Sometimes feeling pathetic

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Proud to be chaste, Aug 3, 2022.

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  1. Proud to be chaste
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    Proud to be chaste Active member

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    Practicing chastity, my wife is my only sexual outlet. That is great for intimacy and for the relationship in general. But it also makes my libido becomes very visible in our marriage. We cuddle and I quickly get aroused. She teases me and I get desperate. I ask for sex or beg for release, etc.

    As long as I don't ask/beg too frequently, she doesn't have a problem with any of that. But I want to feel strong, rational and independent. Chastity sometimes makes me feel all the opposite in our marriage: Irrational (horny/desperate), helpless and dependent (can't take care of my own needs), and yes... a bit pathetic.

    Can anyone else relate, and if so how do you deal with it?
     
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  2. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes Level-4 Sarcasm Master, PhD in Google, Ace Pedant.

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    Absolutely!

    I counter it by taking care of my GF and of course myself. Taking care of the house and garden, making things, planning for the future, or otherwise just being the man in the relationship.

    Sounds cliche or corny I know.
     
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  3. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    I think everyone should be able to relate, but it sounds like you and your wife need to sit down and make a compromise. This might not work for you, but it worked for my situation. It sounds like you need to redirect some of your desire for physical intimacy and have it replaced with some emotional intimacy or intellectual/mental or spiritual intimacy.

    To be more clear you might have fulfilled your desire for intimacy solely with 100% physical & now that you are unable to orgasm at will... that need is not being met. This is where I was at... now the way it ended up working for me was my wife would give me some amount of physical intimacy, but where I felt that void is not replaced with other forms that work for me.

    I feel I am in a much healthier spot now & understand what type of intimacy pleases my wife more than ever. Maybe you could try something like this with your wife. Chastity introduced into marriages generally isn't on a Pro-Dom level... the marriage comes first, communication is key, and compromise is generally always required, but with chastity you cum last.

    That last line was pretty cute, lol.
     
  4. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    Yep i can relate to that, i like that feeling
     
  5. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    I relate to the first two but I'm not allowed to ask for sex or beg for release!

    Yes, I can totally relate to feeling that way! But after 40+ years playing the dominant & being able to take matters into my own hands whenever I had the urge, I should feel this way. I deserve far worse! But like @JaySaysYes , I start focusing on activities I'm responsible for around the house and those that are need doing that I'm normally not responsible for. And instead of begging for sex, I beg for things I can do to help her get thru the day easier. It takes mental focus to embrace feeling like she has most of her life and to enjoy seeing her in the opposite role, confident and in-control.
     
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  6. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    You are boiling with sexual wants and the little cage cant contain your raging desires. Will she ever unlock you for sex, or is it totally off the table? Direct your attention somewhere else.. pick up some tasks and deplete off your energy. But when you are hard as rock down there when cuddling, you are not going to dive down the bed and start doing pushups… does she like oral sex..? My wife does. I can notice my sexual buildup dissipates with her reaching a climax.
    Maybe start taking care of yourself.. nothing is like a nicely groomed subbie husband.. you are a male version of damsel in distress.. one day she will scoop you up.. and release you.
     
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  7. Anonymouse
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    Anonymouse Member

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    This is extremely ironic for me. Having painful erections for my entire adult live, I felt the same way you do, just in the opposite way.

    With the chastity on, I decide when to get an erection, not my body. The nearly constant arousal is actually enjoyable for me. I literally never enjoyed sex, and I have no desire for it.

    The downside, which I discovered a little bit ago, is that if I do allow myself an orgasm with ejaculation, the 'post nut clarity' most people feel is... Opposite with me. I get horribly depressed, I struggled for 3-4 days not to self harm (luckily, I did NOT do anything stupid), and knowing that the result of letting myself out for release will have that result is the main driving factor, right now, for me to just leave the key in my lockbox (out of sight, out of mind, but available in an emergency).

    I'm mildly sad that I'm going to have to remove the device for a day, I need to see a doctor, and it has to do with a problem in my urinary tract, so I'm pretty sure the doctor would see the cage and just blame it for everything, so I'm just not going to use it that day.
     
  8. Wanderer
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    I too am a bit opposite though different than the above poster. I sometimes feel pathetic because of how much better the chastity seems to be making me. I am more motivated, happier, more attentive, a better husband, a better father, more proactive, less lazy, and better in other ways. I feel a bit pathetic that I need to be locked up to have these benefits and I cant simply get them through my own motivation and devices.
     
  9. Chaste Bear
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    Chaste Bear Active member

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    My KH loves it when I'm horny and desperate and fawning over him. So if I am feeling pathetic this is good because I must be pleasing him.
     
  10. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Long term member

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    So true!!!!
     
  11. shannonsanders
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    shannonsanders Long term member

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    Check your ego and embrace your pathetic side. Lol.
     
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  12. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    For sure here, and one of the things my wife likes most about EMC. Not sure I do but quite sure that doesnt matter (I mean I already agreed to having to sit to pee, who the heck am I kidding here)
     
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  13. Proud to be chaste
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    Proud to be chaste Active member

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    Thanks for the replies, everyone! You are right it is not necessarily a bad thing, and shannonsanders - I actually think you are right that it is good for my ego, lol :p

    I try to channel the sexual energy into other things that pleases her, as several of you have mentioned. I still feel a bit pathetic tbh, but I guess I at least feel less pathetic. We have not done this seriously for that long time, so I still have a lot to learn. Thanks for the input!

    By the ways, my wife says she wants me to initiate sex, so I don't think I should stop. I should rather focus on initiating in the right way and at the right frequency.
     
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  14. shannonsanders
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    shannonsanders Long term member

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    Haha. The other thing is that how desperate you feel my depend on any number of things including how regular life is going. It’s not a straight line. Make sure you check in with your wife, because the kind of attention she wants will probably fluctuate too. We are are not having the easiest of times with the kind of crap that comes up in middle age but I’m kind of soldiering through things anyway.
     
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  15. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Chastity is difficult. No other way to put it. Really difficult most of the time, insanely difficult at times.

    Through chastity, if your goal is to improve yourself, and to be a better partner, I see nothing pathetic about your choice at all. In fact, not many men even attempt those goals. I see your efforts as commendable.
     
  16. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    My $.02 is simple: Don't ever ask for sex, unless she wants you to ask for sex.

    Don't ever pressure her for sex.

    Don't ever pout.

    Don't ever complain.

    Learn to deal with your frustration; stop making it her problem.

    Once you accept this, things get better. (Speaking for myself.)
     
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  17. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    My curiosity.. what is it ‘painful erections’..? Any medical conditions?
     
  18. Anonymouse
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    Anonymouse Member

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    It's like, at full erection, I keep trying to grow larger, but the tissue can't physically handle expanding further. Like it's trying to burst, or tear itself open.

    It's especially bad for nocturnal erections, but they would happen during the day.

    Somehow, I've hit that point where I don't get as much nocturnal straining against the cage; The part of me that would bulge out and get caught between the lock support and the top of the cage hasn't bulged out in a few days, and last night, I woke up from having a fully bladder alone, without any pain. That sorta changed when I removed the support and tie-down to allow myself to point everything down to pee, but it was really mild compared to a typical night.

    Only medical condition is Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which might explain the 'I feel like my penis is trying to shred itself' feeling. It also could explain why some men are growers, I'm especially so.
     
  19. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    Ok, thanks, learnt something new.. so by preventing full erection, it does feel better.?
     
  20. Anonymouse
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    Anonymouse Member

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    Think of it like this: It's the difference between blowing up a balloon until it pops (the pop represents pain, in this case), vs putting it in a shot glass, then trying to blow it up. It can't pop, since it's completely restricted in expansion.

    That said, my cage has cutouts, and for me, I will actually start extruding through the cutouts. Not just a little, but sometimes by like an inch. And not the loose skin on the shaft, but the head itself. That seems to be reducing, and I'm looking into a Cherry Keeper Micro, Mini, or Small cage with No Touch, to keep that from being an issue.
     
  21. Lali's slave boy
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    Lali's slave boy Long term member

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    You seriously need to write a book on chastity and female domination and male emasculation, with that super writing prowess of yours!
     
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