Stuck ! Female Lead Relationship

Just out of curiosity, have tried to open a dialogue with her? The hardest part of any of this, especially for men, is talking. I am not in the dynamic you are, but I know that she won’t know how you feel unless you take the time to tell her. You may not get the answers you want, but at least your concerns and desires will be out there. Be sure to frame your conversation in terms of you and not her. It may take a while for her to respond, and regardless of her response, she will be impressed that you took the time to articulate your thoughts into words. I do know this; speaking those words to her face will not be easy and probably scary, but in the end, you (and hopefully, her) will feel better than if you never said anything. You may very well view her as a Goddess but even so, she cannot read your mind. Just my two cents.

 

I think you're a mistaken if you think a domme will naturally feminise you eventually, it's more niche amongst females than you would think. Especially if you would not be so um... convincing. After a hard day's work I would probably ask if you were worthy of pegging that night. Beg to lick her feet and asshole. If she's cold, get rid.

 

If she is in charge and “giving 45%” then suck it up. To me this sounds like you aren’t really submitting to her will.

 

Weird

 

It's weird to be get taken advantage of by doing all the housework and be deprived of ones desires and couple intimacy. There is a difference between a mug and a submissive.

 

What is the difference?

 

One is being a victim of bullying or psychological abuse. The other should be within a consensual and loving relationship. You've either never had the misfortune to have been with an abuser or you're OK with that in your relationship.

 

I’m still not quite grasping your point here. The essence of any exploitative dynamic is that one party gives more than the other. In this case, the 55% is the surplus value that the dominant party obtains from the submissive partner’s labour. If they both gave 100% that would be vanilla, maybe with a dash of LARPing thrown in. But if you’re seriously suggesting that the OP demands a certain kind of sexual service from his wife and if she doesn’t comply he should “get rid”, then you’re advocating a rather extreme form of non consensual male-dom.

 

Being married is not the problem. As you are referring to a "normal" Dom:
in my opinion there is a (big) difference between a "normal" dom and a FLR.
The R in FLR stands for relationship and this includes much more than "playtime" between a dom and a sub.
There is no "normal" dom, in a FLR according to my understanding there is only one Dom and she is not there to please you but she has to live her own life. That is the difference between fantasy and real life.
You must change it's nor her job and I can assure you that if you make her feel that she is not "good enough" this will affect her self esteem as a dom. You have to change.

You are topping from the bottom, as instead of "the lifestyle" you mean "your lifestyle" or the lifestyle you fantasize about.
Her 45% (compared to your 100%) are her 100% which she is willing to give in this moment.
I suggest as others wrote to have good communication. Maybe the best way is to write which will also make it easier to sort your thoughts.
Beeing the sub can be hard from time to time as you will think about her much often than she thinks about you, which is part of the deal and a good thing to be able to focus on her.

 

Absolutely on the money!

 

It’d help me understand your perspective if you could clarify what things you’d like/expect her to do that she’s not doing

 

My wife and I are practicing a FLR as well and incorporate gentle Femdom. She doesn't want to play anywhere near as much as I do, so she really likes the denial part.

It's an interesting problem, because you don't want to top from the bottom, it's a FLR not a short Dom/sub role play scene. I usually talk to her about wanting to play and things I'd like to try while we snuggle in bed. I might get told to "shush", or just a "no" or I might be told maybe tomorrow. That maybe tomorrow rarely happens, but she might incorporate a suggestion later. Ultimately it's her choice. While she does keep me generally denied we do play when she's in the mood and feels I've been good.

In my experience a woman being really into a FLR is more about power and control than sex play.

 

A good things is to think and anticipate what she would like/need and then do it without having her asking or "telling" you to do so.
For example a non-aub would never understand how great it is to give her a foot or body massage and that it's actually not (only) satisfying her.
Having less orgasms will also bring you closer into the subspace ;-)

 

There is a blog called
"Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes"
I reccomend you read this as it answers all your questions. While you say you are giving 100% your wife might not think so. Unless you have an agreed level of interaction with her what you get it what you get and asking for more is a request and can never be a demand or an expectation. Good luck though.

 

You've kind of dug yourself into a hole there man. You've been friendzoned and let yourself get manipulated. I'd advise having a kind of breakout where you both set out your expectations. We started with s & m stuff and gradually worked towards more flr. We understand that I need punishments but these are now framed as rewards by my mistress to be taken away for misbehaviour. I have to scrub surfaces with my right hand, ce la vie, so does everyone. But to come out with that as your main fantasy? What did you expect to happen?

 

You came to the right place. Don't do anything rash. Give it 24 hours and hopefully you'll receive more varied advice on here. My last piece of advice; if she has you in chastity you should be getting access to her body orally fairly regularly. If that wasn't these case with me I would be getting fed up. She did a foot only thing with me for a while but I understood why and still felt I was getting looked after.