further into a FLR has been empowering for her and it resulted in more sexual activity. She much prefers seeing my cock locked than naked. Giving her some more control could open the door to a lot more fun, or not depending on how strict she is. Good luck!
     
  3. keptcherry
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    keptcherry Member

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    This basically seems like what she has in mind, minus the pegging. I think.

    That's kind of why I'm nervous... she's fun about sex and strict about the relationship. Chastity has always been fun for us because it's been mostly a sex kink. Now she's approaching it as a part of how our relationship works, and it sounds like her typical strictness about that will definitely apply.

    So my question for those who've consciously made chastity a part of their relationship is, did it always stay fun? Did it become a different kind of fun? Is it hard to "go back" so to speak?
     
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  4. inchastity4her
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    inchastity4her Active member

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    For us it is very, very fun. I am an alpha at work, play, sports, etc. so giving up the control of my cock is extremely erotic for me. If left to my own impulses I will often masturbate upon waking and she has caught me in the past mid act. So now when we do play I am always aroused, on edge and full of pent up energy. I would be seriously disappointed to go back to full-time vanilla activities. Don't get me wrong vanilla sex is physically great and the big orgasm never disappoints. For me our bond is much more mental with her controlling bedroom activities. Something as simple as laying out a pair of panties on the bed and her saying "Put these on and let's go grab dinner" still gives me butterflies. Moving deeper into a FLR has taken all the stress out of our daily lives and we've never been happier and more content.
     
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  5. keptcherry
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    keptcherry Member

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    Nice to hear that it's working so well for you as a couple. I'm excited to see how it goes in my own relationship, and also a little nervous because she and I both already know that an FLR works really well for us, even if that's not what we were calling it or consciously going for.

    She's already decided that I'll be locked much more frequently for awhile regardless, and I know she loves its effect on me. And even though we've only gone for short periods (I think 11 days was the longest) her strictness often surprises me when she has the key.

    Before we figured out a good ring fit for the Cherry Keeper, my complaining about discomfort at night and begging to be allowed out would result in her inspecting for damage --- if there was none, she would leave it on and tell me to sleep on the couch.

    So I'm probably headed toward being locked most of the time. I don't see how she doesn't love something she already loved before, especially since she knows that I can be comfortable in chastity now and have no real reason to complain.
     
  6. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    I think if you have got the practical side of things nailed, then she won't second guess herself and you won't have weird problems to deal with.
     
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  7. Natusik
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    Natusik New member

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  8. Natusik
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    Natusik New member

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    What an amazing testimonial. Not at all long-winded, had me on the edge of my chair as I read of your experience.
    Being a male, I have always wanted to be the sub but fell into the stereotypical dominate role in relationships. More times than not, it was by myself, dressing and role playing as a "woman" when I had my greatest sexual thrills. I must get up the nerve to do as you have and share my desires with a partner. It sounds just so wonderful - your relationship. - sharing your subordination.
    Do you suppose my issue might go deeper? Is it possible to love oneself sexually?
     
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  9. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    I think if you don't ask, not only will you never know, but you are denying intimacy from your partner.
     
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  10. keptcherry
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    keptcherry Member

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    Thanks, that was kind of what we were hoping for all along. She has pointed out many times that while she thinks the cage is cute and she enjoys seeing me in it, she doesn't particularly care to look at (or talk about) it because nearly all of its appeal to her is in how it changes the way I interact within the relationship. I'm responsible for everything to do with the device other than removing / inserting the lock and turning the key. We've taken it very slow up until this conversation, so to suddenly go from being in chastity a few days a month to more often than not (at a minimum) is a big step. It's almost like I'm finally starting to realize what we were working toward practically, and her wanting to redefine it as part of our relationship dynamic instead of a kinky game makes it real in a way I hadn't really considered.
     
  11. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    You might find this thread illuminating...
     
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  12. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    Slightly longer response: There's a tendency to treat kink as a game, partly because of BDSM culture and it's talk of scenes and play and negotiation, and partly as a kind of ego defence. If you do something long enough and seriously enough, the monkey part of our brains treats it as real. We lose perspective the same way professional sportspeople do. There's also this thing that quite often our partners have more literal minds than we do... they don't necessarily get the layers of roleplay and fantasy; they're either in charge or they are not.
     
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  13. inchastity4her
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    inchastity4her Active member

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    I have always had a HUGE garter belt and high heel fetish, even before I was old enough to know what a fetish was. Ironically the one area of bedroom play my wife is sorta lazy is with regards to her dressing up. Which is perfectly fine because she wears sexy boy shorts and nothing else when pegging me. I really enjoy shopping online for new sissy maid outfits and thigh highs. I like surprising her and seeing her reaction. Being athletic and lean I never thought of myself as sexy but when I dress and get used by my wife it takes me to a different place. I have always thought it would be terrifyingly exciting to be dressed like a slut, blindfolded, and tied bent over our bed. Then a knock at the back door occurs, my wife leaves and returns giggling with another female. She then demonstrates how she spanks and pegs me, all the while I never know who the mystery woman is. Obviously it is someone close to us both, but the thought of the person seeing me submissive and me never knowing who it was is hot. I am 99% sure it will never happen because all our mutual friends are married and interconnected to each other through the community. If she ever found someone single and fun, then maybe one day ;)

    I don't know if loving yourself is possible but I can say that when I dress up solo and used to be able to masturbate it would make the session a lot more rewarding when I was rubbing my thigh highs and playing with nipples through my bra.

    When I first shared my inner thoughts with my wife I purchased a couple books for her over 20 years ago. They were titled "The Art of Sensual Female Dominance, A guide for Women" and "Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission. A few weeks ago I found the books on her nightstand and I asked her about them. She said she read them cover to cover the week before. She said she wanted to better understand some of my submissive desires and how to get in my head more. I was almost in tears at her level of care and how she really wanted to be an even better lover. You might try introducing your wife to your kinks in a similar manner.
     
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  14. cagedfellow
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    cagedfellow Active member

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    Ask you the questions of what are you afraid of?

    The lifestyle? Your girlfriend? Lost of control? Health?

    It may sounds about your girlfriend seems more authoritarian?

    Depending on how your relationship are actuality, keep in mind that chastity will not repair broken relationships or fix something bad has a miracle.

    My humble opinion is that a male in chastity is more needy than one who's not.

    In this lifestyle, we men, can feel abandoned quite easily without tease and attention. We are more sensitive and more dependent.

    if it's clear with your girlfriend that this lifestyle has to go both sides deeply. I would plunge into it.
     
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  15. keptcherry
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    keptcherry Member

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    This sounds very accurate to how I currently feel ... the idea of being locked going forward only with increasing frequency and for longer durations up to the point of near-total chastity indefinitely doesn't feel anything at all like a scene or a game over a weekend, my girlfriend is right about that. I think I'm also a little on edge because I don't really know what she has in mind other than suddenly keeping me locked alot more. She might want me out most nights just so that she can edge and relock me most mornings. Or maybe she'll start with a month locked and observe. It's almost like she's set it up so that no matter what "schedule" she decides for me I'll have relief when I'm finally able to just settle into a routine and focus on her again.

    Hopefully she'll tell me more when I see her again later this evening. I've been locked for three days and she suggested I'd get out some time before bed tonight, but I already have a feeling she might change her mind. That's kind of the thing... she's going to do what amuses her, and I'm just along for the ride.
     
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  16. cagedfellow
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    cagedfellow Active member

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    Which leads me to think that you have some dialogue to do together. What you had already planned.

    You might be afraid of the future and how your girlfriend will handle your maybe orgasm-free life.

    Go slowly together, communicate as you go, made small adjustments. Don't think too much about the future but savor the present time.

    You walk the path together.
     
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  17. keptcherry
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    I think the most extreme possibility she has in mind is me being released for play and cleaning at least once or twice a week, but eventually being locked at all other times. I don't have any health concerns, but maybe some about loss of control. When I think of how many things I suddenly had to consider during our trial-and-error chastity play and imagine dealing with them every day I start to realize how much of an adjustment this is likely going to be. Stuff like constantly changing and washing underwear because of precum and urine dribbles, cleaning up after wet dreams and having to sit on public toilets when I need to pee. It's intimidating to think that all might become normal.

    Our relationship is better than probably ever, and we both acknowledged last week that it's because we've unwittingly slipped into what we're now realizing is a FLR dynamic. It really seems to be working for us, and now she wants to formalize it. Me being in chastity, in her view, needs to be a huge part of that.
     
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  18. cagedfellow
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    cagedfellow Active member

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    #18 cagedfellow, Apr 26, 2021
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2021
    Thank you for your answer. By the way, I want to clear that with my question, I was not judging in any ways, just in case and I glad you both already in it.

    And you also clear off about what's in your girlfriend mind.

    Do you think that chastity will make yoi loose masculinity? I'm sorry for all the questions. If it bothers, I'm sorry. I just want to step forward in the discussion to understand the root. And that may be useful for other users later on.

    Chastity will make your mind change in a way that you will want to help your girlfriend. It won't be necessary a burden. It could but some guys around here enjoy helping more their better half since chastity. And chastity long term is frustratingly yummy fun.:rolleyes::rolleyes::D:D
     
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  19. madams-sissysub
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    Hi there and welcome to the mansion!
     
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  20. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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  21. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    You may find that that's dependent on the technology...

    One thing: don't expect her to be able to articulate what she wants, or be comfortable sharing it. Don't talk things to death.

    You should be able to pee standing up in the Cherry Keeper, especially if well fitted. Use your pinky to align your slit, or, if need be, a Q-tip.

    Longer lockups seem to solve the dripping and leaking problems - the body adapts.


    Our experience too. We haven't really had a blazing argument for over 8 years.
     
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  22. keptcherry
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    keptcherry Member

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    Good advice. I was unlocked last night for PIV (her on top) and she mentioned again that “we really are going to keep you like this” ... I didn't press for details, but it seems like I'm along for the ride at this point. Upon removal she was very impressed how there were no cuts or scrapes or rubbed skin, and happy that she could put me back in the device basically right after she was finished (the ring stays on unless I'm healing, which no longer seems necessary...)

    I tried this at first, and it worked four out of five times. Unfortunately 4/5 isn't good enough when the 1/5 is peeing the front of your pants in public. So now I just sit.

    I know everyone's body is different, but how long? The longest I've gone without an orgasm is about a month, removing the cage for half a day every week or so. By end of it I was dripping pre-cum almost constantly, to the point where it was showing through my underwear and my girlfriend wouldn't let me sleep naked in bed. I really don't want to wear pads in my underewear or have to be "milked" or anything like that...

    Funny how that works :)
     
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  23. funseeker22
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    funseeker22 Junior Member

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    Did you have to work up to being able to last for PIV while in chastity? That became a problem for me (not being able to last long enough - or to be able to consistently abstain from cumming) during PIV sex for her to enjoy herself.

    Also, curious if your Cherry Keeper has touchstop? I’m wondering how that feature effects long-term comfort or practicality.
     
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  24. keptcherry
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    keptcherry Member

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    I've practiced edging for a long time, and especially in this current relationship, so it's less of a problem. Last night I was really sore for the first hour-ish after being let out (I had been straining inside my cage way more than usual all day) and I think that can have something to do with stamina. It ended with a ruined handjob after she was finished, and being left unlocked overnight and through today. I'll probably be back in it again before bed tonight, since she seems satisfied that we've finally found a comfortable device for longer term practical wear.
    Mine does not, it's the one in my profile picture. I actually wanted it, but my girlfriend thought it would be hard for me to clean. I didn't imagine when we were shopping for it that I would ever be wearing it long enough to need to clean it while on, so maybe that should have been my first hint...

    It does have Headlock though, and I can't recommend that feature highly enough. Eliminated a lot of issues I had with every previous device, and it's very comfortable. Are you looking to buy one?
     
  25. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    Welcome to the Mansion, @keptcherry. Reading your posts, it's pretty clear to me that your gf is a serious woman and that you're learning, or maybe for the first time admitting to yourself, that you're a submissive male, at least sexually and in your relationship. She's seen that keeping you in chastity has caused a "dramatic improvement" in your relationship and that you've both seen that "FLR works really well for us." She likes "how it changes the way [you] interact within the relationship," that "it really seems to be working for [you both], and now she wants to formalize it." So you ask "Is it hard to 'go back' so to speak?" The answer is yes. Her dominance is growing and she's realizing that about herself too. You're accepting her leadership and your own submissiveness towards her. Once your chastity becomes a regular thing she won't want to go back. Accept this and follow her lead.
     
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