secrets revealed to vanilla wife

What a really thoughtful and heartfelt post, thanks for sharing it with us i know for sure you are not alone in this. Does your wife know you frequent this site or any others like it? and if not what would she think of you posting this?. my reason for asking is everyone had to start somewhere along this road for some it may have been a much shorter journey with very few bends or junctions to navigate while others will have had to encounter every obstacle there is to get to this point. I like you have led a secret life from my wife for many years for which i was in utter turmoil constantly thinking "what if and if only" before i let my wife into some of my secret fantasy thoughts to which she was utterly repulsed at the merest mention of anything kinky. It has taken years of very delicate balancing and small steps to get to this point in our relationship but this side of my life the one where i feel i can share my thoughts with fellow kinky folk will always be a step too far for her

 

I would suggest asking her, as a favor to you, to have you in chastity for a few days a month. Your goal shouldn't be to tickle your fetish, but to normalize it for her. There is also some reading material that you can ask her to read. Avoid a book, but maybe a website... I would suggest the following:

http://brassiered.com/tamingthecagedbeast/introduction.html

It is pretty vanilla friendly, and focuses on benefits for the keyholder. I probably wouldn't try to have her read it until it was more normal to her.

My wife is also pretty vanilla, and she has come to like the look of the cage because of the power for her that it represents. But some women view it as a kinky cheat, and she'd rather have the benefits without having to cheat to get them. It's kinda like being Michaelangelo and viewing paint brushes as cheating and insisting on using fingers only, but this is a hard argument for someone averse to kink.

If I had to guess, I would say that she will eventually come around, but you will have to be extremely patient for each step.

 

I too believe your relationship might ripen more quickly if she is given that text to read. Ss

 

Hi,

I have to say the first part about hiding your desires (well never seeming to find the right time to tell her), was exactly like me and my wife. When I finally told her she just said “ who are you, I don’t know you” we spent a lot of time talking about what really turned me on and what I really liked, she said a flat no to some things but amazed me by suggesting we try other things. Within a month she went from Vanilla to open to bondage, pegging and chasity, it was like a light bulb for her, she found her inner domme and now admits to liking this life style more than me.
Now some of the No’s she said are no longer a flat No, life has a way of finding its level to suit you both as long as you talk and have fun.


Thanks for sharing

 

While the article on Brassiered is not bad, the entire site is targeted at sissy/cross-dressing, and definitely would not be well received by a very vanilla wife - she would start wondering what other weird stuff her husband has gotten into his head.

@ChasteUncaged , this may be one of those things that will just take time. Once in a while you might bring up that you've looked at some devices, and would like to try it, even when you're gone or she's not around.

And she's right - a lot of devices are just ugly. My own wife thinks most of them just like like plumbing or machine parts, and doesn't care for them at all. And the nubby devices are horrifying to her, because she doesn't think of me in those terms. We do not use denial out of punishment or humiliation. Her mindset (which you may want to explore with your wife) is that she is caging or taming a wild animal; the cage is a way for her to take and maintain control.

 

LOL really? I guess I've never clicked around the site. My wife is very vanilla, and she received that article well, so I guess she didn't look around either.

Perhaps you should make sure to point out the things you aren't interested in exploring. Another alternative would be to copy the text and present her with a pdf or printout.

 

Not that I'm looking for an argument, but the site theme is pink and black, and on a web browser, the links at the top of the page read:

lingerie discipline - male chastity - men as maids - sissies - other writing - catalogue - contact the author​

The menu bar is:

his lock her key
tales of male chastity

surrendered to steel
men wearing chastity belts for better bedroom behaviour

put him in panties
everything you need to know about erotic feminization and lingerie discipline

men behind the modesty panel
sissy secretaries struggling to work as women​

And the menus at the bottom of the page are:

it's a cinch!
corsets keep these men under their wives' control

in the grip of his girdle
when firm foundation wear holds more than just a man's hosiery in its place

crossdressing creatures
pets who love to play in lingerie

brassièred
a complete guide to brassière discipline
​

The Mobile view has most of the text at the bottom.

I'm just saying that this is one of the last sites that I would send a vanilla partner to read about just chastity and denial.

​

 

Thanks for sharing your story and good luck on your journey. I hope you get some good advice.

 

Thanks for the reply to my query i guessed as much and if it helps at all i can honestly say that what you described was me and my wife exactly. My wife still does not know i frequent this or other sites as if she did she would go mental but like you i felt the urge to check out other folks stories and get the reassurance from others that what i was feeling and secretly longing for was not depraved or really weird and by doing this it helped me come to terms with trying to get a healthy balance in my marriage. To give you a little encouragement my wife is now happy to experiment in both bondage and chastity etc etc as long as i resist the urge to think she now feels everything is up for grabs which it certainly is not. It has taken many years of two steps forwards and three backwards to get to this point but i am contented that she has at least accepted some of what i have asked for and the rest i can always hope for in the future, sharing my life with others will always be a no no to her though. I do hope you are also fortunate enough at some point or level to help her explore a little more it is just a shame that there are so many things out there that can easily shock them in the wrong setting.

 

I agree that the site is problematic from the perspective of using as an introduction to vanilla wivrs, and yet, I haven't seen a better vanilla friendly introductory text. Point the way, if you have a candidate.

Again, I would suggest removing the text from the environment by copy/paste into another format.

 

I would recommend copy, paste, and edit out anything off point, but with an English language barrier, I guess written English is even more difficult. This will take time. One fear my wife had was that I was gay. Mind you, this was long before the word gay was in the vernacular. So her fear was that I was attracted to men. It took time for her to quit waiting for the other shoe to drop.
my kinkiness is now just a part of the playful sex life that we share. Sometimes she surprises me with her spot-on understanding and follow through!
Ss

 

Thank you for sharing your Life, Good luck on your journey.

 

Someone needs to make a nice glossy brochure about the benefits of male chastity(without the sissy, cuckold, etc stuff) in pdf form that can be emailed.

No me tho, I suck at making that sort of stuff

 

So you are hiding stuff from her again. Sigh.

At some point you are going to have to decide to stop doing that.

 

Its a shame that someone has to choose hiding certain things from someone we love it is not for sinister reasons or even personal gain it is some times a necessity to at least get some sort of balance inside your own mind. i can only say that for my part these feelings that have lived deep inside me for more years than i have known my wife dont just disappear they linger there and no matter how hard you may try and conceal or quash them they will still be there gnawing away at you, by sharing your thoughts by whatever means you can do without harming your relationship is a means of letting off the build up of feelings inside and in reality does no harm to anyone especially if it helps you stay focussed and true to your partner. i would never say anyone was wrong to have feelings and needs it is part of life and though we may never get a chance to explore our secrets at least being able to share them even just by speaking about them to others has to be helpful in at least realising that there is nothing wrong with YOU there is no right or wrong in having these desires or feelings. Please feel free to share or just exchange views anytime, its never wise to bottle things up inside.

 

Aw, come on. Just read what he wrote:

> Since her „discovery“, it’s particularly difficult for her to let me go and trust that I don’t go right back to my internet activities.

Of course it's difficult for her to trust him. He is in fact lying to her about what he's doing, and it hurts her.

 

I think he was referring to her finding it hard to trust him not to carry on with the masturbation and or porn etc when he is away and from the sound of his response i had the thought that he had given that assurance to her and meant it. i can see what you mean about "lying" but if he can somehow offset his deep seated inner most fantasies simply by reading what others can and do is not causing his wife any harm in reality. Its a delicate path he is treading and its surely better for all if he manages it without harm to him or his wife.

 

I believe that his wife would interpret "internet activities" as including reading and participating in ChastityMansion, which would seem like porn to her.

If it's not a violation, then he could just tell her. He's not telling her, which means that he is worried what she will think.

My bottom line: He should get into the habit of telling her things, even if he is scared of the outcome.

 

@ChasteUncaged, thank you for opening up here, CM's a place where guys who are going through the same thing can share experiences. I recently wrote about similar experiences in the thread Coming Out. Like you, I'm an alpha-on-the-outside very successful professional with a deep need to submit sexually to my wife. I remember how I struggled when I traveled -- looking forward to closing that hotel door and being able to indulge myself, putting in the butt plug, binding my erection, masturbating until the early hours, coming home too exhausted to be with my wife.

Your wife is actually doing great in a pretty short time -- indeed, I expect at some point soon you'll be changing your username because you will be caged. Look where she's gotten in only a few months -- opening accepting your chastity, openly denying you, sitting on your face and having you worship her ass, snuggling with your "raging boner against her ass." (God, I remember those days; I'm so seldom allowed an erection anymore!)

As you've acknowledged, your submission and need for the chastity cage are very strong fetishes. They won't go away. You need to keep coming out to your wife -- not bugging her, but honestly and openly over time sharing with her your most intimate feelings. She loves you and wants to know these things, even if they're uncomfortable for her in the moment; letting her know you both builds intimacy and will help restore trust. Let her know what's in it for her, and let her know you'd be thankful for the cage and for the assistance in not masturbating and staying focused on her, for the ability to stop struggling with the desires of your erection while you're on the road.

 

locked top you are right in all you say and speaking from someone who is guilty of the same offence i can see what you mean however i think only we know our own wives and with that knowledge we also know just what and how much they would be happy with and it is a balancing act to try and help move things along at a pace that will cause as little fallout as possible. when other family members are involved in the mix such as children we need to step back slightly and look at the bigger effect something like this can have on everyones future happiness as well as our own, thats how its been for me anyway and i have done what i have done in a manner that has hopefully made everyones lives enjoyable. Thats what is great about this site you get both sides of the argument.

 

Sorry about the interlineations, I don't know how that happens....

 

@ChasteUncaged , your story is pretty common among the people on CM, I think. I know that my own experience was very similar, with my dark secrets being found out and that event triggering a long needed, open and painful discussion. But that is the major point that I read from your story.

You now have a dialogue established, at a very personal level and it is now up to you and your wife to continue to openly discuss each issue and to have a mutual goal of understanding each others feeling and needs. It is through this communications that your issues will be resolved. Discussing it here on CM or any other forum is nice and friendly, but the real issues are between the two of you - ONLY!

I applaud your openness and willingness to talk things out with her. The more you do that, the better things are likely to go for both of you. Best wishes!

 

I agree that so much chastity information is mixed with cuckold, feminization, and pegging. These are things that might turn off any vanilla spouse. Can chastity be separated from the rest of FLR concepts?

For those looking for an article that focuses mainly on chastity, try this one. Unfortunately, the site does include other aspect of pegging, but I have yet to find a chastity site that doesn't include such elements.

https://evolvingyourman.com/2019/04/09/lock-him-up-for-date-night/

As far as why one might be reluctant to bring their spouse here, I think the depth of content might be a little extreme for many otherwise vanilla relationships. There are many awesome people here with a great tolerance for a variety of ideas and lifestyles. In have pondered inviting my wife here as well. (Who knows, maybe she is already on here.)

My hesitation is that she might misunderstand my presence here. My intention is to learn and gather information to share and bring into our relationship to make us closer. She owns my my heart and soul. Thanks to @L-u-c-y and others involved with running this site , this forum is the closest to genuine advice and support that I have found online. Therefore, I try to conduct myself in such a way that, when the time is right, I could invite my spouse to share in the wisdom of the crowd for this site.