Regretful decision?

As far as the sex goes, I love being teased and denied, and kept on the edge of an orgasm all of the time. The only regret is that we didn't start this when we were younger. Outside the bedroom, nothing much changed...she still get her own way all of the time, except now we never argue about it.


Blog https://wordpress.com/view/imhersubmissivehusband.wordpress.com

 

I have no regrets but when we first started my expectations of my wife were a little overkill and it took me quite a while to realize how slowly we needed to take things. Things have definitely changed for us because my wife knows my desire/need to be submissive to her. Plus the things I've admitted to her over the last few years that she never knew for many years of our relationship. Chastity and FLR has created an openness between us that has been wonderful.

 

We switch so no flr here. She uses belt top have more control over our sex

 

Not perhaps what you wanted to hear about

Im a veteran of the being locked and denied. But not of being controlled.
My friend who became my partner has now also become my Mistress. She has embraced the the KH role fully and having taken full control enjoys it. She is gradually beginning to exercise it more and is becoming increasingly comfortable with doing so. I'm not talking about just the denial here. But I never thought I could accept being so controlled and the more she does so the more I enjoy it and I want her to explore how far we can go with that. When I do think about it the likelihood of me having another orgasm does exist but after that I'm not so sure. i surprise myself when I say I'm becoming comfortable with that, if I'm not already. She enjoys and gets turned on by denying me and I enjoy seeing her happy.

 

Sounds like everyone is all in and rather happy about it. Not to regretful at this time.

 

absolutely

 

You are a very open minded individual and you have given your sub a lot in the way of kink. I don't know what your relationship/ sex was like before chastity but it seems like you are a very willing person to give things a try. I think if you feel used then you are being used, he is getting all the kink he wanted but sounds like he's not focused on the things you really like or want. I up until recently was making the same mistakes but my Ms wouldn't give in to me in regards to the kink. It took me a long time to realize that my ambitions towards our lifestyle were selfish and self serving. Doesn't mean that she wasn't having fun or enjoying herself but I wasn't living up to what I promised her. Now I'm going to live up to what I p..I just realize you posted this over a month ago so I hope you and your toy were able to talk things out, but from what you've described I don't think you are in the wrong by any means. You sound like a really giving and loving person and are trying to make your toy happy, you definitely deserve the same.

 

It had been awhile and a few arguments late since this post... We are still adjusting to the schedule but have found a solid ground to stand on. I think that because both of us have been so honest and open about those deep dark fantasies, that we each expect the other to just appreciate that. Its like we both think...
"Hello!! I just told you something I hardly let myself know! Don't be focused on you!"
But at the same time, it's also discovering a new portion of sex/kink ( it's like being a teenager again, wanting to Keep doing what you like, hoping the other likes it cause you sure are!!!)

Some things have been confusing for me, I seem to over-think why I like it, then I over think why he does, and it makes me uncomfortable that I'm not the priority lately. In the beginning I was. It makes me feel inadequate at times, unwanted, and then, used.. but I do enjoy our sessions, so he counts that as my enjoyment too. I think he got my point the last time we spoke of it. (So far so good)
We have been doing more communicating, it's not always nice but we are getting better it. absolute honesty is sometimes hard. But its made us stronger. Most of this stuff I didn't even know existed, now I'm a part of it!! Blows my mind sometimes B-)

 

I am usually not very good at giving advice so I will tell you how I feel (or tick). The less orgasms I have the more I like to cuddle, the less I watch my mobile phone at home the less grumpy I am and the less we fight (goes the same with the orgasms)

If your sub is similar to me then it seems that he either receives more orgasms then is good to keep him touchy and submissive or he has found a way to come without your help. Again, this applies to me and might apply to others but I am also happier, more focused and more submissive when I don't watch porn. Since you have many open conversations perhaps there is a way to bring up these points. If I want to discover new kinks with my Lady I usually trade in something. When I wanted to fully submit I offered her that I will no longer watch my mobile phones during times my kids are awake.

 

glad that you are both improving. honesty truly is importnat.

As for the OPs question.
Never regretted it. Loved all three years of it. We have hugely improved our relationship, intimacy and sex live.

 

I agree with that.

 

My wife and I had a long discussion last night about chastity. She's dedicated to it as she says I'm much more attentive, nicer, etc. She's been going longer and longer between my allowed releases and is much more into topping, ie face-sitting, pegging, and cropping.

A new rule that has come into play in the last couple of weeks is that I have to present, naked, every night. At first I only had to arrive for bed at a precise time. Then I had to kneel, then she added reciting a pledge to her, and now nude. She says the 'penis doesn't lie' and it doesn't. She laughs when she gives permission for me to get up off my knees from our hardwood floor (after my pledge and request to be allowed on the bed) and I have an erection. The power exchange is real.

I did get whipped (not cropped) last night until she brought tears to my eyes. I had a smart tone as I addressed her. If you open this can of worms you better be sure you want it. I've been finding it quite a fun experience

 

Complete submission is bliss. Nothing like being pegged and cropped (and milked) to reinforce her natural dominance.

 

Sounds similar... Seem he has decided when to play and when to not. I need to be stronger and just cut everything off until I see more consistentsy. He goes through phases and they are controlled by his moods (as it goes with most) and I feel like he's being obstinate on purpose to get punished, but then I don't even want to correct the behaviour because I feel like he's getting what he wants, again. And I'm doing the work! I do enjoy the control, but when he doesn't want to give control he will not. That's been our struggle. If we are going to do this I feel like it shouldnt just be him choosing when and what and if it's worth the time for the journey to the end result. Since I posted last he hasn't even been putting his cage on after work, He used to wear it at work, then a few weeks ago he says he cant due to different jobs with harnesses, but promised to put it on right after work. But still hasn't .We talked before I went to work yesterday and I told him he should know to put it on.. didn't get the confirmation picture till after 11 and after I asked. He didn't even text me throughout the night till then. When he knows I want that. I feel the more I need him to give me the attention, the more he doesn't . And the more I try to explain my side the less he listens .. and it sucks cause I feel like I'm being annoying, I'm sure I am, but I know if he came to me and said he felt like I do, id be wanting to figure shit out. He'll read posts, but hasn't posted anything and when he read my last one.. I tried to talk that night and he said not now. So ya .I see all the signs of him pushing me away, but he keeps saying no . I'm hoping he'll read this and see what I say and can see exactly what I say without sarcasm or attitude (hard to do sometimes with times) . So ya, that's my new update.

Sorry for the short novel

 

Ask him if he really wants this. If he earnestly says he does, whip him, and whip him hard until he cries. No 'pleasure spanking' for this offense. Then let him know that you will punish him again if he steps out of line. If he refuses to submit then just quit cold turkey on the whole thing. It's your way or no way.

 

I'll second that.
Total agreement from me on this.

Hes said what he wants. Give it him ....and change nothing till your next joint discussion review date (if you have them) and tell him that's whats happening. And if you no longer or never had review dates than just tell him this is what is happening and may or not change depending on how you feel.
Like it or forget it.

 

I can only speak for myself when I say that I have no regrets. Actually the more strict she gets and the more she uses her authority in the bedroom the more I am enjoying it. It has taken her a little time but it is coming quite naturally to her. The more she denies me the more I want to please her. It is like nothing I have felt before. Not at all what I was expecting when we dipped our toes in the water. Now I sometimes feel as though I want to get in over my head.

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply @MadamBelle Reading about the mood swings this could be a sign of deeper issues. Do you think there might be a slight depression from his side. Could be worth exploring. I have the same and we did couple therapy for almost a year that helped us a lot.

As for wanting punishment - this can be solved easily. You will need to buy something that hurts more a riding crop for example and make sure a punishment is really a punishment and not a funishment. Obviously you need consent first which I think you already have and here there are different opinions I think there should be a safe word but there should also be consequences for using it during punishment. He can get out but if he doesn't endure punishment the game is over or something. Good luck for your journey. Keep the communication open.

 

@Madamebellestoy

 

@Madamebellestoy

 

I haven't regretted a minute of the power exchange. Indeed, I'm always wishing she'd take more.

MadamBelle, I'm with the "your way or the highway" school. He can't just take the kink. He needs to decide if he's "in" or not.

 

I find myself agreeing with you on that.

Your way or the highway seems reasonable to me but I can imagine that there might be mitigating circumstances..
Who first brought up the idea of TTTWD?
What were the initial mutually agreed terms?
Has a 'game' that he did not instigate become more extreme than expected or taken an unwelcome turn.?

Then again if he asked her to take on the role of KH he really ought to have imagined that if she agreed then she would eventually develop into her perception of KH and if he wants her to continue being his KH then it really ought to be her way or no way.

And if her way allows negotiations and compromise then OK negotiate. In some cases I 've known this to be scheduled monthly, annually whatever... But if it doesn't allow that then once again its her way or no way.

Me I like and prefer it to be 'her way' ..and if there is something worthy of discussion I expect to heard at some time in the non too distant future but the final answer would be her way if even if it has been a little revised in some way.

 

I know the only regret I've had is not mentioning things sooner, like how I want to worship my wife and lock myself up for her. She was much more special and ready to take control than I ever gave her credit for.