I need some advice and or guidance here. We had an agreement that there would be an unlock for the weekend since we were going out of town. He chose to forgo the one day of unlock during the week since there would be extra time during the weekend (which proves to me just how much he really likes being in it). I has planned to unlock him first thing this morning (Saturday), when he would be in swimming trunks for the day, but after some really good pleasuring me last night, he asked to unlock because of pain. I am torn here because in the beginning he told me there would be times that he wanted me to tell him no, but I was also honest in the fact that I want him to be honest and open about pain. ??? Should I have unlocked him?? This is just another decision that is left to the key holder... And in the beginning... You never know if you're making the right decisions. (PS.... I know that I am suppose to do what I want to do... So if that is what you're going to suggest, I got it.)
In this slave's personal opinion and from its long experience it feels that You made the perfect decision Chesty LaRue, depending on whether it was the chastity device itself that was causing the pain or not. Long ago this slave mistakingly and repeatedly would try to endure thru the pain caused by a ill-fitting chastity device and every time it resulted in damaging the skin in some way which then would take a week or more to recover from. Wishing You and YOUR lucky boy all the very best in being simply like all of U/us in the beginning. Not every decision has to be or will be the perfect one.
If he's being honest with you, it's very unfair of you to be upset with him for that. If he's not being fully honest then I see being upset as just. I think you need to talk to him and see what's really going on. How much is the pain, is it just to get out early, or is he sincere or messing with you a bit. From that you can decide what to do. I will tell you that I've tried to thought it through pain and it went bad. Slow steady increases are best. Good communication is the ultimate.
I suppose this is difficult and by the time you read this you would have made the decision. I my position I suppose I would expect to be unlocked if I was in genuine pain but if I was faking it to gain extra time unlocked then I could expect a penalty if she thought I was telling a fib. The penalty would be your choice!
I guess my question is so much that he isn't being genuine in asking to be let out due to pain... But the fact that (if you don't know our beginning story, we started out with expectations before we began our journey and one of his was sometimes he wanted me to not always give in when he asked) I am unsure if this was a time when he was testing me on being assertive or not. I have struggled with being "dominate" without thinking it needs to be (for lack of a better word) "mean" or "punishing" and this lifestyle was my choice to embark on in order to find a way to do that in other ways... Asserting my dominance in a more productive manner so to say. I guess what you are all saying is when he says he hurts... Always let him out or ask for a range of pain... That way he knows I'm here to protect him... (Believe me, we've dealt with the aftermath of him being so excited being locked and not telling me he was uncomfortable... There was a raw spot for a week... Lesson learned, new cage purchased!) Thanks for all the input!!! You've been very helpful!
I think it's important to acknowledge that messing things up and making mistakes is inevitable, for both of you. The trick is to have a strategy to deal with unexpected outcomes and learn from it. Knowing this might help alleviate some trepidation over making a decision, because even if the outcome was not the desired one you will have a system in place to turn it into a learning experience, which is the 'right decision' every time. Maybe if he asks to be unlocked due to pain, remove the device to inspect him for damage. If the skin is undamaged you can leave him unlocked for a short time in a situation where he wouldn't be able to cheat, like while you're eating dinner, and then lock him back up right away after. That might help reduce some discomfort for him without you ceding any control.
Obviously I can't say much about the pain and the results of such pain, there was a situation however when I was left in no doubt of the pain @lockit was in and that was an immediate unlock. Other times there have been painful situations and these I have worked out by putting on an innocent face with a wicked smile and getting very close to him. If he is ok, he will smile and enjoy, if he is really struggling he will not change and will still be looking at me with a pleading expression - the pleading expression is normally an unlock, the smile is normally torture for trying to get unlocked when he doesn't need to be.
My recommendation would be if he is saying there is pain, ask him about it and for him to be specific. If something is indeed causing him pain you should be able to see what he is talking about. This gives you a chance to see how bad it actually is and if you ask for the details, you should be able tell if he is pulling your leg.
If it becomes painful instead of fun, neither of you will enjoy playing. On the other hand, if he has worn it for awhile and says it is still painful, that is not the device for him. Try another. Also if you suspect that he is using pain as an excuse, tell him that since he is always in pain that you do not want to do it anymore because you cannot enjoy it knowing he is in pain. When in doubt err on his side. After all, you love him first and play second.
Real pain is an issue, Aching isnt. Tell him that if he is going to say it hurts and that he needs if off he better be serious or there will be consequences. If you are firm and tell him that you are serious I think you will be able to discern if he is just begging or if he truly needs to be unlocked. My wife seems to have learned that if we are in the heat of the moment and I tell her I am aching and want out she has no need to let me free, but if we are not playing and I tell her I am in pain and I need to be let out "for a bit" or if I told her something "isn't right" She would know I need to be let out. Doesn't mean she cant supervise that time out of lockup.
First and foremost I agree with ALL the advice already given, because I have been in situations where it has applied ... so I will try not to say what others have. As my KH and I started this she had a hard time with "denying me", when we would have any type of sexual contact, but especially in the heat of the moment when I would say something like "OMG this PIV is amazing I want to cum so bad" (yes she unlocks me we have PIV and I'm not allowed to cum) at with time she would be like "OK you can cum" and of course being in the heat I would ... after which I would ask her why she allowed it, thinking I would get a response like because that was the last one till _____ so I hope you enjoyed it, but I always got "because you said you wanted to" ... I had to explain to her that it was just part of the passion / playtime and that I really wanted her to tell me no. ....... so why the long winded off topic story .... because that is what caused us to create a "safe word", meaning that our playtime is happening 24/7 and at any time we could easily be playing and actually serious, so if at any time we are 150% serious and need the other to know that this really is no longer about play time, we will say the safe word, this by no means is like a safe word like for being right in the heat of a BDSM scene, but it is a word that means ... we need to take this serious and that everything I'm saying is not driven by passion / play / etc. So as an example ... I was a little "sore" last Friday after a amazing tease session the night before ... I stated, what needed to be said to let my KH know that this was a serious conversation and was not a Play thing ... told her I was sore, she then ask where / why, and then she said OK remove it and clean up, then lets look at what's going on ... I was quite red in the area as described (nothing major and could have been locked up) at which time she stated that I was getting a day or two off but that it was only being unlocked and that nothing else was changing (no touching my self ) ... I being locked back up today (a 48 hour unlock) Wrapping it up ... my advice is communication is the only way you are going to really know ... and in my personal opinion I would prefer my KH push me a little bit to ensure I'm not just having a weak day. If you would have inspected him after an hour or 2 out for dinner (supervised) as @Living Curious stated you would have known most likely ... and I can say that sometimes all I need to resolve an issue is to remove the cage, clean and place the cage back on, it's like something gets folded or worked into a weird position.
Do not worry. Important thing is what YOU want. If it hurts him sometimes it could be you've the wrong device but could also be he needs to get used to it. Trial and error: should soon resolve. Meanwhile: order him about a bit.Give him tasks to do and so on. Tweak his balls a tad. You're in charge!
It isn't uncommon to have some growing pains while getting used to the device. Even if you have a custom made cage there is an adjustment period where the skin down there will get used to the cage being there. There will be some chaffing in my experience. That is why you typically have to build up to wearing a cage long term. Start with a few hours, then a day, then a couple of days, then a week, etc. If it keeps being painful then he might not have a correctly fitting cage. Like other have already said, communication is key.
My suggestion is to have a sit down talk and discuss the rules. I would say that from now on removal of the device for pain /medical reasons will of course be granted, but be supervised, will look for irritations, and if nothing is found, will. R locked back up. We have an agreement that I can ask to be removed but if I abused it, I would have strictly supervised unlocks. Same goes with begging for sex, she will inform me when she wants me to beg.